Hi! I'm not a professional writer or associated with Marvel Comics in any way. The following is a work of fan fiction featuring Logan, Cyclops, Phoenix, Rogue, Gambit, and Prof. Xavier of the X-Men. They're going to the Savage Land. I make no money. Don't sue. Kai is mine, as are the Nachichi. (This is where I hope there isn't really a tribe somewhere called the "Nachichi.") Don't use them without permission or risk the wrath of Loogah! (It'll sound more threatening after you read the story. Honest.) Early into their relationship, Kai and Logan got sent to a foreign desert by a Savage Land tribe (the Nachichi) that believed they were sending them to learn about the afterlife. (See "Desert.") The twosome, being both of temperamental mindsets, were a little annoyed at being sent away all unknowing, so when they returned to tell the Nachichi about the afterlife, they made it somewhat less pleasant than a person might have hoped. Prof. X ain't happy with that, so now, months later, he's aiming to do something 'bout it. This story's just for chuckles, folks. (Or maybe Chuckles.) Continuity note: We don't need no stinkin' continuity! I'm basically pushing back events of Onslaught and Zero Tolerance, a bit. So Chuckles is still at the mansion. 'Kay? I knew you could handle it. Um. There's a bit of bad language. Don't read if that'll offend you. Other stories leading up to this are being graciously archived by Luba Kmetyk at http://home.att.net/~lubakmetyk/ Comments to Kaylee1109@aol.com. Loogah commands it! Enjoy! "Kai and Logan: The Great Loogah" by Kaylee (Kaylee1109@aol.com) "The Nachichi are a simple people," he'd said, face tight and stiff with anger. "The 'inventing of the afterlife' you both participated in may have caused immeasurable damage to their culture." "They sent us to hell!" I'd protested. "Or something near enough as to make no difference!" "Regardless...you have an obligation to do what you can to make up for your thoughtless actions." His narrowed eyes had flicked to Logan, who thus far was silent and still. "I'm sending you both back to the Savage Land. I will not accept 'no' as an answer." Logan finally had spoken. "If they send us back to that desert again, Chuck, I'm gonna make that other afterlife we told 'em about look like a paradise." Claws had sprung from the back of his hand to emphasize his state of mind. "And I'll see what I can do 'bout sendin' them on early." The professor had sat back, smiling faintly. "Well. That's why Scott is going with you, along with anyone else who volunteers." He hadn't seemed at all put out by Logan's savage growl. *** "Well," I said, doing what I could to keep my voice calm and steady. "It's...an amazing likeness." I had to bite down on my lip to keep the laughter from escaping. "Mostly." He darted a murderous glare at me, then looked back to the statue carved into the face of the cliff in front of us. It really did look remarkably like him...with a minor...enhancement. "I can't believe this," he muttered. "I can't fuckin' _believe_ this." My chest started shaking with the mirth I was desperately holding in. I thought my face must look pretty red with the suppressed laughter. "I guess you impressed 'em." My eyes were locked on the sight. It was getting kinda hard to breathe, what with the way I was choking. Rogue, ever the queen of subtlety, came rocketing onto the site. "Would you two stop gettin' so far ahead of us? We're s'posed to be here as a--" Her words broke off as she took in the statue. "_Oh mah gawd._" "Not a word, Rogue. Not one. Damned. Word." She didn't heed his warning. "Oh mah gawd, Wolvie...you're hung like an _elephant_!" It was too much. I dropped to my knees, burying my face in my hands to unsuccessfully attempt to hide the laughter. Breath wheezed in unsteadily between choking gasps. I felt Logan's glare on me, but couldn't even raise teary eyes to look at him. "Logan? Kai? Rogue? Where are you guys?" Logan's feet made a scuffing noise as he turned sharply. "No, Jean! Don't come--" Too late. I heard the indrawn breaths, and I doubled over laughing again. My stomach was starting to hurt. I looked back up at the statue again. Nothing worked except whatever muscles handle laughter, and they were going overtime. Scott's voice was very, very carefully level. "Well. It would seem that the, uh...the Nachichi changed their, um...their religion. Considerably." "Mon ami! I had no idea!" "Jesus, sugah, is that some mutant thing ya ain't brought up b'fore?" "The professor would be most displeased." "No wonder Kai stays wit' ya, homme!" Shlukkk! "Keep it up, Gumbo." "Ah think you're doin' that just fine on your own, sugah!" "This situation really does need to be...to be...restrained." A definite snort of laughter from Scott's direction. I was nearly howling by now, and it sounded like Jean was ready to join me. Logan was probably on the verge of slaughtering the lot of us. Fortunately, he was interrupted by a familiar delighted shriek. "Travelers!" I raised tearful eyes, gasping. The tribesman was racing towards us, arms once again widespread for a welcoming hug. Logan didn't growl this time; he snarled. Jean hastily erected a telekinetic barrier between him and the approaching man. The tribesman fell to his knees and bowed low just before the barrier. "You've returned!" he crowed. "The tribe will be so happy to see you! Loogah, the Great God who showed us the light!" Scott, Jean, Remy, Rogue, and myself all spoke as one. "_Loogah_?!?" "Well," the tribesman said, dark skin flushing a little. "I overheard the Holy Consort speak the name. I hope I haven't gone too far in using it..." "_Loogah_?!?" Scott, Jean, Remy, and Rogue repeated in astonishment. I scowled, laughter fading. "Holy _Consort_?!?" The man seemed too ecstatic to see us to take into consideration that we might be considerably less happy to see him. He stood, grinning from ear to ear. "Come!" he invited with a grand sweep of the arms. "The tribe is waiting to see you both! Loogah and Consort, welcome back to the Nachichi!" *** "So let me get this straight," Scott began, sitting with Logan, myself, and the village priest in the thatch hut that was the priest's home...the priest being the same tribesman we'd known before and who'd met us by the statue. "You sent Logan and Kai--" "Loogah and Consort," the man corrected politely. Logan and I both scowled. "...Yes. Well." Scott looked very much as if he wanted to collapse into a heap and chortle, but somehow restrained himself. "Loogah and Consort...were sent to...the afterlife?" "Yes." A firm nod of the head. The priest looked pleased with Scott's quick grasp of the situation. "And then you brought them back, and they told you what the 'afterlife' is like." "Yes." "And they told you that it was a terrible place." "Yes." "With monsters." "Yes." "And pits of fire." "Yes." "And rain that falls from the sky and burns the skin from your body." "Yes." Scott sighed and looked at both of us. I shifted a little under the weight of that glare. So maybe I was feeling a _little_ guilty about messing with the Nachichis' faith... "You two should have thought of the repercussions of your actions." "Don't lecture me, Slim," Logan rumbled warningly. Scott only sighed again, then turned back to the priest. "All right. So then you decided that Logan--" "Loogah." "_Loogah_ was a god who could guide spirits to the safe parts of the afterlife." A beatific smile flashed across the dark face. "I had a vision. A great and powerful vision. Loogah came and led me to paradise, and then he sent me back to spread the word that there was a safe haven, for those who were worthy." "And what about _me_?" I put in sharply. "I was there too, y'know!" He blinked at me in some confusion. "Of course, Consort. We would never forget you." "Quit calling me that!" Scott cut in again. "And now you've developed an entirely new base of beliefs, where 'Loogah' is your primary god, and the 'Consort' is his companion, and together they lead you to heaven." A satisfied nod. "Yes. We were shown the light. The artisans worked very hard to capture Loogah's likeness in stone, so now he can watch over us even when his physical manifestation is not here." With another sigh, Scott rubbed at his head. "I hate to be the one to tell you this...but Logan -- all, right! _Loogah_ isn't a god." The priest patted his shoulder in a comforting gesture. "It is all right to have doubts. Loogah will guide you, regardless, if you are pure of heart." "Christ," Logan muttered. "This has gotta be the stupidest thing that's ever happened to me." "To _us_!" I put in crossly. Then looked to the priest. "Just what the hell is the 'Consort' supposed to do, anyway?" He looked very happy to explain to me what, exactly, my purpose as a deity was. "The Consort accompanies Loogah and keeps his needs satisfied." I opened my mouth to snap what I though of _that_, but he continued before I could. "And of course, the Consort is also the goddess of fertility." I just blinked, mouth hanging open for the words that forgot how to come. Fertility?! I was the goddess of _fertility_?!? "Just as Loogah is a god of virility, as well as the guide to the afterlife." Beside me, Logan gave a considering "humph," as if he suddenly wasn't quite so displeased with his role. Scott's face was red. I was just relieved that Jean, Rogue, and Remy were waiting _outside_. "But...where's _my_ statue?" At the very least, I oughtta have knockers as big as Betsy's, considering Logan's, ah, enhancement. "Your..." His voice trailed off, a line of thought appearing between his brows. "Just a moment." He stood and walked to the opening of the hut, calling something in his native language. Scott was carefully silent. I darted a glare at Logan, noting the faint smile that quirked his lips. "What're _you_ smiling at?" The smile broadened a bit. "God of virility." "Here you are!" said the priest, bringing a small object back in with him and smiling. With a reverent air, he handed it to me. I stared mutely at the squat little statue. It was a female; most notably because it had saggy breasts resting on an extremely pregnant belly. There was no face or hair, or any other recognizable features. Logan took one look at it and started howling laughter, evidently forgetting that _his_ statue was busy flashing the entire Savage Land just then. "But they're not gods!" Scott said, voice straining on mirth as Logan clutched his stomach and shook all over. "They're just people!" "Stay," the priest invited kindly. "Learn. We will teach you." "G-goddess of f-fertility!" Logan gasped, looking again at the pudgy statuette. "An' me...I'm the--" I slammed the statuette down in his lap. "The god of virility can just find himself another goddess of fertility if he doesn't shut his yowling mouth _right now_!" I didn't stay to see if he took the threat seriously. With another furious glare at the priest, I stormed out of the hut. "What's de matter wit' you, chere?" "Ask the Great Loogah!" *** I stalked through the tribe's little village, glowering at everyone who bowed to me. Now that I was looking, I saw little rag dolls of "Loogah" everywhere, (all complete with phalluses almost as large as their bodies), as well as more "Consort" statuettes (all complete with pregnant bellies and saggy tits). We were apparently quite popular, here. Suddenly, a woman came swiftly out of a nearby hut, looking frantic. She caught sight of me and barreled towards me, ignoring my furious glare. She bowed briefly, then babbled something in the native language and grabbed my hand, turning to drag me towards the hut. I freed my hand swiftly. "She's saying that she needs your help, Kai," came Jean's smooth voice. "She's very adamant." I turned to look at the telepath as she came towards me. "My help for what?" Glossy red hair shifted across her shoulders as she shook her head. "I can just feel her distress. To probe more deeply would violate her rights." She raised eyebrows mildly. "You _could_ just go with her and see." I swore mentally about annoying telepaths and crazy tribes and fertility deities as I let the woman drag me towards the hut. But as we neared it, I caught the scent of blood and quickened my pace. Seemed like something really was wrong, there. When I got closer and heard the strangled moans of a woman trying very hard to suppress her cries, I started running. It sounded like someone was injured, and badly. I outdistanced the woman leading me and pushed in through the doorway. And stopped frozen. "What the fuck...?" There was a woman lying on a bed of reeds. She was having a baby. A _baby_. I _hate_ babies. Not hate as in I'd kill one, or even hate as in I'd let one get hurt on my watch...but hate as in "keep 'em the hell away from me!" They're ugly. They're loud. They're fragile. They smell weird. "Nuh uh," I said, shaking my head and backing up a step. "No way." I turned sharply to head out...and almost ran into the woman who'd grabbed me. She was babbling again and gesturing frantically towards the heaving mother-to-be. I was too busy trying to push past her to bother deciphering what she was saying. But, lucky me, Jean was there. "This is the girl's first baby," she informed me, green eyes warming as she looked at the scared young woman. "She's terrified, Kai. She heard that the 'Consort' was in the village, and she asked for you to be brought." "Why _me_?!" She smiled sweetly. "You're the goddess of fertility. Any birth you are present at is blessed." I looked back at the laboring girl. She did look terrified. Her wide brown eyes begged me to stay. My stomach roiled. "I'm never gonna forgive...somebody...for this," I muttered, wondering just who I could manage to blame. Working nobly to keep my gut from rebelling, I moved over to stand by the woman's head, looking very carefully away from the place where the baby was trying to force its way into the world. Jean, seeming far more comfortable than I, came and sat down, taking her hand gently. She musta done something to ease her pain, too, because the strained little groans faded and the brown eyes closed in relief. "Why can't _you_ be the goddess of fertility? You've _got_ kids!" She gave me another mildly raised eyebrow. "Don't you want children some day, Kai?" I sneered to cover my discomfiture. "Yeah, right. I'm gonna go through _this_ just so I can have a squalling brat to sign over twenty years of my life to." She shook her head sadly. "Sometimes you surprise me with how ignorant you can be." Trying to lean back against the wall nonchalantly, I almost managed to fall through the thin material. I pushed away from it, scowling furiously yet again and wondering in a distant corner of my mind if I was ever gonna stop scowling 'til we left this place. "Just get that kid born, Jean." "The baby's coming in her own time." "Can't you pull it out telekinetically, or something?" This time there was the definite light of disapproval in her lovely eyes. "If you can't offer support to this poor girl, why don't you just fulfill your role and be quiet so she can have her child?" I muttered again beneath my breath and sat down resolutely, trying to ignore the sounds and scents of the birth, and damning the Nachichi with every oath I could make up. *** At night, the damp heat of the Savage Land eased a bit. The tribe threw a huge celebration, complete with more dancing and a bonfire, to welcome Logan and me back to them. He, having gotten over finding a statue of him with an erection that woulda done a whale proud, was enjoying his role to the hilt. Scott and Jean sat off to one side of the revelry, talking in low voices and occasionally smiling or laughing at the situation. I knew that soon Scott would insist we find a way to fix this, but he wasn't being so uptight as to miss the humor. Rogue and Remy were also very near each other, though with that slight distance between them that was as much mental as physical. She was in fine spirits. He was obviously still amused. I sat in stony silence and, I'll admit it, sulked. After a while, I slipped away from the party and headed off into the woods. No one seemed to notice me leaving, which was all to the good. I didn't want company. Without really thinking about it, I headed back towards the statue. The light from the bonfire didn't reach this far, and there were no torches by it to reveal its features. Even so, my night vision was more than keen enough for me to see it clearly. "Loogah," I said in disgust, plopping down at the base of the statue and staring broodingly at nothing. My mind picked over today's events moodily. "Goddess of fertility." Picking up a nearby stick, I started breaking it into little pieces and tossing them across the ground. The minor destruction felt good. "Come to pay tribute, darlin'?" I started up, nearly shouting in my surprise. There aren't many people around that can sneak up on me. Logan only manages it when I'm distracted and he's being very careful...which meant that he was in a playful mood after being worshipped all evening. I settled my racing heart with yet another scowl, then plopped back down and grabbed another stick to murder. "Surprised you got away from your followers," I said sarcastically. "Didn't think they'd wanna let 'Loogah' go." "Ah, it was easy to give 'em the slip." He came outta the treeline and stopped in front of the statue, staring up at it with a grin. "Y'know, I think I like it better, now." "You _would_." I was strangely satisfied to see him scowl. If I was gonna be in a mood, damn it, then he'd better be, too. "What's the matter with you? It ain't a big deal." I glanced pointedly up at the phallus that shadowed me, then back to him silently. He had the grace to look embarrassed. "Well...maybe _that_ part of it is." He grinned suddenly. "Come on, Kai...how often do people get to be gods? Even just for a little while?" "I wouldn't know. I'm just the 'Consort'. I bow to your superior knowledge." Yeah, so I was being unfair. He didn't tell these people what to believe. Still. I was in a _mood_. His scowl returned as quickly as it had left. "Ya don't gotta get bitchy. We'll straighten everything out tomorrow." I glared at the dirt and continued savaging the stick. "They're just workin' off their system o' beliefs, Kai. They don't see women the same as men." I said nothing. "Christ, Kai...you know _I_ respect ya as a fighter." More silence. He swore under his breath and turned to go, knowing me well enough by now to realize I wasn't gonna get outta my bad temper easily. I didn't watch as he reached the treeline. My eyes were fixed on a little pebble near my feet. "I can't have kids." I said it low, but his ears are keen. He stopped in his tracks and turned. "Huh?" Still didn't look at him. "I can't have kids. I'm barren. The symbiont does something...I don't know what." Nothing for a minute, though I felt his eyes on me. Then the shush of dirt as he came over and dropped down to sit cross- legged in front of me. He didn't say anything. Finally, the silence grew unnerving, and I looked at him. His face was still. "So?" he said quietly. "Ya can't have kids." I shook my head a little. "Don't want 'em, either. I don't like kids. Never have." He gave a short nod. "Okay." Again, quietly. "No kids, then." I just stared at him for a minute. We'd never talked about anything resembling "togetherness." We just..._were_ together. There'd never been any talk about the future, about _our_ future. That sorta thing makes me more than a bit nervous. I was much more comfortable with just living from day to day, fighting what we had to fight and spending our free time living as much as we could. This was as close as we'd ever come to really speaking of "us." And I was unutterably relieved that he was making it so simple. I nodded once at him. "All right." Cleared my throat. "No kids." He half-smiled and grabbed the remaining bit of wood from my hands, tossing it aside. "Come on. There's still a party to get back to." He stood and reached a hand out for mine. I let him pull me to my feet. Then I kept hold of his hand and held him back when he started towards the village. He looked back with a quizzical tilt to his brows. "What?" My mouth pulled up at the corner as I glanced above us at the statue again. "God of virility, huh?" An amused chuckle as he turned and pulled me tightly into his arms. "Consort, huh?" I shook my head slightly. "_Partner_," I corrected firmly. He grinned as he brought his lips to mine. "Whatever ya say, darlin'," he murmured. And then we didn't talk at all, which is the best sorta communication we know. *** "But I'm not a god," Logan explained again, with remarkable patience. "I'm just a man, same as anyone else." I smirked to myself. The priest smiled with even more patience. "The avatar of Loogah tests us. We will keep the faith." Scott tried reason. "Look...you worked some sort of magic, and you sent them to another world. It wasn't really the afterlife. It was just some sort of...trans-spatial warp." Another benign smile. "Loogah appeared to me in a vision. Only gods appear in visions such as this." Jean tried understanding. "I know it's easy to believe he's a god..." "But he's not. The vision you had was nothing but a dream brought on by your fear of what Logan and Kai--" "Loogah and Consort." "...of what they told you." The priest's eyes twinkled merrily. "This is the most delightful game to test belief!" Rogue tried bluntness. "Sugah, you're nuts. Believe me...these two're about as far from divine as anyone Ah've met." "It is difficult, sometimes, for us mere mortals to understand the minds and souls of the gods." Remy tried charm...sorta. "Gambit make a _much_ better god dan Logan." "Loogah." "Whatever. Why don' y' make a statue a me?" I snorted loudly, bringing a charming wink in my direction from the exotic eyes. The priest only sighed sadly. "You risk the wrath of Loogah. Be careful, young man. His rage is terrible." The loud snort this time came from Scott, who caught Logan's glower in time to keep from opening his mouth and risking the wrath of Loogah. "What about the wrath of the _Consort_," I muttered, half under my breath. He heard me, anyway, and gave me a bright smile. "The Consort is kind and mothering." "You lousy little son of a--" Logan stepped in front of me, blocking off my access to the priest. "Look...this ain't a test o' faith. I can tell you people are just _full_ o' that. Ya just need to find another god to worship, okay? Prayin' to me ain't gonna get ya nowhere." The priest stood, still with that inane smile on his face. "I do like playing this game. I do. But now I have duties to attend to." He bowed low with a sweeping gesture. "Loogah and Consort and friends...sleep well." And then he vanished from the hut, leaving us as stymied as ever. "This may be harder than we thought," Scott mused. "These people were so traumatized by the view you gave them of the afterlife that they gave themselves a rigid structure of beliefs they believed would protect them." "Ya think?" Logan asked sarcastically. "Whatever possessed you to lie to them the way you did?" "The bastards sent us off into some goddamned desert with no food or water! We got caught in a sandstorm that just about stripped all the skin offa me!" "They didn't mean to," Jean said in quiet rebuke. "They were just questioning faith. Seeking answers. The same thing most people do, at some time or another." "Well they coulda picked some o' their own fuckin' people to go!" She looked more than a little surprised that he'd actually yelled at her. It's something he rarely does. (To her, anyway.) Her eyes flashed angrily. "Take responsibility for your actions, Logan. You destroyed their system of belief. It's up to you to fix it." I was getting real tired of being left out. "_I_ helped! _I'm_ the one who made up the angry gods!" "Y' sure y' wan' be bragging 'bout dat, chere?" I sat back sullenly. "Well I _did_." Scott sighed and shook his head. He'd been doing that a lot since we got here. "We're not going to get it settled by yelling at each other. It's late. I suggest we turn in and think about it overnight." "Fine," said Logan shortly. "So get out." Scott's forehead wrinkled in surprise. "What?" "Get out. Go find yourself another hut." "Why should we? We have as much right to this hut as you do." Thick arms crossed belligerently over Logan's barrel chest. "'Cause he said this is Loogah an' Consort's hut, that's why. So get the hell out." "_Consort_ and _Loogah_," I corrected under my breath. Then added my own voice to the argument. "Just go, Scott. Anyone here'll be glad to put friends of the 'gods' up, and if you don't leave he'll be bitching all night." Rogue looked from Scott's face to Logan's. "Ya'll got some problems," she muttered. "Ah'm goin' t' find a place to crash." And she left, followed immediately by a hopeful looking Remy. Jean put a hand on Scott's arm in a placating gesture. "Come on, hon. It's not worth fighting over." He looked very much as if he wanted to argue...but then I guess Jean said something to him telepathically, because he quickly looked at her with his mouth dropping open. She smiled with a mischievous smile all women know instinctively. Without another word, he let her guide him from the hut. Logan breathed out a short huff of irritation. "Sometimes I really can't stand that guy." "Yeah. The nerve. Challenging Loogah in his own hut." He glared. "Don't _you_ start." "We really should figure out what to do about this." He plopped down on the reed bed and ripped off his boots. "I'll figure it out in the mornin'. I just wanna sleep now." "_Just_ wanna sleep?" I pressed an already bared foot against his back and tickled toes up his spine. "Is Loogah losing his stamina?" He turned with, yes, another glare. "Weren't you the one just sniping at me a minute ago?" I met him with a grin. "I think one of my jobs is to keep you humble." "Humph." He went back to pulling off clothing. I turned on the bed of reeds and started rubbing at tight shoulders. It's one of our trademarked means of relaxing. Also a way of making peace, which comes in handy since we hardly ever know how to apologize to each other. After a minute or so, tension bled out with a sigh. "Coulda handled this better without the rest along." "Mm hmm," I agreed, leaning farther forward to lightly press lips against the junction of neck and shoulder. He leaned back a bit and turned his head to catch my lips with his. His arms slipped around me, and then he was pulling me over across his lap, and I was sliding my own arms up around his neck, and -- "Loogah?" We reeled away from each other, staring wide-eyed at the small collection of women who were crowding in through the draping covering the entrance to the hut. There were four of them, all young and pretty, and they weren't wearing much more than scraps of cloth and imagination. "Loogah," said the tallest, walking forward with a smile. "We come to offer ourselves to the god of virility." She sounded as if she was repeating the words from memory, stumbling just a little over the unfamiliar language. The others came up close behind her, eyes fixed with almost predatory intent on Logan. "Uh...," he began intelligently. "Kai? A little help here, darlin'?" "Whaddaya want _me_ to do? I'm just the Consort, remember?" I tried not to laugh; I really did. Didn't succeed, though. "Maybe you should plead exhaustion." "Kai!" I rose, chuckling, and pulled on clothes and boots. "I think I'm gonna take a walk, 'Loogah'. Why don't you see to it your loyal worshippers are gone when I get back?" And then, ignoring his desperate protest, I snatched his pack of cigarettes and took myself outside. *** While the Great Loogah tried to figure out a way to chase four scantily clad women from his hut, the Holy Consort walked alongside a stream, smoking a cigarette and musing over divinity. It's not something I do often. The musing, that is. I try to avoid thinking of anything past the here and now, unless it has to do with star gazing, which is the one area I'm willing to let my mind wander freely. What was it that made these people so desperate to believe? It's not something I'm familiar with. The closest I've ever come to religion was a brief period after I broke conditioning that I refer to as my "searching" time, where I set up a small shrine to Buddha in a corner of the cheap apartment I was living in. I paid close attention to that shrine, too, and it didn't do a damned thing. No divine visitations. No meaningful dreams. Just a squat little statue and some incense ash. I left the shrine up for months, but ignored it after the first. I'd decided by then that the only bit of divinity that I needed to worry about was the piece reflected in the world around me; in a wild tempest, in rolling fields of grass, in the altered consciousness of trance. Whatever else there was...would reveal itself. So why did these people have such a need to know what was to come? I hadn't even begun to formulate an answer when I caught the scent. I gave no sign at first, trying to sort through memory and label it. Something vaguely reptilian...yet not quite familiar. I stared fixedly at the ground, keeping my body relaxed, and listened around me. There. To my left, just inside the treeline. Something large, breathing with slow, deep breaths into a sizable chest. And there, too...off across the stream. Another of the same creatures, whatever they were. Experimentally, I cast the cigarette aside and started walking. The creatures slipped through the brush almost silently. If my senses had been an ordinary person's, I wouldn't have had any idea they were there. But yes, they were definitely stalking me. I feigned full attention to where I was walking, but really focused everything on keeping their locations pinned. They kept a steady distance from me. Ever so briefly, I thought I glimpsed the faint hint of a form across the stream before it vanished again into shadow. Still keeping my motions casual, I freed the hunting knife from the thigh sheath built into my BDUs, then held it so that the blade ran along the length of my forearm as I waited. I didn't have to wait long. Evidently the sight of one lone human was just too tempting for the critters. Brush waved across the stream, drawing my attention. I half-turned, then realized that the other was moving, too. It stayed out of sight, but had definitely neared my position. Across the stream, the animal slipped out of the brush into my line of sight. I caught a breath, looking at it. It was beautiful, in a deadly sorta way. Looked something like those raptor things in that dinosaur movie that was so popular a while back, only perhaps a little smaller. Its skin appeared smooth and a muted green. Its eyes were yellow; a bird's eyes. I noted claws on diminutive forelimbs, but the ones that caught my attention were the huge hooked talons on each foot. It wasn't hard to imagine what those things were for; evisceration tools, if I'd ever seen 'em. (And I had.) It moved with a sinuous grace that was almost like water taking form. The head nodded a little; back and forth, back and forth. The gesture had a hypnotic quality. "Well, now," I breathed softly. "You're something, aren't you?" Something smart, that's for sure. Even as the first was busy trying to keep my attention, the second began an almost silent rush from behind me. It moved fast. As soon as I heard the motion, I whirled, but it was already almost on me. This one was a little smaller than the one across the water, but those talons were no less deadly. It sprang through the air while it was still several paces away, those strong feet shoving forward and the "hands" reaching to grasp for me. Fortunately for me, I'm quick. My feet were in motion even as eyes registered the threat, and I lashed out with the knife, switching my grip automatically, as I dodged just past the creature. It screeched with a sound almost like a human's and landed hard, leaning to the side over the gaping wound across its torso. It snapped around, tail lashing out for balance, and leapt again. I spun out and tried for another cut without success. The one across the water began a rush. I cursed aloud, deciding abruptly to take the fight to the injured creature instead of just letting it come to me. I sprang as it did, meeting it mid-leap before the vicious claws quite came all the way up. The knife rammed into its stomach and tore upwards even as one talon hooked into my thigh and ripped a jagged slash nearly from hip to knee. I pressed in close, stabbing again and again while it tried to get enough distance to tear at me. The large head snapped forward, jaws opening wide. I slammed a hand upwards and shoved its face away as hard as I could. It gave another of those strange, human-like screeches as the knife found something vital. I felt the body stiffen convulsively. The other creature slammed into me, bearing me down over its dying mate. Teeth darted for my head. I managed to turn enough aside so it took a chunk of shoulder instead. A talon caught flesh across the back of my rib-cage and tore down into soft tissue. I think I probably screamed, though I was too caught up in pain and fury to hear it. The knife was ripped free of the animal beneath me. I managed by dint of sheer desperation to turn beneath the other and plunge the blood- slick blade upwards into its abdomen. It cried out, but the pain didn't stop it from slashing at me. The tooth-filled mouth came for me again. I caught a hand on its snout, perilously close to the teeth, and held it at bay while the other hand raised to stab the knife directly into the creature's eye. Now it lunged back, batting at its blinded eye with one stumpy forelimb. I lurched to my feet and stood in a half-crouch, waiting. It gave another cry and turned to run, its beautiful grace ruined by the way it hunched over the wound in its stomach. I started to relax...and then realized that it was heading straight for the village. I thought as I set feet to pounding after it. It ran past the outer huts, and I saw that its head was now bent to the side, perhaps to allow it to see better out of its remaining eye. The fantastic speed was slowed by its injury, or else I'd never have caught it. As it was, the animal had nearly reached the center of the village -- where a lot of people were still about -- before I launched forward and hit it full tilt. Dimly, I heard the villagers screaming. Some corner of my mind was amused by that. What were _they_ screaming for? I was the one getting sliced up by this thing. But the thought was fleeting, because it fought now with the desperate ferocity of a cornered, injured animal. It half-fell, which sent me rolling off its back, and then regained its feet and braced them wide. I gained mine, as well, and prepared to throw myself back at it. Motion behind me...coming up fast. Now maybe..._maybe_ I recognized Logan even in the heat of the battle. _Maybe_ I was familiar enough with how we fought together by then to sense that it was him, and not some other threat. _Maybe_ there was some _little_ corner of my mind that was still pissed about being cast as the "Consort" while he got to be a powerful god. But I'll be damned if I'll ever _admit_ that. The second I registered "presence" nearby, I rammed an elbow back at face level with almost all of my strength. I heard his nose break under the blow, and I saw out of the corner of my eye that he reeled back hard. But by that time, the creature was already making its last attempt at survival by rushing for me, the acknowledged threat, and I couldn't even spare him a glance as I raced forward to meet it. The last clash was short and painful. A talon nearly eviscerated me, tearing a line from sternum to pelvis. My knife plunged into its sinewy throat. It was a toss-up which of us screamed louder...but the final result was clear. Its muscles spasmed. Its teeth gnashed uncomfortably close to my face. But strength left it even with that last effort, and the once-graceful body knuckled forward to the ground as its life bled away. I dropped to my knees, clamping an arm tightly across my midsection. The chaos that had been the frantic tribesmen was silent. Everything was silent. I dropped the knife into the dirt and pressed my other arm over my gut, closing my eyes and gritting my teeth while I waited for the healing symbiont to do its job. He came and crouched beside me. I opened my eyes and looked at him. Distractedly, I saw the blood from his nose. He didn't look too pissed, though, so I let my eyes close again and bent forward over my stomach, trying not to groan. "Kai?" From Jean, as she and Scott arrived on the scene and took in the sight. They rushed over, and she dropped to her knees. I had no idea what she thought she could do, but the concern was appreciated. "Leave her be, Red. She'll be all right in a minute." "Less than...a minute," I muttered, tentatively pulling my arms away from my stomach. "Damn...that hurts." Logan moved in as I straightened a little, his hands going expertly to pull aside my torn shirt and look at the remains of the injury beneath. Skin had closed, and the angry redness was fading even as he watched. "Anything else wrong?" I shook my head tiredly. "The other one got my leg...and this one fucked up my back...but those're healed already." I met his eyes, seeing the concern there, and managed a faint smile. "Damn handy things, healing factors." He nodded. It's something we say a lot. I looked past him to the dead creature, feeling a pang. It had been so beautiful... Rogue and Remy reached us as Logan helped me to my feet. I clung to him for just a moment while I waited for muscles to all obey, and then I pulled away and stood unsteadily. And that's when it started. A chant, beginning with the wide- eyed priest and quickly being picked up by the others. "Kah- ee...Kah-ee...Kah-ee...Kah-ee..." I blinked at them in surprise. Every eye seemed fixed on me. A few people dropped to the ground in low bows, faces in the dirt. I could only stare. The priest came forward, looking almost hesitant. He dropped to his knees and bowed deeply. "Oh, Great and Terrible Kah- ee! Forgive us for referring to you as only the Consort!" "I t'ink y' picked up a fan club," said Remy mildly. I glanced at him, catching his amused grin, then turned my gaze back to the genuflecting tribesmen. The chant had been picked up by everyone, now, and it rose through the night air with the strength of devout belief and simple awe. Scott summed it up best. "The professor's really not going to like this." *** Scott sat heavily on the reed bed and stared at us from beneath his visor. "We've been here for a week, now," he began, only to be interrupted by a handful of shrieking children running by outside who shrilled "Loogah!" and "Kah-ee!" at the tops of their little lungs. His jaw clenched as he waited for them to pass, and then he continued with forced calm. "A week. And not only have we failed to return the Nachichi to their former system of belief prior to Logan and Kai's--" "Loogah and Kah-ee," said the priest, once again being helpful. Scott gave a long-suffering sigh. "Loogah and Kah-ee's interference. Now their religion includes not only the Great Loogah, who guides souls to heaven, but also the Great Kah-ee--" "Great and Terrible Kah-ee." I snorted from where I leaned casually back against Logan's shoulder. Scott's teeth ground over the words. "_The Great and Terrible Kah-ee_ protects the travelers from the monsters, demons, and evil gods these poor people _somehow_ got convinced are part of the afterlife." I was chewing on a blade of grass, flicking it up, down, up, down, with his words. At the last, I snorted again and bumped an elbow back against Logan's ribs. He was wearing that cowboy hat of his, and had it pulled down over his eyes in a comfortably lazy manner. "Hear that? I get to protect 'em." He grunted. "I'm still the god of virility, though." "True." Something occurred to me. "Whatever happened with those four girls?" "Let's just say your interruption with the lizard couldn't've come at a better time, darlin'." "Oh." "And now," Scott continued, voice straining with impatience, "they've begun carving a statue dedicated to Kah-ee into the cliff wall next to the statue of Loogah." "S'bout time," I mumbled, eyes closed as the grass blade flicked up, down, up, down. I grinned faintly. "Betsy knockers." From Jean -- "What?" "Nothing." Scott again. "I get the impression the two of you are no longer taking this seriously." "Sugah, they weren't _never_ takin' this seriously." "The professor isn't going to be happy with this turn of events." I felt Logan shrug against my back. "We gave it a shot, Cyke. These people ain't nothin' if they're not stubborn." "I think their choice of deities makes sense, then," Jean put in dryly. "Regardless, we really need to discuss..." Scott's voice went on, but I was feeling drowsily content, and so I let myself ignore it. Logan had forgiven me reasonably easily for breaking his nose, though I don't think he was entirely convinced it was an accident. The Nachichi had been able, to my intense relief, to use the meat from both of the creatures I'd killed. Knowing that their bodies would go to good use in feeding the tribe made me feel considerably less bad about having killed them. In a way, it was just an affirmation of the cycle of life and the savageness of the natural law...a law I can't help but follow, considering my choice of partner. New rag dolls were already springing up, this time of Kah-ee and not the chubby fertility goddess. I'd already snagged a Loogah and a Kah-ee to take home with us as souvenirs. Another woman had gone into labor, and though I'd been cordially invited to attend, (to which invitation I cordially refused), the woman had specifically requested Jean's presence, rather than insisting on mine. Jean, bless her heart, seemed quite pleased at that. Rogue had accompanied her, taking a touching amount of pleasure in holding the newborn infant (boy, I think) in her gloved hands. Overall, the village was a relaxing place to be. At least, it was if you didn't mind being bowed to by nearly everyone you passed. Scott was still explaining the seriousness of the situation. Poor guy. This musta been driving him nuts, what with his ingrained need for order. I sighed and scooched closer to Logan, getting ready to weather out a long speech. Remy, however, interrupted. "Scotty...tell me sum'ting. _Why_ we need t' change deir beliefs?" "Because...because they're _wrong_." "What's wrong wit' dem? Forget for a sec dat we're talkin' about Logan and Kai--" "Loogah and Kah-ee." "...T'anks. Forget dem. What do dese people b'lieve in? A god dat guides dem to heaven. A goddess dat protects dem on de way." I heard fabric shift as he shrugged. "Sounds like a pretty nice system t' me. Dey ain't hurtin' no'ting. Dey're peaceful. Dey're happy. So what be de problem?" "But..." "He has a point, hon. What right do we have to tell people what to believe? Does it really matter what name or face they put on their gods?" "But Logan and Kai--" "Loogah and Kah-ee." "_Whatever_! They already corrupted these people! We're just trying to repair the damage!" "I t'ink y' gon' cause more damage tryin' t' fix it dan dey caused messin' it up." "But..." "Be a real shame to see that statue a...Loogah...come down, sugah." Logan snorted. I only grinned and flicked the stem up, down, up, down, up, down. "Scott, I think maybe we should leave the Nachichi to believe whatever they choose to." "Got my vote, mon ami." "Ah'm in with Jean an' Remy. Leave 'em be." "But...it's _Logan and Kai_!" "Loogah and--" "_All right_!" I opened my eyes and turned my head a little to watch as Scott threw his arms up in defeat. "Fine! _Let_ them keep Loogah and Kah-ee! Let them build their statues! These people are as pig-headed as...as..." "Loogah and Kah-ee," supplied the priest cheerfully. Scott groaned. It sounded truly pained. "Pack up," he muttered, cupping a hand over his head as if it ached. "We're getting out of here as soon as possible." "Come on, dear," Jean murmured, putting an arm around him and encouraging him to his feet. "This will probably just seem like a bad dream, tomorrow." "Don't worry, Red. I'll make real sure to remind him." "Thanks, Logan...but that's really not necessary." She and Scott walked out. I really felt for the guy. He was gonna have to explain to Xavier just how he let this situation get so outta control. Remy and Rogue took their leave minutes later, the broadly smiling priest just after, and then it was just Logan and me. "Hey, Loogah." "Yeah, Kah-ee?" "D'ya still think this is the stupidest thing that's ever happened to you?" A momentary silence. "Well, it's right up there with the X- babies thing." "X-babies?" "Ya don't wanna know." "Oh." The grass stem flicked up, down, up, down, up, down. "D'ya think there really is an afterlife?" "These people seem pretty sure." "These people are also worshipping _us_," I pointed out. "True." Another pause. "Yeah, I think there's prob'ly somethin' after this. But we'll find out for sure when we get there. Hopefully a long time from now." "Hmm." Outside, another child ran by, screaming "Kah-ee" at the top of her lungs and chasing a boy who was snarling and trying to look menacing. Presumably he was the lizard thing. "Y'know, it wasn't the Consort thing that had me bugged. It was that they wouldn't let me be anything _but_ Consort." An affirmative grunt. "Well, that's fixed now." He shifted a bit, making me pull away a little or risk falling behind him on the reed bed. When he settled, I propped back against him. "Nasty critters ya had there," he commented idly. "Told ya this place is weird." "Yep." A mother pursued a child outside, shrieking something painfully shrill to enhanced ears. "I really _am_ sorry I broke your nose." "I'll get ya back." "You will?" I sat up and turned. "How?" He was silent for a moment, which meant he was listening for something. Suspiciously, I started listening too. And heard it; what sounded like a dozen screaming children coming our way. I gave him a furious glare, dropping the grass stem from my teeth. "You didn't!" His grin peeked out from under the hat brim. "Kah-ee's the great protector." "That's Great and Terrible to you, bub!" "Gotta protect everyone. Even kids. And all the kids wanted to meetcha, so..." "I'm gonna kill you," I muttered as the wave of rugrats hit the door covering and threw themselves at us. The Great Loogah and the Great and Terrible Kah-ee were soon buried beneath a pile of tiny squirming bodies that sought to touch us and hug us and pluck out our hair. All in all, I guess he coulda found a worse revenge. Though I think I'd've preferred he broke my nose. --end— Notes from Kaylee: The critters Kai fought would properly be called _utahraptors_, which is the real name for the dinosaurs that starred in "Jurassic Park." _Velociraptors_ were actually a good bit smaller than their cousins (their size was greatly exaggerated for the movie), but the discovery of the _utahraptors_ didn't occur until the movie was nearly completed. And yes, it's believed (by some) that they were intelligent hunters who attacked in pairs or small family groups. See? You _can_ learn from fanfics!