Chapter 10

“Day 190: I had a close call last night. There was this little snake-looking demon that I figured I’d just stomp on. I’m not sure what happened; Vi said Talia got thrown back by another demon. She knocked me over, and the snake thing went after her instead. We were lucky that Ellen was there, because she somehow managed to keep the poison from killing Talia immediately, and Vi chopped the snake’s head off with her ax. If Talia hadn’t been there, I would have been the one in a coma right now, and who would look for Spike then?” ~Excerpt from the diary of Buffy Summers

Buffy wasn’t sure she wanted to go back to L.A., but Giles had been very gracious about it, agreeing that because Wesley had already done the research, it would be best. Vi and Audra were back in Bath, so they had a little time before they would be needed for training. Fred had needed to return to L.A. before Abby’s paperwork could be completed to get her into school, and so they would be traveling with her.

Giles had also suggested stopping in Cleveland, after dropping Abby off, which Buffy thought was a good idea. Spike wanted to see Dawn—now that he could actually remember her, and he was already cooking up ways to scare Oliver into doing right by her.

Buffy didn’t have the heart to discourage him; he was having too much fun with it, and fun had been in very short supply for a very long time now.

First, however, they were going back to Bath. There were more than a few things they needed to take care of.

Buffy watched as Spike stopped on their way down the front walk of the school. “Something wrong?”

“No. ‘s just that it feels almost like I’m seein’ it for the first time.” Spike glanced at her. “You worried?”

“About what?”

“I don’t know. You look worried.”

“Giles wants us back here full time,” Buffy replied. “After we make the rounds, I mean.”

“And?”

“And I just didn’t know if you’d be okay with that.”

“That was the plan, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, but—”

“Do me a favor, Summers,” Spike interrupted. “Don’t worry so much. You’ll remember that I just spent the last several hundred years getting turned inside out on a regular basis. I think I can handle training a few baby Slayers, as long as it means spending time with you.”

Buffy smiled. “Good.”

“Besides, it doesn’t mean Rupert won’t send us off on errands,” Spike pointed out. “Long as it’s the two of us together, that will suit me fine.”

Buffy nodded, although she still wondered if Spike was as okay with this whole turning human thing as he seemed to be.

Then again, other than the heartbeat, nothing much had changed. He’d already had his soul, and he’d had time to get used to that. He was still stronger and faster than an ordinary man, although not quite as strong or as fast as she was, but he didn’t seem to mind.

And that’s exactly what had her worried.

~~~~~

“Spike! You’re back!”

“What? Did you think I wasn’t going to return?” Spike picked Harry up and swung him around as the boy launched himself at him. The expression on Harry’s face indicated that’s exactly what the boy had thought, and Spike couldn’t blame him. “I’m here now, lad. I have an errand to run here in a few days, then I’ll be back for good.”

Harry’s face lit up. “Really?”

“Really. Isn’t that right, Buffy?”

She smiled, although the expression was strained. “That’s right.”

“Buffy! Spike!” Nora came flying out the door. “There’s a new girl, and a new boy!”

Spike slung his arm around Harry’s shoulders and followed the chattering Nora into the building. He knew that something was going on between them; Buffy was worried, but she wouldn’t tell him why. He would give her time, and eventually she would come clean.

“Spike.” Giles greeted him at the doorway, his hand outstretched. “Buffy told me the good news, of course.”

The Watcher would see it as good news, and Spike didn’t try to correct his impression. “Of course. It’s good to see you again, Rupert.”

Relief crossed Giles’ face. “I didn’t know if you’d forgive me.”

Spike shrugged. “Fate’s a bitch, yeah?”

Giles looked at Harry pointedly. “I suppose so.”

“I’ve heard that word before,” Harry protested.

“Go on inside now,” Spike said, giving him a nudge. “I think we need to have a talk with the head Watcher.”

It didn’t take long to gather Giles and Miriam. Spike had every intention of getting this unpleasantness out of the way immediately, since they would be spending quite a bit of time together in the future.

“All right,” Spike said. “Let’s just get somethin’ straight. I don’t harbor any hard feelings. You saw what you saw, an’ you did what you did to make sure we didn’t both die.”

“I appreciate that, William,” Miriam said softly. “I am truly sorry for what you suffered.”

“You’re sorry?” Buffy asked incredulously. “You have the gall to say that after everything he went through? After everything I went through?”

“Buffy—” Spike began.

“You should have told me!” Buffy rounded on Giles, and Spike could hear the truth—and the sense of betrayal—in her voice.

“You would have tried to save him,” Miriam inserted.

“And I would have had that right!”

“Yes, you did have that right.” Giles’ quiet admission caused the whole room to go silent, and Spike watched as the older man faced the harm he’d done as honestly as he could. “I have taken a number of decisions away from you in the past, Buffy. I would tell you that I meant it for good, but that wouldn’t be fair. I should have trusted you to make the right decision.”

All the fight went out of her at that point, and Buffy nodded. “Yeah. You should have.”

“I don’t expect your forgiveness, but I would appreciate it if you could try.”

“Buffy,” Spike interrupted, his voice gentle. “I knew what I was heading into.”

She turned her back to the room, and shook her head. “No, Spike. You didn’t. There’s no way you could.”

“Alright, then, I didn’t know. I knew it was goin’ to be bad, though, an’ that if you showed up there we’d both die. Maybe you’d have stayed away, or maybe you’d have come, an’ you would have been the only one to die. How do you think I would have handled that?”

“You can’t tell me that this worked out for the best,” she said in a low voice. “You were gone for over a year, Spike. They tortured you, and they used me to break you.”

“An’ they couldn’t break either of us. Holding onto a grudge won’t change any of that.”

Spike could tell that he’d managed to get through when her shoulders drooped. “You’re right,” she agreed. Buffy turned again to look at Miriam and Giles. “No more secrets,” she insisted. “I don’t care how good your reasons are. And no more separating us. You have enough trained warriors now that we can stay together. You get both of us or neither one of us.”

“Of course,” Giles agreed, his voice steady, although Spike could read the relief in his expression easily enough. “Thank you, Buffy.”

She nodded. “Spike’s right. There’s no point in holding a grudge. I’m going to go upstairs.”

Buffy left the room without a backwards look, and Spike sat down again. “I’m assuming you two wanted to talk to me.”

“I’d rather do it with Buffy here,” Giles replied. “I have a feeling that she might consider this a secret.”

Spike shrugged. “I don’t.”

“You still have your strength?” Giles asked, apparently deciding to take his word on Buffy’s reaction.

He nodded. “Nothing much is different, really. My heart is beating, I don’t need blood, and I don’t need this.” Spike held up the hand with the ring on it. “Meant to ask if you wanted it back.”

Miriam shook her head. “There’s no reason for that. It’s yours, and it’s keyed to you.” Her smile was slightly pained. “Call it a souvenir.”

“Don’t really need another one, but I’ll take it. Anything else you wanted to know?”

“How are you, really?” Miriam asked.

Spike could tell that she meant the question, and that her concern was real. For some reason, he could tell her what he hadn’t been able to say to Buffy. “The nightmares are bad,” he admitted. “I can usually forget what happened, but in my dreams…” He trailed off. Although he knew that it hadn’t been Buffy who had tortured him, nor had it been any of the others, it was still difficult to wake up next to the woman he loved, but whose face had a starring role in his nightmares.

“I can help you out with that,” Miriam replied, “but I think Ellen will have more success. It’s probably a good thing that you’ll be seeing her soon.”

Spike nodded. “I’d appreciate it. I know Buffy senses something, but—she doesn’t need to know all of this, an’ I’d rather not worry her. I’ve done enough of that recently.”

He’d caused her worry enough to last several lifetimes.

~~~~~

Talia stood in the doorway of the training room, watching Buffy’s fists and feet hit the punching bag. The sound was rhythmic, almost comforting in a way. She’d been hearing it for weeks now, watching others spar and practice as she sat on the sidelines.

“Hey.”

Buffy stopped and turned, her smile welcoming when she saw who was standing in the doorway. “Hey! You’re looking a lot better.”

“I’m feeling a lot better,” Talia admitted, limping into the training room. “The coven said that if I keep improving, I’ll be cleared for training in a couple of weeks, and then I can go back in the field.”

Buffy winced. “I’m sorry about that.”

She shrugged. “It wasn’t your fault. These things happen, and no one knew the demon was poisonous.”

No one had known because the demon was from another dimension. Talia had lasted longer in L.A. than many of the other Slayers, though. Buffy had needed everyone who could hold a weapon at first, and she’d proven herself in the battle to close the portal.

But six months in, she’d been bitten by a small, snake-like demon, and that was the last she’d known for the next five months. Talia had overheard some of the coven members discussing her situation, and no one had thought she’d come out of her coma—but she had.

It was just unfortunate that the venom had prevented her Slayer healing from working right; she should have been able to bounce out of bed, and instead she had been too stiff to move.

Now, months later, she was finally regaining her strength—and she was feeling trapped.

“I heard Spike was back—with his memories this time.”

“I’m sorry we didn’t come to see you at the coven,” Buffy replied. “But yeah, he didn’t remember anything. We’re supposed to head out to L.A. to see Wesley soon. He’s got more information on the prophecy.”

“The one that had Spike turning human?”

Buffy nodded. “Something like that.”

“Can I come with you?” Talia asked, unable to keep the eagerness out of her voice. “You’re not likely to get into trouble, and I need to get out of here.”

“Feeling cooped up?”

“I was in a bloody bed for months, and all anybody ever tells me to do is rest,” Talia complained. “It’s getting old.”

Buffy grimaced sympathetically. “I guess we probably could. We’re taking Abby back, too, so you guys can keep each other company. I’ll talk to Giles about it.”

Talia grinned. “Thanks. It’s been too long since I’ve been out from under someone’s thumb.”

She left Buffy to her practicing and started making her slow way down the hall. The witches had said that besides the coma, which had caused her muscles to atrophy no matter how hard they’d tried to stave it off, the venom had affected her joints.

Talia had to admit that’s what worried her the most. They couldn’t say what sort of long-term effects there would be, and she feared the worst.

“Talia.” Spike came out of one of the rooms off the corridor, his smile widening when he caught sight of her. “You’re lookin’ better than I expected.”

“You heard?”

“Buffy told me.” Spike tilted his head. “I also heard that you saved Buffy’s life.”

Talia shrugged uncomfortably. She might have appreciated the recognition, and the accolades at one point, but she’d seen plenty of heroic acts. Her own actions in L.A. weren’t anything special. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

“Think we’ll have to agree to disagree on that one, pet.” Spike smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Where’s Buffy? Do you know?”

“Training room,” Talia said, a little dazed.

Looked like she still had a bit of a crush on him.

~~~~~

Buffy allowed herself to relax for the first time in days. Spike was patiently helping Talia relearn how to throw darts while Vi and Audra looked on, waiting their turns. She sipped her beer, beginning to believe that this might turn out okay.

Spike sat down in the chair next to her as Vi began her turn at the dartboard. “You alright, luv?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m fine.”

He eyed her, clearly not buying it. “You’ve been quiet.”

Buffy wasn’t sure how to respond at first, then finally said, “I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“What do you mean?”

She shook her head. “Forget I said anything. I’m just in a weird mood tonight.”

“Is it that hard to talk to me?” His tone was wistful, and Buffy realized that she’d been hiding a lot from him over the last few days. She was so grateful to have him back, and yet things were still so strange between the two of them. Buffy had no idea how to reconcile their past relationship with what they had now.

So much had happened, so much had changed, and she’d been fighting for so long. Buffy wasn’t sure she knew how to just be with him. And she knew there were things he wasn’t telling her, too.

“No. I’m just not used to talking to anybody.”

“Pretend you’re writing in your diary.”

Buffy sighed. That was part of the problem. Spike had a very good idea of how much went through her head now, and she wasn’t sharing much of it. She didn’t want to jeopardize what they had.

“How long have we known each other, Spike?”

He frowned, doing the mental calculation. “Dunno. Eight years, about?”

“And when in that time has there not been a crisis requiring my immediate attention?”

She could see that the light was beginning to dawn. “Never?”

“Exactly. How do I do this? I’m not used to not having to worry, and I know I sound like an ungrateful bitch for saying this, but—”

“You don’t. To be honest, I feel a bit at loose ends, too.” His eyes met hers, and she could see the wry amusement there. “We’ll just have to figure it out as we go along, I suppose.”

Spike intertwined his fingers with hers on top of the table, and she held on tightly.

Vi plopped down across from them. “So, how long are you two going to be gone?”

Buffy glanced at Spike, and he shrugged. “I don’t know,” Buffy said for both of them. “I should probably spend some time in Cleveland with Dawn and Willow, so I’m guessing two weeks. Why?”

“Because if Giles decides to ship us off after you get back, I want to know how much time I’ve got to seduce that cute Watcher.”

“Which cute Watcher?” Audra inquired, sitting down next to her.

Vi grinned. “Cole. He’s back for more training, didn’t you hear?”

Audra fake-pouted. “Damn. I wanted him.”

“Too bad. I saw him first, but I think he has an older brother.”

Audra made a face. “Kenton? No thank you. All he can talk about is how when he was at the Academy, things were so much harder, and he was at the top of his class.”

“What about Andrew?” Talia asked. “I heard he was coming back from Singapore.”

“Wait, what?” Spike asked with real alarm in his voice. “When is he getting back?”

“Relax,” Buffy said with a laugh. “It’s after we leave. I made sure of it. I didn’t think you were quite up for a visit from Andrew.”

“Where’s he been?” Spike was clearly trying to figure out whether this was information he should have known.

Vi smirked. “Giles has been using him as a liaison on the other side of the world, going between the Watchers in East Asia, Australia, those places. Rumor has it that he’s gotten better.”

“I can do without the firsthand knowledge,” Spike muttered.

Vi turned to Talia to explain. “Andrew had a crush on Spike.”

Spike slumped in his chair. “Don’t remind me. Please.”

“You should have seen the video he made of Spike and Buffy,” Vi continued, unrepentant.

Buffy frowned. “How did you know about that?”

She shrugged. “I saw him shooting the footage.” Vi grinned. “It was quite the love story.”

Buffy met Spike’s eyes, and they both smiled, knowing exactly how much of a story it was.