Under the Sun

Author: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-13

Archive: Sure, if you already have my stuff. If not, just ask.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters herein; Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and other lucky folks do. Of course, I'm not the one making money off of them.

Summary: Set after Avocation in an alternate S4 where many events of canon get thrown out the window. This one won't make any sense if you haven't read the previous story.

A/N: The title comes from Ecclesiastes, which most people know from the phrase, "A time for everything, and a season for everything under heaven." Really, this story is based on the entire book, which is probably my favorite in the Bible. It talks about making the most of what one has now, and while some find it depressing, I love it. If you've got the time, I'd really recommend you read the whole thing.

Chapter 19

"since feeling is first/who pays any attention/to the syntax of things/will never wholly kiss you;/wholly to be a fool/while Spring is in the world/my blood approves,/and kisses are a better fate/than wisdom/lady i swear by all the flowers. Don't cry/—the best gesture of my brain is less than/your eyelids' flutter which says/we are for each other:then/laugh,leaning back in my arms/for life's not a paragraph/And death i think is no parenthesis" ~e. e. cummings, "since feeling is first"

The wind seemed to catch and disperse all the fear and frustration of the last couple of weeks. The sun was shining brightly, and the hum of the engine echoed through her bones. Buffy was seriously thinking about making Spike get a motorcycle. Granted, his car was cool, but riding on the back of the bike with him was a phenomenal feeling.

Not least because Spike was actually happy.

He took the coast road, and he drove fast. If anyone but Spike had been driving, Buffy probably would have been a little nervous. Slayer or not, getting thrown off a motorcycle would hurt. He was in complete control, however, and she could feel it.

A rare flash of insight told Buffy how much Spike was probably enjoying this—being in control.

The funny part was that it was probably just as exhilarating for her to let him take it.

Spike finally got off the highway in a little town Buffy had never heard of before, and she wondered where he planned on taking them. He pulled up in front of a tiny restaurant, and she pulled her borrowed helmet off, looking around. "Where are we?"

"Little restaurant I ran across once," he replied. "Always meant to bring you here someday, but..." Spike trailed off, and Buffy thought she understood. It was so easy to get busy and let things go. Despite the best of intentions, they both had a tendency to forget that time was limited. In truth, it was often easier not to remember.

"I'm glad you brought me now," Buffy replied. She slipped her hand into his, pleased when Spike pulled her closer. "It's good to see you happy again."

Spike nodded. "Won't lie to you, luv. Now that I've got this ring, I'm going to be doing some nosing around. We need to know what those wankers are planning."

Buffy sighed. "I know. I do. But can we not talk about that right now? Can we just be Buffy and Spike?"

He smiled. "Yeah, luv. It's just us right now. I was thinking maybe we could get a hotel room tonight, not go back until tomorrow. Wes said he didn't need the bike back right away."

"I'll have to call Giles, just so they don't send out the cavalry after us, but I'd like that," Buffy admitted.

Spike appeared hesitant. "Are you sure? I don't want you to get into trouble over missing classes."

"I can miss the morning class, as long as you get me back by afternoon," Buffy replied.

"It's a deal." The interior of the restaurant was dim and cool, and Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. She wondered if the gem would protect Spike from sunburn, or if he'd need to wear SPF 50 until he was used to the sunlight again.

Buffy smiled at the thought. They would both have to get used to the sun again.

~~~~~

There were times when Xander wondered what he was doing with Anya. Actually, there were a lot of times he wondered. She was blunt, and often tactless, and she would say things in front of people that were really embarrassing. Like talking about the desire for oral sex in front of Giles and Joyce when they'd stopped in at the bookstore. All Xander had wanted was an update on Spike, since he hadn't heard whether the vampire had been able to retrieve the gem. Anya had taken the interruption of their date somewhat amiss and had informed him that she expected oral sex later.

It was bad enough for that to happen in front of a couple of people old enough to be your parents; it was worse when the expression on Joyce's face suggested that she'd been inspired. Now that was a mental image that it was going to take Xander forever to get rid of.

"You really can't say things like that in public, Anya," he repeated, wondering if he'd actually manage to get through this time.

"Why?" she asked. "It's true. I do expect orgasms tonight, Xander, preferably through oral sex. Last week—"

"I know!" he blurted out, not wanting to hear her say what she'd done last week. The truth was, hearing Anya talk so bluntly about all of that embarrassed him. Not that he minded her straightforward attitude in bed. Bed was where he wanted to keep it, though, particularly in front of people like Joyce and Giles.

Xander would prefer to believe that they'd never even heard of sex.

Anya glared at him. "Maybe if you can't talk about it, we shouldn't do it anymore."

He sighed. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know." Anya hated it when Xander asked these kinds of questions. Really, like she had any better idea of what they were doing. Sometimes she wondered why on earth she was even with him. The sex was nice, but she had a nagging feeling that it wasn't all there should be.

"Well, what do you want to do next? Do you want to go back to my place?" Xander asked. Really, he didn't see why it was such a big deal to look into the bookstore. There hadn't been many opportunities for Scooby meetings lately, and Xander was beginning to wonder if they even needed him. Buffy had Spike—and apparently Wesley—not to mention Willow and Giles. What role was he supposed to play?

Anya nodded, unable to think of anything else to do. At least sex would be fun, and besides, while Xander might not be able to say the words out loud, he wasn't shy in bed. "Sure."

Xander reached for her hand, wanting to establish a connection he didn't always feel, and he was pleased when she met him halfway.

"Thanks for letting me stop," Xander offered.

Anya moved just a little bit closer. "It's okay."

It really almost was.

~~~~~

Wesley hadn't seemed to be in any hurry to send her home, and in fact had suggested they get take-out so they could continue working on the spells. The illusion spell was looking like their best option at the moment, since neither one of them could figure out how to ensure that a spell protecting them from technology didn't affect the things they wanted to keep working, including computers and cell phones.

They'd disagreed about the permanent locator spell, mostly because it wasn't clear what the best thing to tie it to would be. The spell worked in a similar manner as the charm on Buffy's bracelet, but there was nothing in the text about using it on a number of different people at once.

Willow thought it a little weird to spend so much time with Wesley. Last year, she'd been less than impressed with him, but now... Well, he'd definitely changed.

"We'll have to wait for Spike to return to cast the illusion," Wesley stated. "By tying the spell to the ring, I think we'll achieve the necessary effect. How long it will last without some sort of reinforcement is difficult to say."

Willow nodded. "I guess we'll just have to see what happens then."

"I guess so." Wesley met her eyes. "Are you alright?"

Willow nodded bravely. "Yeah. This has been great, Wes. Thanks for staying with me tonight."

"We did need to discuss the details of the spells," Wesley replied, rising from the table and beginning to clear the remains of their dinner.

Willow suddenly wondered if that's all it was. Not that she wanted more, but—was she not attractive anymore? Did guys just not want her? Or maybe Oz would the only guy who would ever want her, and now that he was gone, no one would want her again. With Oz, she'd felt confident and sexy. Now, she just felt like drab, boring Willow again.

"Do you think I'm attractive?"

The question was out of her mouth before Willow could call it back. Wesley froze as he was loading the dishwasher. After a second, he finished, and then he turned to look at her. "I beg your pardon?"

"Nothing," Willow said, not wanting to know the answer anymore. It was stupid; of course, Wesley didn't think she was attractive. He'd been after Cordelia last year, and Willow knew that she couldn't hold a candle to Cordelia Chase. It had been one of her first lessons in school; right after the alphabet.

Which, technically, she'd already known backwards and forwards.

"Willow—"

She heard it in his voice. Wesley sounded like a man caught between a rock and a hard place. He obviously didn't find her attractive, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings. "Forget it," she insisted. "Really."

The silence that fell was no longer comfortable, not like it had been earlier. Researching with Wesley was kind of fun. He enjoyed it as much as she did, and now she'd ruined it. Things would get weird, and—

"I find you very attractive."

Willow's head shot up, and her eyes met his. "Oh." There was a long pause, where neither of them knew quite what to say. She swallowed hard, no longer certain of what it was she wanted. There was a part of her that wanted to ask another question, like what about her Wesley liked, and whether he'd ever want to kiss her. There was another part of her that recognized the risks inherent in a question like that.

There were questions it was better not to ask sometimes.

"I should be getting back to the dorm," Willow said.

"I'll give you a ride." It wasn't an offer, it was a statement, and Willow didn't try to argue. She didn't particularly want to walk home after dark anyway.

"Okay."

Willow grew more aware of the silence that hung between them the longer it went on. Although she wanted to fill the space between them with something, she had the feeling that anything she said would simply make it worse. She kind of wished that Wesley had his motorcycle rather than Spike's car. It wouldn't have been so noticeable then.

He pulled up in the parking lot that was closest to Stevenson. "I'll walk you in."

Willow nodded. "Thanks." They walked side-by-side, and Willow was hyper-aware of him, of the fact that their sleeves were brushing. "Did you mean it?" she blurted out. "Or were you just saying it to be nice?"

"You're a highly intelligent, beautiful girl," Wesley replied. "Why wouldn't I be attracted to you?"

Willow could buy the highly intelligent part; she'd always known that. She wasn't so sure about "beautiful," though. "It's just—Oz..."

"I didn't know him well enough to form an opinion of his actions," Wesley said quietly. "But I know you well enough to understand that his decision had nothing to do with you. I don't see how it could."

They were standing in front of the residence hall, and Willow could just make out his expression in the light of the streetlamp. Wesley looked shy, awkward, and he wasn't meeting her eyes.

"Oh." Willow had no idea what to say now.

"I don't want things to be strained between us," Wesley said quickly. "I understand that you are still in love with him, and how I feel doesn't matter really. I've enjoyed working with you, and I don't want—"

"I like working with you, too."

Willow managed a brief smile, and then she called out a goodnight as she scurried inside. Leaving the scene seemed to be the best way to deal with it. Willow liked Wesley as a friend, but she'd never even thought of him as more than that.

Except now, of course, knowing what she knew, and with Oz gone—

It was going to stay on her mind.

~~~~~

Buffy woke with the sudden realization that Spike was no longer in bed with her. She sat up, looking around the hotel room, and immediately spotted him by the window. They had an eastern exposure, and he'd parted the heavy drapes just enough to watch the sun rise.

"Spike?"

He glanced back at her. "Did I wake you?"

"You not being here did." She groped around and found the t-shirt he'd worn the previous day, pulling it over her head before coming to stand next to him by the window. "What are you doing up?"

"The sun's coming up," he said quietly.

Buffy stepped closer, pressing her lips to the scarred skin of his back and putting her arms around his waist. She rarely saw the sunrise. Sunset was her time, but she could understand why this would be such an important moment for him. It was the first time in over a hundred years he didn't have to fear it; the first time Spike didn't have to worry about finding shelter for the day.

As if the world were putting on a show just for them, the array of colors was spectacular. Buffy stood with him, watching the horizon as it lightened gradually, the pink and red and gold hues shifting moment by moment. Spike didn't turn away until the sun was fully up, and too bright to look at.

"Never thought that would be something I'd see again," Spike said.

Buffy sighed. "Do we have to go back?"

Spike cupped her face in his hand. "Not just yet. We've got some time."

She kissed him, an edge of desperation present in her embrace, knowing that going back to Sunnydale meant that they would have to take up arms again. She wanted more time to just be together, but it was impossible.

She knew she had to savor every moment.

~~~~~

Spike glanced around the interior of the bar, noting that several familiar faces were missing. His jaw clenched. Not that every demon there was a saint, but many were harmless, provided you let well enough alone. There was a balance to be kept, and the soldier boys were upsetting it.

A smile touched his lips, and he headed back to Rof's usual table. "How are you, mate?"

"Well," Rof replied. "You are not so well, I think."

"You heard what happened?" Spike asked.

Rof made a movement that approximated a shrug. "I hear nothing, but we have spoken many times. Your eyes say what your lips do not."

Spike sighed. "You were right about the rumors. There's some kind of government, or quasi-government installation operating under the college campus. I want you to pass the word along to steer clear if possible, and if not, to be careful."

"I will pass the message to all who might listen," Rof said. "But not all will."

"I'll have done all I can on that end, though." Spike tried to sound as though he didn't care, but the truth was he wouldn't wish getting tangled up with that bunch on anyone. The very idea that they might take more—that they would—

"You have done all that can be asked." Rof touched his arm. "I will say also that information would be appreciated, yes?"

"Always," Spike said. "Thanks, mate."

"Be well."

Spike didn't respond, instead wandering out into the night. He'd dropped Buffy off at the campus that afternoon, and had immediately started his digging for information at the city library, looking for any information about construction done on campus. A project that big wouldn't go unnoticed. He'd wanted to check with his contacts before meeting up with the Slayer again for a quick patrol. Then Spike knew he'd have to figure out what he wanted to do next.

The Gem of Amara had finished the healing process, and the scar on his chest was now only a thin white line, barely noticeable. Physically, at least, he was in better shape than he'd ever been. He knew from past experience, however, that it was the heart and mind that took longest to heal, and he didn't think he'd be comfortable in Sunnydale again until he knew everything there was to know about those soldiers—and stopped them.

"I wondered where you'd gotten to."

Spike smiled. "Had to run an errand."

Buffy came out of the shadows where she'd been waiting for him up the street. "I didn't want to interrupt. Everyone in Willy's tends to get really quiet when I'm around for some reason. I have no idea why that would be."

He gave her a soft kiss in greeting. "How'd you know where to find me?"

Buffy held up the compass she'd been using. "Remember? I told you Giles did the whole charm duplication thingie. I just followed the little arrow." Her eyes troubled, she said, "Spike, I know that the ring helps, but I'm still not crazy about you being out here on your own. Couldn't you have taken Wes with you?"

"I could have, but the man hasn't had a day off in awhile," Spike replied. "Besides, the ring takes care of a lot."

Buffy nodded, hesitant to argue with him. She knew she couldn't force Spike to take someone with him everywhere he went. Moreover, Buffy really didn't want to disturb the fragile peace they'd managed to reach. Spike had begun to distance himself as soon as they hit Sunnydale's city limits, although she didn't think it would end up being as bad as before. "Okay. Do you want to do a quick patrol?"

Spike grinned. "Yeah, sure. I could use a good fight."

There was something in his smile that made Buffy hope fervently that they didn't run into any of the soldiers.

~~~~~

It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and Buffy was grateful for that. It was actually beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, and that was something of a relief as well. With everything that had been going on, Buffy hadn't been sure that the holidays would be merry.

"Are you coming over on Christmas Eve?" Buffy asked. "It's supposed to be a big thing." She made a face. "Giles is going to be there, too."

Willow's eyebrows went up. "On Christmas morning, you mean?"

"Yeah," Buffy replied. "I thought about staying with Spike, just so I didn't have to think about it, but I know Mom wants me home. I did make her swear that they wouldn't do anything to completely freak me out, though."

Willow grinned. "It's not that bad, is it? Your mom and Giles, I mean. It's got to be almost like..."

"Like having real parents again?" Buffy asked. "Yeah, which is what's kind of freaky. If it was just them together, it would be fine. But they're sleeping in the same bedroom, which I can ignore when I'm not staying there."

Her friend made a sympathetic face. "Mom and Dad are out of town, so I should be able to make it." Trying to sound as casual as possible, Willow asked, "Did you guys invite Wesley?"

Buffy tried to hide a smirk. She had a feeling that there was more than just friendly interest there. As soon as she'd returned to town after her impromptu trip with Spike, Willow had told her about Oz—and also about what Wesley had said.

"I just don't know what to think," Willow had confessed. "He's nice, Buffy, but... He's Wesley. And if my mom flipped over me dating a musician, what is she going to say about a guy that's—I don't even know how much older he is."

Buffy had been sympathetic, but she'd pointed out that she also had to deal with something of an age difference. "Do you like him?"

Willow had just sighed. "I miss Oz really badly," was all she would admit to.

Finals had forced both of them to concentrate more on their studies than on either Spike or Wesley, however. It had distracted Buffy from worrying about Spike and Willow from missing Oz. Both men were busy emptying the cavern where they'd found the Gem of Amara, sifting through the treasure for any magical artifacts, and converting what they could to cash. Spike wouldn't tell her exactly how much they'd already racked up, and Buffy wasn't sure she wanted to know an exact dollar figure.

On the other hand, Buffy knew that the money was another safety net for Spike. Another way to ensure that he had resources at his disposal to prevent the soldiers from getting to him again.

Buffy flopped back on the bed. She'd already done her packing for Christmas break. A lot of her things were at Spike's house anyway. She still had yet to figure out if her mom was going to care if she didn't spend every night at home.

After all, it seemed a little strange to just bring it up in conversation. When she got right down to it, Buffy would much prefer to just sneak out of the house and avoid the issue entirely.

"You really don't think that Mom would let Wesley spend Christmas on his own, do you?" Buffy asked. "I mean, she asked Faith last year, and Wesley's much nicer than Faith."

Willow nodded, focusing on her box of books she planned on reading over break. "Yeah, I thought so. I'll try to be there." She dropped down on the bed, meeting Buffy's eyes. "I don't know what to do."

Buffy sat up, sensing Willow's need for some serious girl-talk. They really hadn't indulged in anything like that for awhile. "About what?"

"Wesley." Willow twisted her hands. "I still miss Oz, Buffy. Every day. It's not like it ever goes away, but then I think about him not coming back, and it's like why not? Why shouldn't I have fun with someone else? And Wesley's nice, and he said he found me attractive, and he's nice looking."

Buffy took a deep breath. "Will, I still miss Angel sometimes. What Spike and I have is great, and I wouldn't give it up for anything, but it's not like that ever goes away. Just because you move on doesn't mean you're going to forget him."

"What if he does come back?" Willow asked.

Buffy winced, then asked, "Do you really want him to at this point?"

"I don't know," Willow admitted. "I do, because I love him, but..."

"But he left, and then he sent for his things without letting you know," Buffy supplied. "Maybe Oz will come back, Will, but you have to figure out whether you're willing to wait for something that might never happen. Whether it's Wesley or someone else, maybe you should move on."

Willow sighed. "I just don't know."

Buffy wished she knew what to tell her friend, but she was fresh out of ideas.