When It Don't Come Easy

Author: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-13

Archive: If you already have my stuff, if not please ask.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, and I'm certainly not making any money off them, more's the pity.

Summary: Going rapidly AU during the events of Entropy in BtVS S6, Spike makes a couple of wishes that will change everything. What is Buffy going to do when presented with a very different Spike—who doesn't feel quite the same way about her anymore?

A/N: This fic presupposes my short stories, The Lonely Hearts Club and The Way to a Poet's Heart. You don't have to have read those; just know that in this 'verse Spike and Tara have become pretty good friends.

Chapter 12: The Best Intentions

"Red lights are flashing on the highway...I wonder if we're gonna ever get home tonight/Everywhere the water's getting rough/Your best intentions may not be enough ...I don't know nothing except change will come/Year after year what we do is undone/Time keeps on moving from a crawl to a run/I wonder if we're gonna ever get home/You're out there walking down a highway/And all of the signs got blown away/Sometimes you wonder if you're walking in the wrong direction/But if you break down/I'll drive out and find you/If you forget my love/I'll try to remind you/And stay by you when it don't come easy..." ~Patty Griffin, "When It Don't Come Easy"

"I'd probably better get home," Dawn said regretfully, hating that the evening had to come to an end. She didn't think that Eric was her one true love or anything like that, but he was funny and sweet and cute.

Besides, as far as Dawn was concerned forever-type love was overrated, seeing as how it usually ended with people getting their hearts broken. How many times had she seen it just with her sister, not to mention all her sister's friends?

"Yeah, I wouldn't want your sister to decide you couldn't see me anymore," Eric replied, turning with her in the direction of her house. "Unless you don't want to see me anymore, and then we could stay out as late as you want."

Dawn laughed. "No, I wouldn't mind going out again."

"Good," he said. "The Homecoming dance isn't that far away, and I kind of wanted to go this year, since it's my last chance."

"Didn't you go last year?" Dawn asked.

Eric shook his head ruefully. "No one would go with me last year."

Dawn wracked her brain for any memories of Eric from the previous year and couldn't come up with anything. Of course, that had been before Buffy came back, and she'd been too lost in her grief—and trying to pretend not to grieve—to pay much attention to anyone but herself. "I don't remember that."

He shrugged. "Six inches will do a lot for a guy. It definitely cuts down on getting shoved inside lockers."

"You never got shoved in a locker," Dawn said.

"No, but I have friends who did." He looked a little abashed. "It's weird hanging out with the jocks this year, you know?"

"Who did you hang out with before?"

Eric gave her a serious look. "You have to promise not to tell."

"I promise," Dawn replied, very curious now.

"The chess club."

Dawn's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Well, I take karate, too, and Avery and I had the same teacher when we were younger. Now that he isn't so ashamed to be seen with me, he'll actually let me hang out with them."

Dawn suddenly understood. Avery was the high school star-everything. From baseball, to football, to basketball, he seemed to do it all. He was also the coolest guy around, and to be accepted by Avery meant that you were in. The fact that Avery had decided that Eric was cool meant that Eric was part of the in-crowd.

Even if he really wasn't.

"Do you even like them?" Dawn asked.

"Not really," he admitted. "Some of the guys are okay, but mostly they just like to lie about how great they are."

Dawn raised an eyebrow. "And you don't have to lie?"

Eric's smile was lop-sided. "Why would I? They wouldn't believe me anyway." Then he grinned. "Besides, I figure the only two people in the world who need to know how good I really am is me—and you."

His kiss was sweet and pleasantly demanding. Dawn wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling his hands at her back. A little voice in the back of her head told her that she should probably put the brakes on before Buffy saw them, but she wasn't paying much attention to that voice right at the moment.

The porch light went on, and Dawn pulled back, looking up to see Buffy watching them from the stairs. "Hi, Dawn. You're right on time."

Dawn sighed. Just when things were starting to get good. "Hey, Buffy."

Buffy looked at Eric. "Do you have a ride home?"

"No, but I'll be fine," he replied. "I don't live too far from here."

"I can give him a ride, Buffy," Tara said, coming out the front door. "I need to be getting home anyway. Hi, Eric."

"Hey," he said, obviously a little uncomfortable with being the center of attention. "I'll call you tomorrow, Dawn."

She watched him leave with Tara, and then mounted the stairs to stand by her sister. "You didn't have to turn the light on."

"Of course I did," Buffy responded. "It was fun."

Dawn gave her a sour look. "Was Tara visiting Willow?"

"No, actually, we were talking," Buffy said. "Willow was studying late tonight, and I ran into Tara on campus earlier, and... She wants Willow to get some training before she'll get back together with her, and Xander and I both think that it's a good idea. I'm thinking about calling Giles and seeing if he knows of any options. Maybe if he talks to Willow, she'll think about it."

"She wasn't real thrilled with the idea, huh?" Dawn asked.

"Not hardly," Buffy agreed. "And when Xander said that he thought it might be a good idea, she got upset. I think it has to be her choice, but I think it's a good idea, especially after that patrol the other week."

Dawn frowned. "Willow hasn't used magic since, though, has she?"

"That's not the point, Dawnie," Buffy replied. "We might need her to later, but if she doesn't know how, or if she's not practicing, things could get very bad. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I've already got enough to worry about." Changing the subject, Buffy asked, "How was your date?"

Dawn couldn't help but wonder if William was one of those things that her sister was worrying about, but now was obviously not the time to ask. "It was really good. I think he's going to ask me to the Homecoming dance."

Dawn just hoped that Eric proved himself to be a little different than her sister's boyfriends.

~~~~~

William glanced at the list Tara had given him. She had been teaching him how to cook, but he'd allowed her to do most of the shopping until now. Tara had informed him that they needed a number of things at the store, and she didn't have time to get them, so he was nominated.

The fresh vegetables and fruits were easy enough; he knew what to look for there. The other items were more difficult to select with so many choices, and William knew that Tara had preferences, but he wasn't sure what they would be.

"Having some trouble?"

William glanced over at Buffy, who was looking up at him in amusement, and he could feel his face flushing. "No. I have a list."

"Okay." She started wandering away, her basket over her arm, and William realized that he didn't want her to leave.

"Do you know anything about spaghetti sauce?" he asked. "Tara said to get a jar, but I don't know which kind." William gestured to the shelves, filled with all manner of sauces in a variety of brands, all professing to be authentic.

Buffy made a face. "Honestly? I usually get the cheapest kind. Tara can probably add stuff to it to make it taste better if she wants to. Mom used to do that sometimes."

"Right." William grabbed a random jar and put it in his basket.

Buffy glanced at his list over his arm. "What else do you have to get?"

"Canned goods, flour, sugar, and milk," he replied. "What about you?"

She gave him a rueful smile. "You haven't had my cooking," she observed. "I'm heading to the frozen foods. I think I can find something there I can't ruin."

William frowned. "Did you drive over here?"

Buffy shook her head. "No. I still haven't gotten my license. I keep meaning to do that, but something always comes up."

He couldn't believe he was even thinking about it, but William made the offer anyway. "Can I offer you a ride?"

"If it's not out of your way." She sounded uncertain, as though she didn't want to impose.

It was out of his way, technically speaking, but William didn't mind so much. Besides, he still owed her for staying with him while he was sick. "No, I don't mind."

"Dawn said that you got a job," Buffy said as they headed down the next aisle. "How is it?"

William shrugged. "It's not so bad. It's quiet."

"That's probably a nice change."

"I do a lot of reading," he admitted.

Buffy nodded, not looking particularly surprised. "What kind of books?"

"Anything, really," William replied. He was beginning to relax, wondering if maybe they hadn't made a new start. "I'm reading Alas, Babylon now, because Daniel recommended it."

Buffy glanced up at him. "Who's Daniel?"

"My employer." They lapsed into companionable silence, and William wondered why it couldn't have always been like this. Why did it have to go so wrong?

Why hadn't she been able to accept Spike's love?

"How are you doing?" Buffy asked, breaking the silence after a few minutes.

William didn't know how to reply to that, not knowing whether to give her the truth or an easy lie. He could say that he was fine, that he was adjusting without any problems, and therefore avoid any further questions on the matter. Or, he could tell her the truth, a truth he didn't know that she cared to hear.

Buffy had never wanted the truth from him in the past; what was more, she hadn't accepted it.

"I'm fine." He strove to make his tone politely cheerful.

Buffy didn't reply right away, then said, "You know, that's how I always said 'I'm fine' when I didn't want anybody to know how not fine I was." She glanced up at him. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

William tensed, feeling a rising anger. Why the hell was she being so nice to him? He didn't understand it, and he didn't trust it. "I don't want to," he ground out.

"Okay."

He could feel her hurt, and he knew that Buffy didn't understand where his anger was coming from, but he remembered how she had treated Spike. He knew that even though they wore the same face, Buffy thought of them as two different people because William had a heartbeat and a soul. William was worthy of her time and kindness the way Spike never had been.

It hurt, even if he wasn't Spike any longer.

"It's hard to know how to act around you," William admitted, watching the shock flit over her features at his words. "You're a lot nicer to me than you've been in the past. It's not something I expect."

Buffy frowned. "You're different."

"Not enough to make it matter," he responded, trying to keep his tone level, knowing that she wouldn't listen if he became angry or seemed unreasonable. William needed her to listen to him, needed to know if she would.

Buffy opened her mouth to respond immediately, probably in anger, but she stopped. "I know."

That was all she said, but it was enough for William that she had acknowledged that he was right about something for a change. They did the rest of their shopping together, but without talking. William wondered what an observer would see, what someone who didn't know their rather complicated history would think.

Once they had checked out, Buffy joined him where he waited for her by the entrance. "You don't have to give me a ride," she said. "I know I make you uncomfortable."

William sighed. She did and she didn't, but he didn't know how to explain his feelings to Buffy. How could he when he didn't understand them himself? "I offered," he replied. "I don't mind."

The trip to her house was silent, mostly because William couldn't find any way to breach it. They had nothing in common anymore, not really, not now that he couldn't share in the hunt and the violence. The only thing they shared was Dawn, and that wasn't enough to base a relationship on.

Any kind of relationship.

"I wish things could have been different," Buffy said, just before she got out of the car. "Between us, I mean."

William met her eyes, oddly grateful for her words. "I do, too."

~~~~~

Xander walked into the Magic Box, feeling strange. He hadn't seen Anya in weeks—no, months—not since she'd come back and he'd tried to apologize. His words had been horribly inadequate; he could see that now.

He wasn't even that angry at Spike—William—anymore. If he hadn't left Anya at the altar, she wouldn't have felt the need to become a vengeance demon again, and then Spike wouldn't have made the wish. Xander was finally beginning to accept that he had been the one to screw the entire thing up, no one else.

"Xander." Tara's voice was cautious when she saw him, and he hated the wary look in her eyes. It was obvious that she was remembering his outburst at the Bronze, the words he'd tried to skewer William with. "Can I help you find something?"

"I was looking for Anya," he said honestly. "Have you seen her today?"

"She went out for a while," Tara replied. "I don't know when she's coming back."

"Oh, okay." Xander hesitated. "Look, what I said the other night was out of line."

Some of the wariness eased out of her face. "I don't think I'm the one you need to apologize to."

Xander winced. "Yeah, but William isn't here, so..."

"Tara? Is he bothering you?"

It was just his luck; Xander wasn't surprised at all when he turned around to see William standing there, the expression on his face hostile. "No, he's not bothering me," Tara said. "I think he might have wanted to say something to you, though."

Xander closed his eyes, briefly wishing for the floor to open and swallow him up, knowing that he wasn't going to get out of apologizing now, and not really wanting to. He hated saying that he was sorry, mostly because it just underscored how much of an idiot he could be at times.

When a few tense seconds passed without a convenient hole appearing, Xander sighed, deciding to plunge right in. "I'm sorry for what I said the other night, William. I was out of line."

The apology was almost worth it, just to see the utter shock on William's face. The other man had apparently not been expecting him to do anything of the sort, and Xander got a kind of pleasure out of being able to surprise him.

"I, uh, right." William took a deep breath. "Let's forget about it."

"Done." Xander glanced back at Tara. "Buffy and I talked to Willow. We think you're right, about her getting some training. I think Buffy's going to discuss it with Giles, and maybe he can convince her that it's a good idea."

Tara gave him a genuine smile. "Thank you, Xander."

"No problem." Xander left the shop feeling a little lighter. Maybe he'd ruined his relationship with Anya, but that didn't mean that he had to send the rest of his life to hell with it.

~~~~~

"Are you going to be home for dinner tomorrow?" Tara asked.

William glanced up from his book. "I believe so. Daniel wants me to watch the shop in the morning so he can go fishing, but I'll be free in the afternoon. Why?"

"Dawn wanted to come over for dinner." Tara flipped through her coupons, pulling out another one that had expired. "I guess Eric has a class of some sort that night, and so they can't hang out."

"She's been spending a lot of time with him," William observed, sounding disgruntled.

Tara smiled indulgently. "She likes him, William. That's what happens."

"Aren't they moving a little fast?" he asked plaintively. "Dawn's still young. I don't see why she has to date anyway."

"Because she's young and she wants to fit in," Tara said. "And because she likes him. Eric is nice."

William muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "He's still not good enough for her," but Tara decided not to respond. "Maybe we should invite Buffy, too," he suggested out loud.

Tara's eyebrows went straight up. She knew that Buffy had walked William home from the party, and that she'd stayed the night at their apartment to make sure he was okay. Tara also knew that Buffy's feelings had changed. When they had spent the evening together the previous week, Buffy had asked more than a few questions about him.

Tara wondered if William's feelings were beginning to change as well.

"Why?" she asked bluntly. "I thought you didn't want to see her."

William colored, looking away and refusing to meet her eyes. "Never mind. I shouldn't have said anything."

"William," Tara said, wishing that his feelings weren't so easily hurt at times. "I don't care if you want to invite Buffy. I would have done it before, but I didn't think you wanted to spend time with her."

He shook his head, rising to walk over to the window, every line in his body giving away his tension. "She's been kind to me of late."

Tara didn't want to press the matter, given his reaction. "That's fine. Do you want to cook, or should I?"

"Would you?" William asked. "If I cook..."

She thought she understood what he wasn't saying—that it would look more like a date if he cooked for Buffy. "Only if you clean up."

"Of course," William said immediately, giving her a winsome smile. "Do you—" He stopped, either unable or unwilling to complete his question.

Tara gave him an encouraging smile. "Do I what?"

"Do you think people can truly start again?" William asked.

She didn't hesitate to answer. "Yes, I do."

She had to believe it.