The Lonely Hearts Club

Author: enigmaticblue

Rating: G

Disclaimer: I don't own them. On the other hand, Joss gave the fans permission to write fanfic. So don't sue.

Archive: Anywhere that already has my stuff. Anywhere else, just ask.

Summary: Valentine's Day Spike/Tara friendship set right smack dab in the middle of S6.

A/N: I know they played Older and Far Away right before Valentine's, but Buffy's birthday is supposed to be in January, I believe. Therefore, this little ficlet takes place after OAFA, but something like a month later, and before As You Were.

Tara had never had strong feelings about Valentine's Day one way or another, at least not before she'd started dating Willow. It seemed to her a largely artificial holiday, and she had other days of the year that were more meaningful. Yule, for one, and Samhain—not to mention Imbolc, if you wanted to talk about celebrations during the month of February.

That was before she'd started dating Willow, however. Now, the sight of red and pink, the flowers and hearts, the sighs and giggles—all served to remind her that her girlfriend would be quite happy to take her back, and that she wasn't ready for it.

Perhaps if Willow hadn't kept the magic supplies in the house Tara would have felt differently. While Willow was obviously doing much better, she wasn't home free. There was still the issue of trust. Tara didn't quite trust Willow anymore, and she wasn't certain that trust could be regained any time soon. At least not until the redhead demonstrated that she was giving up the magic because she wanted to, and not solely because she wanted back into Tara's good graces.

Tara idly wondered what Buffy was making of Valentine's Day, and if she and Spike had reached any kind of understanding. She felt a bit bad about teasing Spike at Buffy's birthday party. Unlike the others, Tara had no doubt that the vampire was in love with the Slayer. Even though the argument was that a demon could not love without a soul, she had spent an entire summer watching him, seeing his kindness to Dawn and his genuine grief.

Spike had always reminded her of one of those big cats at the zoo, the tigers and panthers that paced their cages, obviously unhappy with their fates. It had always seemed rather sad that they were trapped, when they belonged in the wild. They should have belonged to themselves and no one else.

The big cats had always fascinated her—ever since she'd visited the zoo at a very early age on a school trip. She had met the eyes of a tiger and then had a dream the same night. She had dreamed of running with them, of being as wild and free and strong as they were. Of taming them with a spoken word and a gentle hand, of being protected.

She'd had precious little protection.

As time went by, and her father tightened his fist, Tara had forgotten her dream except in the moments between sleep and waking, when she remembered what it was like to be completely happy, right down to her bones.

It was, perhaps, telling that the dream had returned after she'd broken things off with Willow. Her freedom had come at a high price, but Tara didn't regret her decision. Because Glory had stripped her of everything that she was; to have Willow attempt to create a hole in her mind, to take her ability to choose and make her own decisions, it was a betrayal of the worst sort.

But that didn't mean Tara didn't miss her, especially when everyone around her seemed intent on speaking of love and romance.

Even if she'd just had a good friend to spend the day with, it might have been nice, but there was no one. Her friends had been Willow's friend. In the end, Tara couldn't help but think that Buffy never would have told her about her relationship with Spike if they'd been closer. The Slayer had needed that distance to be able to reveal her relationship with the vampire.

So now Tara wondered how Buffy was handling the inevitable connotations of Valentine's Day. She had the sneaking suspicion that the Slayer was handling the holiday the way she seemed to be handling most things these days—with an unhealthy dose of denial.

She was planning on treating the day much the same as any other. There were classes to attend, papers to write, books to read. There was research to do on different spells, learning the correct way to perform rituals without trying to wrest control from the forces of nature. There were, in short, plenty of things she could use to keep her mind off of her loneliness.

Among those things was the necessity of grocery shopping, which had never been Tara's favorite activity. She tried to make it into a game, at least in her own mind, a treasure hunt of bargain hunting, finding the best deals for the least money. Today she was lucky, since there were several specials on fruits and vegetables that made her happy. The teas were a disappointment, however, as they'd stopped carrying her favorite brand and had raised the price on her second favorite.

Turning away with ill-concealed dissatisfaction, she ran right into a black-clad chest. "Hang on there," the deep voice cautioned her. Strong hands grasped her forearms to hold her steady. "You alright, Glinda?"

She looked up, surprised. Tara hadn't seen Spike since Buffy's birthday party a few weeks before, and it seemed as though her earlier thoughts had summoned him. "I'm fine," she replied.

"You don't look fine," he observed.

Tara's eyebrows went up. Spike was acting much friendlier than he had ever before. "It looks as though they stopped carrying the kind of tea I like," she replied, responding to the rare warmth in his tone.

Spike reached past her and pulled a different box off the shelf. "You tried this kind?" he asked. "'s not too bad. Joyce used to keep it around for me."

Surreptitiously Tara checked the price, deciding that she could afford to try a box. After all, Spike was British. They were supposed to be experts on things like tea. "Thanks."

He shrugged. "No big deal." Spike turned to leave, and Tara could see the tension in the set of his shoulders. He'd actually been amiable, and she was suddenly reminded that it probably wouldn't hurt to return the favor. The two of them had looked after Dawn the previous summer, though rarely at the same time. They were both on the outs from the Scoobies at the moment.

And she could use the company.

"Do you want to try it out with me?"

As soon as the words had left her mouth, Tara regretted them. She was no lion-tamer to expect Spike to be comforted by her presence. What he wanted she could not give him. It was an impossibility. To her surprise, he turned and gave her a smile touched with a wistfulness she didn't understand. "Yeah, that'd be nice, luv." Spike shrugged. "Not like I have anywhere else to be, an' you should probably have someone to walk you home."

~~~~~

Spike had been at the grocery store for a few things, cigarettes and Wheetabix among them, when he'd spotted the blonde witch. She had startled him at Buffy's birthday party, revealing a mischievous side that he'd not expected.

The woman hadn't really registered on his radar up to that point except as Willow's bird. He'd been downright insulted when that wanker had said she was a demon. Really. What kind of demon would she be? She was as meek and mild as a church mouse. It had been a ridiculous accusation, and insulting to all of demon-kind.

When she'd been brain-sucked by Glory, Spike had admired her for not giving into the bitch. After all, he'd been tortured himself, and he knew what Glory was capable of. Because Tara had allowed herself to be driven insane rather than give Dawn up, Spike had secretly admired her balls. It had made it easier to brush off getting burnt by the sun in that RV when she'd opened the blinds.

So Spike supposed he'd given Tara some thought, but it had almost always been in passing, and his attention had soon been focused on the Slayer once again. Even during the summer, Spike had mostly been concentrating on surviving without Buffy and all that had entailed.

Buffy wasn't talking to him at the moment, however. The Slayer was still running hot and cold, not even wanting his company on patrol. In a few days, it would probably change, and she would show up again, ready to engage in all sorts of sex games. Then the cycle would begin all over again.

Spike had to admit that he was getting a little tired of the routine. There had been moments that he'd toyed with the idea of kicking her out the next time Buffy showed up. He could show her that the Big Bad wasn't someone to toy with.

It was a fantasy, and nothing more.

Still, seeing Tara presented a moment's distraction. She'd looked so disappointed over something that he'd moved closer to see if he couldn't suss out the situation. Then she had run straight into his chest, and Spike found himself helping her. There had been a moment where he'd considered continuing the conversation, but it was pointless. What did they have to talk about? Even if his suspicions were correct and she knew about his relationship with Buffy, it wasn't like she could help him.

Her invitation took him by surprise, and Spike wondered what she was thinking, since his impression had always been that Tara was just a little wary of him. His acceptance of her invitation had everything to do with his loneliness. If he couldn't be with the Slayer, Spike would much rather be doing something that took his mind off how badly he missed her.

Besides, Tara's warm nature often reminded him of Joyce. She had invited him for tea before as well, and Spike missed having someone treat him like a man.

Spike pretended not to see Tara's surprised expression when he added his groceries to her bag after they'd both paid, then proceeded to carry both her things and his own. "So what have you been up to lately?" he asked, not sure what else to say or ask. Spike wasn't good at small talk; he never had been.

"Mostly just classes and work," Tara replied. "You?"

"Creature of the night, here," Spike reminded her. "Not much else to do besides watch TV an' wander about."

The silence that stretched between them was of the uncomfortable sort that came between two people who didn't know each other well and had very little in common. "Have you seen Buffy lately?"

Spike gave her a suspicious look, finally shaking his head. "Not since the party that never ended. What about you an' Willow? You two love birds doin' anythin' for Valentine's Day?"

It somehow didn't surprise Tara that Spike remembered the upcoming holiday. She suspected that he was really a romantic at heart. "No. We're not together."

"Sorry to hear that," Spike replied, meaning it.

Tara wasn't sure what to say to that. Kindness and sincerity from Spike, while she knew he was capable of it, was still a bit of a shock. "I don't think I'm ready to be with her again," Tara explained, all the while having no idea why she was telling Spike this.

"She broke your trust," Spike said simply. "'s gonna take you a while to sort that out."

It was probably the most insightful comment Tara had ever heard Spike make, and it revealed a side to him that she'd suspected was there but hadn't seen. "What about you and Buffy?"

Spike's eyes widened. He'd suspected Tara knew, but hadn't thought she would actually say anything about it. "What do you know?"

"Enough," Tara replied. "Enough to know neither one of you guys are probably happy with the way things are."

Spike was quiet for a moment. "I don't know what to do for her," he admitted in a low tone, not sure why he was telling Tara this, but unable to help himself. "I really don't know anymore."

Tara hesitated. From what Buffy had told her, things were complicated to say the least. She felt as though she owed her loyalty to the Slayer, not to the vampire that walked beside her. Buffy had been the one to confide in her; Buffy was the one that seemed so broken by the whole thing. It was one of the reasons she'd teased Spike at the party—it had been a way to keep him from making things so hard for Buffy.

Now, she wasn't so certain that it was Buffy who needed her protection. Maybe both of them did.

"Have you thought about breaking things off?" she finally asked.

Spike's face twisted in pain. "Thought about it a hundred times," he muttered hoarsely. Tara suddenly got the impression that he was talking as much to himself as to her. "Keep thinkin' 'bout walkin' away an' I just can't. Keep thinkin' I can't help her if I walk."

"Or maybe you can't help her if you stay," Tara said gently.

The vampire glanced over at her. "Dunno," he said honestly. "I just dunno."

Tara didn't blame him for his indecision. She'd had similar difficulty in deciding whether or not to leave Willow. Looking back, she probably should have made the break right after she had discovered what Willow had done to her with Lethe's Bramble.

She suddenly laughed shortly. "We make a pair, don't we?"

Spike glanced over at her, and an unwilling smile tugged at his lips. "That we do. The lonely hearts club. That's us."

They were standing in front of her apartment building, and Tara realized that she'd never invited Spike inside before. As though he was reading her thoughts, Spike made to hand her groceries back to her. "I'd better get goin'."

"Wait," she said, laying a gentle hand on his arm, thinking once again of the tiger in the zoo. "Have that cup of tea with me." When Spike hesitated, Tara tightened her grip, as though she actually had a chance of physically restraining him. "It's easier when you're not alone."

Spike stood, undecided. He knew that Tara was offering him the solace of her company, and yet there was a part of him that wanted to wallow in his own misery. That wanted to go back to his crypt and hope that the Slayer would show up.

If he was with Tara, Spike wouldn't see Buffy even if she did stop by.

His decision made, Spike adjusted the grocery sacks in his arms once again. "Alright, ducks. I could use a cup of tea."

The words that Tara used to remove the barrier were telling. "You're welcome any time, Spike. Any time at all."

Spike smiled, thinking that a lonely hearts club wasn't such a bad idea after all.