When It Don't Come Easy

Author: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-13

Archive: If you already have my stuff, if not please ask.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, and I'm certainly not making any money off them, more's the pity.

Summary: Going rapidly AU during the events of Entropy in BtVS S6, Spike makes a couple of wishes that will change everything. What is Buffy going to do when presented with a very different Spike—who doesn't feel quite the same way about her anymore?

A/N: This fic presupposes my short stories, The Lonely Hearts Club and The Way to a Poet's Heart. You don't have to have read those; just know that in this 'verse Spike and Tara have become pretty good friends.

Chapter 4: Love Lost

"The most tender place in my heart is for strangers/I know it's unkind but my own blood is much too dangerous/Hangin' round the ceiling half the time/Hangin' round the ceiling half the time/Compared to some I've been around/But I really tried so hard/That echo chorus lied to me with its/"Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on"/In the end I was the mean girl/Or somebody's in-between girl/Now it's the devil I love/And that's as funny as real love." ~Neko Case, "Hold On, Hold On"

Buffy froze, her limping steps coming to a complete halt. Spike and Tara stood on her front porch, talking with Dawn; she hadn't thought that Spike would dare come around again, not after their last conversation.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as soon as she got close enough, her tone deadly. She noticed the bruises on his face, but didn't give it much thought, dismissing it as a product of Spike's propensity for trouble.

Spike met her eyes, but she saw none of the emotion she was used to seeing. Buffy had seen him angry, seething with hatred, soft with—an emotion she couldn't afford to acknowledge; she had never seen him cold or disinterested. "I was walking Dawn home."

Buffy glanced at her sister, who had a strange expression on her face. "Dawn, I told you—"

"I was hanging out with Tara," Dawn said. "I didn't do anything you told me not to do, Buffy."

The Slayer decided that she was too tired and too sore to argue. "Fine." She managed a smile for Tara. "Hey, Tara."

Tara's eyes were troubled. "Hi, Buffy." She touched Spike on the arm. "We should probably go."

"Of course," he replied. "Good night, Dawn," he said warmly, then added in a completely different tone, "Buffy."

Buffy blinked, staring after the two of them as they left. "What was Tara doing with Spike?" she asked.

"They're friends," Dawn said. "Just like he's my friend."

"Dawn—"

"He didn't tell me anything, Buffy," Dawn said, cutting her off. "If that's what you're worried about. Besides, I was with Tara, and I was safe. I don't see what your problem is."

"Spike isn't a good influence on you!" Buffy exclaimed. "I don't want you hanging out with vampires!"

"Why?" Dawn asked. "Because I don't hang out with Slayers and witches all the time? I'm meeting Tara tomorrow; she said I could hang out with her since you're going to be going after the nerds."

Buffy swallowed. "Dawn, if Spike's going to be with her—"

"He's not." Dawn gave her a cold look, rather reminiscent of the one Spike had given her. "Daylight, remember? Vampires sleep during the day." With that parting shot, Dawn stalked into the house, and Buffy could hear her stomping all the way up the stairs.

Buffy sighed. "That went well," she muttered as she shook her head, thinking about what Dawn had said. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Dawn saw Spike, as long as she was with Tara as well; what Tara had been doing with Spike, however, Buffy couldn't say. As far as she knew, the two of them had had minimal contact, and yet they'd seemed close. Tara's touch on his arm had been casual, as though she touched him all the time.

And the way he'd looked at her—as though he felt nothing at all...

Buffy shoved the thought to the back of her mind. It didn't matter, because if Spike had managed to get over her somehow, it was what she'd wanted. The last thing Buffy needed right now was a lovesick vampire following her around all over the place.

What she did need was a hot bath, in the hopes of soaking out some of her aches and pains, and then she'd be ready for the next step in taking down the nerds.

She hoped.

~~~~~

"Are you okay?"

William turned from the kitchen sink where he'd been standing, his shoulders hunched. "I'm fine."

Tara frowned, her concern obvious. "William..."

"Bad dreams last night," he admitted. "They dissipate with the morning light, though."

Tara thought that his eyes still appeared haunted. "Dawn should be here soon."

He nodded. "I'm ready to go."

Tara smiled. "Do you want some lunch first?"

"I could eat," he replied.

Tara motioned for him to sit. "I'll get it."

After spending a day in his company, Tara was beginning to feel comfortable in his presence once again. William wasn't so different from Spike that it made her feel strange to be with him, not now that she'd begun to grow used to his more precise speech patterns and lack of swearing. And his tendency to drop the mask even more often than Spike had. Perhaps it helped that Spike had been so honest with her; she'd known what to expect, in a sense, knowing that he'd been a poet before, that he'd been a good man. While it was still strange to think about going apartment hunting with him, strangeness abounded on the Hellmouth, and Tara didn't mind giving him a helping hand.

She put a bowl of soup she'd reheated in front of him and then sat down with her own. "Do you want to talk about your dreams?"

"Not particularly," William said, giving her a wry look. "It's nothing that would be appropriate for a lady's ears, anyway."

Tara frowned, opening her mouth to tell him that she was perfectly capable of handling whatever he wanted to tell her, and then stopped, realizing that he was teasing her. She rolled her eyes in response. "I'm not a shrinking violet, William."

"I know." William began to eat. "Will you see Willow today?"

"I don't think so," Tara replied. "I thought—I thought that we were getting somewhere. I probably would have gone back to her the other night if you hadn't shown up."

William's expression was pained. "I'm sorry that I—"

"Don't be sorry," Tara said firmly. "It wouldn't have been a good idea. When I talked with her yesterday, she tried to tell me that I shouldn't be hanging out with you." She sighed. "I didn't leave Willow just because of the magic; it was because she was trying to control me. She was trying to do the same thing again yesterday, thinking that she knew better. Until she shows me that she's changed, I can't be with her."

"I'm sorry," William said quietly. "I know how much you love her."

Tara closed her eyes. "I do, but sometimes love isn't enough."

"No, sometimes it's not," William acknowledged.

The quick knock on the door announced Dawn's arrival. "Hey, guys," she called as she entered. "You'll never guess what happened last night."

"What happened?" Tara asked, indulging the girl.

"Buffy caught the nerds!" Dawn said, coming over to stand next to William. "Willow decoded their computer discs and found out that they were going to hit a cash drop at the amusement park last night, so Buffy went to meet them. Warren had these orbs that made him super-strong, but Buffy smashed them. And then Warren and Andrew tried to get away with jet packs, but Buffy knocked Warren out, and Andrew flew into an overhang and knocked himself out."

Tara smiled. "That's great news, Dawn." She gave the girl a stern look. "Does Buffy know that you're here?"

Dawn shrugged. "I told her I was going to hang out with you today." She gave William a triumphant look. "And I didn't tell Buffy about you."

"Thank you, Dawn," William replied. "I appreciate that."

She shrugged. "It's no big deal. I mean, she asked if Spike was going to be here, but I told her no. It wasn't really a lie."

"No, although she might not see it that way if she finds out," Tara responded. She looked over at William. "Buffy's going to have to find out at some point, William."

He grimaced. "Perhaps, but I'd rather put it off for as long as possible, if you don't mind." The expression on his face was mulish. "I don't see how it's any of her business."

Tara exchanged a look with Dawn. "Well, she is the Slayer," Tara pointed out pragmatically. "Knowing that you're not a vampire might be considered good news."

William shook his head stubbornly. "Buffy wants nothing to do with me. I'm content to let it be."

Dawn's eyes narrowed speculatively, but all she said was, "So where are we going first?"

~~~~~

Xander knocked on the front door, then entered. "Hello?"

"Hey, Xander," Willow called, coming to greet him. "What are you doing here?"

He gave her a crooked smile, his face still bruised from his run-in with Warren the night before. "Just checking in today to make sure Buffy was okay. I know she got pretty beat up last night."

Willow grimaced. "She left a little while ago. Between getting knocked around on patrol, and then getting knocked around by Warren, she wasn't in the best of moods this morning. Especially since she's fighting with Dawn right now."

"What's up with Dawn?" Xander asked.

Willow hesitated. She wasn't sure how much detail she should be going into, especially since much of Dawn's fight with Buffy was pretty much moot, even though Buffy didn't know it. If Tara didn't tell the Slayer—or if Spike didn't—Willow was going to have to break her promise soon. "She's spending time with Tara today, and Buffy's worried that Dawn's using it as a cover to spend time with Spike."

Xander frowned. "Dawn's spending time with Spike? That's not good."

"That's what Buffy thinks," Willow replied. "But she's with Tara, and it's the middle of the day, so it's not likely. How are you?" she asked, neatly changing the subject.

Xander grimaced. "I don't know, Will. I—I just hurt all the time. I tried—last night I was trying to drown my sorrows when I saw Warren and his gang, but it wasn't helping. I don't know if anything will help."

"It's just going to take time, Xander," Willow replied. "I know that's not what you want to hear, but—"

Xander scowled. "If Spike hadn't made that wish, I wouldn't be feeling this way."

Willow was a little alarmed by the tone of Xander's voice. If he saw Spike, Willow had no doubt that Xander would try to dust him, if only to make himself feel better.

Except that it would be very, very messy if he did. "You can't do anything to Spike," Willow insisted.

"Why not?" Xander demanded. "He's a vampire, Will. We should have dusted him a long time ago."

"You can't dust him," Willow said. "It wouldn't work."

Xander got a hurt expression on his face. "I can take him, Willow. He's got the chip, remember?"

Willow winced, deciding that keeping the now-human Spike alive was probably more important than keeping her promise to Tara. Although, all Tara had asked of her was not to tell Buffy. "Spike isn't a vampire," she blurted out.

Xander blinked. "What do you mean, he's not a vampire?"

"He's not a vampire," Willow repeated. "He's human. Spike made another wish, and he got turned into a human."

All the wind went out of Xander's sails with that information; maybe he could beat Spike up now that he was human, but it just wouldn't be the same as dusting a vampire. He certainly wouldn't get the same kind of satisfaction. "Does Buffy know?"

"Tara asked me not to tell her," Willow replied. "So you can't either."

Xander frowned. "But we don't know what Spike's like as a human. There's no guarantee that he's not evil."

Willow shook her head. "I don't think so, Xander. Not if Tara's hanging out with him."

Xander had to concede the point. Tara wasn't the sort to hang out with someone who was evil. "Okay, but I still want to punch him."

"Fair enough," Willow replied. "You want to get something to eat?"

He nodded. "Yeah, let's go."

~~~~~

Anya cleaned the glass on the front cabinet, humming cheerfully under her breath. She felt better than she had in—well, months at the very least. The last year had been a haze of getting engaged, hiding the fact that she was engaged, planning for a wedding, and then being left at the altar. There had been something that didn't feel quite right for almost a year, and now she felt—wonderful.

Light as a feather, free as a bird, and altogether great.

"I see someone's in a cheerful mood today," Halfrek said from behind her.

Anya turned to smile at her. "Hello, Hallie. What are you doing back in town?"

"I came to see how you were," she replied. "So you got someone to make the wish for you."

"Spike did," Anya said cheerfully. "It was a very thoughtful wish, too."

Hallie raised an eyebrow, highly amused at the state of affairs. "I'm sure it was. Spike does make thoughtful wishes."

Anya frowned, sensing that something was going on. "What did you do?"

"I granted his wish," Hallie said off-handedly. "He was so nice to you, I thought it was only fair that he got what he wanted."

Obviously the world hadn't ended, so Anya knew that whatever Spike's wish had been, it wasn't anything like Cordelia's. Even so... Her eyes widened as she remembered Spike's parting words from the other night. "What did you do to him?"

"He's human now, complete with a second chance at love," Hallie said. "You could see that the Slayer didn't appreciate him. I owed the both of them, so it was only fair."

"What was only fair?" Anya asked, and then realized what Hallie was referring to. "He's not in love with her anymore."

"She didn't want him," Hallie replied. "So now he doesn't want her." She smiled smugly. "He has money, looks, everything a girl could want. Maybe you should take him for a test run; if I remember correctly, William was very...passionate."

Anya raised an eyebrow. While Spike was certainly very handsome, and she would bet that he'd be quite good in bed, she wasn't so sure she wanted anyone even remotely connected to the Slayer. "I'll give it some thought," Anya said noncommittally, knowing that if she gave Hallie an unequivocal no, it would only egg the other vengeance demon on.

Besides, she was fairly certain that Hallie still wanted to get even with the Slayer for that little debacle at her birthday party. Even if Buffy wasn't in love with Spike, it would still sting if she knew that he was sleeping with someone else.

Anya couldn't count how many times she'd had women call vengeance down upon men they didn't love, simply because they couldn't stand the thought of anyone else having them.

"Suit yourself," Hallie replied, teleporting out of the Magic Box just as the bell over the door rang.

Anya's eyes widened when she saw who was standing in the doorway. "Giles. What are you doing here? Was I supposed to know you were coming?"

"No." Giles looked around the shop. "I—I was worried."

"About the shop?" Anya asked. "I know I've been gone, but it wasn't any longer than I was planning on being gone for my honeymoon."

"Yes, well..." He trailed off uncertainly. "I was worried about you, actually. When I spoke with Buffy the other day, she said that no one had heard from you, and I wasn't sure you were going to return after—well, after everything. I thought I'd better come see to the Magic Box in your absence."

Anya wasn't sure whether to be flattered or insulted that he thought she would abandon her duty. She might be a vengeance demon again, but she had no intentions of leaving the world of retail behind. After all, you never knew when someone would walk through the door, looking for a curse or a hex. Anya was good at multi-tasking.

"I'm not leaving the shop," she replied firmly. "I'm fine."

"You're looking well," Giles said. "When I heard, I wasn't sure that you would be okay, but you look—very well."

Anya blushed. "You can thank Spike for that."

"Spike?" Giles asked. "You and he..."

"He made a wish for me," Anya said, beaming. "He wished that Xander would feel my pain so I wouldn't have to. It's probably one of the best wishes I've heard in a long time. There's a great sense of justice, isn't there? Especially coming from a vampire. Well, I guess he's not a vampire any longer, but he was when he made the wish."

Giles was forced to sit down at the table in the center of the shop. "Perhaps you'd better start at the beginning," he suggested. He rubbed tired-looking eyes and muttered, "I knew I never should have left."

~~~~~

For the second time in as many days, Buffy spotted Spike in a place she didn't expect to see him. This time, however, instead of it being on her porch after dark, he was exiting an office on Main Street in the middle of the afternoon, Tara and Dawn at his side.

And he was standing in the full sunlight—without flinching, or smoking, or bursting into flames.

Buffy hadn't thought it was possible, but Spike was even hotter in the daylight.

She could tell when he'd spotted her, because the expression on his face changed dramatically from good humor to dread. That was something of a change; Buffy didn't know whether to be thankful or hurt.

"Hi, guys," she said, her voice carefully neutral. "What are you up to?" Buffy was looking at Dawn when she asked, not at all happy that her sister had apparently hidden this new state of affairs from her.

"We're helping William with his apartment hunt," Dawn replied, her chin tilting up obstinately.

Buffy stared at him. "So it's William now, huh?"

"Buffy," Tara began. "Maybe we should find a place to sit and talk."

"Why?" Spike asked. "Buffy is an intelligent woman. I think she can see for herself what has occurred."

Buffy took a step backwards. "There are still a few blank spots," she said, her voice even, although she had to fight to keep it that way.

She wasn't quite sure why it hurt so badly to see that much disdain in Spike's eyes.

"I made a wish—for you," Spike said, his voice cold. "Now I'm human, and you got what you wanted."

"What I wanted?" Buffy echoed. She wasn't sure what he meant, since she was positive that she hadn't wanted Spike to be human. The thought hadn't even crossed her mind, since it was impossible.

"You wanted me to get over you," he replied. "You said to find a way to move past what I felt, so I did. I hope it's a relief for you, Buffy."

He stalked off down the street, and Tara shot her an apologetic look before she hurried to catch up, laying a restraining hand on his arm. Buffy watched as he touched her hand, giving it a squeeze.

"I have to go," Dawn said. "I promised I'd give him my opinion about this next apartment we're looking at."

"You knew," Buffy accused.

"He didn't want you to know, Buffy," Dawn replied. "I wasn't going to break my promise." She looked down the street at the rapidly receding figures. "I have to go," she repeated. "I'll see you later tonight. Tara and William will walk me home!" she called over her shoulder.

Buffy watched as Dawn ran to catch up, looping her arm through Spike's. Her sister said something that made him laugh, and Buffy realized that she hadn't heard him laugh in a very long time.

Ending things with Spike had been the right thing to do, of that Buffy was certain, but she felt as though she'd just had the rug pulled out from under her feet. She still didn't understand what exactly had happened, but more than that, she realized that every barrier to a relationship with Spike had just been removed in one fell swoop.

Except that now he didn't want to be with her.

Buffy gave a bitter little laugh. Her life was just full of irony.