Seas Between Us (Broad Have Roared)

Author: enigmaticblue <enigmaticblue@yahoo.com>

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Do I have to say it? They aren't mine. If they were, I'd be nicer than Joss.

Archive: Anywhere that already has my stuff. Anywhere else just ask.

Summary: Set in an alternate Angel S5, wherein Andrew tells Buffy that Spike's alive after Damage and she does something about it, upsetting the power structure while she's at it.

A/N: This story takes place after Bring Out Your Dead, and may make a little more sense if you read that one first. The thing to notice is that Lindsey does not enter into this story. I didn't want to deal with the boy since I'm mostly ignoring canon. Just so you aren't terribly surprised.

Chapter 12: Torn Apart

"Walking out in the freezing rain/I feel nothing 'cause I've numbed the pain/Looking forward to looking back/On this day/Prayed last night/Dear God please no/But I was never good at letting go...Good news can be so unkind/When it's everything you have to/leave behind..." ~Over the Rhine, "Lookin' Back"

Buffy decided that she really, really hated Wolfram & Hart. She'd refused to let Spike go back to the office building on his own, especially not with Fred worried about what Angel's intentions were. If he figured out that she was sleeping with Spike—well, Angel had been known to be a little irrational where other guys were concerned.

It made no sense, though. He had left her, for her own good, no less. Buffy was fully prepared to pop him one if he made so much as a snide remark.

The building gave her the creeps, though, and she slipped her hand into Spike's for reassurance, gratified when he smiled at her. "Do you think Cordy will be okay on her own?" he asked quietly.

"Please, Spike, Cordelia can take care of herself," Buffy replied. "Trust me. You didn't see her with the sword today."

Spike nodded, approaching the hospital wing where Fred had said the sick lab tech was. He frowned, slowing down suddenly. "Somethin' isn't right."

Releasing her hand, Spike strode down the hallway, stopping just inside the doorway of the room. "Bloody hell."

Buffy came up beside him, seeing the dead body of the man they were supposed to have been protecting. "Shit."

They looked at each other, and then Spike entered the room, looking more closely at the body. The skin was mottled, and Spike touched the man's arm tentatively. "Skin's hard."

Buffy had no desire to get any closer. She watched as Spike tipped the man's head, looking for any sign of violence. "Was it that parasite-thingy that killed him?"

Spike shook his head. "Don't think so. Fred was pretty clear that this illness wasn't goin' to kill him so much as transform him."

"Then what did it?" Buffy asked, creeping just a little bit closer. "I mean—"

"Angel," Spike said quietly and with conviction.

Buffy's eyes widened. "Spike, I know you don't like him, but—"

"It was Angel, pet." Spike shook his head. "I can smell the bastard. I think he used a pillow."

Buffy shuddered. "But, Spike, why? I get having to make hard decisions, but this was uncalled for."

"This was premature," Spike murmured. "Wanker didn't want to take the time to solve the problem." He laughed bitterly. "What happened to patience, Angelus?"

His question was so quiet Buffy nearly missed it, but she flinched at the name. "Spike, Angelus isn't back."

"No, but you should have heard some of the stories Wesley told me about Peaches when he did have his soul." Spike gave her a sardonic look. "I tried to tell you for years that the soul doesn't always make that much of a difference."

Buffy flushed. "Yes, you did." Turning to leave, she pulled out her cell phone. "I'll call Fred and tell her what happened."

"Buffy—" Spike reached for her, realizing that this might not have been the best time for I-told-you-so's.

She shook her head. "No, you're right, Spike. You tried to tell us. Hell, you tried to show us, and we were too blind to see." Buffy gave him a weak smile. "I'm sorry."

"There were a lot of things on your mind," Spike said, trying to excuse her, hating to see that look of guilt on her face. Of course, it also felt pretty damn good to be believed for once.

Buffy's eyes warmed slightly. "And now you're on my mind."

Spike stared at her retreating form as she ducked out the door, and a rather stupid grin broke out over his face. That's the kind of thing he liked to hear, even if it did appear that they were walking right into trouble.

~~~~~

When the call came in from Buffy, the first thing Fred did was to call Wesley. He didn't answer, so she left a voicemail, and then she marched off in search of Angel.

"What the hell were you thinking, Angel?" she demanded without preamble. "We were working on it."

Angel glanced up, the expression on his face not one Fred had seen in the past. Wesley would have recognized it; the cold, forbidding look would have been quite familiar to him. "We can't afford to have some kind of god running around, out of control," Angel said calmly. "I took care of it."

"He was an innocent person!" Fred exclaimed. "What if we could have found a way to save him?"

Angel's eyes grew even colder. "Fred, he works at Wolfram and Hart. No one here is innocent."

"What if it was me?" Fred asked in a small, hurt voice. "What if I had been the one infected?"

"That's different."

"How?" Fred's voice was shaking. She didn't recall ever standing up to Angel before. This was the man who had saved her life, who had rescued her from a horrible death in Pylea. He was supposed to be her hero. "Are we putting a price on life now, Angel?"

"It was a difficult decision, but it had to be done," Angel said firmly. "Ask Wes about hard decisions if you're not sure."

"That would be rather difficult seeing as how I don't remember what you're most likely referring to," Wesley said from the doorway.

Fred felt infinitely better for having backup. "Angel, we don't get to make decisions about who lives and who dies. That's not our job."

"Sometimes it is," Angel shot back. "We're working at Wolfram and Hart, Fred. You knew this could get tough. If you can't handle it, you don't have to stay."

Her head jerked back as though he'd slapped her, and she felt Wesley's hand coming to rest on her back. "We're leaving, Angel. It seems you don't need us here any longer."

There was an unseen war going on inside of Angel. He didn't want to see them walk out, and he couldn't imagine trying to run the firm without them there. He needed his whole team.

Angel also wanted them out, beyond danger, beyond the law firm's reach. He'd crossed a line when he'd smothered that man, and even though he was firmly convinced that he'd made the right decision, it was the lesser of two evils.

Knowing that it might have been Fred in that hospital bed, Angel had wanted as many of his friends beyond danger as possible. "You should go."

"What about Gunn and Lorne?" Fred asked.

"What about them?" Angel replied. "They'll have to make their own decisions."

Wesley was tugging on her arm. "Angel, you don't have to stay—"

"Actually, I do," Angel replied softly. He met Wesley's eyes, and he could see that the ex-Watcher caught his meaning.

Fred knew exactly what the vampire meant as well. "Angel—"

"Goodbye, Fred."

Never had that word sounded so final.

~~~~~

When Spike and Buffy entered the Hyperion, their grim visages had Cordelia standing up in alarm. "What happened? You guys weren't gone for very long."

"He was already dead," Buffy said shortly.

Cordelia frowned. "But I thought Fred said they had more time."

Spike ran a hand over his face. "He should have. Angel killed him."

Cordy wished she could say that she was surprised. "What about his soul?"

Buffy shook her head. "He's still got his soul, Cordy. I don't know. Maybe there's another explanation for this. Fred and Wes are supposed to meet us back here when they can get away. I think they were going to talk with Angel."

"Is that safe?"

Spike was the one to answer her question. "He won't hurt them. Angel still has a sense of who his friends are, but—" The vampire broke off, and then began again. "This was easier. He's takin' the easy way out. Again."

Cordelia took a deep breath. She knew what Spike was saying. Angel had, in some ways, taken the easy way out when he'd had all their memories of Connor erased. Now he was doing the same thing, probably excusing his actions by saying they were for the common good.

"What do we do now?"

"Dunno," Spike replied. "I'm open to suggestions."

"Why do we have to do anything right now?" Buffy asked. "Let's wait and see what the others have to say. We can figure out what to do then, as long as it includes sleeping."

Spike nodded slowly. "Yeah, I gotta admit I'm knackered."

It wasn't good enough, but they didn't have a lot of choice in the matter, Cordelia knew. She wanted to get out there and solve their problem. She wanted to kick Angel's ass into the next century.

At the same time, she'd been through this before. There was no getting through to Angel when he was being this way. He had to figure it out on his own. Which just sucked.

"Okay," she agreed. "We'll wait."

They didn't have to wait long. Wes and Fred both came in about a half an hour after Spike and Buffy got back. "How bad is it?" Cordelia asked immediately.

"Remember when Angel let Darla and Drusilla eat all those lawyers?" Wesley asked with grim humor. "It's that bad."

Cordelia scowled. "I'm going to kill him," she muttered. "Didn't he learn his lesson last time?"

"It would appear not," Wesley said, sitting wearily. "Although, to be fair, I think there's more to it than that. From what you've said, these last couple years have not been easy for him."

"Who cares?" Fred asked, uncharacteristically snappish. "He killed a man, Wesley! Because he didn't want to wait."

"I know, but he did have reason," Wesley said gently. He was still wrestling with what Angel's actions meant. "It may be that he did the right thing."

Buffy shook her head. "I have to say I'm with Spike." She'd been fairly quiet throughout the discussion, mostly because she had the sense that Angel wasn't her territory any longer. This was now her problem only because it might end up being Spike's problem. "Angel took the easy way out. He didn't even wait to see if there was another way."

A thick silence fell. "What about Lorne and Gunn?" Cordelia asked.

Wesley shook his head. "Gunn didn't seem inclined to listen to reason, and Lorne has been out the last few days."

"I left a message on his voicemail to come here when he got back," Fred explained. "If nothing else, he'll want to see you, Cordy."

"That would be good," she said softly. "Isn't there something we can do for Angel, though?"

Spike sighed. "If we can get our hands on a copy of his contract, that might help."

"Cordelia or Fred should probably ask him," Wesley said ruefully. "We aren't on the best of terms at the moment."

"I'll call him tomorrow," Fred offered.

Wesley stood. "Very well. I should probably head back to my place. It's late. Fred, do you want a ride?"

"That would be nice."

There was a chorus of good-nights as they left, and then Cordelia stood as well. "I think I'm going to head up," she said, her eyes still troubled. "Like Wesley said, it's late."

Spike and Buffy watched her go, and then the vampire looked over at her. "What are you thinking, luv?"

"This feels really wrong," Buffy admitted.

Spike raised an eyebrow. "What? Angel goin' over to the dark side?"

"Yeah." Buffy stopped there, unsure of how to continue. She was afraid of making Spike angry by talking about the other vampire, knowing that he could easily get jealous.

He frowned. "Spit it out, Slayer."

"I never thought Angel would be the one to give up," Buffy admitted. "I thought he was more, I don't know, solid than that."

Spike was quiet, unsure of how to say what he wanted to say without pissing her off. "Maybe your idea of Angel wasn't based on what he was really like."

"Maybe," Buffy agreed. "I guess it's been a long time since we had any kind of talk. The last time I saw him, before he gave me the amulet, we didn't have anything to say to each other. I couldn't even tell him I'd been in heaven."

Spike cocked his head to the side. "I was the only one you told? I thought—"

"You were the only one I could tell," Buffy confessed. "Partly because I knew you wouldn't tell anybody, and partly it was because I thought you were the only one who could handle it."

"You're sayin' you trusted me with that information."

"I've trusted you for a long time now, Spike."

"Even after—"

Buffy shook her head. "Well, no, but when you came back with your soul..." She trailed off. "I never really told you how much that meant to me."

"I think I knew." Spike ran a finger down her cheek in a tender gesture. "I can't believe you're here," he said. "I keep thinkin' I'm in a dream and I'm goin' to wake up."

Buffy smiled. "If this was a dream, I don't think Angel would be in it at all," she pointed out.

"Yeah, but—"

"If this is a dream, let's not wake up," she suggested. "I really kind of like it here, possible catastrophes aside."

"We'll stay here forever, then," he murmured. "Or maybe we'll find somethin' better."

"Mmm," Buffy agreed, her words muffled by his kiss. "As long as we're both there."

~~~~~

Cordelia stood by the window of her darkened room and wondered why the hell she'd been brought back, because she was tired of this. Tired of apocalypses, tired of things always going wrong. She was especially tired of her friends possibly turning evil. How on earth was she going to get Angel out of the law firm?

She didn't have a clue as to where to start.

There were no simple answers this time, although she wasn't sure there were ever any simple answers. They couldn't curse him with a soul, since his soul was already there. They couldn't ask him to leave, because he seemed determined to stay.

Cordelia frowned. It seemed the only way to get Angel out of the law firm was to make him feel like he didn't need to be there. Perhaps that would mean finding a way to get him out of his contract, or to find a way to break the memory spell in a way that wouldn't damage Connor.

Or maybe both.

How any of that was to be accomplished, Cordelia didn't know, but she'd never let that stop her in the past. She wanted her Angel back, and she wasn't going to let anything stop her. After all, Cordelia had always been very good at getting exactly what she wanted.