By enigmaticblue <enigmaticblue@yahoo.com>

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Don't sue.

Spoilers: I suppose through BtVS S5, but I'm doing some rearranging.

Summary: This is a sequel to "The Great Advantage of Being Alive." If you haven't read it, this one really won't make any sense. In any case, Spike's trying to find out what it means to be a man, and to fight at Buffy's side. Buffy's struggling with what it means to be the Slayer. Dawn wants to know if she's real, and Glory just really wants her Key back.

Feedback: Yes, please.

Archiving: The Sandlot, The Crypt, and anywhere else that already has my stuff.Otherwise, ask and it shall be given to you.

A/N: The title comes from a Pablo Neruda poem. The line actually goes "all the graces of the daybreak" but I liked my pun.
 

Chapter 1: Visiting Relations
 

"The moon blind-sided the sky again/As we grabbed loose ends of the tide and then/The slippery slide/You know I can't say when/I ever took a ride that could slap me this silly/ With roiling joy/Lazy as sin/Lyin' up in heaven with my special friend/And the space he's in/It can make a girl grin/In the beginning of a lifelong fling...I wrote myself a riddle/I said, What I wouldn't do/To give something good/To a love like you..." ~Over the Rhine, "Lifelong Fling"
 

The clash of steel on steel could be heard ringing out over the Summers' backyard for at least two houses down. Joyce had already decided on the story she would tell her neighbors: her friends were practicing for a Renaissance festival. Of course, the occupants of the surrounding homes had long since grown used to odd goings-on at 1630 Revello Drive. Two men sparring with swords in the backyard was hardly something to take much notice of.

Both Spike and Giles were dressed only in jeans and shirt-sleeves, trusting to skill to keep them both out of harms' way. As Giles had explained, it was much too hot outside to use pads, since they would both be risking heatstroke.

They had been going all out for the last thirty minutes, the first hour having been spent practicing defenses and lunges. Now the swords were a blur of movement, the mens' feet dancing patterns around each other. The backs of their shirts were soaked in sweat, and Joyce could see it running down their faces. Giles wore a look of intense concentration to match Spike's almost manic grin. It was parry-parry-thrust, and then, the movement too quick for Joyce's novice eye to catch, Spike executed a maneuver that sent Giles' sword flying across the yard to land in the grass several feet away.

"Do you yield?" Spike asked with a broad grin.

Giles gave the sword pointed playfully at his throat a sour look. "Of course I yield, you tosser. We're not in a duel to the death."

Spike pulled the sword away, his grin unwavering. "You're getting slow, old man. Should have been able to catch that one."

Giles raised an eyebrow. "My sword being on the lawn has nothing to do with my speed, or lack thereof. You're getting to be quite the swordsman, William."

Joyce was always amused at Spike's reaction to a genuine compliment. He usually ducked his head as the tips of his ears turned pink. Shrugging, Spike did exactly that, pulling up his shirt to wipe some of the sweat off his forehead. "Had a good teacher," he mumbled, heading over to collapse at Joyce's feet on the back steps.

"Thanks, Joyce," he said as she handed him a glass of iced tea. Giles echoed his thanks a moment later as he joined them.

"That was a well-executed move, Spike," Giles said. "Where did you pick it up? It's not one I've shown you."

Spike shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time," he explained. "Don't like to get too caught up in the drills, you know. Can't surprise your opponent that way."

Giles smiled. "I suppose that might be true. For someone who doesn't like orthodoxy, you're remarkably good at it, however."

"Had some practice once upon a time," was Spike's only reply. He finished off his glass, standing to give Joyce a peck on the cheek. "Mind if I shower? Buffy's supposed to be back any minute now."

"Feel free," Joyce replied with a smile. "Are you two going out tonight?"

"Big good-bye thing before 'm out of town for a night," Spike said with a smile. "She's none too happy with me leavin'."

"It's only for one night," Giles said with a frown. "Surely she can live without you for that long."

Spike shrugged. "I think it was because we were s'posed to go to the beach, 'fore school starts for her. Had to postpone it for this trip, and you know how much the Slayer loves to wait."

With that, the ex-vampire disappeared indoors, and the older couple could hear him whistling his way through the house. "Sometimes he has more energy than two people," Giles remarked, though without rancor. He'd had real reason to be grateful for Spike's vigor over the course of the summer. Buffy still hadn't shown much interest in getting back into training, although he knew Spike had encouraged her in that direction. Spike, on the other hand, had thrown himself into sparring with all the energy he'd harnessed to his advantage as a vampire. Giles had a theory that there was a bigger reason behind it than Spike's desire to be of use on the Hellmouth. But the other man hadn't opened up to him, and Giles hadn't pressed.

Giles thought he probably would have been giving serious thought to going back to England at this point if it weren't for Spike and Joyce. He still felt a measure of responsibility for the ex-vampire, and hadn't yet figured out where that began and ended. Spike's desire for his company and knowledge helped to keep Giles more content than he otherwise might have been.

He and Joyce had found themselves in an amiable relationship. It wasn't what anyone might call a dating relationship, but Giles had found that they had a great deal more in common than he might have ever expected. Not only had his fondness for the older Summers grown, but also his respect. If he'd believed his duty as Buffy's Watcher could be trying, he hated having to think of what Joyce must go through every time danger was around the corner.

They'd been out for dinner a few times, had had a number of casual cups of tea, and many more pleasant conversations. If more than that was on the way, Giles didn't know, even if he was eager to find out.

"Have you noticed anything off about Spike recently?" Joyce asked, pulling Giles out of his thoughts.

Giles leaned back slightly against the railing to better see her. "Off? I don't think so. Why?"

She shook her head. "I'm not sure, to be honest. He just seems a little more distant recently. I don't think it's anything serious, but I was wondering if he had said anything to you."

"I would think it would be you or Buffy he would talk to first," Giles pointed out. "Not that Spike doesn't talk to me, but I know he confides in you."

Joyce nodded slowly. "Perhaps. He might say something to me after a while." Her pensive mood dissipating, she gave Giles a smile that was nothing short of sexy. "You know, if Spike and Buffy are going to be gone, I think I might want to stay in this evening."

Giles smiled in return. "That sounds perfect."

~~~~~

Spike stepped out of the bathroom to find Buffy waiting for him in the hallway. "Mom said you had a nice training session this afternoon."

"Went alright," he agreed, leaning down to give her a kiss. What had been a casual greeting peck soon changed into a rather heated make-out session, interrupted by Joyce's voice. "Are you two staying here for dinner?"

"No, Mom," Buffy called down the stairs. "We're on our way out as soon as I get changed."

"Are you going to be coming back tonight?"

Buffy smiled as Spike winced at the question. While her mom operated under a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, Joyce knew they were sleeping together. And Spike knew that she knew, which made him uncomfortable in moments like this when it became that much more obvious. "No, Mom," she replied. "I'm going to see him off in the morning."

Spike leaned in close. "I'm only goin' to be gone for one night, pet," he reminded her. "'s not like you're never gonna see me again."

Buffy frowned. "Yeah, but one night this time could turn into a whole week if Mom starts wanting you to go on these buying trips a lot. Up till now, she was the one who was doing this kind of thing."

"You know I'll always come back to you, luv," Spike replied, slightly confused by Buffy's words. He thought that they were both independent enough that time apart shouldn't have caused her worry.

Buffy shook her head. "I don't want to talk about this here," she said, shooting a meaningful glance down the stairs. "Can we put it on hold?"

"Yeah, sure," he said, trying to sound as though he hadn't a care in the world. "Why don't you get dressed and we'll go get a bite?"

~~~~~

The summer had been one of nearly complete relaxation for everyone. Adam's failed plan meant that most of the demons in Sunnydale—the ones to worry about, anyway—had been down in the Initiative at the end. With the demon and vampire populations much depleted, Buffy had a chance to get caught up on her beach-going activities, hang out with her friends, and spend as much time as possible with Spike. Granted, Spike was often busy being responsible-guy with a job and training, but he made time for her.

Buffy smiled, thinking of some of those times. What they might have missed out on in quantity, he certainly made up for in quality.

The summer hadn't been completely tame, however. Buffy had begun to feel the pull of something primal, something that had been unleashed when they'd invoked the power of the First Slayer. She knew Spike had noticed, since she'd snuck out to go hunting several times while spending the night at his place, and each time upon her return he'd cracked an eyelid and pulled her close to him again. But he hadn't said anything about it, which surprised Buffy.

She was also a little worried about Spike. Buffy had surprised him staring off into space a number of times, so deep in thought that he didn't even realize she was there. His obvious distraction had gotten worse as the summer went on, and she couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't getting tired of living in Sunnydale. Buffy knew that he had traveled the globe for decades, never staying in one place very long. What if he was getting tired of being here? And what if this trip turned into multiple trips, which whetted his appetite for bigger and better things than he could find in Sunnydale? He couldn't define himself as a vampire out to kill the Slayer any longer. What could she hope to offer him here, other than herself?

"Were you not hungry tonight, luv?" Spike asked, as they walked back to his place from the restaurant. "You didn't eat much. Want to tell me what's on your mind?"

Buffy hesitated. "It's just—I don't know."

Worry, mixed with anger, flashed across Spike's face. "'s okay, Buffy. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, it's not okay, and I want to tell you," she replied. Buffy looked down the street, reminding herself to be alert. It might have been a fairly quiet summer, but it didn't pay to be caught off-guard. "I need to talk to you about why I've been sneaking out lately."

Spike braced himself. "Okay."

"I've been getting this urge—I don't know, it's like this part of me has been awakened, after we did that spell calling on the First Slayer." Buffy reached over and grabbed one of Spike's hands. "At night—I've been hunting. And it's strong, Spike. I wasn't sure what to tell anyone, but I figured you'd understand, if anyone would."

Relief hit him like a freight train. Buffy wasn't breaking up with him, she was just feeling the pull of her Slayer blood. When he didn't say anything right away, too relieved to know what to say, Buffy forged ahead. "I don't know what it says about me, Spike. I don't know what it means to really be the Slayer. I've been trying for so long just to be Buffy, trying to make the Slayer thing a side-gig, but I don't think it's an option anymore."

"What do you want to do about it?" Spike asked gently.

Buffy shrugged. "I think I'm going to ask Giles to start training me again. I want to learn more about the Slayers that have come before me, what makes us who we are. I just—I wanted you to know. You've seemed kind of—I don't know, distant lately."

Spike sighed, releasing Buffy's hand to put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close. "Dunno, luv. 's nothin' to do with you, really. 'm just thinkin' about the future, an' it's not real clear."

She frowned. "Not clear? Are you thinking you might want to leave Sunnydale?" she asked, her own fears coloring her tone.

"Not unless you're goin' with me," he reassured her quickly. "But Buffy, 'm not sure I want to work in the art gallery for the rest of my life. I like it, like workin' with your mum, but I've just been tryin' to figure out what it means to be alive again. Now, seems like there's more to it than that."

"Welcome to my world," Buffy said dryly. "Everybody keeps asking me what I'm going to major in, but I'm having trouble just figuring out what classes I want to take."

"Thought you'd signed up for those," Spike replied, pulling out his keys as they approached his apartment.

Buffy nodded. "I did. I mean, I'm all signed up, but it's just general stuff right now. Sooner or later, I'll start running out of those kinds of classes, and then I'll have to pick something." She smiled. "So what do you want to be when you grow up, William?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, luv. Doin' something else probably means goin' back to school, an' I'm not sure I want to do that. On the other hand, whatever degree I had is probably obsolete at this point. Don't have much in the way of skills." Spike followed her into his living room, running a hand through his hair.

"Don't say that," Buffy said, reaching for him playfully. "You have lots of—skills."

Spike wasn't quite ready to play. "Slayer, you know that's not what I mean." He turned away in frustration. Being a vampire had been a lot like being an adolescent. For over a hundred years, he hadn't needed to have a direction. Adulthood stretched out in front of him now, years of doing something with his life. He was going to age, and he had to think about things like retirement, and how he would take care of a family—if he ever convinced Buffy to marry him.

Buffy took a step back, watching Spike thoughtfully. "Spike, this isn't about me being the Slayer and you not being a vampire anymore, is it?"

"No, luv, this is about me bein' a man," Spike said sincerely. "Don't mind if you're stronger." He hesitated, not wanting to bring up bad memories for either of them. "Dru was always stronger than me, except for after Prague. I like strength in a woman."

"Then why don't you give it some time, sweetheart?" she asked, coming closer again. "You haven't even been human for a year yet. You work hard. Isn't that enough for now?" Close enough to touch now, Buffy put a hand on his chest. "If you're worried about it, talk to Giles, see what he has to say. But don't even think that you're useless, not when you've done so much."

Spike let himself be reassured by her words, and her hands. Bending slightly to kiss her, he pulled her shirt up, running his hands over bare skin. It was all the encouragement Buffy needed to do the same thing. "Need you," she whispered, when they both finally came up for air. "Stay with me."

"Always," he replied. "Remember? I love you."

"I thought you might want to leave me," she said, drawing in a quick breath as he trailed kisses down her neck, nibbling at a particularly tender spot. "You might get bored..."

"With you? Never," Spike replied.

His mouth got busy again, and Buffy breathed out, "I love you."

They left a trail of clothing from his living room to the bedroom in their haste, Spike's clever hands working as quickly as hers to remove all impedimenta. Sex had never been a problem with them. Actually, the physical had never been a problem. Whether it was fighting or making love, they seemed to sense the other's needs and moods before anything was said.

Skin slid across skin and hands tangled in hair and sheets, as they created anew their union. In that moment, Spike felt like a god among men, and he worshipped Buffy with everything he was. Anxiety about the future disappeared, as did the past. There was nothing but the moment, the rhythm and the dance.

When it was over, Buffy lay exhausted agaist Spike's bare chest. "I really do love you, you know. Just you, as you are."

Spike stroked her hair. "An' I love you. Buffy-you, an' Slayer-you."

It was all either of them needed.

~~~~~

Spike's ride to L.A. was uneventful, as was his meeting with the client. It was late before the deal was completed to both their satisfaction, and Spike gratefully accepted the other man's invitation to dinner. "It's been nice working with you, William," Brad Koerner said. "I like Joyce quite a bit, but you've got an eye for this business as well."

Spike glanced off to the side, feeling a little embarrassed by the compliment. "Thanks, mate. Mostly, I just fell into it. Joyce offered me a job when I was a bit hard up, an' it worked itself out."

"Well, I'll call that a bit of luck," Brad agreed. He leaned back in his chair. "How long have you known Joyce?"

Spike shrugged again, taking another bite of the excellent steak that Brad had ordered for the both of them. "Few years now. She's like family to me."

"Joyce definitely has a presence. She's a real lady," Brad said. "You know, if you ever decide you want to change careers, do something a little different, give me a call." He produced a business card from the breast pocket of his suit. "I could always use a man with your talents, William."

Spike looked bemused. "Not sure what you think those are," he replied. "But thanks for the offer."

Brad raised an eyebrow. "You've got a good head, which is more than I can say for a lot of people out there. In any case, I appreciate all the work you've done for me. If you're in L.A. again, be sure to look me up."

"Sure thing," Spike replied, pocketing the card. He frowned, struck with an idea. There was someone else he wouldn't mind looking up while he was in L.A.

~~~~~

Buffy fingered the scarf at her neck and thought of Dracula. Every once in a while, the idea of a platinum blonde ex-vampire would intrude, but the thrall had her dismissing her memories like pesky flies. No one had noticed her attempts to hide a bite mark yet.

There was some small part of Buffy's mind that knew that Spike would have noticed. Spike would have seen the scarf and known immediately what it was for.

Spike was in L.A., though, and the other part of Buffy was grateful for it.

She listened half-heartedly as the rest of the gang discussed how they were going to find Dracula, not even noticing Xander's peculiar behavior, or the odd way he was speaking about the "Master" vampire. Buffy tuned back in briefly as Giles addressed her specifically. "Buffy?"

Thinking about the snatches she'd managed to hear, she nodded. "Oh, yeah. I'll check the swanky places first."

Giles gave her a concerned look. "Buffy? Are you okay? I know that you were distressed over Spike being gone, but he should be back tonight sometime."

"Spike?" Buffy asked, as though she didn't even remember the name. "Oh, no, Giles. I know. It's not a big deal."

"Well, I hope your good-bye orgasms were worth more enthusiasm than that," Anya said bluntly. "Because that's the only good thing about saying good-bye."

Anya's words caused all eyes to turn toward her and then away again as they collectively decided to ignore her. "Well, Dracula isn't like other vamps," Willow explained. "He has all these cool powers, like being able to appear in dreams, and changing his shape. More importantly, he wants to feel a connection to his victims, and he has all these mental powers to draw them in."

Buffy frowned, thinking of her dream. Well, probably not a dream, since she had the bite on her neck, but it hadn't really felt real. Plus, she was still alive. Giles seemed to pick up on her thoughts, at least partially. "In any case, the end result is the same, whatever the differences in styles," he pointed out. "He turns his victims."

The words didn't register as strongly with Buffy as they probably should have. Turn her? Would that be so bad? To live forever, to never worry about growing up or growing old... Again, she didn't quite catch Xander's odd phrasing about the offer of immortality. He was being all too enthusiastic about the idea of exchanging blood.

Tara was watching Buffy from her seat next to Willow. Something felt off about this whole thing. Willow's enthusiasm over the legendary Dracula could be explained away by her intense curiosity, but both Xander and Buffy were acting oddly. The blonde witch watched as Buffy's fingers ran over the scarf again, and she noticed that it coincided with Giles' mention of Dracula's name.

"Buffy?" Tara said, timidly addressing the Slayer. Her voice caught the attention of the others, and silence fell over the room. She blushed and stammered a bit. "Um, is there something wrong? With your neck?"

Buffy's response was a frown, and she quickly rose from the couch. "No. I'm fine. I just felt like wearing a scarf today, that's all." The Slayer shrugged her shoulders, as if to cast off Tara's questions. "I should go start checking out those spots."

Something in Buffy's tone caught at Giles' attention as well, and he also stood. "Buffy, why are you wearing a scarf?"

"Because it goes with the outfit!" she snapped, sounding more overwrought than the situation would seem to demand. Her fingers were nervous on the bit of cloth, however, and Giles stepped forward, quickly pulling it away.

The twin puncture marks were visible immediately, and Giles eyed her sternly. "Why were you trying to hide that, Buffy?"

"I don't know..." As the Slayer explained about the voice in her head, she continued to feel the pull. It wasn't over yet, the voice seemed to whisper. And it could only end one way.

~~~~~

Spike stood outside the Art Deco style apartment building with some trepidation. He'd called Willow on a whim the previous night, knowing that she kept in closer touch with the L.A. gang than Buffy or any of the others did. The ex-vampire had the sense it was Willow's rather forgiving nature, more than any real sense of friendship, that had led her to stay in touch with Cordelia. He wasn't certain that Buffy knew that Angel's office had been destroyed, and that the vampire was making his headquarters at the Cheerleader's place for the time being.

Actually, he hadn't cared to ask Buffy. Telling his girlfriend that he was going to see her ex to discuss personal issues didn't seem like the wisest course of action. Not that he thought she would mind him talking to Angel, but still. He didn't want her to know. This was personal. More personal than he wanted to share with anyone.

Which was why he was going to Angel.

Spike let out a frustrated sigh, shoving the scribbled address back into his pocket. This was ridiculous. He would go in there, say hello, and then leave. He could even tell them that the rest of the gang sent greetings. It wasn't so odd that he'd look up old acquaintances while he was in town.

Spike knocked on the door, smiling admiringly when Cordelia answered. "Hello, Cordelia."

Her eyes widened. "Spike! I thought you learned your lesson last time you were here."

"I did," Spike replied with a little grin, realizing that she didn't know he was human. "You want to invite me in? And you look lovely by the way."

She glared. "Thanks, and hell, no. I'm not inviting a vampire into my house so you can rip my throat out. In fact, when Angel sees you, he's going to—"

"Probably say hello," Angel rumbled from behind her. "Hey, Spike."

"Angel," Spike replied casually. With as much finesse as possible, he pushed slightly past Cordelia, demonstrating that he could come across the threshold without an invitation. "May I come in?"

She stood aside for him then, raising an eyebrow at his easy entrance and slight tan, then turned her glare on Angel. "You knew Spike was human! You couldn't have told me?"

"Didn't seem important," Angel said, knowing he was getting a rise out of her, and enjoying it. "Is everything okay?"

Spike nodded, knowing what Angel was really asking. "Buffy's fine. I was in town, runnin' an errand for Joyce. Thought I'd drop in."

Angel nodded, eyeing him solemnly. "You want to talk?"

"Somewhere private?"

Angel looked over at Cordelia, who sighed. "Not a big apartment, Angel. Use my bedroom."

The vampire jerked his head at Spike and headed back towards her room, while Spike took a moment to take in the place. It was a lot nicer and definitely roomier than his flat, and he nodded appreciatively. "Nice place you got here, pet."

"Rent control," she explained briefly. "It has a ghost."

Spike nodded. "Ghosts can be useful."

"His name is Dennis," she replied, beginning to warm up to this human-Spike. Of course, the vampire-Spike had been the first to notice she'd lost weight. He'd always been observant.

"H'lo, Dennis," Spike said, then went to follow Angel back to the bedroom.

Angel stood away from the window, where the light wouldn't reach him. "You didn't come see me just because you were in the neighborhood."

"No," Spike agreed. "I just—" He stopped, unsure of how to put his thoughts into words.

"Soul bothering you?"

Spike wouldn't have answered, save for the hint of compassion threading through the words. "Some days." He wasn't going to go into how many days the guilt threatened to overwhelm him. It was worst in the mornings, right after he woke up. Once he got himself up and going, and distracted with all the regular challenges of life, he was fine. And if Buffy was there, it made things better. That wasn't the issue at present, however.
 

"Not about the soul, exactly," Spike said slowly. "When we saw you, this spring, the look on your face told me you knew somethin' 'bout the demon-blood."

Angel watched the other man warily. "I do. I did."

"Personally?"

"Something like that." Angel heaved a sigh. "You won't tell Buffy?" When Spike nodded, the vampire slowly told him what had happened, right down to the rewinding of the day. Angel finished and gave Spike a curious look. "Is that why you're here today?"

Spike shrugged. "Somethin' like that. I thought you might understand, but I guess you didn't have much time to give thought to the future. It's just that I have one now, you know?"

Angel did know. It was part of the reason he'd chosen to go back, to ask the Powers to change things. As a human, he couldn't have the future he wanted, do the things he wanted to do. Angel had thought it was because he couldn't search for redemption when he was so fragile. In reality, it was because searching for redemption as a human frightened him. He would never say it, but he hadn't wanted to give up being a vampire, not until he knew he'd earned his humanity as a reward, not as a fluke.

"I know." Angel suddenly put out a hand, squeezing the smaller man's shoulder with a firm grip. "You haven't been alive for that long, Spike. Give it some time." What he couldn't say was that Spike was perhaps the braver man.

"That's what Buffy said," Spike replied with a wry smile.

Angel returned the smile. "She's right sometimes."

"Lot of the time." Spike turned towards the door. "Speakin' of, I should be getting back to Sunnydale. Got to make sure everythin's runnin' smoothly."

"Spike?" He waited until Spike turned to face him again. "If you need something, you know where to find me."

Spike lifted an eyebrow and nodded. "Yeah. Same goes."

Angel walked his old companion to the door and watched him go. "Was that William the Bloody?" Wesley asked from behind him, having caught a brief glimpse.

"Yeah."

"And he's human?" Wesley persisted.

"That's right."

Cordelia spoke up. "And he's dating Buffy?"

"For a while now."

Cordy shook her head in sympathy. "In other words, Spike got everything you ever wanted."

Angel thought for a moment, remembering the lines on the man's face, the haunted look in his eyes. He thought about what it would mean to be human again, to try and live in the world he'd long left behind. "No, not everything," he replied, not elaborating. "Not everything."