When It Don't Come Easy

Author: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-13

Archive: If you already have my stuff, if not please ask.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, and I'm certainly not making any money off them, more's the pity.

Summary: Going rapidly AU during the events of Entropy in BtVS S6, Spike makes a couple of wishes that will change everything. What is Buffy going to do when presented with a very different Spike—who doesn't feel quite the same way about her anymore?

A/N: This fic presupposes my short stories, The Lonely Hearts Club and The Way to a Poet's Heart. You don't have to have read those; just know that in this 'verse Spike and Tara have become pretty good friends.

Chapter 3: Meetings

"Never thought I'd be this way/Hung on every word you say/Scars that you gave to me/I earned all too eagerly...Every day is all the same/Take the pleasure with the pain/Things that you put me through/Never is enough for you...So I'll fly/Find another life/I know somewhere it's right/So why can't I forget you?/Cause down inside of you...is all of heaven and hell." ~Fuel, "Down Inside of You"

William stared at the image in the mirror before him; he didn't recognize that man. It had been over a century since he'd been the one wearing this skin.

No; that wasn't true, and he wasn't going to lie to himself. Spike was a part of him, just as he had been a part of Spike, even though the memories didn't quite feel like his own.

It was all there, of course. In his mind's eye, William could see everything that had happened since he had met Drusilla in that alley, even though the feelings weren't as vibrant as they had been for Spike. Perhaps it was simply that his senses were dulled in general, though he could still remember what it had been like to see more, hear more than the average person.

Now he was human—because he'd wished to be the sort of man Buffy would love.

Funny how he didn't love her anymore. He supposed that meant he'd gone through this for nothing.

A smile tugged at his lips as he remembered how Tara had roused him from his half-doze that morning to see the sunrise; so perhaps he hadn't made that wish for nothing, though he wasn't sure where he was going from here, or what his purpose was going to be.

William—or Spike, rather—hadn't wanted a new start, a new life. All he'd wanted was to get Buffy to admit that she felt something for him, or to get over her; either way, he'd have found some relief from the torment that loving the Slayer had brought. Instead, he'd gotten something else altogether.

"William?"

He heard Tara calling him, and left the tiny bathroom to greet her. "Hello. How were your classes?"

"Good," she said, her smile distracted. "Did you eat?"

William nodded. "I'm not incapable of taking care of myself, Tara."

"I know." She sighed. "I'm sorry. I just had an argument with Willow—or a disagreement."

"About what?" he asked, then realized that it was probably about him, judging from the expression on her face. "I see."

"It wasn't about you," Tara insisted. "It was more about the fact that she doesn't trust me."

William wasn't sure how to respond. "I don't want to be the cause of trouble between the two of you." He glanced around the small apartment. "I know that I can't stay here forever; I've been thinking about it today, but I'm not sure where I should go next."

"I can help you find something," Tara replied. "How much money do you have? Enough for an apartment?"

"I'm not sure," William replied, pulling out the wallet he'd found in his duster pocket—the wallet that hadn't been there before the previous night. "I found this in my coat. The last name is mine, but I don't recognize anything."

Tara took it from him, beginning to check through the contents. She raised an eyebrow at the amount of cash inside the billfold, then sat down as she began to look through the rest. There were two credit cards, a debit card, and a driver's license with William's picture; the address on the license, however, was hers.

"This is a little weird."

He gave her a wry smile. "That's one way of putting it." William watched as she studied the driver's license; the name was his own, but he was certain that Spike had told no one his full name. It must have had something to do with the wish that he made.

"Do you mind running by the bank tonight?" Tara asked. "You obviously have an account there, and it wouldn't hurt to check the balance. That way, we'll know what we have to work with."

"That sounds like a good idea," William replied, touching her on the shoulder. "Thank you for all your help."

The reason he knew that he didn't love Buffy was that he did love Tara; he wasn't in love with her, but he did care for her a great deal.

She squeezed his hand in reply. "You're welcome."

~~~~~

Dawn wandered aimlessly down the street. Buffy had given her money for dinner since they didn't have much in the way of food in the house, and the Slayer was busy with Willow trying to find some way of taking care of the nerds. Willow had been upset about something when she came back from campus earlier, and Buffy was still pissed off about the cameras. And apparently Xander was still miserable, and would be for a while, because Spike had made a wish.

When Buffy had told her what Spike had wished for, Dawn couldn't feel too sorry for Xander.

That left her at loose ends, however, and she had no idea what she was going to do with her evening, especially since it didn't seem like Buffy really wanted her around much at the moment. There were too many things to do on the Slayer-front to worry about a pesky little sister. At least, that's how Dawn felt that Buffy saw it.

She paused as she saw Spike and Tara come of out the bank together, frowning as she realized that his duster was nowhere to be seen, his hair wasn't slicked back, and his face was bruised, like he'd been fighting.

Oh, and it was also early evening, and the sun was still shining.

Dawn quickened her steps, stopping right in front of them. "Hey, guys. What's going on?"

Tara and Spike both froze, then looked at one another, their expressions sheepish. "We were just stopping by the bank to check on W—Spike's balance," Tara replied. "How are you, Dawn?"

Dawn wasn't going to be distracted that easily. Something was going on, and if she wasn't mistaken, Tara had nearly called Spike "William." No one called him that, and besides, vampires couldn't go out in the daylight. "I'm a little curious, actually."

Spike gave a sigh. "Perhaps we should go somewhere? We could get dinner, because I'm hungry, and I'm certain that Dawn must be."

Dawn raised an eyebrow; apparently it wasn't just Spike's susceptibility to the daylight that had changed. "I could eat." Something crazy was going on, but that wasn't new on the Hellmouth; Dawn was used to taking things like this in stride.

After all, her sister was the Slayer.

Tara hesitated. "I don't know. We could go back to my apartment, and I can fix something."

Spike shook his head firmly. "I'll take care of the meal. It's the least I can do."

Dawn's curiosity was sky-rocketing by that point; Spike sounded different, which put a slightly different complexion on Tara's near-use of his old name. "Me too?" she asked shamelessly. Dawn figured Spike owed her for not being around the last few months.

"Of course," he replied matter-of-factly. "Where would you like to go?"

Twenty minutes later they were seated at one of Dawn's favorite restaurants, the one her mom had taken her to for her last birthday. At least the one Dawn remembered Joyce taking her to. That memory was one planted by the monks; she hadn't been here since, so she wasn't sure if she'd enjoy it. Still, if Spike was buying, she was going to let him.

"Okay, what happened?" Dawn asked as soon as the waiter had taken their order.

She didn't miss the look that Spike gave Tara, or her nod of encouragement. "I made a wish," he admitted.

Dawn frowned. "Yeah, the one for Anya. Buffy told us about that, but I don't see how it would allow you to be out in the sunshine."

Spike hesitated, then swallowed visibly. "I made two wishes," he admitted. "I didn't know that the second one would be granted."

"What did you wish for?" Dawn asked.

There was a long silence, and he finally shook his head, giving Tara a pleading look. The woman sighed. "He wished he could be the sort of man Buffy would love, or that he wouldn't love her anymore. You know how literal vengeance demons can be sometimes."

Dawn's eyes widened. "You mean you're human?" she hissed, remembering to keep her voice down. When he nodded, she grinned. "But that's great!" He didn't reply, and her smile faltered. "Isn't it great?"

"It's fine, Dawn," he said. "It's just a bit of a change, and I haven't had time to get used to it yet."

Dawn's quick mind began to see the implications, and how far-reaching they might be. The crypt wouldn't work for him any longer, which meant he'd have to find somewhere else to stay; he'd probably have to get a job of some kind, and Dawn had no idea how well that would work out, given what she'd seen of Buffy's struggles in that area. And the bruises on his face were a reminder that he was no longer invulnerable, nor would he heal as quickly.

It was no wonder that Spike was looking less than thrilled.

Which reminded her... "So are you not Spike anymore?"

"It's difficult to explain," he replied. "I think I'd prefer it if you called me William, though."

Dawn nodded slowly. "Okay." She looked over at Tara. "So what are you going to do?"

"We were going to go apartment hunting tomorrow," Tara said. "It's a little late tonight, and I still have room on my couch."

"You've got enough money?" Dawn asked anxiously, wondering if this meant that Spike would have to work at the Doublemeat Palace, too.

Well, okay, if William would have to work there; it would definitely be interesting if he and Buffy had to work together.

"It appears that the, uh, person who did this to me restored my finances to what they were before I was killed," William replied, and the more he talked, the more Dawn could tell that he wasn't really Spike any longer.

Come to think of it, Dawn hadn't heard one curse word from him, and that in itself was unusual.

"So you were rich before?" Dawn asked.

"Not rich," he hedged. "But we were well enough off."

Dawn looked over at Tara to see if she couldn't get a more precise answer. "I think it's safe to say that William has enough to live comfortably for quite a while," was all that Tara would say.

"Have you told Buffy yet?" Dawn asked. "Because she's going to wig."

To say that Dawn was surprised at the expression that crossed William's face at the mention of Buffy's name would be to put it mildly. Spike had been in love with her sister for so long now that it was something Dawn had taken for granted, but William looked as though he'd just smelled something unpleasant.

"No, I haven't," he replied. "I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything, Dawn. I'd really rather not see your sister right now."

Dawn blinked. "Okay, if that's what you want."

"It is," he said firmly. William's eyes softened as he saw her uncertainty. "What has happened has not changed my feelings for you, Nibblet."

His use of her nickname was comforting, and Dawn smiled in reply. "I won't tell her," she promised.

Dawn suddenly realized that, while Buffy had forbidden her from hanging out with Spike—especially at his crypt—she could hang out with William without disobeying. "Can I go with you guys tomorrow?"

William gave her a warm smile. "I think I would like that very much."

~~~~~

Buffy took the directions that Willow gave her and headed for the nerds' lair, fully intending on kicking some ass. She was tired of their hijinks, tired of their stupid tricks and the continuing trouble. Every time she turned around, they were getting on her last nerve, and she was ready to end it.

She kicked in the basement door, not caring if they heard her coming. "All right. Let's make this quick."

There was no reply, and she marched down the stairs, ready for the confrontation. "Did you really think I wasn't going to find you guys? I mean, Slayer here." There was still no response, and Buffy didn't see any of them.

"Damn it," she muttered, looking around for any sign of where they might have gone. She tilted the whiteboard, thinking it might hold some clue, but all it said was, "Too late."

Buffy frowned. "That can't be good."

The saw blades came out of nowhere, and it was all Buffy could do to dodge them, while grabbing everything she could in the hope that Willow would be able to piece something together. In the end, all she managed to get were a few books and papers and some computer discs; she just hoped it would be enough to put Willow on the right track.

She spared a passing thought for Spike, thinking about the look on his face when she'd confronted him the other night. Her words had stung him; she'd been able to tell that from his expression.

At this point, Buffy wasn't sure what she felt for Spike. She thought that she hated him—but then again, there had been times when she had really enjoyed spending time with him. She didn't love him; of that she was certain. Buffy had no warm, fuzzy feelings for Spike; she didn't admire him or respect him, and she didn't trust him. Those were all things that you needed for a good relationship; therefore, they had no future.

Buffy couldn't really feel sorry for what she'd said; Spike did need to get over her, because nothing was ever going to come of his obsession for her. The Slayer and a soulless vampire? It would never work.

By the time she got back to her house, Buffy was hot and tired from the walk and carting around the box of stuff she'd rescued from the nerd's saws. "How did it go?"

"They ruined my jacket," Buffy huffed, dumping the box of stuff on the table and showing Willow the tear.

The redhead made a face. "Ouch. You're lucky all it got was the jacket. What happened?"

"Big saw blades," Buffy replied, making a face. "Don't ask. They got away again, though."

"We'll get them, Buffy," Willow assured her. "I'll get started on this right away."

"Thanks." Buffy sat down at the table, heaving a deep sigh. "I just want this over with."

"I don't blame you."

Willow's smile was nervous, rather than reassuring, and Buffy began to smell trouble. Again. "What's up?"

"Up?" Willow asked. "What do you mean?"

Buffy closed her eyes, unable to bear even the thought of having to deal with Willow backsliding, or anything else. She had quite enough on her plate at the moment, thank you very much. "Please don't lie to me."

Willow bit her lip, thinking of the promise that she'd made to Tara, and not wanting to break it. "Nothing, really. Tara and I just had a disagreement earlier."

Buffy gave her friend a searching look, then finally nodded. "Okay. As long as there isn't another emergency that I'm going to have to deal with."

"No emergency, I promise," Willow assured her.

"Where's Dawn?" Buffy asked.

Willow shrugged. "She said that she was going to spend the evening with Tara. I didn't think you'd mind."

Buffy shook her head. "No, I don't mind. I guess I'll go patrol tonight."

"And I'll work on this stuff," Willow promised. "Hopefully, I'll have something for you in a few hours, rather than a few days."

"The sooner, the better, Will," Buffy replied. "I want those guys off the street and out of my hair. I've got other things to worry about right now, and I don't need them causing any more trouble."

If Buffy hadn't missed the expression on Willow's face, she might have found out a little sooner that Spike could be taken off her list of worries.

~~~~~

"So what's it like?" Dawn asked quietly.

"It's different. I don't know how to explain it adequately; I don't have the words." William stared out into the darkness through the small window of Tara's apartment.

Dawn hesitated. "Are you still—" She broke off, not knowing how to ask.

"Spike?" he finished for her with a tilt of his head. William considered the question. "As much as Spike was always William, yes. Whatever that means."

Dawn was quiet for so long that William began to wonder if she was going to speak again. "Why haven't you come around lately?" she finally asked. "You were always there last—last summer, and then Buffy came back and it was like you forgot about me."

He heaved a sigh, knowing that she wasn't going to like his answer. "I suppose I did. I was—rather fixated on your sister."

Dawn pouted. "Everyone is fixated on Buffy," she grumbled. "It's always about her."

"Not always, Dawn," Tara corrected her gently, speaking for the first time. "You know Buffy and the others care about you." She glanced at William. "You told me that Buffy wouldn't let you see Dawn."

"When has that ever stopped Spike?" William asked pragmatically. "I'm not saying that it was right, Dawn, and I am sorry if it appeared that I—that Spike abandoned you. If it makes you feel any better, things have changed, and I would still like to be your friend, if you would forgive me."

He watched the emotions playing over her face: longing, unease, hope. "Really? You're not going to ditch me for Buffy again?"

William smiled, although the expression had more than a hint of bitterness to it. "I think it's safe to say that there's no possibility of that."

"You're not in love with her anymore?" Dawn asked, sounding rather incredulous.

William didn't blame her for her obvious doubt; given how obsessed Spike had been, the girl had probably considered it outside the realm of possibility that he would ever fall out of love.

He had a slightly different perspective on Buffy's treatment of the vampire, however, of her actions towards and use of him. She had told Spike that his feelings weren't truly real, and had encouraged him to get over her; well, William was over her, that was for certain.

She reminded him all too much of another woman who had broken his heart.

"No." William didn't see the need to go into detail with the girl; as far as he knew, Dawn didn't know that Spike and Buffy had been involved, and he wasn't going to be the one to tell her. "She suggested that I get over her; I have."

Dawn frowned. "But you still like me?"

"Of course. That hasn't changed," he assured her.

Dawn cast an anxious look at Tara, thinking that if Spike could fall out of love with Buffy, there was nothing stopping him from forgetting about her. "Does it have something to do with the wish?"

Tara frowned, meeting William's eyes. "I don't know."

"There are more reasons for it than that," William insisted. "Reasons I would rather not go into. Suffice it to say that even if the wish was the impetus for the change, I'm grateful that it freed me."

Dawn raised her eyebrows at that description, but seemed content to change the subject. "So what time should I meet you guys tomorrow?"

"How about you meet us here around noon?" Tara suggested. "Be sure to let Buffy know where you are."

Dawn shrugged. "Like she'll care anyway."

"She cares," William said quietly. "She's always cared about you, Dawn. When she doesn't care..." He trailed off. "I've seen it, and it looks entirely different."

No one knew quite what to say to that.