Subject: [SpikesSalvation] Normal's A Place in Illinois- Chapter 10 Date: Mon, 24 Nov 2003 13:53:56 -0800 (PST) From: Jerusha Hancock Reply-To: SpikesSalvation@yahoogroups.com To: SpikesSalvation@yahoogroups.com Chapter 10: Normal's a Place in Illinois "Is it enough to love, is it enough to breathe, somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed. Is it enough to die somebody save my life. I'd rather be anything but ordinary please... Let down your defenses, use no common sense, if you look you will see that this world is a beautiful, accident, turbulent, succulent opulent permanent, no way. I wanna taste it, don't wanna waste it away." ~Avril Levigne "Hey, Simon," Rodney called from their usual spot outside the school. They never ate in the cafeteria if they could help it. As Simon said, school wasn't a bad thing, but too much of it and it got depressing. "Hey, Rod," Simon replied with an easy smile, still hanging onto Dawn's hand. Dawn had found herself at ease with Simon's gang in a way she'd never felt around the more popular crowd. They were friendlier, for one thing, and for another, they were completely willing to be themselves. None of them had exactly the same style or the same way of doing things, and it felt good to be with a group that didn't have a lot of expectations. "Hey, Dawn," Melissa said. She was Rodney's girlfriend, and they both played for the band Ardent Living. In fact, they pretty much were the band. The other guitar player and their drummer were freshmen at UC Sunnydale. "Hi, Mel. You guys playing again soon?" she asked. She liked their music, and knew that Buffy and Spike did as well. Melissa glanced over at Simon. "Actually, we wanted to talk to Simon about that. We need you to fill in for Jerry." Simon shrugged. "No problem. You know I don't mind helping out." Evan, a heavy-set kid with coke-bottle glasses, laughed. "Dude, you just don't mind playing that sweet guitar of yours." Simon shrugged and looked over at Melissa, who looked over at Rodney. "Si, it's not just for a gig. Jerry's getting really serious about this whole med school thing. He says next semester he's going to really grind it out. Personally, I think he's just having issues with his dad, but we still need another guitar player, and you're the best." Dawn watched as Simon's eyes went dark and stormy. "You know how Dick is about me playing," he hedged. Dawn knew that Simon and his stepdad didn't get along, and she knew that part of it was that they disagreed on just about everything, but this was the first she'd heard about the music thing. And Simon was really good. "Just because Dick the Dork doesn't think there's any kind of music but opera," Rodney muttered. "Still, man, could you give it a shot? We don't have a lot of gigs lined up for next semester, so you could kind of ease him into it. 'Sides, they hardly know where you are half the time anyway." He gave Dawn a knowing grin. "I think you should do it if you want to," she said quietly. He hesitated. "It's not that I don't want to, I just—" he broke off. "I'll think about it." After that the conversation turned to mutual whining about their various parental figures. Dawn listened, but didn't join in. She felt left out, partly because she didn't really have any parents, and partly because she was getting along really well with both Spike and Buffy right now. She didn't have much to complain about. Melissa commented on that. "You are so lucky, Dawn. Not having your mother breathing down your neck every two minutes because you're not cleaning your room, or you're wearing something she thinks looks stupid, or whatever. I mean, it must be so cool, not having to worry about that all the time." Dawn hesitated, not wanting to be morbid, and yet not wanting to confess how much she still missed her mom every day, and would give her right arm for a good old motherly guilt trip. "It's cool," she finally replied. "Buffy's great, and Spike's really nice to have around too." Rodney joined in. "Yeah, it's gotta be great living with your sister and her boyfriend. So much easier than living with my dad. He gets on my case for everything." "It's good," was all Dawn would say, but after another minute she got up to leave. "I've got to go get a couple books for a research project," she said quietly. "I'll see you after school, Simon." She bent down and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Simon watched her go and then turned to Melissa and Rodney with something of a grim look on his face. "Now you've done it," he said. "What?" They both looked completely innocent, but Evan shook his head. He'd understood, even if they hadn't. He lived with his grandparents and knew what it was like to miss family. Simon shook his head. "Dawn's mom died a couple years ago, and her sister really struggled just to make ends meet. So it's better now, but she'd probably do just about anything in order to have her mom or dad around for her." They both looked stricken, both remembering and feeling remorse. "You think she's okay?" Melissa asked. He nodded. "She's alright, but she doesn't get the parents are a drag thing, you know?" he said. "She'd be happy just to have parents." Later that day, he strolled next to her as they walked toward her house on Revello Drive. "So what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving?" he asked. She smiled at him. "I think Buffy's going to try to make a big dinner again. She did a few years ago when Mom and I were out of town, and I hear it turned out pretty well." "Sounds like fun. What about Christmas?" "Well, probably more of the same," she answered. "We all kind of do what we can. Holidays and birthdays have a tendency to get kind of crazy around our house. Or depressing, depending on whether it's Buffy's birthday or mine. What about you?" He shrugged. "We'll go to my grandma's house for Thanksgiving. She lives in Seattle. And I think I'll pretty much be on my own for Christmas. Mom and Dick are going to his family's house, and I don't get along so well with them." Dawn stared at him. She knew things at his house weren't great, but she couldn't imagine being on her own for Christmas. "Why don't you spend some time with us?" she suggested. "I know Buffy and Spike wouldn't mind. And you know everyone who'd be there, except maybe for Giles if he manages to make it." He shook his head. "Maybe. That would probably be better than being depressed by myself anyway." Simon looked at her, deep blue eyes serious. "What about you? Are you okay?" "You mean that thing at lunch today," she stated. They'd reached the house and had gone into the kitchen to start their homework. "Yeah, I just hear people talk like that and I want to shake them. They have no idea how good they have it." "I know," he replied. "Melissa and Rod both felt bad about that. It's hard to remember that parents are good things when you have them sometimes." Dawn smiled. "I think Buffy remembers how that is, but things were really good between Mom and I before she died. I mean, we were still pretty close, and I was the baby." Dawn looked over at him. "Simon, are things really okay with you? I know you and Dick haven't been getting along, but it's okay right?" He shrugged. "It's okay. Not great, but okay. It really helps to be able to get out of there as much as possible. And being around your house is great. Like going on a vacation or something." Dawn laughed. "Then you've never been on a real vacation," she replied. "I just wish things were normal, you know?" she said wistfully. Simon gave her a smirk. "Normal's a place in Illinois." She stared at him like he'd just gone insane. "What?" His smirk changed to a grin, and his blue eyes sparkled with mischief. "There's a town in Illinois called Normal. I used to say that there wasn't any such thing, which is still true, but 'normal' really does exist." Dawn raised an eyebrow. "Okay, so there's a town called Normal, but what do you mean about normal not being real?" "It's all in your head," he replied earnestly. "The thing is, normal's kind of on a continuum. On the one side, you've got people like Mrs. Smith, the math teacher. She's married to a banker, has two kids, a white picket fence and a dog. Her life is about as normal as it gets. On the other end of the continuum, you have people who are completely not normal. Everyone else falls somewhere in the middle." Dawn still looked skeptical. "So what you're saying is that we fall at one end of the continuum." He shook his head emphatically. "I'm saying that no one is completely normal or abnormal. They aren't real, because as soon as you find someone who seems completely normal, you find out something about them you didn't know before, or they change, or they get bored and run off. Normal isn't real, Dawn, it's some fiction people cook up to make you fit into their little box." "What about Marcy and Janice and the rest?" she demanded. "They have normal enough lives." Simon hesitated. "Maybe. But how do you know that it's going to stay that way, or that something going on at home isn't completely weird? And how do you know you wouldn't be bored out of your skull if things were completely normal?" She smiled a little bit. "Maybe you're right," Dawn confessed. "But I think I'd like to try just a little bit of being normal for a change." Simon leaned in to kiss her. "I know," he whispered. Their kiss was sweet and hopeful, everything a first love should be. "But hey, look at me, normal guy here." Dawn grinned back. "No way you're normal," she replied. "You're one of a kind." ~~~~~ The festivities inside the house were still going full swing when Spike stepped out into the night air. Things had been better for him the last month or so. Buffy had finally convinced him to talk to Willow and she'd immediately concocted some sort of tea that was supposed to aid sleep. Which it certainly did. The nice thing about it was that it didn't make him sleepy, it just prevented the nightmares he'd nearly become accustomed to. There were still moments among the Scoobies when he felt as though he needed some space, though, and then he retreated to the back porch. Buffy and Dawn were busy talking to Giles on the phone, and Xander and Anya were engaged in a conversation that would most likely end in bed. Spike would bet his next paycheck on it. They'd both tried it with other people, and had come to the conclusion that they were pretty much it for one another. He thought they might actually get it right this time around. Simon was sitting on the back steps when Spike came out, leaning back and looking at the sky, apparently lost in thought. "Mind if I join you, Blue Boy?" Spike asked. "Sure. It's your porch," he replied, smiling at the older man. What would have been an insult from anyone else was a term of endearment coming from the ex-vampire. Dawn had explained Spike's habit of nicknaming people soon after he'd started calling Simon "Blue Boy," and had assured him it was affectionate. At this point in his relationship with Spike, Simon could tell for himself. "You're the guest," Spike replied with a smile, but sat down next to him. As soon as he and Buffy had heard that Simon would be on his own for Christmas Eve and Christmas, they invited him to spend the night. With the understanding, of course, that there wouldn't be any funny business. Spike had made contact with Dick the Dork, as Dawn called him, and had to agree with his Bit. Dick was a prat and any number of other things, but he'd secured permission, and Simon wouldn't be alone at least. "Thanks for that," Simon said. "This is a lot better than being in an empty house." "Spent enough lonely Christmases to know what that's like, lad." Spike leaned back against the post. "You want to tell me anything about what's going on at home?" Simon hesitated. It would be so easy to spill everything, to tell Spike the whole story. Spike was one of those people who looked right into you, that you felt you might be able to say anything to, but secrecy had been a part of his life for a long time now. It wasn't easy to just end it. "I'm okay," was all he eventually said. Spike nodded. He could guess at what went on behind closed doors, but not much more than that, so he let it go. "You know you're welcome here at any time for any reason, right?" "Yeah, thanks." Simon looked up at the stars. "I like being here," he confessed. Spike smiled. "So do I," he replied. Eventually, Simon followed Spike inside to be greeted by both Buffy and Dawn. "Hey, you disappeared," Buffy said softly. "Got a bit noisy, pet," he replied softly. He looked over at Dawn who was speaking quietly with Simon, their foreheads almost touching. "They're good together," he commented. Buffy gave him an amused look. "And here I thought when Dawn got her first boyfriend you would be Mr. Over-protective." Spike raised an eyebrow. "I spoke with him. He understands what will happen if he steps out of line." His face gentled. "He's a good kid, though. Honorable, you know." Buffy pulled him out of the kitchen into the living room. Xander and Anya had left, and Willow had taken the bed in Buffy's old room, since she was spending the holidays with them. "You really like him, don't you?" Spike shrugged uncomfortably. "There's something there, luv. He reminds me of someone, but I can't quite put my finger on it." "You mean, he reminds you of you," she said, obviously amused at this point. Spike looked shocked. "He's not that big of a wanker." Buffy laughed out loud. "I didn't mean that. I only meant he's really sweet. Kind of like you, when you want to be. That's not a bad thing, Spike." Spike sighed as Buffy leaned in close to him on the couch. It was the best part of being with her now, he thought. Just being able to be near her and hold her, without fear that she was going to run away at any moment. "Maybe that's it, but he's been good for Dawn. She's happier when she's with him, and that's enough for me. Though if he hurts her, I'll kill him." "You'll have to stand in line, sweetheart." Spike froze for just a moment. She'd never called him that before; it seemed odd. But nice. Really nice. "So what did you get me for Christmas, pet?" She rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to tell you, Spike. It's Christmas Eve. You'll have to wait till tomorrow just like everyone else." Buffy hesitated for a second. There was one thing she'd been waiting to give him, and had thought to do it the next day, but now she wasn't so sure. She thought it might be a little personal, and maybe a little emotional too. "I did have something I wanted to give you tonight, though." Spike watched in consternation as she ran up the stairs. He wasn't sure what she wanted to give him, but he was more than a little concerned. She'd tensed up just before she'd left, and he wasn't sure what it could be. When she came downstairs a few minutes later, he knew. The coat she held in her arms was a reminder of his past that he wasn't sure he needed or wanted. "Buffy—" he began, but she interrupted him before he could go further. "Look, Spike, I know this isn't really you anymore. I think we both know that. But it's still yours, and it was a part of you for a long time. I kept it for you, and I thought you should be the one to decide what to do with it." Buffy held it out to him, and he took it from her, his blue eyes dark with emotion. Wordlessly, he swung it over his shoulders and slipped his arms into the sleeves, so that he stood strong and steady and dangerous. He looked over at her, and he was his old self again: the cocky vampire who'd tried to kill her, the equally cocky vampire who'd come to help her avert the end of the world. The completely pathetic waste-of-space he'd been after he'd gotten the chip, but before he'd started helping them. The one who took care of her little sister night after night, keeping a promise to a dead woman. The man she'd helped to break. "Spike—" Dawn's voice came from the doorway, and he looked over at her, the spell broken. Simon stood behind her, his eyes wide as he took in the suddenly dangerous figure. "Wow. That is a seriously awesome coat." Spike glanced down at it briefly, and shrugged it off. "It is," he agreed simply. "Think I'll save this for patrolling, luv," he said to Buffy, his blue eyes darkening with emotion. "Good idea," she agreed in return, watching him as he walked away, a hint of the swagger that had been his trademark back in his step. And she thought they were both finally starting to put all the pieces back together. ~~~~~ Spike glanced up as the knock came on his office door. "Come in," he called. There weren't a lot of students who came in at the beginning of the semester. They usually waited until last minute or after the first paper had been handed back. He really wasn't too surprised when Willow poked her head in, though. She'd made a habit of popping by every week or so the last semester, just to say hi and maybe chat for a while. It seemed like she was planning on doing the same this semester as well. "Hey, Spike. I come bearing hot choclatey goodness!" She grinned as she held out one of those disposable to-go cups, which he stood to take from her. "No marshmallows, but whipped cream is almost as good." Spike returned her grin in appreciation. "I'd have to agree with you there, Red. What brings you by with the pick-me-up? Not that I mind," he hastened to assure her. She smiled. "I understand." Willow reached into her purse and pulled out a small package. "Buffy called me the other day and said you were out of that tea I made for you. So, I thought I'd drop some by." Spike made a face. "Buffy called you?" Willow rolled her eyes slightly. "Well, she got really tired of waking up in an empty bed, and she said she didn't want to go through that again. And I don't want to meet a grumpy Buffy if I don't have to." He smiled reluctantly. "Neither do I. So what else is up?" Willow smiled nervously. "What makes you think something else is up?" "You aren't a good liar, Red. And you really aren't good at hiding things. So what's up?" he asked again patiently. She hesitated, and then began to speak. "I got this scholarship to spend next year at Cambridge. It's an incredible opportunity, and I didn't think I'd get into the program. But it would mean I could spend some more time with the coven, and that's something I really want to do too." Spike frowned. "I'm not sure I see the problem," he replied. "If it's something you want, why not do it?" "I just feel like I'd be leaving everyone. It was the same way when I was trying to decide where to go to college, and I didn't want to leave Buffy or Xander." Spike felt for her. She was obviously agonizing over her decision a good bit. "Look, Will, this isn't like it was four years ago. I'm not saying that you all aren't friends, and you probably always will be, but you've each got your own lives. You're right, this is an incredible opportunity for you, and if you don't take it, Buffy will probably kick your arse." She smiled. "I guess you're probably right. Do you really think it's the right thing to do?" "I think if you want it, it's the right thing." Willow gave him a relieved smile. "Thanks, Spike. I knew I could trust you to give me an honest opinion. I've got class, so I have to run, but I'll catch up with you later." "Sure," he replied, watching her leave, feeling slightly perplexed. He didn't mind that she'd confided in him, but thought it slightly odd. At the same time, he understood that Buffy's friends were starting to regard him as someone they could trust and come to, and he felt honored by that. --------------------------------- D