Subject: [SpikesSalvation] Phoenix Dreams- Chapter 5 Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 10:09:20 -0800 (PST) From: Jerusha Hancock Reply-To: SpikesSalvation@yahoogroups.com To: SpikesSalvation@yahoogroups.com Chapter 5 Diary Entry: July 2004 It really isn't fair at all. You'd think my love life couldn't get screwed up anymore than it is already, but no. My first date since that disaster with Robin a year ago, and the only person I could think about was Spike. It wasn't that Kurt isn't a nice guy, it's just that as soon as I saw him I knew what Spike would be saying. "What a poof." And he was. He was just so sensitive, so nice. In fact, he bored me to tears. Spike wouldn't have bored me. I might have been annoyed as hell most of the time, but he never bored me. There would have been nothing predictable about a date with Spike. We probably would have patrolled, he might have thought up something completely off the wall. I would have been laughing most of the way through dinner, if I wasn't ready to get up and walk out. And then we would have gone home and shagged each other silly until the sun came up. And I would have been happy. So here I am, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who defeated the big evil and finally was getting her life on track, and I'm in love with a dead vampire. The worst part is that Spike was right, when I told him I loved him. I loved him, he was in my heart, but I wasn't in love with him, and he knew it. He knew I wasn't his and never would be, and that probably gave him the strength to sacrifice himself. Or at least it helped. No, I fell in love with him after he was dead. Every time I go out to fight and I make a really good move, every time I have to fight evil, I want to turn and ask his opinion, see if he saw what I did. I want to pull his ass out of the fire and yell at him about it. I want to fight until we're both bruised and then make love for hours. I want him to believe that I'm in love with him. "But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed." 2 Cor 4:7-9 ---------------------------------