Subject: [SpikesSalvation] Phoenix Dreams- Chapter 20 Date: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 16:15:44 -0800 (PST) From: Jerusha Hancock Reply-To: SpikesSalvation@yahoogroups.com To: SpikesSalvation@yahoogroups.com Chapter 20 Buffy was more nervous before this date than she'd ever been in the past. Perhaps it was because her feelings for Spike/William were so strong, and she had no idea how he felt, not really. She had to wonder if this was how Spike had felt that night he'd taken her on the stakeout, the "date" that had ended so badly. If she had known then what she knew at this moment, standing before his apartment door, she wouldn't have treated him quite as badly. But then, hindsight was always 20/20, and she'd had no idea that his feelings were quite so real, or quite so strong. It took the grave, and a soul freely sought, and a cavern deep below the earth to teach her those hard lessons. Ty opened the door at her knock, giving her a broad grin and an enthusiastic thumbs-up. She and the boy were solid friends since the evening spent story-telling, and she thought it kind of funny that a little kid would think of her as a hero. She was more used to people not knowing about her existence at all. "You look awesome," he said. "Thanks, Ty," she replied, following him inside, satisfying her curiosity as to the type of place William would be living in. In some ways, it reminded her of Spike. There weren't a lot of frills around the place, a few pictures on the walls, plain curtains on the windows. The couch and chairs were overstuffed and comfortable looking, however, and there were toys and books scattered around, giving it a homey air that the crypt had never quite attained. In spite of herself, she really wanted to see what the bedroom looked like. "Is Emmie here?" William's voice came from his bedroom. "I'll be right out, pet. Just give me a second." Ty clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle a giggle, and Buffy gave him a conspiratorial wink, pretending more confidence than she actually felt. A moment later, William came strolling out of the bedroom in a tux, his tie still hanging around his neck and his jacket hanging from one finger. "I can't seem to get this bloody tie done up. Would you mind—" He froze as he realized that he was looking at Buffy and not his nanny. "B-Buffy? W-what are you doing here? Is something wrong? Did something happen to Angel?" Amazing how his reticence vanished as soon as he thought he was getting ready for a fight, Buffy observed. Some things never changed. "No, nothing's wrong, Sp—William. Emmie and I decided to switch dates this evening." Both his eyebrows went up, and he threw a quick glance at Ty before gesturing her into the kitchen. "What's going on here, Slayer?" he asked, the familiar tone sending shivers down her spine. She wanted him, she realized. Right here, right now. Stifling her lust, she reminded herself that this was a delicate operation. "Emmie and I were talking the other day, and she let it slip that she had a crush on Angel. I suggested that we switch dates, since I didn't really care if I went with him or with someone else, and I knew she would appreciate it. We didn't tell you because we didn't know if you'd go along or if you'd tell him." William ran a frustrated hand through his hair. His evening had just gone from simple to complicated in about five seconds. Though, if he had to be honest with himself, he wasn't entirely displeased with the developments. "Right then," he murmured. His face broke out into a wide, slightly self-conscious grin. "I'd love to see the look on the poof's face when Emmie shows up at his door." "So would I," Buffy admitted candidly. She didn't often get to see Angel look surprised, but it was usually priceless. "Well, since you're stuck with me for the evening, would you mind helping with my tie?" he asked, looking a little uncomfortable. She smiled at him, and began the business of setting his tie to rights. "If it makes you feel any better, I think I got the better end of the deal," she said, just loud enough for him to hear, and was rewarded by seeing his cheeks flush a faint pink. ~~~~~ Emmie didn't think Angel would have too big a problem with the great switcheroo, as Ty had termed it. After all, it was just the other week that they had talked about locking Buffy and William in a room together. This was just a more civilized means of achieving the same end. Telling herself that was not settling the butterflies in her stomach, however. She unlocked the door, using the key she'd purloined from William. There were sounds coming from his bedroom, and she sat quietly on the couch, waiting for him to emerge. "What the—" Emmie felt well-rewarded for her stealth by the surprise in his voice. "Hey, Angel." His eyes narrowed. "Where's Buffy?" "Well, you know how we were saying it might be a good idea to lock them in a room together?" she asked, grinning mischieviously even as his eyes darkened with suspicion. "I found out Buffy still liked him, so I told her we should switch dates. I didn't think you'd mind." Angel's lips twitched suspiciously. Being around an eight-year-old had softened him up quite a bit. "Let me guess. You didn't tell William about this." "Naw," her grin grew even wider. "And I wish I'd remembered to have Ty snap a picture." The vampire shook his head, somewhat in awe of her deviousness. "Who's watching him tonight?" he asked. "Robbi. She was in from London for the month and said she'd be happy to," Emmie replied, referring to another Slayer. "She's good," Angel said, agreeing with her choice. Then he watched as she stood and he got the full effect of her gown, the rich red glowing against her skin, the fabric accentuating every curve. "You look incredible tonight, Mary Elizabeth," he said softly, liking the way her face glowed when he complimented her. "Thanks," she said, a touch of shyness in her voice. "So you're not too disappointed I'm the one that showed up then?" "No." His cool hand reached out to take hers in a gentlemanly gesture. "Not in the least." ~~~~~ The car ride to the Plaza was quiet, neither Buffy nor William sure of what to say. Finally Buffy decided to break the silence. She'd learned the hard way that you didn't always have all the time in the world, and she wasn't at all certain that William wouldn't go right back to not talking to her once the evening was over. "You've been avoiding me." He looked over at her, surprised at her bluntness. "No, I—" He stopped at the look on her face. "Somethin' like that," he admitted. "Why?" she asked. William gave her a look tinged with both annoyance and amusement. "You don't pull your punches, do you, Slayer?" His voice sent shivers down her spine. "Well, I was getting a little tired of trying to chase you down." William smiled a little bit. "Seein' you was too hard, Buffy," he said frankly. "I—I know what I did to you, an' I just—I just couldn't do it." Buffy frowned. "That was over and done with years ago, William. You sacrificed yourself for the good of the world. Don't tell me you're beating yourself up for something you did when you were a different person entirely." He shook his head. "You don't understand, Buffy. I dream of the things I've done almost every night. I dreamed—" he broke off abruptly. "There are some things that aren't forgivable. An' I have a son now. I can't afford to get involved in a relationship that's gonna hurt me or Ty." Buffy was stung. The last thing she wanted was to hurt anyone, and she said so. "Look, I get that you don't really remember everything about our relationship, but Spike was my friend. He was the one person I trusted more than anyone else in the world at the end. And I loved him." He stared at her. It was the last thing he'd ever expected her to say. "But—what I did—" "What you did was save the world," Buffy replied. She watched as a shudder ran through him, and she felt a deep burgeoning love within her heart for this man who was so like, and yet so unlike the one she'd known. "We don't really know each other," she said. "Maybe we used to, but we're both different people now. So let's start over, blank slate." She smiled, remembering the last time they'd had a blank slate. They'd made a pretty good team. Buffy stuck out her hand. "Hi. I'm Buffy Summers." William took her hand, an awestruck look on his face. This was the first time he'd come face to face with part of his past that he'd just about destroyed, and found himself forgiven. "William Smith," he replied. "It's nice to finally meet you, Buffy." ~~~~~ "So are they here yet?" Emmie asked, craning her neck to look around the room. Her hand was tucked through Angel's arm, and she was searching anxiously for William and Buffy. Angel looked down at his date amused. Emmie was a couple inches taller than Buffy, but given how short the Slayer was, that wasn't saying a whole lot. He glanced over at the door and caught a glimpse of the blonde couple entering, Spike presenting his invitation to the doorman. "They just came in," he reassured her. "Were you thinking they weren't going to show up?" She shrugged. "Knowing William? He can be a little erratic at times. He decides he doesn't want to do something, then he won't do it." Angel looked at Buffy from across the room and felt the old, familiar desire hit him, along with a sense of jealousy aimed at William. "Trust me, Will would be completely insane if he hadn't decided to come." Emmie grinned. "I know. I helped her pick out her dress." A few minutes later, Buffy and William strolled up to meet them. Emmie thought they made a stunning couple, and she stole a look at Angel to see how he was taking the sight of them together. Other than a slight tightening of the jaw, he seemed to be doing fairly well. "So you decided to ditch me, huh?" he asked Buffy, deliberately keeping his tone light. "I had my reasons," she replied, sharing a look with Emmie. Both of the men thought they knew what she meant, even though they didn't know the extent of the deception. To stem any potential questions, Buffy turned to William. "Aren't you going to ask me to dance?" He smiled in reply, suddenly feeling as though his greatest wish had been granted. And he hadn't even known it was what he wanted. "Would you dance with me, Miss Summers?" Emmie stole a look at Angel as they walked off and patted him on the arm. "Come on," she said. "You need a drink, and then we can dance." ~~~~~ "Fred looks good tonight," Buffy said softly as they danced. They'd seen and greeted both Wes and Fred as well as Gunn and his date. There seemed to be a general consensus to let everyone retreat to their respective corners, however. Fred was busy saying something to Wes that made him smile. And Gunn couldn't take his eyes off his date, a woman named Gwen who seemed to have at least a passing acquaintance with the rest of them, but whom Buffy had never met. "Mm," William agreed. "'Bout time the two of them stopped dancing around the issue. Took 'em forever to get around to realizing that they liked each other." "What happened?" Buffy asked, always keen to get the latest gossip. He chuckled. "Told Wes to hurry up an' make his move. Then I took 'em to Lorne's and left 'em by themselves." He paused, and then observed, "Kind of like they're all doing with us this evening." "I wouldn't know anything about that," Buffy replied primly. He raised an eyebrow. "Minx," William said with affection. "Like hell you didn't. You and Emmie both were in it to your eyebrows." "How did you know?" she asked. "Besides that little speech in the car?" he asked. Tenderly brushing her hair from her face, he glanced over at Angel. "The boss-man isn't throwin' a fit about me bein' with you, which means Emmie told him somethin' to keep him calm. Plus, the dresses. Ty told me you took him shopping. Women only spend that much time pickin' out a new dress if the man's important enough." "Shows how much you know about women," Buffy teased. "We'll look for any excuse to shop." "Maybe," he laughed. "Don't know as much as I should probably, since you're all still a bloody great mystery to me." The song stopped, and there was clapping coming from all around them. "I think I need to get some air," Buffy said. "Do you mind?" "No, luv." He offered her his arm. "There's a balcony over that way." ~~~~~ Emmie watched the two leave from her position in Angel's arms. She hadn't thought he would spend as much time with her as he had, much less dancing with her. "They look good together," she observed. "They do," Angel agreed, hardly believing the words were coming out of his mouth. But eight years had softened the edges of their relationship, even if it hadn't extinguished the love they felt for one another. Truly, they had both managed to move on, and time had taught them that they could. "It was kind of you to let Buffy have him to herself tonight." Emmie looked up at him in surprise. "I couldn't be selfish after finding out how she felt for him, Angel. It wouldn't have been right." It was Angel's turn to look surprised. "But I thought you—" Emmie rolled her eyes. "You know, I swear you can't have a platonic relationship with someone without everybody thinking you're secretly in love." She looked him straight in the eye. "I'm not in love with William, Angel. I never have been." The vampire read the truth in her eyes. "Emmie—" "Don't," she interrupted. "I know already. You don't have to say it. Let's not ruin the evening, please. Just pretend for a minute that it's me you want to be with, please?" Angel ran a tender hand down the side of her face. "That's easy." Cool lips tasted hers, and he could scent her hope. "You're not a hard person to be with, Mary Elizabeth." As he said it, he realized that it was the truth. In some ways she reminded him very much of the women he'd loved before: Buffy with her fire and Cordelia with her sharp tongue. But she had an essence that was her own, one he could definitely get used to having around. "And I thought you barely knew I existed," she said softly, half teasing, half serious. He smiled. "As if you were someone who could be overlooked." Angel's eyes darkened. "You know this isn't going anywhere, don't you?" "I know the stories, Angel," she replied calmly. "They don't matter. Not tonight. Tonight is for dreaming." ~~~~~ Buffy shivered slightly in the cool evening air, and even as she did, she could feel William drape his jacket across her shoulders. "Thanks." "My pleasure, luv." Stealing a look at him, she thought something was missing, and she blurted it out before she could think. "You don't smoke anymore." "Guess I don't," he replied easily. "Gotta set an example for the kiddies you know. Plus, I've heard they're not good for you." William grinned at her easily. The moonlight hit him squarely, and Buffy felt a sudden sense of déjà vu. To see him like this, whatever her intentions had been to let things progress suddenly, she wanted him with a passion. She wanted him to look at her in that old way he had, the way he'd looked at her in her dreams. "I missed you." "Buffy—" "I know we're starting over," she continued, babbling now. "I know you're not Spike, and that you don't remember, and you probably don't even know where this is coming from. But I dreamed of this so often, and what you would say and what I would say, and I have to say it. Because if I don't say it now, you might not want to hear it later. You could leave again, because everyone always leaves, but I can't stand to have you gone." Whatever protest he might have offered died on his lips, his eyes widening in surprise. "I told you, you have to find me," he replied, repeating the words from the last good dream he'd had. "Spike?" she whispered, searching his face for answers. "Wait, you dream, you remember..." "Only when I'm in them," he said. "They disappear like smoke when I wake, most of them. But the ones with you in them, those are the clearest." William took a step closer, touching her cheek. "I couldn't stand to speak to you because I knew you'd hate me, and in my dreams you told me you loved me." Buffy rested her head against his shoulder, feeling his (warm) arms slip around her. "In my dreams we're always on the same beach," she whispered. "And you hold me like you did at the end, like you are now." "And in some of my dreams, we're doin' a bit more than huggin', luv," he said, his suggestive tone making her laugh. And remember. "Those were some of the most memorable," she admitted. "You need to know," Buffy said suddenly. "You need to know what you were, William. Because there was a lot more to it that 'you, evil, Slayer, good.' There was so much..." "Show me," he whispered, kissing her hungrily, feeling a desire that was both strange and familiar. "Show me what I was." "But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed." 2 Cor 4:7-9 ---------------------------------