Collide

By: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-15

Disclaimer: The standard "I don't own; please don't sue."

Archive: Anywhere that already has my stuff; anywhere else just ask.

Summary: What if that house-demolishing in Smashed was a metaphor with a different meaning than the writers gave it? What if that night marked a release of a different sort? Goes seriously AU immediately after Smashed, and makes reference to my short story, "The Promise I'm Keeping," written for summer_of_spike.

Chapter 14: Listen With Your Heart

"There you go making mountains/Out of such a little hill/Here I go mixing mortar/For another wall to build/There's a struggle in this life we lead/It's partly you/It's partly me (but)/Every road that's traveled/Teaches something new/And every road that's narrow/ Pushes us to choose/And I'd be lying if I said/I had not tried to leave a time or two/But every road that leads me/Leads me back to you/Here we stand in the middle/Of what we've come to know/It's a dance, it's a balance/Holding on and letting go/But there's nothing that we can't resolve/When love's at stake/When love's involved." ~Amy Grant, "Every Road"

Spike woke in Buffy's bed, the sheets and blankets still warmed by her body. It wasn't the first night he'd spent with her, but it was the first time he felt as though she wanted something permanent from him. That this wasn't just a fling.

The Slayer had come looking for him, and then she'd announced—to the demon community at least—that he was hers.

He wanted her to be his girl, but knowing that she felt enough of a proprietary interest to keep him in one piece was definitely a start.

The bedroom door opened, and Buffy walked in, carrying another mug. "You hungry?"

"Yeah," Spike said, taking it from her and draining it quickly. "You're bein' considerate today," he commented. "I'm not used to getting breakfast in bed."

"You'd probably better not get used to it," she warned, although there was enough humor in her eyes that Spike knew she wasn't entirely serious.

He raised an eyebrow. "Care to tell me what's going on?"

"Other than the fact that I feel bad because you've had a rough couple of days?" she asked, toying with her necklace.

Spike reached out to get a better look at it. He noticed faded designs etched in the gold, and he ran his thumb over them. It was a bit of luck that he'd picked up this particular necklace for her, and that Buffy's curiosity had led her to open the box and put it on. He found it strange, since his luck had been anything but good lately.

"Other than that," he finally said. "I've had a run of bad days before."

Buffy shrugged, uncomfortable. She couldn't explain it in words, but it felt wrong that Spike would have "heard" her say such cruel things to him and believed that she actually felt that way. They had come so far in the last few weeks; she had thought that he knew she cared about him enough that she wouldn't chase him away like that.

Buffy had believed that he knew she needed him, and for more than just the sex.

"I didn't like you being gone," she finally said.

Spike knew it wasn't the whole truth, but he decided to let it slide. As it always was with Buffy, her actions spoke louder than her words, and he thought he was reading between the lines correctly. "Didn't like being away."

"I called Tara," Buffy said. "She's coming over a little later to see if she can't reverse this whatever it is. I told Dawn that she can write notes to you, but you know Dawn. She'll probably say something. Until Tara gets this figured out..."

"I'll ignore everything everyone says to me unless they're wearing that necklace," Spike promised.

"I got your clothes cleaned, too," Buffy said. "They're not in very good shape, and your coat is out on the porch. I don't think that smell is going to come out of the leather any time soon."

Spike groaned. "Bloody hell."

"Sorry. Maybe if you got it dry-cleaned?"

"Maybe," he allowed. "That means I won't be able to wear it for a few days, though."

"I hate to say it, but you wouldn't be wearing it inside this house anyway. It stinks really bad."

Spike sighed. "I'd better get up."

"You don't have to," Buffy replied. "You can sleep if you want. I've got to run a few errands. Dawn's here, but—"

"What about school?"

"It's Saturday," Buffy reminded him. "They don't have school on Saturday."

"I knew that," he defended himself. "Just lost track of what day it was down there."

She ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah. Okay, I'll be back in a while. Maybe I should leave the necklace with Dawn? That way you guys could talk."

"Bloody stupid if you ask me," Spike muttered. "Dependent on a piece of soddin' jewelry just to have a conversation."

"We'll get it figured out," Buffy promised. "I'll talk to you later." She gave him a quick kiss and then left the room.

Spike got dressed, moving a little more slowly than he usually did. The blood and kip had helped, but the last couple days had been difficult, to say the least. He was still feeling raw.

Dawn was in the kitchen, looking in the fridge when he came downstairs. "Spike! How are you feeling?"

Buffy had apparently loaned the necklace out. "Good. Sorry I missed the movie the other night."

"It's okay," Dawn replied. "Buffy told me what happened. Sounds like the last few days have sucked."

"To put it mildly," he agreed.

"We could watch a movie today," Dawn suggested. "Since you missed it the other night."

Spike smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

~~~~~

"Thanks so much for coming," Buffy said sincerely. "I feel like I'm taking advantage of you. Every time we run into a problem..."

"Don't worry about it, Buffy," Tara responded. "I'm happy to help. Spike's my friend, too."

"I know." She was quiet for a long moment. "I don't understand," Buffy said unhappily. "I know that this is probably Willow's doing, but I don't get why she would want to hurt me like this."

"Are you sure it's because she wants to hurt you?" Tara asked. "Everything Willow does—she seems to have the best of intentions. It's more that she thinks she knows what's best, and she doesn't want anyone else's opinion."

"That about sums it up," Buffy admitted. "Still, Spike's been so helpful. If anyone was going to have a problem with my relationship with him, I would have thought it would be Xander."

Tara shook her head. "Xander feels guilty about the resurrection spell," she pointed out. "I think he wants to be as supportive as possible. Plus, he's still busy with Anya and the wedding plans."

"I never thought I'd have to be grateful to Xander and his wedding plans."

Tara chuckled. "Me neither." She looked pensive. "You didn't go by the Magic Box today, did you?"

"Should I have?"

"When I went by, the shop was locked up, and Anya wasn't anywhere to be seen."

"That's not good," Buffy commented. "It's not like Anya to miss out on a money-making opportunity."

Tara nodded. "I know. I think we ought to check on her as soon as we get this thing with Spike figured out."

"I just hope we can get this fixed," Buffy said, stifling a sigh. "Don't get me wrong, the necklace is nice, but we can't keep passing it around just so Spike can be heard."

Tara couldn't agree more. "Not to mention how it must make Spike feel. Like he's invisible."

"How come the demons could hear him?" Buffy asked. "The group we ran into last night had no trouble understanding his insults."

"I would guess that the curse only affects humans," Tara hazarded. "It's hard to say without seeing Spike, though."

They had arrived at the house. Buffy's errands had taken her past Tara's apartment, and so the Slayer had stopped by to see if she wanted company for the walk over. Buffy wanted this mess straightened out, and she wanted to not have to deal with Willow. Of course, if Willow kept throwing curses at Spike—well, Buffy didn't know what she'd do, but she would have to take action. What if Spike had needed to warn her about something? Or what if someone's life was in danger and he needed to step in?

Or what if Buffy just needed to have a talk with her guy? That was the worst part, she had to admit. Willow had disrupted her communication with one of the few people keeping her grounded. Buffy didn't care what her motivations might be; Willow didn't have the right.

"Hey, we're home!" Buffy called, hoping that those words were innocuous enough not to get twisted by the curse.

"Hey, Buffy!" Dawn called from the living room. "Spike and I were just watching a movie." She paused. "He says to say hey."

"Dawn, would you mind giving Tara the necklace so she and Spike can talk?" Buffy asked. She hadn't heard Spike say anything at all, which was odd in and of itself. When did Spike ever shut up?

"Buffy!" Dawn protested. "I haven't gotten to spend any time with Spike at all! Can't I just translate?"

"So Spike can hear himself being insulted right and left?" Buffy asked, standing firm. "Hand it over."

Dawn looked as though she was going to argue, and then she shot a pouting look at Spike. "Fine." She gave the necklace to Tara and left the room, flouncing.

Tara put the necklace on, smiling ruefully. "I never understood before how a person could flounce," she commented.

"She gets it from her sister," Spike commented, his eyes twinkling. He'd finally figured out how to use the curse to his advantage. Now that he knew what was going on, and had some inkling of Buffy's true feelings, it wasn't bothering him quite so much.

Tara had to stifle her snigger, since Buffy would definitely want to know what Spike had said, which would defeat the purpose of him saying it when she couldn't hear. "Maybe you could tell me what happened, Spike, and I'll see if I can't fix things."

Before he could respond, Buffy had walked over to the couch, leaning over him and kissing him softly, keeping it long and lingering. If he couldn't hear what she was really saying, Buffy would just have to say hello another way. She smiled when she pulled back and left to follow her sister to the kitchen, saying nothing the entire time.

Spike watched her leave, his eyes hungry.

"Spike?" Tara asked, amused. "You want to tell me what happened?"

"Not much to tell," he replied. "You left my place, Red shows up, and the next thing I know I'm waking up on the floor. I was late to meet Buffy, and when I showed up..." Spike trailed off. "I won't repeat what I heard, but apparently it wasn't what she said. I left, and then I got jumped by a bunch of demons. Spent the next few days in the sewers. Every time I poked my head up, someone tried to take it off."

Tara frowned. "What's changed, Spike?"

"What do you mean?"

"You helped us this summer. You've been helping Buffy for a couple of years now. Why would a bunch of demons be after you now?"

Spike shrugged. "They said there's a price on my head."

"Who would put it there?" Tara wondered.

"Beats the hell out of me," Spike admitted. "Can you do anythin' about the curse, though?"

Tara narrowed her eyes at him. His aura was the same as it always was, so the spell wasn't interfering with his persona. More likely, it was acting like a shield between him and the outer world, twisting others' words and silencing his own. She finally shook her head. "I don't know, Spike. I'm not seeing anything obvious. I'll have to do some research and try to figure out what exactly she did. Until then, I think you're just going to have to live with it."

She did not tell him that if Willow really was the one behind the spell, Tara wasn't at all sure she could remove it. Willow was incredibly strong, and depending on how she'd set the curse, Willow might be the only person who could lift it.

Something in her eyes must have given evidence of her doubts, though, because Spike's lips twisted in a rueful smile. "You don't know if you can lift it."

"I can't make any guarantees," Tara hedged.

Spike shrugged. "Then you'll do the best you can. That's all any of us can do, yeah?"

They were reassuring words, but Tara could see the anger in his eyes. She could understand his feelings. After all, she'd been rendered voiceless before, too.

~~~~~

Buffy hated this. She really, really hated this whole thing. After Tara and Spike had finished their conversation, the witch had given the necklace back to Buffy. Spike had immediately begun looking for cigarettes, but the pack in his duster had been soaked through and ruined.

When Tara mentioned supplies for the ritual to check Spike out for the curse, since she said it wasn't something obvious, Buffy had offered to go with her to check the Magic Box. She had then passed the necklace off to Dawn, with strict instructions that the girl was not to leave the house. Buffy would have tried giving Spike the same instructions, but he'd gone upstairs, probably to try and get a few more hours of sleep.

Buffy knew that he was unhappy. Heck, she was unhappy. This whole thing was making her blood boil. Everything had been going so well between them. She finally was beginning to feel that she could keep her head above water. With the pressure of paying bills removed, at least for the time being, she could get the breathing room she hadn't had since being resurrected.

No, since her mother's death. Spike's presence, his help with the finances, all of it—Buffy was finally feeling that being alive might be okay.

Willow, if she was really the one behind this, was trying to take all that away, just because Spike wasn't the guy she would choose for the Slayer.

"It's still locked," Tara said unhappily when they reached the Magic Box, pulling Buffy out of her thoughts. "I wonder what's going on."

"Let's go around back," Buffy suggested. "I think it'll be easier to break in."

Tara followed the Slayer to the back of the shop, and Buffy easily forced her way in with Slayer-strength. Both girls picked their way through the dimly lit training room, and entered the shop. Anya was nowhere to be seen, and Buffy grimaced. "I don't get it, Tara. If Anya disappeared, shouldn't Xander have called us by now?"

Buffy rushed over to the phone, quickly dialing Xander's number. After the tenth ring, when he didn't pick up, she replaced the handset, looking over at Tara. "No one's answering."

Tara looked around the shop. "What do you think happened?"

"I don't know. We could go over there."

The front door rattled, and Anya entered. She looked tired, and her eyes were rimmed in red. When she finally looked up, she frowned when she saw Buffy and Tara. "What are you doing here?"

"We saw that the shop was closed, and we were worried about you," Tara replied gently. "Do you know where Xander is?"

"How should I know?" Anya demanded. "It's not like we're engaged anymore, or dating."

Tara, ever the comforter, rushed forward to put her arm around the other woman's shoulders. "Did you guys have a fight?"

"He wanted to cancel the wedding!" Anya burst out.

Buffy hid a wince. She had wanted Xander to think about what he was getting himself into, not break Anya's heart. Buffy might not always like Anya, but she didn't want to see the other woman hurt either.

And Buffy knew all too well what it felt like to get your heart trampled on.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it," Tara said helplessly, not certain of anything of the sort. "We'll talk to him, and we'll get this all sorted out. What happened exactly?"

"He came in and said he wanted to cancel the wedding, and I told him that I didn't want to wait around forever. And then we broke up!" Anya was crying in earnest now.

Tara patted her shoulder, giving Buffy a look that suggested that the Slayer ought to be helping her. "Maybe it's just a misunderstanding. I'm sure he still loves you."

"Xander probably has cold feet," Buffy offered. "Once we talk to him, he'll be fine."

"I don't want to talk to him right now," Anya declared. "What am I supposed to do? If he doesn't want to marry me, what does he want?"

"Xander probably doesn't even know that," Buffy replied, trying to lighten the moment.

Anya didn't appear to be comforted by that statement. She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Well, he'd better figure it out. I'm not going to wait around forever, and if he decides he wants to be with me, there's going to be groveling."

"That makes perfect sense," Buffy replied.

Tara patted her back. "Are you sure you don't want us to talk to Xander for you?"

"No," Anya replied. "Let him figure things out for himself."

Buffy made a mental note to see Xander when she had a moment. She had the sinking feeling that her friend was probably just as upset by this mess as Anya was.

"So were you two here to take things without paying for them, too?" Anya asked.

Buffy frowned. "No, and what do you mean 'too?'"

"Willow's always in here, taking things to do spells. She says it's for the Slayer, but some of the stuff she takes..." Anya trailed off, seeing the significant looks that Tara and Buffy were giving each other. "Did Willow do something?"

"Someone put a curse on Spike," Buffy replied. "We don't know if it's Willow or not."

"What did Willow purchase over the last week or two?" Tara asked urgently. "If I know, I might be able to find a way to reverse the spell a little more easily."

Anya stood, suddenly all business. It felt good to have something other than the breakup to concentrate on. "I kept a list with all the prices for Giles," she said briskly. "I thought he'd want to know how much Willow is spending for him when he checks the books. The last thing I want is for him to think I've been careless with the merchandise."

"I doubt he would ever think that," Tara said reassuringly.

Anya didn't reply, rifling through the receipt slips she kept in a box under the counter. "Here's Willow's list."

Buffy took it, glancing over the ingredients, her eyebrows going up as she saw the total at the bottom. "That much?"

Tara took the list from her hands, her eyebrows drawing together when she saw the items most recently purchased. "This isn't good."

"What's not good?"

"This stuff—" Tara gestured at the bottom of the list, pointing out two words Buffy couldn't even guess on how to pronounce. "It's only used in the strongest black magic. I don't know if I can combat that."

Anya's eyes narrowed in concentration. "I think I might be able to help."