Subject: [SpikesSalvation] Normal's A Place in Illinois- Chapter 12
Date: Tue, 25 Nov 2003 14:14:50 -0800 (PST)
From: Jerusha Hancock <enigmaticblue@yahoo.com>
Reply-To: SpikesSalvation@yahoogroups.com
To: SpikesSalvation@yahoogroups.com


Chapter 12: Secrets Revealed

"the great advantage of being alive/
(instead of undying)is not so much/that mind no more can disprove than prove/
what heart may feel and soul may touch/
--the great(my darling) happens to be/
that love are in we,that love are in we...a billion brains may coax undeath/ 
from fancied fact and spaceful time--/
no heart can leap,no soul can breathe/
but by the sizeless truth of a dream/
whose sleep is the sky and the earth and the sea./
For love are in you am in I are in we" ~e.e. cummings


Spike drove Simon and Dawn to school that morning. Looking over at the boy, he 
asked, "You gonna be alright, then?"

"Yeah. I've got your work number if I need anything." Simon tried to smile, but 
his face hurt. Not to mention his heart.

Spike gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder in reply, and drove away as soon 
as they got out. "Do you want me to see the nurse with you?" Dawn asked, 
hanging onto his hand.

Simon looked over at her. "Would you?" he asked, gratefully.

"Sure, you know I will." She walked him to the nurse's office, where he 
explained what had happened in as few details as possible.

Nurse Avery nodded. "Well, it looks painful. Do you need anything for it? We 
don't usually give out medicines, but I think this time we might make an 
exception."

"No, that's okay. Dawn's sister gave me some stuff," he replied.

The nurse nodded. "Well, I'll need to talk to the principal, and he'll probably 
make a few phone calls. If you feel up to going to class, we can come get you 
when we need you."

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm really okay. Just looks bad, you know?" Dawn stayed with 
him until they reached his first period class, since hers was down the hall.

"Don't be afraid to come and get me if you need to get out of here," she 
whispered to him. "I'll have you know I'm an expert on ditching."

"Your sister will say I've been a bad influence," he said, a real smile 
quirking up one side of his lips.

"Not a chance. Trust me, there are a lot of other people who are a much worse 
influence than you are," Dawn smiled, giving him a long kiss.

~~~~~

"Well, of course you'll need to go if Simon calls," Liz said reasonably. "I'm 
guessing you and Buffy already talked about his staying at your house."

Spike shook his head. "Talked and agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea. Might 
not even be possible. Social services has just now gotten off Buffy's back 
about Dawn. Adding the Bit's boyfriend to the household might not be the best 
idea we've ever had."

Liz smiled. "I could see how you might feel that way. What will you do?"

He hesitated. "Looked into this kind of thing that summer Buffy was gone. He's 
too old for foster care, they'll dump him as soon as he turns 18, and that's no 
good. He can't go home, his mum doesn't want him there, and his step-dad 
shouldn't be near him. Best thing would be to get him emancipated, but that 
means makin' sure he has a place to live, that sort of thing. Buffy and I, we 
can watch out for him, but we can't give him everything he needs right now."

"Perhaps you can't, but I know someone who can."

He looked at her in surprise. "You aren't serious."

"Of course I am," Liz replied. "William, I've been putting lost boys and girls 
back together for as long as I've been teaching, and that's quite a while. I 
have an extra room, and I met Simon at your house at Christmas. Granted, it was 
brief, but he seemed like quite a nice young man, and I trust your judgment."

Spike ran his hand through thick curls and thought for a moment. "I could call 
the school, see what they've already done. Propose this as a solution, provided 
that Simon agrees to it. I imagine they're scratching their collective 
backsides trying to figure out what they want to do right now. This might just 
be the thing."

~~~~~

Buffy sat on the exam table, swinging her feet nervously. She was getting a 
little tired of throwing up every day and had finally decided to see the 
doctor. She hadn't told Spike because she didn't want to worry him and figured 
he'd want to come along; he had enough on his plate with Simon as it was.

Dr. Hansen let herself back into the room and smiled. "I've looked over your 
chart, and everything seems normal. We'll want to do a pregnancy test on the 
urine sample you gave us, but that shouldn't take too long."

"A pregnancy test?" Buffy asked, surprised.

The doctor nodded. "Well, yes, that is standard for women your age complaining 
of morning nausea. Plus, you also mentioned that you've missed at least one 
menstrual period. It sounds to me as though you might be pregnant. Why?"

Buffy opened her mouth to tell the doctor that it was impossible for her to be 
pregnant. And then she realized that it was entirely too possible. Spike may 
have been a vampire a couple years ago and incapable of becoming a "daddy," but 
that wasn't the case any longer. Neither one of them had even thought about a 
possible pregnancy. "Oh, I just hadn't really thought of that," she said weakly.

"Is that a problem for you, Buffy?" Dr. Hansen asked. "Because if it is..." she 
trailed off, knowing that a young, unmarried woman might indeed have a problem 
being pregnant.

Buffy hesitated. 'Is it a problem?' she wondered. Maybe it should have been, 
but she'd never thought to even have the chance at having kids, and now the 
opportunity was being given. With Spike, no less. Angel would have a whole herd 
of cattle if he knew, but Buffy decided that there wasn't any problem at all. 
"No," she replied finally, a smile spreading slowly across her face. "No, in 
fact, it's great."

~~~~~

Simon watched as one of the student aids came into Mr. Henry's fourth period 
history class. He knew it was for him just by the way the kid glanced at him as 
he walked into the room, and he slowly shut his book and got his papers 
together. "Call me when you can," Dawn whispered from the seat in front of him, 
giving his hand a quick squeeze for support as Mr. Henry called out, "Simon, 
you're wanted in the teacher's lounge."

He walked out into the hall, fingering the cross he wore, a Christmas gift from 
Buffy and Spike. "If you're going to be playing regularly at the Bronze, you 
need to carry protection," Buffy had said, blushing when she realized what that 
had sounded like as Spike snickered. They'd given him a stake too, and Spike 
had shown him how to use it, while Buffy and Dawn watched, yelling pointers. 
Somehow, knowing that they were there, somewhere in the background, made this 
whole thing easier. He'd always done it alone before.

The door to the lounge opened easily, and relief spread through him as he 
realized that Spike was already there. Principal Drake was there, as was a 
woman he'd never seen before, and another, older lady Simon recognized from 
Christmas. 'Liz,' he thought, 'Spike's boss.'

"Simon, please have a seat," the principal said, waving to a chair next to 
Spike. He sat obediently, waiting. "Mr. Benton here has been telling us what he 
knows of the situation. It is my understanding that you are fairly close to the 
Summers."

Simon nodded. "Dawn's my girlfriend," he explained. "Buffy and Sp-William have 
been really great to me."

The unknown lady smiled at him. "My name is Dara Ephraim, Simon, and I work 
with Social Services. Mr. Drake called me this morning. When Mr. Benton called, 
we had a quick conference. It's my understanding that your mother believes that 
it would be safer for you to find another place to live at the moment."

Spike's cool voice broke in. "Safer, bollocks. If that—man had done the damage 
to anyone other than Simon, he'd be in jail right now for assault."

His British accent was much more clipped and higher class than it usually was, 
Simon noted. Plus, the glasses he never wore for anything but reading were 
perched on his nose, making him look extremely refined and very upper class. 
The guy who spent his weekends in a pair of old black jeans and a ratty t-shirt 
was completely gone, except for the glint in his eyes. That glint matched the 
leather duster he sometimes wore.

"I do understand your feelings, Mr. Benton," Darcy assured him. "I assure you, 
we are looking into the matter. As of right now, however, I tend to agree with 
his mother." She turned to Simon. "What Mr. Benton has proposed is that you 
file for status as an emancipated minor, which would remove you from your 
parents' control. It would also remove their responsibility for you."

"So I wouldn't have to go home?" Simon asked.

"Yes," she said kindly. "It would also mean that you would not be remanded to 
the custody of the state. Normally, we would ask for some assurance that you 
would be able to take care of yourself or had somewhere to go, especially since 
you're still in school. However, Dr. Kearns has offered to allow you to stay 
with her until you graduate high school. You would still be responsible for 
yourself, but I would feel better knowing someone is looking out for your 
interests."

Simon opened his mouth to reply and couldn't find the words. He turned to Liz 
who was smiling at him. "I don't know what to say," he admitted. "That's great, 
I just—"

Ms. Ephraim smiled. "Then the plan sounds feasible to you?"

He nodded. "It's better than I was expecting."

"Good. I should be off, I have another appointment in a little while." She 
reached out and shook his hand. "I have both Dr. Kearns and Mr. Benton's phone 
numbers, so I'll let you know when your petition will be heard. I have no doubt 
that the judge will grant it, however. I'll be talking to you soon."

Principal Drake stood as well. "I'll let you three talk and settle matters." He 
looked over at Simon. "Why don't you take the rest of the day to get yourself 
settled, Simon? I know this has been a rough day for you." When the boy nodded, 
he shook Spike and Liz's hands and left.

"William has already told me that he was going to help you collect your 
things," Liz said kindly. "Once you do that you can bring them over to my house 
and get yourself settled."

Simon looked over at her gratefully. "I don't know how to thank you for this."

She smiled. "I imagine it will take a bit of getting used to for the both of 
us, but I don't foresee any problems. We can discuss any questions you have and 
any expectations later."

Simon nodded. "Thanks."

"Well then, William, I'll expect you two shortly," Liz said, standing. After 
she'd left Simon looked over at Spike.

"How—"

"I did some looking into these kinds of things a while back. This seemed like 
the best solution to your problem," Spike explained quietly.

The boy shook his head. He was trying to find words that would explain how he 
felt, and couldn't. He'd wanted to get out of that house for the longest time, 
and now he was out and it didn't feel at all like he'd expected. To his shame, 
he started crying, soft, gut-wrenching sobs tearing out of throat. He wanted to 
apologize for being weak, but he couldn't find the words for that either. The 
only things that registered were his own tears and a pair of strong arms 
wrapped around him.

~~~~~

"Hey, Buffy," Willow said from the front porch.

"Willow," the Slayer replied, opening the door to let her friend in. "It's been 
a while."

She hadn't seen much of her friends since school had started. It seemed as 
though they were beginning to drift apart even more than they had after they'd 
first left high school. Xander and Anya were busy getting their lives on the 
right track with each other, the Wicca was busy trying to finish school, and 
Buffy was just trying to figure out what a semi-normal life looked like. 
Without the threat of an apocalypse hanging overhead, it was easy to get 
involved in the little, every day matters that seemed to separate them out into 
their different lives. "I know. I needed to talk to you about something."

Buffy let her friend inside, and they went into the kitchen. "Do you want 
something to drink?"

Willow shrugged. "Whatever you've got would be fine."

Buffy started the water for tea, knowing that her friend had developed a taste 
for it while in England. "What's on your mind?"

"My hair," Willow said with a small smile, and was rewarded with a chuckle from 
her friend. "I needed to tell you that I was offered a scholarship to study at 
Cambridge," she confessed.

Buffy turned to her in surprise, noting that Willow looked apprehensive over 
her reaction, which told the Slayer everything she needed to know about her 
answer. Swallowing whatever selfishness might have caused her to hold her 
friend back, she replied, "You're going, of course."

Willow broke out into a huge smile. "Yeah, I am. It's an incredible 
opportunity, Buffy. I never thought I'd get to do something like this." She 
paused. "I hate leaving you and Xander and Dawn and Spike and pretty much 
everyone else, though."

"I know, and I hate that you're leaving, Will, but it had to happen sometime." 
Buffy gave her a hug. "Have you told Xander or Anya yet?"

"No," the redhead admitted. "Spike was the first person I told, actually," she 
said, taking in Buffy's surprise. "I knew he'd give me an honest opinion, so I 
thought I'd ask him if I should take it. Plus, he's on campus a lot and I visit 
him."

Buffy thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I'm not that surprised, 
Will. Spike's an easy guy to talk to. Apparently he's turned into the go-to 
guy." She then explained briefly about Simon and the previous night.

Willow shook her head in sympathy at the story. "Poor kid. And we all thought 
Xander's parents were bad."

"Yeah, turns out there are worse people out there," Buffy replied.

Willow looked at her friend with some concern. "Are you okay, Buff? Spike told 
me the other day that you hadn't been feeling well."

She hesitated. Spike should really be the first one to know of her suspicions, 
but Willow was her best friend, and she didn't want to hide anything from her, 
especially since she had just spilled her own secret. "I think I'm pregnant," 
she replied.

Willow's eyes widened and she squealed in surprise. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure," Buffy admitted. "The nausea is one thing, but I've missed a 
period, and I think I'm late for my next one too."

Willow made a face. "Well, that would be a pretty clear indication. Does Spike 
know?"

She shook her head. "I just went to the doctor today, and I won't know for sure 
until they call with the results, probably tomorrow. I figured since you were 
being all reveal-y, I might as well too."

"You show me yours, I'll show you mine?" Willow commented, smiling. "Are you 
okay with this?"

She hesitated. "Yeah, I think so. It's not ideal, I know. Ideal would be the 
white dress, the wedding march, my father walking me down the aisle, and a baby 
nine months after the honeymoon. Ideal would be my mom being alive, and me not 
being the Slayer, too, but I've already accepted that life isn't perfect."

Willow gave her a sympathetic look. "But you're okay with this?"

"With being pregnant with Spike's baby?" Buffy asked, a smile playing around 
the corners of her mouth. "Yeah, I am. I love him, Willow, more than I ever 
thought I could again. This one is forever. God knows he's not going to leave 
me, which is more than I can say for every other guy I've ever gone out with. I 
never thought I'd get to do this, you know? And now I have the chance to have 
my own family."

Willow gave her a hug. "I'm so happy for you, Buffy. What's Spike going to 
think?"

Buffy hesitated. "I think he'll be thrilled, but it's hard to know."

"I think he'll be more than thrilled," Willow replied. "In fact, he might even 
be speechless, which will be a switch."

~~~~~

Simon set his duffel bag down in Liz's spare room. "You're welcome to make 
whatever changes you'd like," she offered.

"Thanks," he murmured.

"William told me you play the guitar?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, my music stuff's at Rod's house. We practice there."

"You certainly can practice here if you need to," Liz said quietly. "I know you 
play at the Bronze fairly regularly," she smiled at his surprised look. "I do 
work with college students, Simon, so I know a bit about kids your age. All I 
ask is that you let me know where you're going to be so I don't worry. Other 
than that, we can work things out as we go."

"I don't know how to thank you," he said honestly.

She smiled and touched him on the shoulder. "Be happy. That's thanks enough."

Spike came up behind Liz and swung his arm around Simon's shoulders. "We're 
off, luv. "I'll have him back by bedtime."

She smiled. "Have fun," she replied, handing Simon a key on a chain. "This old 
lady probably won't stay up."

Spike grinned. "You'll never be an old lady," he replied. "Come on, Blue Boy." 
He handed Simon his cell phone as soon as they walked out the door. "Better 
call the house and leave a message, lad. Tell the girls we'll be home for 
dinner."

"Where are we going?"

"Someplace quiet."

Spike took him to the beach, but to an area that had little traffic. It took 
some work, getting down the steep path that led down to the sand, but the 
physical exertion required his full attention, and it felt good to work his 
muscles. In a way, he could lose himself in the climb down  the same way he 
could in his music. Both of them took their shoes off and rolled up their 
pantlegs once they'd reached the sand, and then they began walking along the 
water in silence. "Why?" Simon finally asked.

Spike didn't pretend not to understand what the boy was asking. "Dawn told you 
what I was," he replied softly.

Simon hesitated. "She said you were a vampire and you'd gone to Africa and got 
turned back into a human." As though it had just occurred to him, he asked, 
"How old are you, anyway?"

Spike smirked. "About 150. My grand-sire's got about a hundred years on me, 
though." He looked over at Simon and his face became serious. "I've never told 
anyone this, but I thought you needed to hear it." Slowly, he told Simon what 
had happened after he'd been turned, how he'd gone back to turn his mother, to 
give her the gift of immortality, and how she'd rejected him outright. "She was 
my world," he said simply. "Buffy knows that I turned her, and that I killed 
her after, but I never told her what she said."

It was different, Simon knew. For one thing, his mom wasn't the evil undead. 
But it was also the same, because the pain was there for the both of them. 
"Does it ever hurt less?"

Spike frowned, looking up at the deep blue sky. "Yeah. After a while, you 
realize that it wasn't you, it was them or the circumstances or whatever. And 
you figure other people love you, and they're enough. But it hurts."

"When Dad took off, I thought that would be the worst," Simon confessed. "But 
then, when Mom asked me not to come home—I never thought she'd choose Dick over 
me."

The older man reached over to grasp his shoulder. "She should have chosen you, 
Simon. She should have chosen you the first time he raised his hand. Just 
remember, her choices don't determine yours. I forgot that for a while, and it 
wasn't good."

"I get that," he replied. "I still don't get why, though."

Spike smiled. "Because of what I was."

Simon considered his answer, and understanding dawned on his face. He gave 
Spike a half-smile in return and replied, "Or maybe it's because of what you 
are."

~~~~~

Dawn sat on the back porch, her head resting against her boyfriend's chest. "I 
wish you'd told me how bad it was," she murmured. "I get why you didn't, but I 
wish you had."

"I know, I just—"

"I get it. Once you've got that secret, it gets harder to let it go after a 
while." Dawn remembered being told she was the Key, how heavy the secret had 
been. How tightly she'd had to hold the secret of Buffy's death. How heavy the 
secret of her stealing had been.

"Basically," Simon confessed. "And I thought it was getting better, you know, 
since I was there a lot less."

They sat in silence for a long time. "I love you, you know," Simon said 
quietly. "If you hadn't been here all this year, I don't know what I would have 
done. Probably something really stupid though."

"Ditto," Dawn replied. "I mean, I love you. And I think I need you just as 
much."

"Will it always be like this?" he asked her.

Dawn thought about it for a minute, and then said honestly, "I don't know. Does 
it matter?"

"No," he said. "I'd love you all the same."

She smiled and leaned her head back against him, closing her eyes contentedly. 
"Me too."

~~~~~

Spike stared at Buffy with a mixture of shock and amazement. "Are you sure?"

She rolled her eyes. "You know, if people keep asking me that, I'm going to get 
really annoyed." Sighing, she replied, "About as sure as I can be until the 
doctor sends her results."

"How?" he asked.

Buffy giggled. "Do you really have to ask, Spike?"

A shame-faced grin spread across his face. "Guess not. Bloody hell, I probably 
should have thought about it before now, but I'd never had to worry about that 
kind of thing before."

She frowned. "What about before you were turned?" The look he gave her made her 
eyes widen, and she blushed slightly. "You mean, you never—before—"

"Nope." He smirked. "Technically, luv, you were my first. As a human anyway."

Buffy was oddly touched. "So you're okay with becoming a father?"

The look on his face was hesitant, almost wary. "Are you okay with this, Buffy? 
Because if you aren't—"

"Spike. William. Look at me." She turned his head so he was looking her in the 
eyes. "Tell me the truth."

He opened his mouth, hesitated again, and then finally managed to get the words 
out. "I'm bloody terrified, pet. And I'm ecstatic. But if this isn't what you 
wanted, it's your choice."

She leaned in and kissed him. Hard. "Does that tell you if I'm okay with it?" 
she asked, smiling. "Spike, I never thought I'd live long enough to have kids. 
And now I'm having yours. I'm scared too, but I told you that I needed every 
part of you. And this—" she put her hand to her still-flat abdomen. "This is a 
part of you too. I'm not going anywhere, William, and neither is our baby."

He lay his lips against her hand that still rested on her stomach. "I love you 
so much, Buffy."

"I know," she said. She kissed him again. "I want to spend the rest of my life 
with you," she said quietly. "I don't know how much time we have. I think my 
expiration date is already long past, but whatever time I have, it's yours."

And there were no more words for a very long time.

---------------------------------
D