Under the Sun

Author: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-13

Archive: Sure, if you already have my stuff. If not, just ask.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters herein; Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and other lucky folks do. Of course, I'm not the one making money off of them.

Summary: Set after Avocation in an alternate S4 where many events of canon get thrown out the window. This one won't make any sense if you haven't read the previous story.

A/N: The title comes from Ecclesiastes, which most people know from the phrase, "A time for everything, and a season for everything under heaven." Really, this story is based on the entire book, which is probably my favorite in the Bible. It talks about making the most of what one has now, and while some find it depressing, I love it. If you've got the time, I'd really recommend you read the whole thing.

Chapter 27

"Deep in the night the cry of a swallow,/Under the stars he flew,/Keen as pain was his call to follow/Over the world to you./Love in my heart is a cry forever/Lost as the swallow's flight,/Seeking for you and never, never/Stilled by the stars at night." ~Sara Teasdale, "Deep In the Night"

Wesley opened his apartment door to let Willow inside, following her in and locking the door behind them. "Do you—do you want to stay tonight?" he asked. "I can give you a ride later if you..." He trailed off. "I'm not sure what you want," he admitted.

"You, for starters," Willow replied, her smile a little shy.

He took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack. "What changed your mind?"

Willow took off her own coat and handed it to him. "It just seems like you should make the most of every day, you know? This whole thing—everything that's happened—I want to be with you. More time isn't going to change my mind."

Wesley nodded. "Alright." He hesitated, then asked, "Has Buffy asked you to do a locator spell on Spike yet?"

"No, and I'm really hoping that she doesn't think about it." Willow grimaced. "I don't understand, Wesley. I know that Spike was a little crazy after he escaped from the Initiative, but he just seems to have snapped."

"He hasn't told me enough for me to fully understand what's going through his mind," Wesley said thoughtfully. "Has he ever told you anything about what happened with Angelus and Drusilla?"

"I know they tortured him," Willow said. "Buffy told me about the scars on his back, but..." She trailed off. "He was in love with Drusilla, and she hurt him."

Wesley nodded. "I think it might have something to do with that. I believe he'll come around, Willow, he just needs time. Besides, to a certain extent I can understand both their points of view. I was taught to believe that all demons are evil, and so I know why Buffy might think that the Initiative would be a valuable ally. I've also spent time with Spike's clients, most of whom aren't human—or not completely. The thought of any of them being subjected to the same treatment that Spike received is repugnant."

Willow slumped on the couch. "Yeah, I could kind of see why they might disagree about this. Plus, Buffy didn't discuss things with him before she made her decision. She does that a lot." She glanced up at him. "If Buffy does ask one of us to do the locator spell, what are we going to tell her?"

"It's up to you, at least for your part," Wesley replied. "I'm going to have to tell her no. We might not be working much right now, but Spike is still my employer, and I owe him a great deal. I won't risk betraying him."

Willow sighed. "Okay. I'm probably going to tell her no, too. Spike's my friend, and I don't want him mad at me. I'm not even that angry with him, even though as a best friend of Buffy's it's sorta my job."

Wesley laughed. "We do have ourselves between a rock and a hard place, don't we?"

"It definitely looks that way." Willow raised an eyebrow. "What are we going to do about it?"

"I say we pick up where we left off earlier," he suggested, sitting down next to her. "See where that takes us."

She smiled. "I'm okay with that. I've never—I mean, it's just that Oz..."

"We'll take our time," Wesley promised.

The kiss started out slow and tentative, but as at the Bronze, it quickly became heated. Lips and tongues were no longer enough, and Willow's hands busied themselves with the buttons on Wesley's shirt. His large hands, calloused now from hours of weapons training, slipped under the thin fabric of the t-shirt she wore, and Willow pulled back.

Wesley released her quickly, searching her face for signs that he'd gone too far, but she simply shook her head, pulling the shirt over her head. She smiled as he stared at her, his expression hungry, and leaned forward to meet his lips again.

They tasted one another's skin, traced the length of limbs with their hands and eyes, discovering what felt right and what didn't. At some point, Willow hit a ticklish spot, which had Wesley gasping for breath and completely at her mercy. At a later point, she was the one at his mercy, as he discovered what caused her to go limp and pliant with pleasure.

When Willow finally fell asleep—they had managed to make it to Wesley's bed eventually—she decided that the only way to live was by seizing the moment.

There was no point in letting fear hold you back.

~~~~~

Buffy managed to keep a smile on her face the entire time she was inside the Initiative, even though she didn't care for some of Maggie Walsh's questions. Professor Walsh was really interested in understanding the nature of the Slayer, and how the Slayer got to be the Slayer, and what exactly made Buffy so strong and fast.

If she could have thought of any way of saying, "No thanks," when Walsh handed her the pager, Buffy would have, but it was too late by then. She had committed herself from the moment she'd accepted the tour of the facility, because if she declined to work with them now, Buffy knew they would begin to get suspicious.

The Slayer couldn't afford for that to happen, because it posed too great a risk to those she loved; there was no real reason she could give for why seeing demons chopped apart made her sick to her stomach—other than the fact that her boyfriend was a vampire.

That would not go over well. She realized that now.

So she took the pager with a sinking feeling, thinking that she might as well be selling her soul, and allowed Riley to escort her out.

"It's going to be great working with you," he said sincerely. "I mean, I've seen you fight, and you're amazing. Maybe you should ask your boyfriend to come along, too. We can use guys like him."

Buffy smiled, hoping that the expression didn't look too strained. "You know, Spike's not one for structure. I have a feeling that he'd piss Professor Walsh off first chance he got."

Riley laughed and shrugged. "Well, if he changes his mind, let me know, and I'll clear it with the professor. You sure you don't need an escort home?"

"No, I'm good," Buffy replied. "Thanks." She started walking back towards her dorm, then changed directions, heading to her mother's place. Giles was the only person she could talk to about all of this. She needed his advice.

Of course, she probably should have asked for his advice before agreeing to talk to Professor Walsh, but that was water under the bridge; there was nothing she could do about it now.

Buffy could see a light on in the living room as she approached the house, and she pulled out her key to let herself in. "Hello?"

"Buffy?" Joyce stepped into the hallway, her eyes concerned. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm really not," she said, her face crumpling. "Oh, Mom, I don't know what to do."

Joyce put her arms around her daughter. "Sweetheart, it's going to be okay."

"No, it's not. Spike's mad at me, and he's not talking to me. I think I really screwed this up." Buffy felt her shoulders shaking. She hadn't come to cry on her mother's shoulder, but she couldn't hold it in anymore.

It hurt too much. She needed Spike, and he wasn't there.

"It's going to be okay," Joyce repeated. "Spike will come around. You just need to give him time."

"I think I really hurt him," Buffy said.

Joyce sighed. "You probably did, but I know you didn't do it intentionally, and as soon as he stops and thinks about it, I'm sure he'll figure that out, too. Do you want some hot chocolate?"

"Yeah, that would be good," Buffy replied, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Is Giles here?"

"He's still at the shop." Joyce pulled the milk out of the fridge and gathered the other ingredients. "Did you want to speak with him?"

"Yeah, about the Initiative. I got the grand tour today, and it was kind of scary. It's big. Really big."

"I know you'll make the right decision, sweetheart." Joyce gave her a reassuring smile.

Buffy wasn't so sure. "Have you seen Spike?"

"No, not in the last few days," Joyce said. "I have a feeling that we won't see him until he's ready to be seen."

"He gave his compass to Wesley," Buffy said. "I thought about asking Willow to do a locator spell, but I know she already feels like she's in the middle, especially now that she's officially dating Wesley."

"Did they make it official?" Joyce asked. "That's good. He seems like he would be a very good match for her."

Buffy made a face. "I would have said the same thing about Oz, and look how that turned out." Tears were suddenly threatening again. "Or look at Spike and me."

"It's not over until you both give up," Joyce said. "And from what I've heard, neither one of you have."

She took the hot chocolate Joyce held out, staring down into the warm mug. She didn't like the little marshmallows the way that Spike did; she always teased him about that, because it seemed like such a little kid thing to like. That was Spike, though—full of contradictions. "When did you know that you and Dad weren't going to work out?" Buffy asked. "Is that what happened? You both just gave up?"

"It's a little more complicated than that," Joyce replied. At the expression on her daughter's face, she added, "I know that sounds like I'm avoiding the question, but I'm not. Your father and I loved each other very much, and then one day we didn't. It was one of those things that can happen when you live with someone and share a life with them, but you aren't sharing yourself. You grow apart, and by the time you realize what's happening, it's too late."

Buffy was quiet. That's not what had happened with her and Spike, but she was afraid that he would regard her decision as too great a betrayal to forgive. Not that she believed that she had betrayed him. Maybe her decision had been rash; she hadn't fully understood how he felt about the soldiers, and once she did, it was too late.

Her fear was that it would be too late all the way around.

The sound of the front door opening broke the silence that had fallen, and Giles' voice called out, "Joyce?"

"We're in the kitchen, Rupert," Joyce called. She hugged Buffy and kissed her cheek. "Be careful."

"I will," Buffy promised, watching as her mom and Watcher greeted one another with a quick kiss and a few quiet words of explanation. She was beginning to get used to the thought of them together, and to the idea that she could come home and find both of them. It was one-stop shopping for advice, and that was nice.

Giles came to join her at the counter. "Your mother said you wanted to talk with me."

"I take it you heard," Buffy replied.

"Wesley came by," he explained. "He told me what happened. He said you were angry at him."

"More just mad in general," Buffy said with a sigh. "Wesley was at least partially right, Giles. I should have talked to Spike first, but—I knew how he felt about it. I thought if I just went ahead, he'd be mad, but he'd get over it."

Giles sighed. "That's probably not the best way to run a relationship, Buffy."

"I know that now," she said. "I also went to the Initiative tonight. Riley gave me the tour, and I met Professor Walsh. She had a lot of questions about me being the Slayer."

"Did you answer them?"

"Most of them," Buffy replied. "I was kind of vague where I could be. She ended up giving me a pager so I could start going on patrols with the soldiers." Buffy shook her head. "I don't know what to do, Giles. I hated what they did to Spike, but it was Spike, you know? I figured that maybe they made a mistake, and it could happen to anybody. Then I went in there, and there were all these scientists doing the same thing to other demons, and I thought—"

When she stopped, Giles said gently, "You could see them doing the same thing to Spike?"

"Yeah," Buffy said. "I hadn't—I didn't know. I wanted to get out of there right then, but I didn't think I could manage it without raising suspicions, and I don't want them suspicious. It might lead them back to Spike, and I won't let them get their hands on him again."

Giles sighed. "I think you might be right, Buffy. There might come a point where you can gracefully excuse yourself, but for now I think you ought to make the best of a rather bad situation. This might be our only opportunity to gather information."

She could tell from the look on his face that Giles hated the idea, that he wanted her out of the Initiative and away from their influence. That he, like Spike, was concerned that they might get a little too interested in the Slayer.

After having seen what they were doing to demons, Buffy was a little nervous about that herself.

"Okay, I'll be careful," Buffy said, rising. "Look, if you see Spike, would you tell him—" She hesitated. "Would you tell him I'm sorry?"

"I'll tell him to talk to you so you can pass the message along yourself," Giles responded gently. "Keep me informed, Buffy. Please."

"I will." She left, wishing that she could go to Spike's place, that she had some hope of finding him there. That she could curl up next to him.

She needed him, and he wasn't there.

~~~~~

Spike watched as Buffy left her mother's house, heading back in the direction of the dorm, and shadowed her, careful to keep outside the range of her senses. The last thing he wanted to do was to piss her off by appearing to stalk her.

Although he was stalking; there really wasn't another word for what he was doing.

He'd heard everything she said to her mom and Giles, and there was a part of him that wanted to go to her now, hurt feelings be damned. There was another part of him that was now even more concerned about getting close to her. What if they were together when the Initiative attacked, and the soldiers managed to take both of them at once? Didn't it make more sense to keep his distance until the moment they revealed their true motives? Buffy would have a weapon in reserve that the soldiers didn't know about, and he could better protect her.

It didn't make things easier now, but Spike believed it was best in the long run.

He watched until she made it inside, and then he waited until the light in her dorm room went on. Watching from outside, Spike lit a cigarette, knowing exactly what she was doing just by seeing her shadow move across the window. He knew her inside and out.

That was another reason why he was tempted to forgive and forget. This wasn't the first time that Buffy had made a decision without consulting him. She'd done it the year before with the Mayor, when she'd decided to steal the Box of Gavrok. Spike had made her promise that she wouldn't do that again, and he'd known she would probably break that promise. She was the Slayer, after all, and just as prone to rash decisions as he was.

Spike sighed. If he'd talked to her honestly about how he was feeling, she might not have been quite as inclined to go off and meet the soldier. If he'd talked to her, she might not have felt the need to protect him. He had the benefit of age and over a hundred years of experience. Spike had heard about experiments like this back in the '30's and '40's; the Nazis had been trying to use demons as weapons as well.

He'd kept it to himself, however, and now there was a distance between them that seemed impossible to bridge.

Spike had made a few calls; one of them had been to Robert, who kept an ear out for this sort of thing. As a half-breed, Robert regarded programs like this as his business, and Spike had known that he owed his client both a phone call and a visit. The phone call had been taken care of, but he would have to head down to L.A. as soon as possible; they needed more information, and Spike had to figure out the best way to extract Buffy from the Initiative's control.

He had no doubt that they would try to control her; the Slayer was potentially too great a weapon to let go to waste.

Of course, that meant that he would miss her birthday.

Spike sighed, turning away from the dorm as Buffy's light went off. He'd planned on making it a special weekend, taking a trip up the coast to an exclusive hotel-resort that he knew of and making sure that none of her usual bad luck followed.

Instead, he was planning on going to L.A. alone, leaving town when it might turn out that Buffy needed him most. Spike hated that he was acting like one more bloke who was letting her down.

It couldn't be helped, however; the Initiative had to be his top priority right now. Spike would stop by Wesley's place before he headed down to Los Angeles in the hope that the ex-Watcher could keep an eye on things until he got back. Maybe once he knew more, Spike would be able to make an informed decision as to what he was going to do next.

He just wished this was easier.

~~~~~

Wesley kissed Willow awake, knowing that she had a class in an hour and that she wouldn't want to sleep through it.

"Hey," she said sleepily. "What time is it?"

"Just past eight," he said. "I know you have a morning class."

She twisted to see the bedside clock and sighed. "You're right. I should get back to campus."

"Give me a chance to get dressed, and I'll give you a ride," Wesley promised, reaching for his clothing.

Willow hesitated. "Was—did you sleep okay?" she asked, changing her mind at the last minute before asking the question.

Wesley turned back to her. "Last night was wonderful." He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Was it okay for you?"

"More than okay," she said. "It was—" Willow couldn't explain how nice it was to wake up next to someone again, to feel both desired and desirable. After seeing Oz with Veruca, she'd honestly wondered whether she'd ever be able to feel that way again. "It was really good," she finally said lamely, unable to explain.

Wesley just smiled. "Let me get dressed."

"I'm meeting with Tara for lunch again today," Willow said. "Do you want to join us?"

"If you don't think I'll be in the way," he replied. "I get the feeling that she's not very comfortable around me."

"I don't think it's you specifically." Willow tugged her shirt over her head. "And she's definitely warming up to you."

Wesley grabbed a clean t-shirt from his drawer and pulled it on, then bent to lace up his shoes. "I'll try to be there," he said. "I need to try and contact Spike. I want to be sure he's not doing anything stupid."

"We were going to meet at the little sandwich shop on campus, like we did last time," Willow said. "But if you can't make it, I'll understand."

Wesley promised to make it if he could, then drove Willow back to campus, giving her a quick farewell kiss. He still couldn't quite believe the night before. It had been good—maybe a little awkward in places, but that was only to be expected. By and large it had simply felt right, and Wesley didn't want to do anything that would bugger it up.

Particularly after watching Spike and Buffy's relationship implode.

He was feeling fairly cheerful when he got back to his apartment, but he realized immediately that he wasn't alone when he walked inside. Reaching for the stake he carried at all times, he called out cautiously, "Hello?"

Spike appeared from the kitchen. "Hope you don't mind that I let myself in."

"No, of course not," Wesley replied, tucking the stake back into his jacket pocket, an edge of sarcasm in his voice. "By all means, make yourself at home."

"No need to get snippy," Spike replied, a half-smile appearing. "Didn't know when you'd be back, and I checked out of my motel room."

"So are you going to stop being a stubborn git and talk to Buffy now?" Wesley asked.

Spike sighed. "I have to make a trip to L.A. to see Robert. I called him, and he said he might have something for me." There was a pause, and he added, "I also wanted to set something up, just in case the Initiative comes after Buffy. We might need to disappear for a while."

Wesley raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you weren't leaving town."

"It can't be helped," Spike replied. "This is something that has to be done in person. I wanted to ask you to look after her while I'm gone, though." He pulled an envelope out of his jacket pocket. "And give her this. It's her birthday day after tomorrow, and I don't think I'll make it back in time."

Wesley took the envelope with a feeling of trepidation. "You are coming back, aren't you?"

"'Course I'm coming back," Spike snapped irritably. "It's an errand, Wes. If this is going to get nasty, I want to be prepared."

Wesley nodded. "I'll make sure she gets it."

"Thanks, mate," Spike replied. "I'll be in touch. Call my mobile if you need me." The vampire headed for the front door, turning just as he reached it. "So how was your night last night?" he asked with a wicked grin and a touch of his old humor.

Wesley gave him a pointed glare. "It was just fine, although I'll remind you that I don't pry into your love life."

"No, you don't," Spike replied softly. "Take care of her, Wes."

"It's the least I can do," Wesley replied, watching as Spike left, and feeling rather inadequate for the job at hand. He just hoped that Buffy didn't throw Spike's letter back in his face.

~~~~~

Giles slipped inside the house as quietly as he was able, feeling just a little bit foolish. The last thing on his mind had been a drink with Ethan Rayne, as he'd have preferred giving him a good thrashing, but then Ethan had mentioned having information on the soldiers. It was just about the only thing that could have saved him.

One drink had turned into two, which had then turned into a pitcher of rather poor beer, but Giles had quite enjoyed himself. It had reminded him of old times, of when he was young and headstrong and impetuous. When he'd been known as Ripper.

He loved Joyce, loved being Buffy's Watcher and owning a book store, but there were times when he wished he could recapture just a bit of that abandoned life, if only for a few hours.

Of course, now it was long past midnight, and Joyce had no idea where he'd been. Giles just hoped that she wouldn't be terribly angry with him.

"Rupert?"

He looked up to see her coming down the stairs, worry etched into her face. Feeling a pang of remorse, Giles tried for a reassuring smile. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"I wasn't really sleeping," she responded. "I wasn't sure where you were."

There was a rebuke in her tone, and he winced. It really hadn't been very considerate to let her worry and not call. "I'm sorry. I ran into an old friend, and he asked me to join him for a drink. Time just got away from me."

She sighed, and he could hear it from where he was standing. "I wish you would have called," she replied, "but it's fine. This isn't the first time I've had to wait up for someone. Come to bed?"

"I'll be right up," Giles promised, shaking his head to try and rid it of some of the alcohol-induced fog. As late as it was, he'd probably have to wait until tomorrow to patch things up.

He hadn't expected to wake up as a demon.