Collide

By: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-15

Disclaimer: The standard "I don't own; please don't sue."

Archive: Anywhere that already has my stuff; anywhere else just ask.

Summary: What if that house-demolishing in Smashed was a metaphor with a different meaning than the writers gave it? What if that night marked a release of a different sort? Goes seriously AU immediately after Smashed, and makes reference to my short story, "The Promise I'm Keeping," written for summer_of_spike.

Chapter 2: Adjustments

"Go ahead when you waste your days with thinking/When you fall everyone stands/ Another day and you've had your fill of sinking/With the life held in your/Hands are shaking cold/These hands are meant to hold/Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong/Move along, move along like I know you do/And even when your hope is gone/Move along, move along just to make it through..." ~The All-American Rejects, "Move Along"

Even though Buffy hadn't remained awake for very long, and had left in a rush right around three in the afternoon when she'd woken up, Dawn was still grateful that she'd made the attempt to hang out. Buffy had briefly explained that she was supposed to meet Spike, and then Tara, and then she was planning on heading out on patrol.

Dawn just wished that she could have convinced her sister to let her tag along on any of those engagements. She planned on waiting until Buffy was in a good mood to ask her about the patrol thing. Dawn was totally old enough to help out.

If Dawn had thought she had a chance of catching Spike at his crypt, she probably would have visited. She knew that Buffy had forbidden any more visits to Spike's place, but Dawn was tired of not having him around.

She was tired of no one being around.

Spike had been there the night that she'd gotten caught out with Janice. He had helped rescue her—even though she hadn't needed much rescuing. She'd been the one to stake Justin anyway. Dawn couldn't help but imagine exactly what Spike would have said if everyone wasn't so intent on making sure he wasn't needed, though. He would have yelled at her a lot and threatened her with some really gruesome stuff, and then Dawn would have known that he cared whether or not she lived or died.

Instead, what she had gotten was a serious lecture from Giles on responsibility and growing up, and disapproving looks from some of the others. It made her wonder what would have happened if Justin had managed to turn her like he'd wanted.

Okay, so Dawn didn't really want to be a vampire, because she knew how icky that would be, but Justin had at least wanted her around.

What she had now was a sister who seemed to be in a daze most of the time, Buffy's friends who ignored her existence (except for Tara), and a vampire baby-sitter who was MIA. Even when she got caught with that amulet, no one had thought twice about why she was wearing it.

Dawn missed her mom. Really bad.

It just sucked that Buffy had forbidden her from going to Spike's place, and had apparently told him he wasn't welcome at their house. It wasn't fair. Wasn't half the house hers? Dawn didn't understand why she couldn't have Spike over, at least when Buffy was out patrolling.

Unless Buffy was patrolling with Spike, which could be why he wasn't around. The Slayer comes back and everybody forgets about Dawn.

She could make Spike pay attention to her. Buffy tried to tell her what to do, but it wasn't like she was her mother. Dawn could go to Spike's crypt if she wanted. If she went during the day he wouldn't be able to make her leave, and Buffy would never know.

It wasn't like anybody ever noticed her.

"Hey, Dawnie," Willow said as she entered the kitchen. "Watcha doing?"

Dawn shrugged. "Nothing much. I was just trying to figure out what I was going to have for dinner. We don't have much."

"Why don't we go out?" Willow suggested. "We could get something to eat and go see a movie."

Dawn smiled. "Really?"

"Really," Willow replied. "I'll just go finish getting ready, and you decide what you want to see."

Dawn watched as Willow left the kitchen. Finally, there was someone who seemed to care.

~~~~~

"You know I can't keep sneaking out to see you, right?"

"You don't have to 'sneak' at all," Spike pointed out. "You could just leave."

It was their second cemetery of the evening, and the activity had been minimal. Buffy's statement had come out of the blue, but Spike had been watching the wheels in her head turn. He'd been expecting something like this. Some excuse for why they couldn't do whatever it was they were doing.

"What about Dawn?" Buffy asked. "I'm not comfortable leaving her by herself all the time."

Spike shrugged. "I could come over to your house."

"So we can bring my house down?"

"Or we could keep our shaggin' to my crypt, and then head back to your place. Or start there and finish it out at my place." Spike refused to meet her eyes. "I don't mind stayin' with Dawn, you know."

Buffy was silent for a moment. "How close did you guys get?"

"Close." Spike lit a cigarette to cover the obvious pain the memories brought. "I got fixated on you soon as you came down those stairs, luv, but before that the Bit's what kept me goin'."

"I have been keeping you pretty busy," Buffy acknowledged. "I don't know what to do with her, Spike." She sighed. "I don't even know how to talk to her."

"What's the trouble?" Spike asked. "You don't have any problem talking to me."

"You aren't hurt when I tell you I wish I wasn't here," Buffy pointed out. "Dawn thinks that I should be so happy to be with her, I shouldn't miss heaven."

Spike gave her a sharp look. "You certain about that, Buffy? Because I'd be willing to bet that she might be more understanding than you think."

"Why would she be?" Buffy asked, her tone mild. "Mom left her, I left her, Dad certainly didn't deign to show up. Me telling her that I wish I was still dead isn't going to make her happy."

"You think she doesn't already know?" Spike countered. "Anyone with eyes could tell that you're not happy bein' here."

"Well, I guess most of my friends are blind then," Buffy muttered. "Not to mention Giles."

"Watcher was doin' what he thought was right," Spike said. "And, no, that doesn't make it less of a stupid move, but he had good intentions, for what it's worth."

"Not much." Buffy was silent for a moment. "I think I'm going to have to get a job."

Spike frowned. "Doin' what?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "But Mom's medical bills ate up most of her insurance money, and the money Giles gave us is only going to last so long."

Spike was silent. These were matters he knew little about. At least, he hadn't given it much thought. He had known that things weren't great for the Slayer financially speaking, but he'd been too focused on getting her to acknowledge him as something other than a mere convenience to give much thought to her money troubles.

He held in a sigh. In the past, keeping his girl happy had been simple. Buffy was going to be a lot more complicated. "What if I can do something about that?"

"I can't take stolen money," Buffy said simply. "If the social workers found out about it, I'd lose Dawn."

"What if it's not stolen?"

"Then we could talk." She glanced over at him. They were supposed to be patrolling, but they'd done little more than wander around his cemetery, pretending to look for demons. "What are you thinking about?"

Spike shook his head. "Give me some time to think about it. Want to make sure I'm not blowin' smoke before I get your hopes up."

Buffy gave a little laugh. There wasn't much humor in the sound. "I don't think I have any hope to get up." She gasped as she found herself slammed up against the wall of a mausoleum, Spike's blue eyes boring into hers.

"What do you want, Slayer? What do you really want? To go around all the time, wishin' you were back in heaven? Or do you want to bloody well live?"

His face didn't shift, even though Buffy could see the fury in his eyes. Spike rarely showed his demonic side, she realized. Was he becoming more human? Or was it just that he had more control?

Angel had lost it the first time they kissed. Even after everything that had passed between them last night, though, Spike hadn't lost it once. He could have bitten her, and he hadn't.

Buffy didn't reply to his question. She didn't know the answer. She did want to go back to heaven. And she really wanted to live. Instead, she smashed her mouth to his, her hands already fumbling at the fly of his jeans.

Spike's hands were equally impatient, tugging roughly at her shirt, trying to get his hands on her warm skin. If this was what it took to keep Buffy here, he would give it to her. He'd give her everything.

It was brief. It was pleasure. It was pain.

If anyone had told Buffy a few years before that she'd be engaging in quick and dirty sex in the middle of a cemetery with Spike, she'd have had them checked into the nearest mental institution. Her fingers clutched his shoulders, her legs wrapped around his waist. Buffy could feel the rough concrete of the cold wall behind her, and she gasped as she felt the rush of the endorphins when she reached her climax.

Spike followed her a moment later, and they remained there, frozen in place, neither of them willing to let go. "I think we should try to find a bed next time," Buffy finally said evenly.

Spike raised an eyebrow. "You started it."

"I think you were the one who finished it," she replied.

He cut her off with a kiss that started out bruising and then gentled, turning soft and lingering. "I will always finish it," he said, the double meaning obvious.

"Somebody's going to catch us one of these days," Buffy said mildly as he withdrew. She tried to straighten out her clothing, wanting nothing more than to get home and shower.

"Then we'll show them how it's done."

"You're a pig, Spike."

"You're the one rolling in the mud, Slayer."

There was an edge to his voice, and Buffy faced him. "You have a problem, Spike?"

"Don't reckon anyone likes to be called names, pet."

"You know I didn't mean it like that."

Suddenly, the air between them hummed with tension. The truth was that neither of them knew what was going on anymore. They didn't know how they felt, how they wanted to feel. Where any of this was leading.

"I don't know what you mean these days, Buffy." Spike buckled his belt with savage jerks.

Buffy scowled at him. "Fine. You want to be all bad-moody, that's your issue." She stalked off towards her house, and Spike watched her go, debating as to whether or not to follow.

He finally sighed, rolled his eyes, and broke into a jog to catch up. Not that he was ready to completely let things go, but Buffy had kept her promise to meet him, and she'd been almost nice to him. It was a damn sight better than the way she'd been acting recently.

They walked in silence. Buffy had thought that the tension between them would have dissipated after they'd had sex. By all rights, if sex was all there was, she should have been able to get Spike out of her system. Instead, she found herself craving him even more.

Buffy didn't even say anything once they reached her house. She simply held the door open for him in a silent invitation, which he took, looking tentative. Spike followed her back to the kitchen, where she saw the note Dawn had left on the fridge.

"Bit's out?" Spike asked.

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, with Willow."

Spike's head shot up. "We got company."

"What? Who?" Buffy stood still, trusting Spike's superior hearing. He turned and started up the stairs, Buffy close at his heels. Spike immediately entered Willow's room, blocking the intruder's escape until Buffy could grab the girl.

"Amy?" Buffy asked. She hadn't seen the former rat until now, since the girl had left before she arrived home the previous morning. "What are you doing here? Did Willow let you in?"

"Buffy," Amy said, giving her a quick, nervous smile. "Really great to see you again. You know, I think I'm just going to—"

Buffy grabbed her by the shoulder, spinning her around and slamming her up against the wall. "What are you doing here?" She saw the bag that Amy was holding. "What do you have?"

"It's not what you think!" Amy protested. "It's just dried sage."

Buffy tossed the bag to Spike, who took a whiff and nodded. "She's tellin' the truth."

The Slayer started searching the girl's pockets. "Okay, so you came over to steal kitchen spices?"

"It's not like that," Amy protested. "Willow would understand. She knows I need it."

"Need what?" Buffy insisted, shaking her and then pushing her back up against the wall.

"Need it," Amy repeated, as though that would make more sense. "Willow knows. She's worse than I am." With a resentful look, she muttered. "I was the one to introduce her to Rack, and now she's his new favorite."

"Rack?" Buffy asked.

Spike growled audibly. "You took her there, you stupid bint?"

"She's probably there right now," Amy replied, focusing on Spike for the first time.

Buffy slammed her up against the wall again, just because she wanted to. "Spike, do you know what the hell she's talking about?"

"I know." He shook his head, his face grim. "It's not good."

Buffy shoved Amy through the bedroom door, sending her careening into the hallway wall. "Get out of my house, Amy. Don't come back." She watched as Amy scampered away and then turned to Spike. "Tell me."

"He's bad news, Buffy. Bad reputation, even among the demon crowd. I'm not sure he's even human anymore."

"Let's go, then." Buffy stalked out of the room. "I can't believe Willow would take Dawn there."

"Let's hope Rack doesn't get a good look at the Bit," Spike said quietly. "If he sees what she used to be..."

She froze, staring at him. "Do you really think—?"

"Dunno what to think," Spike replied. "Either way, that's not a place Niblet ought to be."

"Do you know where it is?"

"Think I can find it," Spike replied, his tone holding just a shade of doubt. "It moves around a lot, an' it's cloaked. You have to be a Big Bad or a witch."

Buffy gave him a tight little smile. "I guess we'll just have to hope that you're bad enough, won't we?"

~~~~~

They moved through the darkness like the predators they were, perfectly in sync. Even if they didn't seem to be able to hold a conversation without fighting, this was good.

It made Buffy wonder what was wrong with her, that she would be more comfortable in the dark than in the daylight—with a vampire, than with other people. She resolutely pushed that thought out of her mind. Tara was looking into the spell her friends had done to bring her back. Hopefully she would be able to tell Buffy if there was something wrong with her.

"Do you even like me?"

The question came out of nowhere, and Buffy's head snapped over to look at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you even like me?" Spike asked again. "Half the time you seem pissed off that I'm even sharin' your airspace, and the rest of the time you're seekin' me out like—"

"Like you're a friend?" Buffy asked in an arch tone. Of course, that was mostly because she was thinking about how she wasn't seeking out her "real" friends these days.

Spike's face twisted in anger and hurt. "You don't have to say it like that."

"What? Like you're more a friend to me right now than the people I went to high school with?"

His scarred eyebrow shot up in surprise. "What are you sayin'?"

"I told you I don't know how I feel about all this right now, Spike," Buffy asserted. "Just—does it really bother you that much?"

"What?"

"The name calling thing? I didn't think it mattered before."

"Yeah, well, that was before." Spike didn't specify what it was supposed to be before.

Buffy decided that it might be time to change the subject. "So are we getting any closer?"

"Yeah, and you didn't answer my question," Spike replied, taking a sharp left turn down a street lined with dilapidated old buildings. If Buffy hadn't been the Slayer, and Spike hadn't been a vampire, it would definitely have been a part of town they wouldn't have entered lightly.

"Yes, I do like you." Buffy rolled her eyes. "I told you I enjoy spending time with you, didn't I?"

Spike just grunted, not ready to give her any kind of satisfaction.

"Fine, be that way," Buffy muttered.

Silence fell again. Buffy didn't know how to talk to him or what to say. It was Spike, her mortal enemy and royal pain in the ass that she was trying to talk to. She had trouble maintaining open lines of communication with guys she actually had a bona fide relationship with. Spike was moody, touchy, and obviously not going anywhere. What the hell did a girl do with that?

Spike's head was spinning. One minute Buffy was open and seemingly ready to embark on some sort of a relationship with him, and the next minute she had closed herself off again and was acting like a bitch.

He wanted to be there for her. Hell, Spike was just glad she was alive, but he had no idea what to do about it. Caught between wanting to worship at her feet and wanting to force her to treat him like something more than a convenient shoulder with benefits, he had no idea how to act or what to do. Spike wanted Buffy to be happy to be alive again, and he didn't know how to get the job done. He half-wondered if maybe he was going about it the wrong way, but he didn't know how else to get through to her, other than to stick close. If he was there, he could catch her at a weak moment and get under her defenses.

And if he could just get under her defenses, Spike was certain that she'd feel something for him, if she didn't already. Buffy wouldn't have slept with him unless there was something more there. She wasn't that kind of girl.

"Here," Spike said abruptly, feeling the air turn solid in front of him. The alley looked empty and desolate, but he could feel the energy swirling around him.

Buffy's eyebrows went up. "I don't see anything."

"Told you it was cloaked," Spike replied impatiently. "Come on."

He disappeared inside. Buffy stared at the empty space for a moment, and then took a deep breath before following him. The waiting room they found themselves in was shabby, to say the least, and Buffy could smell several substances that she thought were better left unknown. Spike was standing next to Dawn, who was clutching his arm. The relief on her face was obvious.

"I don't know what's going on," she said. "Willow brought me here. We were supposed to go to a movie together. She went in there and hasn't come out." Dawn gestured to the door on the other side of the room. "Are you guys going in after her?"

Buffy didn't want to deal with this. She didn't want to deal with Willow, who seemed to be in some kind of deep trouble. The Slayer didn't know what to do with a friend who was losing it.

A friend that she almost hated and definitely resented.

"Buffy?" Spike's low voice cut through her thoughts. "Whatever we do about Red, we should get the Bit home."

Buffy nodded. "You're right. Why don't you—"

Her suggestion got cut off by Willow's stumbling out of the back room, Rack on her heels. "Buffy!" Willow said. Her eyes were completely black. Buffy didn't like what she was seeing one bit. "Did you want to come to the movie, too?"

"We came to take Dawn home," Buffy said quietly.

"Well, well, well," Rack said. "Why don't you introduce me to your friends, Strawberry?"

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "I'm the Slayer. I don't think we need more introductions. Spike, get Dawn home. I'll take care of Willow."

"Dawn?" Rack asked, his eyes lighting on the teen. "Now there's some power."

Spike stepped in between them, growling audibly. "You'll stay away from her if you know what's good for you."

Maybe Spike wasn't quite the big, bad vampire he had been, but he could be quite intimidating when it came to taking care of Dawn or Buffy. It was Rack who turned away first, and his eyes lighted on Willow. "You won't be welcome here again, Strawberry," he said, his voice cold. "Not unless you can keep your friends away."

"What?" Willow asked, his words startling her out of her stupor. "No!" By the time she'd finished her objection, all four of them were outside. "Why did you do that?" Willow asked angrily. "I needed that, Buffy!" She turned to go back inside, but met nothing but air.

"Take Dawn home, Spike," Buffy said evenly. "I need to have a talk with Willow."

Spike's eyes were full of concern. "You sure, luv?"

"I'm sure." Buffy gave him a smile. "And if you wouldn't mind sticking around for a while, that would be nice."

"I'll stay 'til you get home." Spike put a hand on Dawn's shoulder to steer her back towards Revello Drive. "Let's get out of here, Bit."

Dawn threw a concerned look back at Buffy, and then focused on Willow, her eyes reflecting both anger and confusion. She opened her mouth to say something, and then shut it with a snap. "Let's go."

Buffy turned to look at Willow. "I think we need to talk."