Under the Sun

Author: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-13

Archive: Sure, if you already have my stuff. If not, just ask.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters herein; Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and other lucky folks do. Of course, I'm not the one making money off of them.

Summary: Set after Avocation in an alternate S4 where many events of canon get thrown out the window. This one won't make any sense if you haven't read the previous story.

A/N: The title comes from Ecclesiastes, which most people know from the phrase, "A time for everything, and a season for everything under heaven." Really, this story is based on the entire book, which is probably my favorite in the Bible. It talks about making the most of what one has now, and while some find it depressing, I love it. If you've got the time, I'd really recommend you read the whole thing.

Chapter 26

"The irresponsive silence of the land,/The irresponsive sounding of the sea,/Speak both one message of one sense to me:—/Aloof, aloof, we stand aloof, so stand/Thou too aloof, bound with the flawless band/Of inner solitude; we bind not thee;/But who from thy self-chain shall set thee free?/What heart shall touch thy heart? What hand thy hand?/And I am sometimes proud and sometimes meek,/And sometimes I remember days of old/When fellowship seem'd not so far to seek,/And all the world and I seem'd much less cold,/And at the rainbow's foot lay surely gold,/And hope felt strong, and life itself not weak." ~Christina Rossetti, "Aloof"

Buffy was beginning to get a little concerned. She and Spike had fought before; they had said things they didn't mean and gotten angry. This was the first time that Spike had ignored her after he'd had some time to cool off, though. She'd tried calling both his home and cell phones, and he hadn't picked up.

She wanted to be sure he was okay, so she grabbed her compass and followed it to Wesley's apartment. Buffy wondered if Wesley had invited Spike over after her message the day before. The ex-Watcher hadn't returned her call, so she wasn't sure if he'd gotten it or not.

Buffy knocked on the door, giving Wesley a slightly sheepish smile when he answered. "Hey. Can I talk to Spike?"

Wesley gave her a long look, then stepped aside. "You'd better come inside."

She entered, worry beginning to blossom. "Is Spike here, Wes? My compass..." Buffy trailed off when she saw the look on his face. "You have it, don't you?"

"Let's sit down," he said gently. He led the way into his living area and sat down on the couch. She sat down next to him, watching his face anxiously. "Spike gave me his compass for safe-keeping."

Buffy felt like she'd been slapped. "What is he worried about?"

"I think you know," Wesley said.

Buffy stood abruptly, wrapping her arms around herself. "Do you know where he is?"

"He said he would be keeping in touch, but no, I don't know where he went." Wesley paused. "I suggested he contact one of our clients, maybe take a job out of town until things cool down, but he wouldn't leave you."

Buffy laughed bitterly. "He wouldn't leave, but he's not going to talk to me, is that it? So Spike's punishing me for going behind his back? I was trying to help him!"

"You had to know that it would hurt." Wesley's tone was sharp. "He feels as though you betrayed him."

"I didn't betray him," Buffy said coldly, anger beginning to take the place of worry. "I'm doing this to get information, and maybe get a new ally."

"Spike doesn't want anything to do with the soldiers."

"He doesn't have to do anything with them!" Buffy shot back. "That's why I was the one to talk to Riley. I wanted to keep him out of this."

"If he's with you, he's forced to deal with them," Wesley pointed out. "If you're working with them, then he's linked to them. This isn't just about Spike's feelings, Buffy. It's also about what the Initiative stands for."

"They stand for the same thing I do," Buffy stated. "Saving people from demons." She stalked over to the door. "Tell Spike when you see him that next time he wants to break up with me, he should do it himself."

Buffy practically ran back to her dorm, managing to shut the door behind her before the tears began to fall. She hadn't wanted Wesley to see her cry; Spike was the only one she normally allowed to see her like that, and it was hard then.

Of course, now he was the one she was crying over.

The worst part was that Buffy knew that Wesley was at least partially right. She had known that Spike wouldn't be happy with her having anything to do with the Initiative. Maybe if all she'd done was talk to Riley, get what information she could out of him, and then had rejected his offer of an alliance out of hand, it would have been more acceptable to him. Instead, Riley had offered the opportunity to work together, and she had taken it, even while knowing in the back of her head that it would upset Spike. She'd figured that he would get over it. He'd realize that it was for the best.

Instead, he'd disappeared.

Buffy still thought he was overreacting, though. The soldiers had hurt him; she'd seen what they'd done, and it was awful. But then, they hadn't known that Spike was anything more than an ordinary vampire, so it wasn't like they'd gone after one of the good guys on purpose.

"Buffy? Are you okay?"

She looked up from the bed, seeing Willow standing in the doorway. As soon as the other girl saw her face, she shut the door behind her and put her books down on the desk. Coming over to sit next to her on the bed, Willow asked, "What happened?"

"You know how Spike and I got into a fight yesterday about Riley and the soldiers?" Willow nodded. "He took off. He's not answering his phone, and he left his compass with Wesley so I can't find him."

Willow bit her lip. She was fairly sure that she could do a locator spell on Spike, but the vampire seemed to be going to great lengths to avoid Buffy. While she understood that her role as best friend was to be supportive and bash Spike, the fact that she was Spike's friend, too, made it difficult.

Besides, she could at least see where Spike was coming from on this one. She'd seen the madness in his eyes after he'd first escaped.

"Maybe he just needs time to cool down," Willow suggested. "You know how angry Spike can get sometimes. He probably just has to think it over, and then he'll be fine."

Buffy took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, maybe." She swiped at her cheeks with her hands. "God, Will, I miss him already. I just want to see him so I can explain. I just want him to understand that I didn't do this to hurt him."

"I'm sure he understands, Buffy."

"Then why won't he talk to me?" she demanded. "He could at least let me explain."

"Give it a few days," Willow advised, hoping that she was giving the right advice. Maybe she could do a locator spell, but she thought it might be better just to let things go for the moment, at least until she talked to Wesley about it. He'd have a better idea of how to handle Spike.

~~~~~

Spike woke from his nightmare with a shudder, sitting up in the middle of the large bed, his chest heaving. He was grateful that he hadn't screamed out loud; at least he didn't think that he had.

The hotel room was posh. He hadn't been sure whether to go underground, or to hide himself in plain sight, but Spike had grown used to a decent bed and a hot shower. He had the money for it, so there was no reason to allow the soldiers to cause more discomfort than they already had.

Spike knew he was overreacting a bit. He understood quite well that Buffy hadn't meant to hurt him, though he refused to acknowledge that she hadn't known he'd be upset by her talking to those Initiative bastards. His nightmare was a perfect example of why he couldn't be around her, though, not until he sorted things out inside his own head.

The dream had featured Buffy laughing while Angelus, dressed as one of the lab doctors, held him down and cut him open. Spike knew that Buffy hadn't betrayed him as Drusilla had, but it felt that way.

Her words had hurt worse.

Spike had truly believed that Buffy accepted him for all that he was. Maybe he wasn't your typical vampire, but that didn't mean he was human. That didn't mean he could accept what they were doing—taking demons apart piece by piece. Some demons were evil, and it was the Slayer's job to prevent them from doing any harm, but that was different. That was in the heat of battle, not in the cold sterility of a science lab. Even the Council, for all their misgivings about his motives, had left him alone over the years.

He walked over to the window, putting his hand against the glass; it was warm against his palm, the late afternoon sun causing the temperature to rise. Spike looked at the ring on his hand, the green gem glittering in the sunlight. He'd missed sleeping next to Buffy. Although they didn't spend every night together, she stayed at his place often enough that the king-sized bed had seemed very large without her.

Spike had a feeling that it was going to be a while before he was sharing a bed again, though. Not until things with the soldiers were settled one way or another.

He glanced at the clock. There was time to catch a shower and then grab something to eat before heading out in search of the soldiers. He was going to be keeping an extra-close eye on them until he knew exactly what the Initiative wanted with the Slayer.

His plan was to stay in the hotel a few days longer, until he was certain he would be able to keep his cool if he ran into Buffy.

Spike leaned his head against his arm, wishing that there was a way he could leave town. There was a part of him that wished he was the sort of man to cut his losses and run. Wes would be fine; he was well taken care of financially, and he was part of the group now. Buffy had her human friends and family to lean on. There was nothing holding him here except his love for her.

Well, that and the fact that he wasn't a quitter.

Spike drew in an unnecessary breath and straightened. He had hunting to do.

~~~~~

Giles looked up as the bell over the door rang, and Wesley walked in. "What brings you by?" he asked.

Wesley hesitated, then said, "Has Buffy talked to you about her recent conversations?"

"Yes, she has." Giles sighed. The store was empty, so he grabbed his mug of tea and sat down at the reading table in the middle of the shop. "I haven't heard how Spike is taking it, however. I'm guessing that it didn't go well, since you're here."

"Spike feels betrayed, and is therefore in hiding," Wesley said with a sigh. "And when Buffy came by my place trying to track him down, she was understandably angry that he'd disappeared without a word and left no way of locating him."

Giles frowned. "You or Willow could do a locator spell, correct?"

"I think both of us are hoping that Buffy doesn't ask," Wesley said with a rueful smile. "We're already in the middle. Being asked to locate Spike when he doesn't want to be found has the potential to make matters worse."

Giles sipped his tea. "I don't envy you your position."

"I don't think Buffy likes me very much right now," Wesley confessed. "I essentially told her that she deserved Spike's anger for going behind his back."

Giles winced. "I don't imagine she took that well. Do you know what Spike is planning?"

"He's not leaving Sunnydale," Wesley stated. "I don't think he trusts that the Initiative won't come after Buffy."

"I understand his anger," Giles said. "I wasn't terribly happy with the fact that Buffy hadn't spoken to me about telling the Initiative who she was, either, but isn't he overreacting slightly?"

Wesley shifted, feeling certain that the bits of information he'd picked up from Spike over the last few months were not general information. "How much do you know about his relationship with Angelus and Drusilla?"

Giles frowned. "You think his reaction has something to do with that?"

"That would be my best guess," Wesley affirmed. "Spike is hurt and angry, and he's not quite sure what to do. I think he fears that the soldiers will somehow use Buffy to get to him, and while he wants to protect her, he doesn't want to risk getting taken again."

"That's understandable," Giles murmured. "I'll talk to her, hopefully keep tabs on what kind of information the Initiative is requesting. Meanwhile, you might want to keep track of Spike if you can."

"Of course," Wesley said, rising. "You know how to get in touch with me if you need me."

The bell jangled again as Joyce entered, and she gave Wesley a smile. "Hello, Wesley. I haven't seen you for a while. You'll have to have dinner with us again sometime."

"That would be nice," Wesley said. "Although for now, I should be going. I'm supposed to be meeting Willow."

He left, and Giles turned to Joyce. "How are you?"

"Just fine," Joyce replied. "You don't look terribly happy with things, though."

Giles shook his head. "There seems to be some trouble with Buffy and Spike. I don't think there's anything I can do about it, however."

Joyce sighed. "I had hoped that they would manage to work things out."

"You knew this was coming?"

"I knew that Buffy was worried, and that Spike was having difficulty dealing with what the soldiers did to him," was her response. "I believe they made him feel as though he was less than human, not worth as much. He was concerned that what happened would change how we felt about him."

Giles didn't have any trouble putting the pieces together for himself. He could suddenly understand why Spike would react so badly to Buffy's working with the Initiative in any capacity, although Buffy thought she was acting in his best interests.

"I love you," he said, wanting her to know that, reminded as he'd been of the fragility of relationships, the potential for misunderstanding.

A smile warmed her face, and Joyce bent to brush his lips with hers. "I love you, too." She sighed. "I do hope they work things out."

"I'm sure they will," Giles replied, but he wasn't sure of anything of the sort.

~~~~~~

Willow glanced around the Bronze, wondering where Wesley was. She felt a little guilty about meeting him; it almost felt as though they were on opposing sides. He was the best friend of the guy who'd just hurt her best friend, and vice versa. They probably shouldn't even be speaking. Except that she really liked Wesley, and he was her boyfriend, and they weren't fighting.

That didn't change the fact that Willow had very carefully not told Buffy where she was going.

Buffy hadn't asked, though, so it wasn't like she'd lied. The Slayer was meeting Riley again, to talk some more about the Initiative. Buffy had mentioned possibly getting a tour of the facility, and meeting Professor Walsh. They had already met, of course, but meeting her in a different way.

The idea of Buffy going into the Initiative by herself made Willow uneasy, but there didn't seem to be anything she could do about it.

"Sorry I'm late," Wesley said, sliding into the seat next to her. "I thought I'd stop to see Giles on my way."

"What did he say?" she asked. "Did he know?"

"He knew about Buffy talking to the soldier, but not about her fight with Spike," Wesley replied. He pressed a kiss to her lips, encouraged when she tugged him closer. Their embrace was definitely not chaste, and he finally pulled back reluctantly. "Maybe we can pick this up again at my place," he murmured huskily.

Willow could feel a flush rising to her cheeks, even though the suggestion was welcome. "Okay," she whispered.

The sound of a throat clearing behind them had Willow straightening in her chair. Xander was standing behind them with Anya's hand in his. "You know, public displays of affection are kind of disturbing."

"No, they're not," Anya disagreed. "We display affection in public all the time, and you don't complain then."

Willow had never been quite so happy to have Anya around before. "You know we're dating, Xander. Get over it," she said with a quelling look.

"So where are Spike and Buffy?" Xander asked. "Patrolling, or dare I ask?"

Willow exchanged a look with Wesley. "Do you want to explain or should I?"

"Explain what?" Xander asked, his face darkening. "Please don't tell me I got left out of the loop again."

"You don't want to be in this loop," Willow said firmly. "If you're in the loop, you're in the middle, and that's a very uncomfortable place to be." She quickly explained the gist of the disagreement, including where things now stood.

Xander whistled under his breath. "Okay, can I be the first to say that I never saw this one coming? I mean, Spike and Buffy—"

"They haven't broken up," Willow said. "They're just...taking a break."

"Isn't that the same thing?" Anya asked. "Because it seems like the same thing. If they're not talking, and they're not having sex anymore—that certainly seems like they're not together."

"Just because they're fighting doesn't mean they've broken up." Willow didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Come on, Wes. Let's dance."

Wesley winced. "I'm not a very good dancer."

"So what?" Willow asked. "Neither am I."

He hadn't lied; Wesley wasn't a very good dancer, but Willow refrained from laughing. It was decidedly odd, being with him and Xander and Anya. It felt wrong. This was just the kind of night where Buffy and Spike would have joined them, and they would have all just hung out. Like in high school, only with a slightly different crowd.

When a slow dance came on, Willow allowed Wesley to pull her into his arms, and they swayed in place. Willow knew that relationships were often a lot more temporary than you'd think they'd be. She wasn't sure that she would ever take her relationship with Wesley for granted the way she had with Oz. At the same time, you seized the moment, because it might be the only one you had. Willow was just beginning to understand that.

Seeing the rift form between Spike and Buffy was just another reminder of how quickly things could change.

~~~~~

"So where's your boyfriend?" Riley asked as they walked through campus to Lowell House.

Buffy didn't want any attention on Spike at all. That wasn't her purpose. "He's traveling for business," she replied nonchalantly. "He's gone quite a bit."

"So how did you guys meet?" Riley asked. "He obviously knows about you."

"Spike has a history with this sort of work. He's traveled a lot." Buffy seized her chance to change the subject. "What about you? You must have seen quite a bit yourself."

"More since coming here," Riley admitted. "But not really. I joined the Army to go to school, and I liked it. Plus, I've got a real chance to make a difference with the Initiative. You must know how that is."

"Yeah, I do," Buffy replied, following him inside and standing in front of a mirror. "Okay, we're going to stare at ourselves all night?"

He flashed her a quick grin in the mirror. "Just wait."

Buffy heard the automated voice. "Retinal scan for Riley Finn and one guest."

The mirror slid to the side, revealing an elevator. "It's a quick trip from here," he assured her.

"Right," Buffy murmured, feeling a little claustrophobic. Riley didn't mean her any harm, but she still felt a little bit like she was entering the lion's den. She listened as Riley spoke to confirm the voice print, relieved when the door finally slid open again.

"This is it," Riley said. "This is the Initiative." He led her over to a railing, and Buffy looked down to see a half dozen metal tables. Most of them held a demon laid out, each in various stages of dissection, and she suddenly felt sick to her stomach.

They had done that to Spike.

Riley caught the expression on her face. "Hey, you okay?"

"Fine," Buffy said quickly, putting on a cheerful mask. "It's just so big."

"Miss Summers," Professor Walsh called as she came over to greet her. "It's good to finally meet the Slayer. We've heard quite a bit about you, but you'll forgive us if we believed you were a myth."

"No problem," Buffy said airily. "I get that all the time."

And she was beginning to think that it might have been better if the Initiative still believed that.