When It Don't Come Easy

Author: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-13

Archive: If you already have my stuff, if not please ask.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, and I'm certainly not making any money off them, more's the pity.

Summary: Going rapidly AU during the events of Entropy in BtVS S6, Spike makes a couple of wishes that will change everything. What is Buffy going to do when presented with a very different Spike—who doesn't feel quite the same way about her anymore?

A/N: This fic presupposes my short stories, The Lonely Hearts Club and The Way to a Poet's Heart. You don't have to have read those; just know that in this 'verse Spike and Tara have become pretty good friends.

Chapter 13: Begin Again

"Why do you look so familiar?/I could swear that I have seen your face before./I think I like that you seem sincere/I think I'd like to get to know you a little bit more...I think there's something more, life's worth living for/Who knows what could happen?/Do what you do, just keep on laughing/One thing's true, there's always a brand new day/I'm gonna live today like it's my last day..." ~Avril Lavigne, "Who Knows?"

Willow had been wrestling with what Tara had asked of her for days now. There was a part of her that wanted to give in, that wanted to do anything, if it meant a chance that Tara would trust her again. The other part of her was indignant that anyone thought she needed help; Willow had been figuring things out on her own for years now. She didn't need any help.

Somehow it didn't surprise her when Giles called the house wanting to speak with her. Buffy hadn't said anything, but Willow knew that she'd talked to Tara, and she remembered what Xander had said. It only made sense that they would try some sort of intervention.

"How are you, Willow?" Giles asked.

"I'm fine," she replied, already feeling as though she was on the defensive. Willow had been feeling defensive a lot lately, mostly because she knew that she was probably in the wrong.

"Buffy called me the other day. She told me that you were thinking about getting some training." Giles sounded tentative, probably remembering the last time he had confronted her about her magic use.

Willow grimaced. "That's what she told you, huh?"

"Was she not right?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "Tara wants me to get more training."

Giles was quiet for a long moment. "But is it what you want, Willow?"

"I don't see why I need it."

The long pause on Giles' end was evidence enough that he felt much the same as the others did; while she might not understand why she needed further instruction, everyone else did. "That will have to be your decision," he finally said. "I have spoken to the head of the coven here, who's a personal friend of mine. She's willing to take you on as a student, but only if it's something you decide that you need."

Willow took a breath. "When do I have to make my decision?"

"There's no hurry," Giles assured her. "I understand that you may want to finish out the school year."

"At least the semester," Willow replied. "I'll think about it." They exchanged a few more pleasantries, and Giles told her that he'd call again when he knew that Buffy and Dawn were in.

Willow had to wonder if she wasn't being stupid. If everybody she knew thought that there was something wrong, something that she just wasn't getting, maybe they were right. Maybe more training would be good. It could help her to become a stronger witch, and that would only help Buffy in the long run.

Perhaps she would even be able to get back the power she'd lost.

The problem was that Willow had been teaching herself for a long time now, and the idea of learning witchcraft from someone else galled her. Willow had more power than most people, and she'd seen what being gifted did: it led others to envy you.

And when others envied you, they often tried to squash you. Willow had had quite enough of being squashed.

"Hey, Willow," Dawn said, sticking her head through the kitchen door. "I'm going to William's."

"Okay," Willow called back. "Does Buffy know?"

"She's meeting me there," Dawn replied. She winced, probably realizing that her words made it rather obvious that Willow hadn't been invited. "I'm sure you could come too, if you wanted," the girl quickly said. "I could call, and—"

"No," Willow said quickly. "That's okay. I have something else going on tonight anyway."

"Okay," Dawn said dubiously, but she didn't argue, and Willow soon heard the front door close behind her.

Was that what this meant? If she didn't do this thing—if she didn't accept training from this coven—she was going to end up losing her friends?

Willow frowned. "Maybe they'll just end up losing me," she muttered, but she didn't really mean it. She wasn't worth much without her friends; it was the one thing she knew for sure.

~~~~~

Dawn felt awful about spilling the beans about Tara's dinner invitation. It wasn't terribly unusual for her to go over at least once or twice a week, but the fact that Buffy was invited as well made it appear as though they were purposely trying to exclude Willow.

As far as Dawn knew, that wasn't the case at all. The simple fact was that she'd planned on going over to give Tara (and William) the dish about Eric and the upcoming Homecoming dance, and then Tara had suggested she invite her sister. The way Tara had said it made Dawn wonder if the invitation hadn't come more from William, which Dawn felt was really exciting.

If William and Buffy did get together, it would be awesome, and she wouldn't feel as though she was split in two anymore.

"Hello, Dawn," William said when he let her in. "How was school?"

"Good," Dawn replied, nearly bursting with the news now that she'd arrived. "Where's Tara?"

He raised an eyebrow. "So you're not excited to see me?"

"I have news!" she protested. "And I can't tell it until everybody's here."

"Tara's still at class," he explained. "She said she'd be here as soon as she could, but that their lab was taking longer than expected."

Dawn frowned, more than a little concerned. "Then who's cooking?"

"Me."

Her eyes widened comically. "Are you sure that's safe?"

William glared at her. "You don't have to eat it if you don't want to," he finally said, his tone carefully even as he headed back into the kitchen.

Dawn sensed that she might have hurt his feelings. "Oh, come on, William. Tara's always the one who cooks when I'm here."

William was stirring something on the stove, and to Dawn's surprise, it smelled really good. "That doesn't mean that I'm completely incapable."

She frowned. "Okay, I don't think I implied that you're completely incapable. Trust me, if you lived with my sister, you'd know you have to be suspicious about unknown cooks." William didn't appear to be appeased, and Dawn began to get a little worried. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

"You didn't."

"You don't sound that convincing."

"I don't want to discuss this with you, Dawn!" William snapped.

"Discuss what?" Dawn snapped back. "We aren't discussing anything. You're just getting pissy over nothing."

He froze, the spoon he'd been using to taste the sauce stopping halfway to his mouth. After a moment, William finished his taste test and put the utensil in the sink. "I'm sorry."

Since William really did sound apologetic, Dawn didn't have a problem letting him off the hook, but she was confused. "You want to tell me what that was all about?"

"What do you know about your sister's feelings for me?"

Someone who didn't know William well probably would have thought that the question came from out of left field, but Dawn understood immediately. Buffy had been inquiring about William a lot recently, and Dawn knew that her sister had spent a lot of time trying to decide what to wear after her shift at work.

"I think she likes you," Dawn said bluntly. When his shoulders slumped, she raised her eyebrows. "You have a problem with that?"

"No, not really." William turned to face her. "Am I really that different, Dawn?"

She knew what he meant without him having to clarify. "No. I don't think so."

"Then why does she not see that?"

The question was a plaintive one, and Dawn didn't know how to respond. She got what he was saying. "I don't know," Dawn said. "Maybe she couldn't see past the fangs."

"How did you?" William asked. "You were never scared of me."

Dawn shrugged. "You never gave me a reason to be, and my sister is the Slayer."

William met her eyes. "How do I do this?"

It was weird to be handing out advice to someone older; weird, but oddly exhilarating, as Dawn realized that William was asking for good reason. He wanted to know what she thought.

No one asked for her advice. Ever.

"I guess you just be yourself, and then figure out the rest as it comes," she finally said. "Who knows? Maybe it'll work."

"Maybe."

Dawn couldn't help but notice that he didn't sound very certain of it.

~~~~~

Tara hurried home, wondering what she'd find when she got there. She had meant to be there earlier, to offer William a buffer if he needed it. Not that she thought that Buffy would hurt him, just that she knew how uncomfortable it could be to have dinner with an old flame.

Particularly when your past relationship had been that intense.

She was fairly sure that no one except for herself knew about Buffy's liaison with Spike. Tara wondered if it would make it easier on both of them if the others knew. If the complicated mess that their relationship had become was common knowledge, they both might feel a little better.

Tara knew that William felt as though Buffy was still ashamed of him. He was both Spike and not-Spike, and therefore to have Buffy refuse to really acknowledge what they'd been together was a blow of sorts.

There was no way that Tara could offer either of them advice, however; her own relationship with Willow was too screwed up for that. She just hoped that they figured out a way to be happy.

If there was one thing Tara knew for sure, it was that William wasn't truly happy.

What she found when she walked through the front door was a little surprising, although not disappointing. William, Buffy, and Dawn were all sitting down at the table, laughing. Buffy's face was a little flushed, and she kept stealing sidelong glances at William, who kept looking over at her in return.

"Sorry I'm late," she said, as everyone turned to look at her.

"That's okay," William replied. "We haven't started eating yet."

Buffy smiled ruefully. "No, Dawn's just been sharing my most embarrassing stories."

"You should tell one about William, Tara," Dawn urged.

William looked alarmed before Tara shook her head. "I don't really have any stories."

Dawn looked disappointed. "That's no fun."

William busied himself with pulling various dishes out of the oven. "Buffy could share a story about you," he suggested mildly. "I'm sure she has a few."

Buffy grinned, revenge in sight. "Oh, I so do. Remember that time when you were so sure that Santa had gotten stuck coming down the chimney?"

Dawn's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't."

William's grin matched Buffy's. "Do go on," he urged politely.

"Well, she—"

"Buffy!"

Buffy snickered. "I'll save it for another time," she promised, looking at William.

"I'll look forward to it."

There was a short silence while Tara and Dawn watched the other two silently, noticing the sparks. It wasn't hard to see that they were attracted to each other when every time their eyes met the rest of the world seemed to become extraneous to them.

Tara thought it no wonder her relationship with Spike had scared Buffy so much; her emotional state had not left her with enough energy to meet his intensity.

"What did you make for dinner?" Tara asked to break the silence that had fallen.

"Oh, just what we'd talked about," he replied. "Roasted chicken and vegetables."

It wasn't long before they were eating, the near-silence around the tiny kitchen table evidence enough of William's cooking abilities.

"This is really good," Dawn finally said through a mouthful of chicken.

Buffy nodded enthusiastically. "It really is."

William shrugged, looking bashful. "I learned everything I know from Tara."

"Maybe Tara ought to give lessons," Buffy joked. "Because there's no way I could make something like this."

Tara wanted to point out that it wasn't terribly difficult, but she thought that might undermine his success. William was nothing if not modest, however. "It's really not that hard," he said. "Anyone could have done it."

"Maybe you should teach Buffy, then," Dawn suggested, looking at William.

William shook his head. "I'm sure that Buffy wouldn't want to learn from me."

"Why not?" Buffy asked.

He glanced over at her, and Tara could see the surprise on his face. "You would?"

"Well, if you don't mind coming over sometime." Buffy wasn't quite meeting his eyes. "I think it would be fun."

There was another uncomfortable pause as everyone waited to find out what William had to say to that. "I'd like that."

Tara raised an eyebrow but said nothing, knowing how sensitive William could be. She also knew how dedicated he'd been to not giving Buffy another chance, but it appeared that something had changed his mind. She couldn't help but wonder if that was what had been missing from William that had always been present in Spike.

For almost as long as Tara had known him, Spike had been in love with Buffy, and that passion infused his entire being. The absence of passion had been noticeable.

Perhaps this was exactly what William had needed.

~~~~~

Xander entered the Magic Box, the bell over the door jangling cheerfully. He wondered if he'd finally be able to run into her. He'd been by at least twice since running into Tara and William, but Anya was never there when he was.

He couldn't tell if it was because she was avoiding him, or if it was simply coincidence.

"I'll be right with you!" Anya called from the back of the store.

Xander stayed silent, not wanting to let her know that he was the one waiting for her; he wasn't sure that she'd want to see him.

When Anya came out, a minute or two later, she stopped as soon as she saw him. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you," he replied. "Do you have a minute?"

"I'm a little busy today."

Xander glanced around the shop; he was the only other person in there, and it was hard to tell just what was causing Anya to be so busy. "It won't take long," he promised.

Anya turned back to him and crossed her arms. "Okay. Go."

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

Her expression didn't change. "You already told me that."

"I know," Xander said, "but this time I mean it. I was really angry at Spike for making that wish, but if it helped you, I'm glad he made it."

Anya's face softened considerably. "Thank you, Xander."

"How are you?" he asked, meaning the question. Xander wanted to know that she was doing okay; he was managing the pain well enough most days. The thought that made it bearable was that Anya was doing better.

"I'm doing well," she replied. Anya hesitated. "I talked to D'Hoffryn about cutting back on the vengeance. I'm going almost completely capitalist now, helping women get money from their ex-husbands. I've thought about making an exception for Dawn and Buffy so they can squeeze their dad for back child support. It's really very satisfying."

"Good," he said, taking a deep breath. Xander didn't like the idea of Anya being a vengeance demon, but he'd figured out that it wasn't his place to say anything. "That's pretty much it. I just wanted to see how you were and apologize."

"Okay." Anya stared at him, obviously unsure of how to react to his overture.

"I'll see you later," he said, turning to leave, glad that he'd done what little he could to bridge the gap between them.

The bell jangled again as he left, and Xander thought that it had never sounded quite that final before.

He really needed a drink.

~~~~~

William walked them both to the door, and Buffy wished that Dawn wasn't there so she could say something, set up a date, a time to see him. If Dawn wasn't standing right there, Buffy could suggest that he come over in the next couple of days to teach her a few things about cooking.

"I left something in the living room," Dawn suddenly announced. "I'll just go get it."

Buffy sometimes wondered if Dawn was psychic. "If you were really okay with teaching me how to cook, we could get together sometime."

"I'd like that," William admitted. "My schedule is flexible. When would you like to come over?"

"Why don't you come over to our house?" Buffy suggested. "Our kitchen is bigger."

William hesitated, then nodded. "Alright. What day?"

"Dawn has a date Friday night," Buffy said. "And I don't have to work. How does that sound? Around six?"

"That would be fine."

For a second, Buffy thought that he might kiss her, but then he pulled back as Dawn skipped up to them. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Are you sure you don't want me to give you a ride?" William asked.

Buffy shook her head. "I could use the walk. I ate way too much tonight." She met his eyes, such a bright blue. He really had the most beautiful eyes; a girl could get lost in them.

"Be careful."

"I'll see you Friday."

As they left, Dawn elbowed her in the side. "Was I smooth, or what?"

"Definitely 'or what,'" Buffy replied. "I thought he was going to kiss me!"

"No way," Dawn objected. "He's a slow mover."

Buffy shook her head. "He's not that different from Spike."

Dawn raised an eyebrow. "So, you're finally figuring that out?"

Buffy shrugged uncomfortably, then admitted, "That's one of the reasons that I'm attracted to him."

Dawn stared at her. "You liked Spike?"

Buffy decided that it might be time to tell Dawn the truth. "I slept with Spike."

"You what?!"

"I slept with Spike," Buffy said slowly. "But I broke things off before he made that wish."

"When did you break it off?" Dawn asked.

Buffy sighed. "After Riley came back."

"Why did you break up with him?" Dawn asked. "Did he do something to you?"

Buffy's smile was rueful. It was refreshing to have a sister who immediately assumed that the other party was the one who had made the mistake, but that had always been true of them. She and Dawn would fight like cats and dogs, but let an outsider threaten them, and they were as thick as thieves. "No, he didn't do anything. It was pretty much me. I didn't love him."

Dawn frowned. "But if you didn't love him then, and you said that William isn't that different... You shouldn't pretend to like him, Buffy. He's still kinda fragile, and he—"

"I like him, Dawn." Buffy sighed. "I don't know if there can ever be anything there, or if we even have enough in common to make a relationship work, but I like him. I liked Spike." She shook her head. "I just figured it out too late."

Dawn was silent for a long moment. "But now you've got a second chance."

"I hope so," Buffy replied. She really hoped so.