Author: enigmaticblue <enigmaticblue@yahoo.com>
Rating: Mild R for adult themes and language.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters except for Tim. He's mine. Of course, I don't make money off of any of them. Oh, and the title is from a Patti Griffin song of the same name.
Archive: Anywhere that already has my stuff. Anywhere else, just ask.
Summary: Spike leaves after a slightly altered "Seeing Red," and doesn't come back. This fic is set about five years or so later.
A/N: A few things before we get started.
1) This fic is not Spuffy. Even if you don't normally read anything not Spuffy, I hope you'll stick with me, because I think it'll be good. Who knows? You might surprise yourself by actually liking a different pairing.
2) This fic is darker than my usual. I'm going to be exploring some pretty adult themes including prostitution, sexual abuse, and suicide. It's not going to be graphic, and I'm going to be sensitive, but I wanted to give fair warning.
3) I don't think I really have to say this, but I will anyway. I am not trying to make any kind of political statements with this fic. I'm doing Spara because I like the pairing and for no other reason. Personally, I think sometimes you just fall in love with someone, regardless of gender.
Dedication: For Speaker-to-Customers, who said he wanted me to
try my hand at Spara, and for Heather, who thinks I can write anything,
bless her heart.
Chapter 10
"Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies." Adrienne E. Gusoff
Tim finished ringing up the sale and handed the lady her bag. "Have a nice day."
"You too," she replied, smiling warmly.
He watched her go, an answering smile on his own lips. He still couldn't quite believe what had happened in the last couple months. Not only did he and Spike have their own place, but it looked as though they might be staying for a while. Maybe even longer than they had stayed in New Orleans .
Tim had the sense that most of the reason Spike was staying was Tara . Dawn was important as well, of course, but Spike seemed to have bonded with the shy witch more than with any other woman. At least, in Tim's time with the vampire.
He couldn't help but feel that he owed Tara quite a bit. She had taken a chance in giving him the job at the Magic Box. It really was the perfect place for him to work, since people pretty much expected the employees of a magic store to look a bit different. No one even blinked at his tattoos and piercings. Plus, Tim enjoyed it. He had thoughts of maybe opening his own shop someday, just not the magic stuff. Maybe he'd sell comics and books or something like that.
For the first time in years, Tim was beginning to think about the future as a reality.
He'd even begun to think about calling his parents, letting them know he was alive. Spike had gone to see them after he'd rescued Tim. The vampire had waited a few days, wanting to be sure that Tim wasn't going to do something stupid in his absence, like kill himself. After Spike had returned, all he'd said was that he'd worked something out with Tim's parents and Tim was going to be staying with him from now on.
Tim could have told Spike that his parents didn't much care. He'd often gotten the impression that they hadn't really wanted a child in the first place, and whatever they had wanted, it wasn't one like him. He hadn't received very good grades, nor had he excelled at sports. The charisma both his parents had in spades seemed to have skipped a generation as well, and he didn't have many friends.
The surprise came after getting his first report card while living with Spike. Somehow the vampire had managed to make his guardianship official, since the school required a signature. The mostly B's he'd gotten would never have satisfied his folks. Spike, on the other hand, had taken him out to dinner to celebrate the solitary A in his literature class.
It had seemed so much easier to do well in school once the pressure was off. It had been easier knowing somebody cared.
Tim hadn't spoken with his parents since then. He'd sent them notice that he was graduating, but there had been no reply, and they didn't show up. Yet even though the ceremony was in the middle of the day, Spike had managed to come. The sewer tunnels in New York were extensive.
Maybe now he should just call and let them know he was alive and doing okay. Maybe they wouldn't care, and then again, maybe they did wonder every so often about their only son.
Maybe.
It didn't matter, really. Spike was all the family he needed, although it was nice to have Tara around too. He was content to be where he was.
He glanced back as he heard a sound from the storage room. Tara was out getting lunch for the both of them. Tim had protested the first few times she insisted on feeding him, but he realized that Tara liked taking care of him. Which was nice. It was such a difference from the way things had been in the past.
Spike came through the back storage room a moment later. "Hey, Spike."
"Tim," Spike smiled. "How's it goin' today?"
"Not too bad," he replied. "We've been busy on and off. What are you doing here?"
Spike shrugged. "Needed to get a few things, 's all." Luz went over to nudge his hand in greeting, and the vampire scratched behind her ears.
"You need any help?"
"I know where things are."
Tim watched, feeling a great deal of curiosity. Spike had never shown much interest in magic, saying that there were too many consequences. He'd bought burba weed in the past for his blood, but that was about it.
This time, when Spike brought his purchases to the counter, it was not only burba weed but several other things that Tim didn't know much about. "Okay, Spike. What's up?"
Spike lifted an eyebrow. "Nothin' you need to worry about."
"Come on," Tim said. "You aren't doing anything crazy, are you?"
He looked hurt. "Would I do that?" When Tim made no moves to begin ringing the sale, Spike sighed. "There's a job. I need to do a bit of magic for it."
"I thought you didn't like magic."
"I don't," Spike replied. "I also don't like the idea of a demon gettin' its grubby hands on a potentially dangerous crystal."
Tim grinned. "So you're going to steal it? Is that what the magic is for?"
Spike hesitated and then decided it was no use trying to conceal his plans. Tim had helped him out in the past, but this was a little different. It was more dangerous, for one thing.
On the other hand, Tim had proven himself handy. There was something to be said for a kid who'd lived on the streets. You didn't have to worry about shocking them.
"No, the magic is to create a replica so I can sell it as the genuine article to the guy who wants to buy it. But, yeah, I'm goin' to steal the original." Spike held up a hand. "Before you ask, no, you can't help me with the magic, but I'll let you come along for the breakin' in part of the evening."
Tim's whole face lit up. "Really? You mean it?"
Spike smiled. "Yeah. You pick locks better than I do anyway."
The bell over the door rang as Tara walked in. "Hey guys," she greeted both of them, smiling. The smile faded as she saw the spell ingredients on the counter. "Spike—" Her voice held a note of warning.
"I know," he replied softly. "I need to talk to you about it. Need you to help me."
Tara hesitated, and then nodded. "Later, okay? I've got a bunch of paperwork to go over before I can leave tonight."
She moved to pass them, and Spike stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm. "Tara-luv, 's not what it looks like. I promise."
Tara met his eyes and some of the customary warmth returned to her face. "I trust you, Spike."
~~~~~
She hadn't been to a meeting like this for a long time. Even long before Buffy's death, Tara hadn't gone to many of the Scooby meetings, not since things had gotten difficult between her and Willow. She had always been an auxiliary member of the group, never one of the core players—much like Spike. They had been called upon when their services were needed, and not until then.
"Okay, Spike," Tara said. "What's up with this? Normally those kinds of ingredients shouldn't be mixed."
Spike sighed. "I got word that a demon here in town has a crystal he's plannin' to sell to a buyer in L.A. 's the Warzcyx crystal. You heard of it?"
It sounded like too many consonants to Tara as she took another bite of the pizza that Spike had ordered. Tim was munching on his own slice and listening intently. When she shook her head, Spike nodded. "'s a bit of a Holy Grail to the demon world. Takes a lot of other ingredients an' a lot of power, but you can use that crystal in an invincibility spell. It's the key ingredient."
"You're not planning to steal the crystal and do the spell yourself," Tara said, her voice incredulous.
"'course not!" Spike sputtered, insulted. "I might use it for good, but what happens if somebody steals if from me? Not to mention the fact that every demon in the world would come after me. Somebody could get hurt. No, 'm goin' to steal the crystal, make a new one, sell the fake for the money, and then destroy the original."
"And you want me to..." Tara left it hanging.
Spike grinned wolfishly. "I want you to help me destroy the original."
Tara leaned back in her chair, considering it. "You're going to use the ingredients to create a fake. You know how to do that?"
"'ve been doin' my homework. Plan is to grab the crystal tomorrow, create the fake, an' then head to L.A. to make the sale." Spike cocked his head. "You in?"
It was an adventure. Tara hadn't been on an adventure in so long she'd forgotten what the rush of adrenalin felt like, forgot what it felt like to be an integral part of a team. "And you said you weren't in the habit of doing anything heroic."
"It's not heroic to be a thief," Spike said shortly. "That's Robin Hood crap. An' 'm not givin' the money to the poor either. It's meant to pay the rent for a while."
Tim leaned in. "Can I go to L.A. with you?"
Spike shook his head. "No, lad, that I can't risk. I don't want you seen while I'm there. If they manage to trace me back here, I don't want you connected."
"And besides," Tara said reasonably. "I'll need you to watch the shop while I'm gone."
Spike looked over at her sharply. "What are you talkin' about?"
"I needed to go to L.A. too, Spike," Tara replied. "I'll just hitch a ride with you. I hate making the drive alone."
There wasn't much of an argument Spike could make to that, and so he shrugged. "Suit yourself. Probably be an overnight trip."
"We'll split the hotel room, then," Tara said reasonably. "It'll save us both money."
Spike chuckled. "As you wish."
~~~~~
He watched as Tim picked the lock effortlessly, nimble fingers working the picks without trouble. "Good thing you've got ethics, lad," Spike murmured in a low voice.
Tim's only reply was a nearly silent chuckle as the lock popped open. The owner of the domicile was gone, busy playing kitten poker in the back room at Willy's. Spike had it on very good authority that he didn't leave till the wee hours of the morning, and right now it was just before midnight.
Spike crept into the small apartment first. It wasn't much. The demon who lived there was basically humanoid, and he preferred living in a more cushy environment than most. It was the main reason he was selling the crystal, rather than trying to use it himself. He wanted the cash more than he wanted the power.
Tim followed close on his heels. "Do you know where this thing is, or do we have to toss the place?"
"Word on the street is that he keeps it in a safe." The vampire's eyes went around the apartment, and his eyes went yellow as he brought the demon forward. "There."
It was so cliché as to be annoying. Tim snorted. "You have to be kidding me."
"Never told you demons were the smartest bunch." Spike's face twisted in distaste as he looked around the small apartment. "An' they aren't the best decorators either."
Tim stared at the safe. "So, you know how to get one of these open, right?"
"I do when I have the combination," Spike replied. "Lucky for us, Jack Daniels works like a truth serum on this bloke's kind. Slipped it into his regular drink while he wasn't lookin.'" He quickly spun the dial and opened the safe, pulling out the small box inside. "Bag?" Tim held open the silk bag they'd brought to conceal the crystal. "An' that's that."
"That's it?" Tim asked, disappointed there wasn't going to be more action. "That was too easy."
Spike gave him a wry look. "You're only sayin' that because you've never been on one of these trips that went sour. Trust me, it's not pretty. Careful plannin' saves lives. Remember that."
"Right," Tim said, concealing his dismay. He'd been looking forward to something a little more exciting.
Spike, catching his expression, laughed. "Don't worry, lad. You stay in this town long enough, you'll get all the excitement you can handle. I can promise you that."
~~~~~
Dawn was feeling at loose ends. She'd called Tara to see if she could come over, but the witch wasn't at home. Calling Spike would have been an option, except that she didn't have his phone number. Dawn didn't even know if the guys had a phone, and now she was kicking herself for not finding out.
The night she'd spent with Tim and the others had been one of the best she'd had in a long time, even though there hadn't been any kind of alcohol involved.
In that evening, Dawn had caught a glimpse of the way things used to be—before her mom died, before Buffy died. The feeling had been the same—but different. She supposed it was the future she'd seen, rather than the past.
Tonight, however, Tara wasn't home and she had no way of getting in touch with Tim or Spike without going out looking for them. That was really the only reason why she was at the Bronze.
"Hey, Dawn." She recognized him from one of her classes—maybe her lit class. She thought his name was Alan.
"Hey," she replied, flirting effortlessly. She liked it when guys got that look in their eyes—the look that said they couldn't resist her charms. "What are you guys doing tonight?"
"Partying," Alan replied, holding up a plastic cup. "Can I buy you a drink?"
Dawn gave him a sultry smile in reply. It was something to do after all. "I thought you'd never ask."
~~~~~
He lay amidst the rubble, the rip in the sky opening above him. His fault, he realized. All his fault. If he had only managed to bring Doc down with him. If he had only been faster, smarter, not let the demon get the drop on him so easily.
If only he hadn't taken Dawn to see Doc for the resurrection spell.
Spike could always think of a thousand things he might have done differently as he lay there, watching Buffy's body fall seven stories.
It was the light that pulled him out of the nightmare. It was always the same—watching the Slayer fall, and it always seemed to take years rather than moments.
"Spike? You okay, man?" Spike pushed himself up from the bed to see Tim watching him with concern. "You were making a lot of noise in here."
Spike scrubbed a hand over his face wearily. "You're not the only one who has nightmares, Tim."
"Never thought I was," Tim replied. "Look, you want some coffee or blood or something?"
Spike was about to say no when he caught the look on Tim's face, realizing that the young man needed to help. "Yeah, coffee would be good. 'm not hungry just yet."
He watched as Tim went out to the kitchen, rising with a sigh. Spike paused to pull on a pair of pants, but didn't bother with a shirt. One of the nice things about living with another guy is that you didn't have to worry about wandering around half-dressed.
"Thanks," Spike said as he accepted the mug of coffee. "Thought you had to work."
"It's my day off," Tim replied. "Since Tara 's leaving me to run the shop by myself, she said I could have the day."
"Right."
"Want to tell me about it?"
Spike started laughing. Those were the same words that he used on Tim when the boy woke from one of his nightmares. "Did I tell you about the Slayer dying?"
"You said something about it," Tim said, filling Luz's bowl with food before pouring his own cup of coffee. "Her friends brought her back."
"That's right," Spike replied. "She fell—the Slayer—seven stories, to save Dawn. 's a long story. I'll have to tell you the whole thing some day. Suffice it to say that I was s'posed to make sure it didn't come to that. 's always the same. I'm always layin' there, just watchin' her fall forever."
Tim frowned, staring into his cup. "That really sucks."
"Yeah, it does," Spike agreed.
Tim thought for a moment. "Why won't you let me come to L.A. with you, Spike? And don't tell me it's too dangerous, because you've let me do risky stuff with you before."
"Some of it's the danger," Spike replied. "If things go sour, I don't want you there. Matter of fact, Tara might be comin' with me, but I'll be doin' the sale alone."
"It's more than that," Tim objected.
Spike hesitated, choosing his next words carefully, not wanting to insult him. "I don't want you marked too much by this, Tim. Someday you're goin' to want your own life, your own place. Demon huntin' isn't for the average bloke."
"And I'm average?" Tim asked. "Spike, I haven't been average since—" He broke off abruptly.
Spike knew what Tim was referring to without it being said. "How old were you?"
"Ten." Tim let out a long breath. "My parents sent me to stay with my aunt. She had a son. He was about four years older, I guess. It happened every summer until I told them I wouldn't go anymore. When they didn't believe me, I ran."
"That was after the diner."
"Yeah, I guess it was towards the end of June." Tim looked up at Spike. "I'll never be normal, Spike. I guess I'm finally figuring out that I might not die young, but I was getting tested for AIDS when I was fifteen. I'd already been on every drug you could find. I've done things I don't even have a name for. That's not something that goes away." Tim's eyes were intense. "If this is the life I want, then I think I have the right to choose it."
Spike was silent for a moment before nodding. "If this is what you want, then you do have the right. But not this time." When Tim looked ready to protest, Spike repeated, "Not this time. I mean it."
Tim made a face. "You're still going to try to protect me, aren't you?"
"'s my job," Spike replied seriously. "If somethin' ever happened to you—"
The silence stretched between them, laden with love. "I think we should try to get through Doom III today," Tim said. "Since we don't have anywhere we have to be."
"Sounds like a plan." Spike grinned. "You can watch me kick your ass."