Let
in the Light
Author: enigmaticblue
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: These characters don’t belong to me. If they did, they’d all have survived and lived happily ever after.
Summary: A sequel to my story Dimming
of the Day, but you don’t necessarily need to read that one
to get this one. Spike is in
“Darling I'm
lost/Adrift in the dark/I'm clutching your words/To my vampire heart
once
more/So let in the light/Turn me to dust/If it don't end in bloodshed,
dear/It's probably not love./Here we are/In the darkest place/My
reflection/Shows only your face…And the people in our lives/We all
leave
behind…Here we are/In the darkest place/To keep from forgetting/I
picture your
face/And I wonder/While we count the cost/Which is sweeter/Love or its
loss/So
I curse you/My vampire heart/For letting me love you/From the start.”
~Tom
McRae, “My Vampire Heart”
Part V: Reunions
Buffy wasn’t in the mood to waste time with pleasantries. As soon as she heard Angel’s voice, she demanded, “Where is he, Angel?”
“Buffy?” he asked, clearly surprised to hear from her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong,” she replied, reining in her temper with some difficulty. “At least, there won’t be as soon as you tell me where Spike is.”
Buffy had no idea what kind of a reaction to expect; she knew that the two weren’t on the best of terms, and Angel was bound to be a little hurt by the idea that her cookies were done baking—and he wasn’t getting any. Still, she’d waited as long as she’d been able, and now she was ready to turn the world upside down to find Spike, starting with the offices at Wolfram & Hart.
She’d waited too long before his death; Buffy wasn’t about to make the same mistake again.
His sigh spoke volumes. “I don’t know where he is.”
“What did you do with him?”
“I didn’t do anything with him!” Angel’s voice was rising. “Buffy, look, we had a fight a few days ago, and he took off, saying that he was going to find you. I haven’t seen him since.”
She had to admit that sounded like something Spike would do. “He’s not here yet. Did you tell him where I was?”
“He knows you’re in
Buffy scowled, even though she knew that Angel couldn’t see her. If Spike had gotten lost because Angel refused to share information, she really was going to kick his ass. “Okay, you know what? If he shows up again, I want you to get him here, Angel.”
“But—”
“I mean it. Do whatever you have to do, but I want
him in
“What makes you think he’s going to come back?” Angel demanded. “We aren’t on friendly terms.”
“I don’t know that he will, but if he does, you can pass along my message.”
Angel didn’t sound terribly happy when he said, “I don’t understand. This is Spike we’re talking about.”
The last time they’d had this conversation, Buffy had dodged the obvious question, not wanting to hurt his feelings. This time, she knew she had to tell him the whole truth. “I love him,” she said simply.
There was a long pause, and Buffy knew that her
words had
stunned him. “You can’t.”
“Do not tell me
what I can and can’t do.” Her anger rose, hot and quick. Some of it was
worry
for Spike, concern for what she would say when he finally showed up—how
she was
to convince him that she’d meant what she said in the Hellmouth. “I’m
in love
with him, Angel. It’s done.”
“You just said he was in your heart.”
“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings,” Buffy
snapped. “So,
are you going to do it, or not? Because I will come to
“Is this going to make you happy?”
“If Spike gets here in one
piece, yes.”
“Then I’ll make sure of it,” he promised.
Buffy knew she had to trust that he would do as he
said. The
truth was that she couldn’t risk going out of town just now, since
Spike might
arrive while she was gone. She wasn’t going to miss him.
~~~~~
Unfortunately, finding a way to get to
Plus, he’d realized that he had no idea where in
That left the alternative—go
back to the
law firm and either convince Angel to give it to him willingly,
or steal
it.
Or possibly have someone else get it for him.
“Spike!” Fred exclaimed
when he
entered the lab. “I thought you were gone.”
“I was for a bit,” he replied cryptically. “I need
to find
Buffy.”
She blinked, then
frowned slightly.
“Have you asked Angel?” At his raised brow, she let out a small laugh. “Okay, stupid question. Do you want me to ask
him?”
“I’d prefer not to announce that I’m off to find
Buffy.”
Fred’s expression was rueful. “I think everyone
knows that
already, Spike.”
He shrugged uncomfortably. “Look, I just need an
address an’
a way to get there.”
“Spike.”
He stiffened when he heard Angel’s voice. “Look,
Peaches, I
just want Buffy’s address. Give me that, an’ I’ll be out of your hair.”
“I can’t do that,” Angel rumbled, grabbing him by
the
shoulder. “Let’s go.”
Spike tore himself away. “What the hell is your
problem? If
you still love her, why don’t you get your damn soul anchored and go to
her?”
“Because she’s not in love with me, she’s in love
with you,”
Angel replied sourly. “And she made me swear I’d get you to
Spike stopped dead in his tracks. “She
what?”
“She told me that she loved you, and she made me
swear that
I’d get you there.” Angel grabbed his arm this time. “So, let’s go.”
“Where are we goin’?”
“I’m going to call for the jet to get you to
Spike jerked his arm out of Angel’s grasp,
suddenly
suspicious. “Why are you doing this?”
“Besides the fact that I
promised?”
“Yeah.”
Angel sighed. “She said it would make her happy.”
He
glowered. “Which means that if you don’t
make her happy—”
“I get it,” Spike said, cutting him off. “You’ll
stake me.”
“No, I’ll make you wish you’d never been born,”
Angel said
in a low voice that made Spike believe he meant every word. “Then
I’ll stake you.”
Spike met the eyes of the vampire who had been
instrumental
in making him into what he had been. “I love her,” he said simply.
Angel sighed. “I know you do.”
That was all Angel was ever going to say about
it—and Spike
was just fine with that.
~~~~~
He had at least done her the courtesy of calling
to tell her
that he’d sent Spike on his way. Buffy felt a little warmer towards
Angel after
that, even though he hadn’t let her know that Spike was back right
away.
Granted, Spike had been a ghost, but he’d been around, and she could
have
stopped grieving and started working on a way to get him solid again.
All Buffy could think about—all she’d been able to
think
about in the months since his death—was wasted time. There had been
entirely
too much of it.
Now, however, she was left to pace her living
room, waiting
for his arrival. Dawn had given up on asking her to sit down and had
declared
that she was going somewhere else to study. Buffy felt bad about it,
but she
couldn’t rest easy until he was there.
The knock on the door startled her, and Buffy
hesitated,
straightening her shirt before going over to look out the peephole.
Spike stood
there, and she could see the top of his head; his hands were shoved in
his
pockets, and his head was bowed.
Hesitating for just an instant, Buffy pulled the
door open,
looking directly into Spike’s eyes. “Hi.”
It was probably the lamest greeting in the history
of the
universe, but it was the only thing that came to mind.
A smile touched Spike’s lips. “H’lo.”
“Come in,” she said, hurriedly stepping out of the
way.
“Angel called to say you were coming.”
“Did he now? I heard you called him.” Spike
followed her
inside but remained standing.
Buffy nodded. “Fred told
“And you called Angel?”
“When you didn’t come right away, I wasn’t sure if
you’d
gotten lost or something. I thought that if I called him, I could make
sure you
got here faster.”
“That’s the only reason you called him?”
Her eyes narrowed. “I told Angel that I was in
love with
you, and I threatened to kick his ass if he didn’t get you here. If
there’s something
else I should have told him, or that you think I should have done—”
“No.” He cut her off. “Sorry. It’s just—”
“It’s Angel.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to sit down?” Buffy took a seat on
the couch,
waiting for him to join her. When he did so, he kept a good distance
between
them. “I know you didn’t call right away because you were a ghost.”
“Wasn’t much fun,” Spike acknowledged.
“How did you get to be solid again?”
He shook his head. “I don’t rightly know. One
minute I was a
ghost, an’ the next moment, I’d opened a package and was solid again.”
“I guess we can be thankful that somebody sent you
a
present.”
“Guess so.”
Buffy suddenly rose. “I wanted you to know that I
meant it.
Even if you didn’t believe me then, you have to believe me now.”
“I believe you.”
He said it simply, and with such sincerity that
Buffy
couldn’t help but pause. “Then did you say what you did to get me to
leave? Or
did you not believe me then?”
Spike sighed. “Bit of both, I suppose. Wasn’t sure
I could
believe you, that close to the end. I knew I was gonna die, an’ I
wasn’t about
to take you with me.”
She sensed that there was more that he wasn’t
telling her.
“Why did you come?”
“You remember that guy you saw in Sunnydale? The one who answered your questions?”
Buffy frowned. “Of course.”
Her
third question hadn’t been far from her mind since Spike’s death—she
would have
done better to remember how good it could have been when they had been
dating.
She sat back down again.
“Ran into him in
Buffy frowned. “You didn’t ask what would happen
if you came
here.”
“No, I didn’t.” Spike sighed. “I thought I’d get
the answer
I needed if I asked what would have happened if I hadn’t died.”
“Because you’d know whether or not I was being
honest,” she
said flatly.
He nodded. “Yeah, in short.”
Spike
hesitated. “There’s more, though.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
He looked wry. “Because
there’s always
more?”
“What was it?”
“There at the end, Casamir looked different. Said
I was
supposed to be rewarded, that my sacrifice was worth somethin’.”
“It was worth something,” Buffy insisted. “You
saved all of
us.”
“An’ if I hadn’t died, it would have been alright.”
“But you would have lost your soul, and you said
yourself it
felt like you were missing something.”
He blinked. “Yeah, well…”
“I love you,” Buffy said quietly. “I’ve loved you
for a long
time now, and I should have said something.
I should have told you before.”
Spike swallowed, and she could see his Adam’s
apple bob.
“It’s alright, luv.”
“No, it’s not. I wasted so much time—”
His hands framed her face, stopping her from
continuing.
“There’s no wasted time. We’re here now, an’ that’s all that matters.”
Spike
paused. “At least, I’m assuming it’s a ‘we.’”
Buffy couldn’t think of the words to use, so she
took
action. She was much better at that anyway. Her lips found his, and it
was as
though the months separating them just melted away. Nothing mattered
except
him, and the feeling of his skin on hers, his lips on hers. The only
thing that
interrupted was the thought that she really didn’t want Dawn to walk in
on
them.
“Bedroom,” she whispered.
“Where’s the Bit?” he asked.
“Out.”
“Bedroom, definitely.”
Buffy didn’t plan on them coming out for a long
time.
~~~~~
Spike laid on the bed,
Buffy’s hair
spread over his bare chest. He hadn’t been able to stop touching her;
even when
she’d risen to use the bathroom, knowing she was going to return any
moment,
he’d nearly followed.
Although he’d heard Dawn come in, he wasn’t about
to get up
before he had to. “You’ve got to be hungry.”
“I could say the same for you,” Buffy replied. “I
went out
and got some blood as soon as I knew you were coming.”
He gave her a squeeze. “Guess we’d both better
eat.”
“Guess so.”
Neither of them moved, and Spike sighed. “What
next, Buffy?”
“Will you stay?”
“Yeah, long as you want me to.”
“How does forever sound?”
“Pretty good.” He
twisted his head
to catch a glimpse of her face. “Don’t have much.”
Buffy pushed herself into a sitting position, but
her hand
on his chest prevented from rising with her. “I need you. That’s all.”
Spike felt the last bit of tension leave his body.
He could
see the truth in her eyes, and he knew that while a relationship
between a
Slayer and a vampire was never going to be easy, that didn’t mean that
it
wouldn’t be good.
He smiled. “Guess that works out well for both of
us then.”
Spike tugged her back down; he was more interested
in
satisfying a different sort of hunger at the moment, and for the first
time in
a long time, he thought that Casamir might have been right.
His sacrifice hadn’t been empty, and he had all the reward he needed.