When It Don't Come Easy

Author: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-13

Archive: If you already have my stuff, if not please ask.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, and I'm certainly not making any money off them, more's the pity.

Summary: Going rapidly AU during the events of Entropy in BtVS S6, Spike makes a couple of wishes that will change everything. What is Buffy going to do when presented with a very different Spike—who doesn't feel quite the same way about her anymore?

A/N: This fic presupposes my short stories, The Lonely Hearts Club and The Way to a Poet's Heart. You don't have to have read those; just know that in this 'verse Spike and Tara have become pretty good friends.

Chapter 11: From the Top

"...It's all up in the air and we stand still to see what comes down/I don't know where it is, I don't know when, but I want you around/When it falls into place with you and I, we go from if to when/Your side and mine are both behind it's indication/This is going to bring me clarity/This'll take the heart right out of me/She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted/She is everything I want that I never knew I needed/This is going to bring me to my knees/I just want to hold you close to me..." ~The Fray, "She Is"

William groaned as he awoke. His head was pounding, and his stomach felt as though it was going to rebel at any moment. He lay as still as possible, hoping that it would go away soon.

"Hangovers suck, don't they?"

He dragged his pillow over his face. "Go away," he muttered.

"Here." He felt the bed move as Buffy sat down on the edge. "I've got a glass of water and a couple of aspirin with your name on them." He didn't move, hoping that she'd go away. "You'll feel better."

William sighed, sitting up reluctantly and peering at Buffy. "What are you doing here?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Remember getting sick last night? I figured I'd better stay until Tara got home. Except that Tara apparently stayed with Willow again last night, so I took the couch. I hope you don't mind."

William could feel himself flushing as he remembered getting sick in the bushes just outside of his apartment. Buffy had stayed with him even though he'd made a complete arse out of himself. "You didn't have to stay."

"I know," she replied. "It just seemed like the friendly thing to do."

He took the glass of water and aspirin she held out without further argument, swallowing the pills quickly. When he went to set the glass down, Buffy shook her head. "You need to keep drinking," she said. "It'll help with the hangover."

William made a face, waiting to see whether or not he'd be able to keep even that much down, but after a few moments with no mishaps, he drained the rest of the glass. "You don't have to stay if you've got somewhere to be."

Buffy hesitated, and then she nodded. "Okay. I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Buffy," he called out as she exited his open bedroom door. "Thank you."

She turned. "Anytime, William."

The hot shower helped to clear his head, and he thought about Buffy's actions; it seemed strange to him that she would stay, that she would be so kind. He certainly hadn't asked her to do so, nor was there any reason for it.

Unless she meant what she said about being friends.

It hurt even to contemplate that possibility, to be honest. William hated the thought that Buffy would like him and not Spike; he really hadn't changed that much, and the fact that her attitude seemed to be changing indicated that her antipathy was a result of what he was, and not who he was.

William—Spike—hadn't even meant to make the wish in the first place. His plan hadn't been to change; it had been to get Buffy to admit that she loved him.

Or liked him. Spike would have settled for some small sign of affection.

In reality, it all boiled down to the fact that he had been a soulless vampire, and now he wasn't. He just wished it didn't matter as much as it did.

~~~~~

Tara lay beside Willow on the bed, her head propped on her hand. They had talked for most of the night. Although she'd had every intention of going home earlier, they had both fallen asleep in the midst of their conversation.

Nothing had been resolved. Tara still wasn't sure that she could trust Willow, and Willow still didn't understand why things weren't better. Even so, Tara was convinced that she wanted this relationship to work somehow—she just didn't know how.

How did you forgive someone, when they didn't even seem to realize what they'd done wrong?

"I wish there was some way to go back," Willow admitted. "To fix things."

Tara frowned. "What would you fix?"

"I don't know." Willow sighed. "I—I want to say that I wouldn't bring Buffy back, but..."

"Yeah." Tara understood what Willow couldn't say; maybe they shouldn't have resurrected Buffy, but neither of them could wish for it to be undone. "It started before that, though."

Willow frowned. "You mean before Buffy died? When we had that fight?"

"First fights are hard to forget." Tara gave her a crooked smile. "I understand that you love the magic, Willow."

"I don't!" Willow protested. "I can do without the magic."

Tara shook her head. "No, you really can't. Right now, you think you can, but what happens when Buffy needs you, and you're the only one who can save the day?"

"You—"

"I don't have your strength," Tara objected. "If Buffy walked in here right this moment and said that she needed you, that you were the only one who could save the world, wouldn't you do it?" When Willow opened her mouth, Tara added, "Even if you knew it meant losing me?"

Willow's mouth snapped shut. Her eyes were troubled. "I don't know."

"You can't walk away from the magic, Willow. It's too much a part of who you are, but how can I trust you, when you don't really understand why I left in the first place?" Tara watched her sort-of-girlfriend's face for some sign that Willow really did understand, that she was really listening for the first time.

Willow rose from the bed, walking over to the window. "I don't know what to do." Her voice was so quiet that Tara could barely hear her. "You're right, about the magic. I feel—I feel like half a person without it, but I know I can't go back to what I was doing. I know it wasn't right."

Tara breathed a sigh of relief. Even if Willow didn't know exactly what the issue was, at least she was admitting that there had been a problem. "I think you might need to get some training, sweetie."

Willow frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You go to school for everything else," Tara pointed out. "I learned from my mom since I was small."

"There are books," Willow objected. "I can learn everything I need to know from them."

Tara held her eyes with a steady gaze. "Look where that got us."

Willow's eyes flashed, and Tara braced herself for an angry retort. Instead, Willow's voice dropped again. "If I do this, does that mean you'll trust me again?"

Tara swallowed, knowing that she might be dooming them with her next words. "I don't know. I guess that would depend on what happened afterwards."

Willow grimaced and turned away from her again. "I need to get ready for classes."

Tara closed her eyes and took a slow, deep breath. "Okay. I'll see you later."

Willow didn't respond to her, and Tara thought that she might have lost any chance of making things between them right again.

She wasn't going to back down again, though.

~~~~~

"Hey, guys!" Dawn chirped as she entered the apartment. William and Tara glanced up at her, and their long faces stopped her in her tracks. "Okay, what's up?"

"Nothing, Dawn," William said, obviously forcing a smile. "You're cheerful today."

"I have a date," she reminded him. "I am no longer the only person I know without a boyfriend."

Tara raised an eyebrow. "I don't have a boyfriend," she pointed out. "And neither does William."

That got a real smile out of William, and Dawn rolled her eyes, hiding her own smile. "Whatever. Anyway, Buffy took me shopping, and I talked her into this really short skirt that's going to make Eric's eyes pop."

William sat up straight, pinning her with a glare. "You are wearing no such thing," he said. "Boys want one thing from nice girls like you, and one thing only." He frowned. "Has Buffy said anything to you about fending off unwanted advances? Because I could come along if you like, to make sure he doesn't try anything."

"Don't you dare!" Dawn said, aghast—mostly because she thought that he might actually do it. "And I was joking about the skirt. It's not that short. Buffy's already told me all about getting rid of boys with grabby hands, so I'm good."

"He's a nice boy, William," Tara said. "We met him the other night at the Bronze, after you left with Buffy."

"Speaking of," Dawn said, sensing an opportune moment to change the subject. "What's with you and Buffy?"

He shrugged. "Nothing. We're on friendly terms, is all."

Dawn raised her eyebrows. "Friendly terms, huh?"

"We've come to an understanding." William gave her a sharp look. "How do you know?"

Dawn gave him a smug smile. "If you want the truth out of my sister, you take her shopping. She talks a lot more that way."

William's expression grew guarded. "What did she say about me?"

"She didn't say anything," Dawn admitted. "But she asked a lot of questions."

He didn't look particularly excited at the thought. "Probably wanting to be sure I'm not corrupting you."

Dawn's unladylike snort told them what she thought of that theory. "Please, William. She was asking questions like I was asking people about Eric."

He frowned. "I thought you said that you know this boy."

"Aargh!" Dawn gestured at Tara. "You explain it."

Tara had been trying hard to hide her snickers throughout the conversation, and wasn't having much success. "William, women ask questions about people that they're interested in. If Willow and I had had mutual friends when we met, I would have asked them what they knew about her. It's just a way to gather information."

"What does she want with me?" William asked.

"He—heck if I know," Dawn said, changing course mid-word at the sharp look Tara was giving her. "Maybe you should ask her."

"I don't think so," he said, rising. "If you'll excuse me, I promised Daniel I'd look after the shop this afternoon."

Dawn watched him go. "Okay, what was all that about?"

Tara sighed. "I think he's scared."

"Of what?"

"Falling in love again." Tara smiled, her expression bittersweet. "I can sympathize."

Dawn moved closer to Tara on their couch and rested her head on the older girl's shoulder. "Is it worth it?"

"Is what worth it?"

"Falling in love?"

"Yes," Tara responded without hesitation. "Even with everything that's happened, I'm not sorry for it."

Dawn just rested there, thinking about that. It was too early to tell whether or not she was even going to end up liking Eric in a serious way, but Dawn thought it would be nice to be in love.

At least, until it all went wrong.

~~~~~

Giles hadn't found it easy to get his hands on books that would help him determine what exactly had happened to Spike. Of course, he knew that a vampire had become human, but Giles was more interested in the metaphysical aspect.

The Council had always maintained that when a human was turned, the soul departed, and the demon took possession. Giles had accepted that theory, because it seemed to explain matters sufficiently, and because he hadn't seen a need to look into it more deeply. Vampires were evil, and the Slayer staked them, and that was an end to the matter.

His curiosity had been piqued, however, and Giles wanted a better explanation.

What Anya had said—about demons having souls—was causing him to rethink a few things. Giles was beginning to wonder if he hadn't gotten it wrong all these years; perhaps demons were evil because of what they did, and not what they were.

It seemed a subtle distinction, but he had a feeling that it was an important one.

"Hello, Rupert."

Anya's voice caused him to smile as he glanced up; she was one of the main reasons that Giles needed to know the truth. For his own peace of mind, Giles needed to know what getting involved with a demon would mean.

Although, it was probably too late at this point; he was already involved.

"Hello, Anya," he replied. "How have you been?"

"Good!" she said brightly. "I just granted the most intriguing vengeance wish. This girl wished that her cheating boyfriend would always have girls cheat on him. I thought it was fitting."

"It does seem so," Giles agreed neutrally. It made him uncomfortable to hear Anya talking about cursing men, but at the same time, he wasn't going to ask her not to tell him. Giles had a feeling that he would rather know, and at least she hadn't disemboweled anyone yet.

Anya sighed. "I think I'm going to have to talk to D'Hoffryn, though."

"About what?" Giles asked.

She shook her head. "The job doesn't have the same appeal as it used to. I much prefer the challenges of capitalism. I might be able to convince him that taking people's money is vengeance enough—or maybe I could specialize in ex-wives and show them how to take their ex-husbands' money."

"How did you lose your powers the first time?" Giles asked.

Anya raised an eyebrow. "You don't know?"

"Why would I?" he responded. "I don't think you ever told me, and if you told Xander, he certainly didn't pass along the information."

"You were the one responsible for me becoming human," Anya replied, watching him carefully.

Giles sat back in his chair. "I don't understand. I have no memory of it."

"That's because you weren't there," Anya explained, rather unhelpfully. "Cordelia made a wish—that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. You figured out that I was the one behind the wish, and you destroyed my locket, which resulted in me becoming human and the wish being undone."

"I see." Giles mulled over that a bit. "What was Sunnydale like without Buffy?"

Anya hesitated. "It wasn't a place anyone would want to live." She didn't say more than that.

"Do you regret it?" he asked hesitantly.

"No." Anya gave him a wistful smile. "Once I got used to it, being human wasn't so bad."

"Would you want to be human again?"

"I don't know," she admitted. Her hand went to the pendant at her throat of its own accord. "Sometimes."

There was something in her eyes that tugged at him, Giles thought. The shadow of sorrow, perhaps, that said that even with Spike's wish, not everything was okay. "Would you like to go out to dinner tonight?" he asked impulsively.

"Yes, I would," Anya replied. "I would like that very much."

Meeting her eyes, Giles wondered if perhaps it was better not to question, and just accept.

~~~~~

"Is everything okay?" Xander asked. Buffy had decided to patrol before meeting them at the Bronze. It was supposed to be just the three of them—the core Scoobies. It had been a long time since they had all been single at once, not since before Buffy had been dating Angel, and Xander thought it was kind of a nice change.

"It's fine," Willow said, waving a hand in dismissal.

Xander frowned. "Come on, Will. You haven't been your usual cheerful self this evening."

"Tara and I talked last night," Willow admitted slowly. He was silent, waiting for her to continue. "She wants me to do something, like a gesture of faith, before we get back together."

That didn't sound quite like Tara to Xander. He didn't know her well, but he had a feeling that she wouldn't ask Willow to jump through a bunch of hoops before giving their relationship another chance. "Is that really what she said?"

"No," Willow admitted reluctantly. "It's close, though."

"Well, what did she want you to do?" Xander finally asked when it appeared as though Willow wasn't going to continue.

"She wanted me to get some training, for the magic."

Xander was having a hard time seeing what was so bad about that. After some of the stunts that Willow had pulled, he didn't think it was a bad idea. "Maybe that's a good idea," he ventured.

Willow stared at him. "You're taking her side?"

Xander began feeling very uncomfortable. "I didn't think there were sides, Will. I just thought that you were interested in learning everything you could about magic. Remember when you tried to join the Wicca group on campus? Maybe it's time for you to find some real witches to work with."

Willow didn't look at all appeased. "No one's telling Tara that she needs help."

Xander was having a hard time understanding why Willow's reaction was so strong. "Tara didn't erase all our memories," Xander pointed out. "And she didn't have anything to do with Dawn's arm getting broken."

Willow rose, glaring at him. "You're still blaming me for those things? Can't you let it go?"

"You were the one who was wondering why we weren't telling Tara that she needs help," Xander said, not wanting to back down from this. They had all done some pretty shitty things over the last few months, and maybe they had all gotten off pretty lightly, all things considered. But he was miserable as a result of his mistakes, and Willow was acting as though she hadn't done anything wrong, as though Tara was the one who had messed up.

It pissed Xander off.

"Some friend you are," Willow said. "I need your support, and you tell me it's my own fault."

"If the shoe fits," Xander shot back.

Willow pushed back from the table. "I think I'm going home. I don't need to hear this."

He didn't reply, but he was thinking that she definitely needed to hear it. As he thought about it, Xander could recall a number of other occasions when Willow had insisted that she knew best, and she wouldn't hear a word to the contrary. In the past, he'd accepted it, mostly because she was smarter than he was, and Xander thought that she might know best.

Not this time, though. Xander didn't think it would do her any harm to get further training, and he thought that Tara might be right to insist upon some show of faith on Willow's part. If he thought he had any chance of getting back together with Anya, Xander would fully expect to have to do some groveling of his own, plus make some tangible demonstration of his willingness to go through with the wedding.

Not that he thought it was even a remote possibility.

"Hey, Xander," Buffy said as she came up to the table. "Where's Willow? I thought it was supposed to be the three of us tonight."

"She already left," Xander said, briefly explaining their earlier conversation.

Buffy frowned. "Am I missing something? Because I thought Willow would do just about anything to get Tara back."

Xander felt disloyal for even thinking it, let alone saying it, but... "I think Willow wants to believe that she can do this completely on her own. She can't admit that she's not perfect and that she might need help."

Buffy shook her head. "Willow came to me for help after Dawn broke her arm."

"She was at the end of her rope, Buffy," Xander said. "If she hadn't gone to you, would you have let her stay in the house?"

"No," Buffy admitted slowly. She sighed. "Crap. What are we going to do?"

"I don't think we can do anything," Xander replied unhappily. "This is going to have to be something Willow figures out on her own."