Under the Sun

Author: enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-13

Archive: Sure, if you already have my stuff. If not, just ask.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters herein; Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and other lucky folks do. Of course, I'm not the one making money off of them.

Summary: Set after Avocation in an alternate S4 where many events of canon get thrown out the window. This one won't make any sense if you haven't read the previous story.

A/N: The title comes from Ecclesiastes, which most people know from the phrase, "A time for everything, and a season for everything under heaven." Really, this story is based on the entire book, which is probably my favorite in the Bible. It talks about making the most of what one has now, and while some find it depressing, I love it. If you've got the time, I'd really recommend you read the whole thing.

Chapter 42

"How is it that I am now so softly awakened,/My leaves shaken down with music?—/Darling, I love you./It is not your mouth, for I have known mouths before,—/Though your mouth is more alive than roses,/Roses singing softly/To green leaves after rain...Your face flowers whitely among cold leaves./Soil clings to you, bark falls from you,/You rouse and stretch upward, exhaling earth, inhaling sky,/I touch you and we drift off together like moons./Earth dips from under./We are alone in an immensity of sunlight,/Specks in an infinite golden radiance,/Whirled and tossed upon silent cataracts and torrents./Give me your hand darling! We float downward." ~Conrad Aiken, "How Is It That I Am Now So Softly Awakened"

Wesley watched as Willow threw some things into a knapsack. "You don't have to do this."

She gave him what he recognized as her resolve face. "It's not about 'have to,' it's about want to," Willow responded. "I just want to be sure that you're okay."

"I am okay," Wesley insisted.

Willow sat down on her bed. "Do you not want me to stay with you?"

"No!" Wesley was quick to assure her. "Not at all. I just don't want you to worry, love. I'm really quite alright."

Willow frowned. "But you were tortured."

"And there were people who showed up," Wesley pointed out. "That's what makes the difference." When it appeared that Willow was going to argue, he continued, "I'm not saying that I won't have bad dreams on occasion, but I'm fine right now."

Willow gave him a hard look. "You're not just doing the stiff upper-lippy thing?"

"I promise," Wesley replied, grabbing her hand and tugging her towards him.

Willow leaned down, kissing him gently, careful of the bruises. "I can't help worrying about you," she murmured. "When I think about what might have happened if we hadn't been able to find you, or if—"

A knock on the door cut off whatever Willow had planned on saying. "Come in," she called.

The door swung open, and Willow took a quick step away from Wesley, her eyes widening in shock. "Oz."

"Hey." Oz looked from Willow to Wesley and back again. "Willow."

Willow took a step towards him and then stopped, looking at Wesley over her shoulder with a panicked expression.

Wesley took that as his cue and stood. "I should go. Buffy and Spike will—they'll be expecting me, and I'm sure you two will want to catch up."

He left before Willow could protest, not wanting to know whether he was going to be able to compete with Oz; the younger man was, after all, her first love. Wesley wasn't sure that anyone could hope to compete with that.

Walking blindly, he didn't even see Tara until he ran into her. Wesley apologized, clutching her arms to keep her upright. "I'm sorry."

"Are you okay?" she asked, frowning at him with concern. "You don't look so great."

Wesley glanced over his shoulder. "I'm fine, really."

"No, you're not." Tara looked a little surprised at her own boldness. "You want to get something to drink? A cup of coffee?"

"I—yes." Wesley took a deep breath. "Yes, I think that might be a good idea. I should give Willow some time to—I should give her some time." Tara tucked her hand through his arm, and Wesley smiled, grateful for her gentle presence.

~~~~~

Willow had no idea what she was supposed to say, what she was supposed to do. Oz looked like he was freaking out in a big way, and she couldn't blame him, although at the same time she was a little put out that he had thought she would be willing to wait for him.

To wait months, without a letter or any other contact, without knowing if he would ever return. It wasn't fair.

"So..." Oz stared at her, his eyes wounded and hungry at the same time. "You and Wesley?"

Willow took a deep breath, nodding. "Yeah. It was a surprise, but—he was there for me."

Oz winced, as though she'd slapped him. "I just needed to get this under control. I needed the wolf—I needed to make sure I wouldn't hurt you."

Willow wrapped her arms around herself tightly. "But you did hurt me. I loved you, and you left. You didn't give me a choice, and you just left."

Oz couldn't deny the truth behind that statement. "How long?"

"A little while," Willow replied. "We've been going slow."

He stared down at the carpet as though it fascinated him. "I shouldn't have expected you to wait."

"No, you shouldn't have." Willow could feel the tears begin to fall. "If I had known your were coming back, I would have. I—" She stopped, thinking about her relationship with Wesley, how good it was. She loved them both, and couldn't say that she loved one of them more, but Oz had left, and Wesley had stayed.

Willow had shared magic with Wesley, had been connected to him on a level that she hadn't reached with Oz.

In truth, at that moment, Willow wasn't sure that she'd have done anything differently.

Oz nodded slowly, acceptance beginning to soak in.

"Did you get it under control?" Willow asked. "The wolf, I mean?"

Oz gave her a slight smile. "Yeah, I think so."

Willow swallowed. "Was it worth it?"

His eyes were a little lost. "I don't know."

~~~~~

Spike looked at his watch, wondering where the hell Wesley was. He'd said that he'd be there when Riley arrived; so had Willow, for that matter. Riley was sitting on the edge of the couch, staring down at his clasped hands while they waited, and Spike noted that he looked nervous.

Not that he cared much about that fact. Let the soldier stew a little; give him a taste of his own medicine.

"Let's get started," Spike finally said. "They'll show when they show."

Of course, just as he said that, the front door opened. "Sorry we're late," Wesley said, Tara following him inside.

"Where's Willow?" Buffy asked.

Wesley shook his head. "Oz showed up unexpectedly. I believe she's doing some catching up."

Spike gave him a sharp look, wanting to be sure that Wesley was okay; the man had been through quite a bit recently. "We were just getting started, so you didn't miss anything," he assured his friend. "Why don't you sit down?"

"Here, Wes," Buffy said, vacating her chair. "You sit."

He sighed, obviously a little tired of being fussed over, but didn't argue with her. "So what's our next step?"

"The only way to access Professor Walsh's files is from the inside of the lab," Riley began. "She's the one responsible for creating Adam, so she's the one with the information on how to stop him."

Giles polished his glasses, then spoke up from his spot by the fireplace. "She's given you no information as to how to stop this creature? Surely she built in some means of to controlling it."

"I'm getting the impression that there may not be a way to stop Adam, short of destroying him," Riley replied. "I think Professor Walsh was so sure she had him under control that she didn't think to create a fail-safe."

"Why are you even helping us?" Spike challenged.

Riley shook his head. "I didn't sign up so I could watch while innocent kids die because someone's built a better weapon; I signed up so I could save people. Adam—" He stopped, the muscle in his jaw beginning to tick.

"It's okay," Buffy assured him, shooting Spike a warning look. "I think we all get that. We're grateful that you're willing to help us. The question is how we're supposed to get the information we need."

Riley shook his head. "You saw how tight security is. I don't think that there's any way I could sneak anyone in, not unless you were cleared first. Even then, you'd have to be able to get access to Walsh's private files, and I'm not sure it can be done."

"Is there a back way in?" Xander asked. "Some entrance that isn't guarded heavily? Almost every base has a back door."

Riley looked thoughtful. "I don't know. It's possible; the Initiative was built into a series of caverns that ran under the campus, but I don't know the tunnels that well."

"I know some blokes who do," Spike said. "I can see if they have some ideas."

"Once we're in, then what?" Buffy asked. "How do we manage to avoid being detected?"

"That's where we might be able to help," Wesley said quietly. "Tara and I were talking this afternoon; she had several very good ideas as to how to get in and out unseen."

"So we find a way inside, Willow finds a way to crack the Professor's files, and we discover how to stop Adam," Buffy summed up.

"Could it really be that easy?" Wesley his tone wry.

"Of course not," Spike replied with a smirk. "It's never that easy."

~~~~~

There was more talk, but Wesley found his thoughts drifting back to Willow and Oz, wondering what she was doing with him. Not that he thought she would do anything—not without letting him know that things were over between them anyway.

Wesley was fairly certain that she wouldn't end their relationship just because Oz had returned, but he had to wonder if she would be completely happy with him now. Whether he hadn't been the rebound guy, and whether, now that Oz was back, Willow would want to be with the younger man instead.

Maybe Wesley wouldn't have doubted her quite so much if he hadn't seen them together, but he knew how close they had been—so close that everyone had been shocked when Oz had left so suddenly, and in the manner that he had. If it had been a slow break up, if they had grown apart or stopped loving one another, Wesley wouldn't have been so worried.

But he had been there for her grief, and he knew very well how she had loved Oz.

Wesley wasn't quite so sure of Willow's love for him.

"Would you like something to drink?"

Joyce's quiet voice broke him out of his melancholy thoughts, and he smiled, although he wasn't sure how successful he was with it. "Please. I can help."

She raised an eyebrow. "You can follow me into the kitchen, but I don't think you'll be helping."

Wesley sighed. "When will people stop coddling me?" he asked as he entered the kitchen, leaving the others to their discussion.

"Probably when the bruises fade," Joyce said pragmatically. "As long as the reminder is there, we'll probably be treating you gently. It's part of having a family, Wesley."

Wesley couldn't define the emotion that rushed through him. "It's not something I'm used to," he confessed, once he felt as though he could speak without choking on the lump in his throat.

"I know." Joyce gave him the smile she reserved for all her lost boys. "Spike wasn't either."

Wesley laughed shakily. "Yes, well..."

"We're heading out," Spike said, coming into the kitchen and interrupting the moment. "Buffy and I are going to patrol tonight, and then you and I can pay a visit to Rof and some others tomorrow evening, Wes. I imagine you and Tara will want some time to work those spells out, and it won't do to rush into things and get ourselves killed."

"You? Not rush into things?" Wesley asked, glad to have some fun at Spike's expense.

"None of that now, or I'll leave you behind tomorrow," Spike said, although his tone indicated that he wasn't serious. "Tara and Xander need a ride; you want to take them in the car? I won't need it tonight."

Wesley knew that this was just one more attempt on Spike's part to make sure that he was okay, but he couldn't argue. Well, he wouldn't argue, not when it meant that he could drive the Mustang. "I'll take care of it."

Spike clapped him on the shoulder, glancing at Joyce and then giving him a look. "Don't worry about Red."

Wesley hoped he was a little more successful with his smile this time around. "Who said I was worried?"

Spike nodded, the anxious light not leaving his eyes as he took the tray of drinks from Joyce. "As long as you're alright."

Wesley nodded in reassurance, then followed the two of them back into the living room, thinking that he just might be okay—amazingly enough.

~~~~~

"Maybe we should check on them," Buffy said, her head leaning against Spike's shoulder as they ambled along.

"Maybe we should let them be," Spike countered. "Willow's going to have to figure this out on her own, luv."

Buffy sighed. "I know, Spike. It's just that—it's Wesley. I like him."

"So do I," Spike said. "That goes without saying."

"Shouldn't we do something?"

"Do what?"

Buffy was silent, not knowing what she would say, except "don't do something stupid." She could understand Willow's dilemma; although she might not have always felt that way, Buffy found herself rooting for Wesley. He was, like Spike, the kind of guy to stick around.

"I hate that I can't do anything," Buffy finally admitted.

"I know." Spike squeezed her shoulders. "We can't do anything about those two, but we can do our best to make sure that Adam doesn't hurt anyone else tonight."

Buffy gave him an inquiring look. "What about your sources?"

"I'll contact a couple of them tomorrow with Wes," Spike replied. "He was going to be working with Tara on the spells tonight, and that's the first step, anyway. Won't do a bit of good to find the entrance if we can't use it."

"Then let's see if we can't find us a demonic cyborg," Buffy said, offering a feral smile that he returned in kind.

They had always been best at action.

~~~~~

Xander was surprised to find Anya waiting for him when he got back to his basement lair. He'd asked her to come to the Scooby meeting with him, but she'd turned him down flat, saying that she didn't want to spend her evening being bored. He wondered how long it would be before she rebelled against this new state of affairs where Buffy and the others seemed to need him.

"I don't understand," Anya said bluntly when he'd come to stand in front of her.

"Understand what?" he asked, even though he thought he might know.

She glared at him. "You know what. Why you have to go help them all the time. You said I was important to you."

"You are, Anya," he replied, knowing that he sounded a little desperate. "I've told you that. It's just that these are my friends."

"But I still don't understand why," she said unhappily.

Xander sat down beside her gingerly, thinking about how hard it must be for her to be human again. He'd never really thought about that fact before, particularly since he hadn't been sorry that she was human; the fact that a lot of people wouldn't be cursed because she wasn't a vengeance demon anymore didn't hurt his feelings at all.

Over the last couple of months, though, and having seen Spike's struggle—even from a distance—Xander was beginning to develop some sympathy for her. Anya might be human, but he'd bet his measly paycheck that she didn't necessarily feel human.

Anya probably didn't even understand why she liked him, which explained a lot, although Xander didn't like to think much about that aspect of it.

"Just because they're my friends doesn't mean that I don't need you," Xander said simply. "They'll always be my friends, but you're more than that. This is just something that I have to do, just like you had to grant wishes. I don't get why you had to do that, either."

"Oh." Anya gave him a speculative look. "Are you sure?"

"About which part?" Xander asked.

"The part about needing me."

He smiled. "Yes."

As she kissed him, Xander wondered why he couldn't find the right words to say more often.

~~~~~

Willow looked up at the full moon that hung overhead as they stood outside the dorm. In spite of their rough beginning, she and Oz had spent the last few hours catching up with one another; he'd told her about Tibet, and she told him about everything that had gone on in the last few months. As was typical, she had done a lot more of the talking. "You really did it."

"I really did." Oz's gaze followed her eyes.

"How does it work?"

"Chants, a few herbs, a lot of control." He sighed. "I almost lost it for a second when I first saw you."

Willow winced, knowing the reason for it; it was a good thing Oz hadn't lost it on campus, with all the Initiative soldiers running around. "Yeah."

"I don't know if I can stay," Oz admitted. "Not when..."

"I know." Willow looked at him. "We can use all the help we can get, but I'll understand if you can't."

"I want to stay." Oz swallowed hard. He had assumed that Willow would wait for him, that their love was a forever thing, solid as bedrock; he hadn't realized what he was doing by leaving Willow with no word, but he should have. He was smart enough to know that a girl like Willow wouldn't be alone forever.

And that the manner of his leaving would make it much less likely that she would be waiting for him on his return.

He could still help, though; try to offer what little protection he could provide. After all, Oz owed her.

"Maybe for a while," he finally said quietly. "I could help."

"I'd like that." Willow still loved him; the feeling was there, but different now. She'd stopped longing for him to return

There was someone else taking up that place in her heart now.

"I should go," Willow said. "I already missed the meeting today, and Wesley—he was hurt. He needs me."

Oz nodded. "You should go."

"Do you have a place to stay?" she asked.

"I'll drop in on Devon," Oz said.

"I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah," Oz replied, turning away. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Willow watched him go then headed back into the dorm. As soon as she got inside, she dialed Wesley's cell. "Hey."

"Hello." His tone was cool. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Willow said. "How did the meeting go today?"

"We think we have a plan," Wesley replied. "We'll need you for it."

"I'm there," she assured him. "But maybe you could come pick me up?"

There was a long pause. "Are you sure?"

"Okay," Willow said, her tone growing sharp. "Let's get this straight. I was not using you as a distraction until Oz came back. I wouldn't do that, Wesley."

"Oh." There was another long pause. "I knew that."

Willow rolled her eyes, a smile tugging up the corners of her mouth. They really weren't all that different; she would have been just as insecure as Wesley, had their positions been reversed. "Then would you mind coming by? Unless you're not in good enough shape to be driving the bike."

"I'm perfectly capable of riding my motorcycle," he said stiffly, sounding like his old self. "But Spike lent me his car for the evening, so it doesn't matter. I'll be by shortly."

Willow set the phone down with a sigh and a smile. It was odd how things worked out sometimes, but she couldn't say that she was disappointed.