Hi there.  Not a professional writer, so on and so forth. 
Logan, Hank, Remy, and the X-Men are Marvel's, and
broke college student me doesn't make a penny from
borrowing them.  Don't sue me.

Elbonia (as well as its charming little dog ruler) belongs to
Scott Adams of "Dilbert" fame.  I still make no money.  I
doubt Scott's mean enough to sue, anyways.  For those
who don't know, Elbonia is a silly little nation made up by
Mr. Adams.  It seemed the appropriate place for this silly
little story to come from. ;-) 

Kai and Candy are mine.  Don't use without permission. 
You'll contract the Elbonian plague, and it's not nearly so
nice for people without healing factors.  Oh, and for any
who've forgotten, Candy's one of the hookers living
downstairs at Kai and Logan's apartment building.  She's
the nice one. ;-)

My pal Kael constantly inspires fun story ideas, and this is
another one I owe in part to her.  We decided it'd be
utterly fun to torture the twosome with the horrible,
terrible, agonizing fate of...catching a cold.<g>  Of course,
no _normal_ cold was gonna work...so read on for how
this feat was accomplished.

This'd have to take place before "Virus", and since I forgot
to put in mention of the little Loogah and Kah-ee dolls
(which I've decided need to become trademarks whenever
I describe their apartment), it'd probably take place before
"The Great Loogah", too.

Other stories are graciously archived by Luba Kmetyk at
http://home.att.net/~lubakmetyk/  and now also at
http://www.darkspiral.com/

Comments to Kaylee1109@aol.com.  You laugh, you cry,
you groan in disgust...I wanna know!

Enjoy!

Kai and Logan:  Sick Day
by Kaylee (Kaylee1109@aol.com)

Kai woke groggily and opened her eyes slowly, aware of
little more than that something was _wrong_ with her
world.  She blinked at the ceiling for a few moments,
trying to figure out exactly what the problem was.  Her
head felt...strange.  Heavy and thick.  She noticed then
that she was breathing through her _mouth,_ not her nose.

<That's...not right.>

Experimentally, she closed her mouth.  Tried to draw in air
through her nose.  Her eyes started to bug out and her
lungs ached.  Frantically, she opened her mouth again.

<This...this is bad...>

Slowly, carefully, she reached a hand over to Logan's
sleeping form and shook him.  "Logan," she whispered,
noticing only then that her throat felt...scratchy.  "Logan,
wake up.  Something's _wrong._"  Her voice sounded
strange...nasal.  "Logan," she said more urgently.

He groaned in protest and rolled over, then froze and lifted
his head a little.  She stared at the ceiling, trying to settle
the pounding in her chest as he woke.

"Kai," he said suddenly, his voice sounding strange, too. 
"Kai...something's...wrong."

"I _know._  That's what I've been trying to _tell_ you."

His tone became more urgent.  "I can't...I can't
_breathe._"

"Try your mouth."

The sound of air being sucked in, followed by a short-lived
sigh of relief.  "My head feels funny."

"Mine does, too."

Silence for a moment, as they each dealt with this strange
new situation in their own ways.

Then -- "Telepathic attack?" Kai suggested.

Logan shook his head faintly.  "No.  I'd recognize that. 
Mind control?"

"Maybe," she said doubtfully.  "But I dunno...  What
about poison or drugs?  Something heavy?"

He thought about it for a moment.  "I s'pose it could be..." 
Then he sat up, shivered, and pulled the covers around
him.  "It's _cold._"

Kai mumbled a protest and started to pull the covers back. 
He growled and jerked them away.  Glaring, she sat up
and swung a wide punch at him, knowing full well that
he'd duck.

But...he _didn't_ duck!  The fist took him squarely on the
jaw and sent him sprawling to the floor, where he put a
startled hand to his face and looked back at her with wide,
surprised eyes.

"You...you didn't _duck._"  Kai looked at her fist, then at
his face.  "Why didn't you duck?"

Real alarm showed in his eyes now.  "I...dunno...  It's like
I didn't even see it coming."  Their gazes locked, hearts
pounding.

Then, as one, they said, "Gotta be mind control."

"Call Hank," Kai decided quickly, reaching for the phone. 
"Gotta call Hank.  He'll know what to do."

"Yeah.  Yeah, call Hank."  Then Logan crawled back into
bed and tucked the covers around him again.  "Just...don't
make it sound too urgent.  It's prob'ly nothin'."  But his
face didn't agree with his words.

The phone rang.  And rang.  And rang.  Swearing in that
nasally tone, Kai looked at the clock.  2:30 AM.  Everyone
would be asleep.  "Pick up," she ordered.  "Pick up pick
up pick up pick up..."

"Shut up," Logan groaned.  "You're hurtin' my head.  It
ain't gonna make 'em pick up any faster."

She glared over her shoulder at him, then started chanting
louder.  "Pick _up_ pick _up_ pick _up_ pick _up_..."

Finally, someone answered.  "Xavier's."

She frowned.  Her ears were messed up too.  She couldn't
hear the voice very clearly.  But that didn't matter, she
reasoned.  Whoever it was would recognize her.  "Get
Hank," she said, enunciating clearly.

A pause.  "Who is dis?"

Ah!  It was Remy!  No wonder he sounded so awake. 
Probably just getting back from a night out.  "Get Hank,"
she said again.  "It's important."

"Is dis a crank call?"

"No!  It's _me!_"

"Me?"  He paused again.  "Cheryl?" he ventured, then
changed his mind.  "Non, non...Cheryl be callin' for _me,_
not Henri.  So would Becky an' Jenine an' Kathrine an'..."

"_Remy!_  It's _Kai!_"

"Kai?"  Another pause.  "Chere, y' sound terrible!"

"That's why you gotta get _Hank,_" she explained at last. 
"Something's wrong."  Her voice took on a plaintive,
confused tone.  "I hit Logan, an' he didn't _duck!_  Get
Hank.  Now."

"Why y' hit Logan?  Nev' mind.  I don' wan' know.  All
right, chere.  Hold y' horses, neh?"  And before she could
answer, he set the phone down and vanished from the line.

She looked anxiously over at Logan.  He was scowling. 
"D'ya hafta tell him that?"

"Shut up," she answered.  "It might be important."

And then a groggy, bewildered voice came on.  "Kai," said
Hank tiredly.  "I truly hope you're being attacked by a
Sentinel or delivering a baby, because if you disturbed my
all too infrequent slumber for anything less important, I'll
be most perturbed with you."

"Hank," she began, then realized how urgent she sounded
and toned it down a bit.  "Something's not right.  I hit
Logan, and he didn't _duck!_  And both of us feel kinda
strange, and we can't breathe right, and..."

"Why did you hit Logan?  Never mind.  I'd rather not
know.  All right, Kai.  Easy," he soothed.  "I'll be over
there momentarily.  Just try to stay calm and...don't hit
Logan again.  All right?"

"'Kay," she agreed with a relieved sigh.  "Thanks, Hank." 
She hung up the phone and grabbed an edge of covers to
clutch to her.  "He's on the way."

"Good."  Then he shivered again.  "D'ya turn the air on?"

She shook her head, then bent forward to cough.  Logan
looked on in alarm.  Kai wasn't supposed to cough!  Not
unless they were being gassed, or something...

And then _he_ felt the strange, unfamiliar tickle in his
throat, and he started hacking, too.  When the fit passed,
he met Kai's eyes.  There was a frantic, scared light to
them.

"What the hell's going on?" Kai whispered.

Before he could answer, they were interrupted by a knock
at the door.  Logan frowned in that direction.  "No way
Hank got here that fast."

"Could be whoever did this to us."

"Right."  They slid out of bed, and Kai pulled a knife from
the bedside stand.  Logan stood and swayed, then caught
his balance by bracing a hand on the wall.  Kai found that
she wasn't much more stable.

But they ignored that.  A little unsteadily, Logan headed
for the door, Kai a step behind.  He stopped just in front
of it, and she stumbled into him.  He turned his head
sharply to hiss something at her, but her eyes were wide
and alarmed again, and he didn't have the heart.  So he just
leaned forward and peered out the peephole.

"Candy," he murmured after an instant.  "She's carryin'
somethin'."

"What?"  Kai tried to sniff, but her nose still wouldn't
work.  "I can't smell anything."

"Me neither."

"D'ya think she needs our help?"

"I didn't hear any trouble..."

"Yeah, but I can barely hear _anything._"

"Maybe _she's_ bein' mind controlled.  Maybe she's got a
bomb or somethin'."

Kai readied her hand on the knife, then looked down at it
and realized that it wouldn't exactly shield her from a
bomb.  With a scowl, she set it down and moved in closer
behind Logan.  "Open the door.  Might as well get some
answers."

Carefully, Logan drew back the locks.  Put a hand on the
knob...turned it...started to spring back "just in case"...

And crashed into Kai, who stumbled back and then fell
gracelessly in a heap.  He _almost_ kept his balance...but
then tumbled down to land half on top of her with a
"thud".

Candy stood in the doorway with a thermos in her hands,
blinking down at the tangle of arms and legs and
bewildered faces.  Then she started laughing.

"Poor things," she said between chuckles.  "I heard you
coughing earlier tonight, and just now.  Thought you
could use some good old fashioned chicken soup." 

Logan looked at Kai, then back up at Candy, eyes
narrowing suspiciously.  "There's chicken soup in that
thing?"

"Yeah."  Candy choked down her laughter, took the
thermos in one hand, and reached the other down to offer
them assistance.  Given that she was rail-thin, and both of
them were muscular and fit, this made a picture neither
one of them were too happy with.  Scowling again, Logan
levered himself up, then smirked and offered a hand to
Kai.  She glared at him and took Candy's instead.

"We're fine, Candy," Kai said, still glowering at Logan. 
"Got a friend coming to make sure everything's okay."

"Oh?  You don't _look_ fine.  You look like you've caught
the flu."

Two sets of startled eyes flew to her.  After a moment of
staring, Logan said slowly, "The...flu."

Kai scratched thoughtfully at her head.  "But we don't
_get_ the flu."

"You don't?" Candy asked, thin eyebrows raised.  "Well
then.  You've been lucky.  But trust me, guys...I've seen
the flu.  Haven't you noticed anything different?"

Kai smirked.  "I hit Logan, and he didn't _duck,_" she said
smugly.

He whirled around on her, and almost fell again.  Caught
his balance and glared.  Again.  "Would you _shut up_
about that??"

She snickered.  "It's _true._"

Candy grinned broadly.  "If I was living with him, I'd
probably hit him, too.  You go girl!"  She ignored Logan's
glower easily and set the thermos on the counter.  "I gotta
go.  Got a guy tied up downstairs."

Kai felt a strange surge of gratitude.  "You left work...for
us?"  It was so..._sweet._

Then she started to worry, because Kai _never_ called
anything _sweet._

"Don't worry," Candy assured as she walked out.  "He's a
regular."  She closed the door behind her, tossing back a
"get well" as she left.

Logan went over and stared at the thermos.  Kai locked
the door, then moved to stand behind him. 

"D'ya think it's really chicken soup?" Logan asked in a low
voice.

"I don't know.  Might still be a bomb."

"Or poison."

"Or one of those mutants that can turn to liquid and hide
in things like that."

"Whaddaya think we oughtta do with it?"

"Pour it out?"

"Might set it off if we open it."

"Or it might be counting down _now._"

Matching looks of alarm again.  Logan tried to reassure
them both.  "I don't hear any ticking."

"Our ears are messed up."  Kai was getting more
convinced of her scenario as she spoke.  "Oh shit...think
about it, Logan.  Someone slips us some super powerful
drug so our senses are messed up...mind controls poor
Candy so she brings us a bomb...and we can't even hear it
getting ready to go off!"

Somehow it made sense to his muddled thoughts. 
"Goddamnit.  Why can't anyone just attack ya in a blind
alley anymore?"

"We gotta get rid of it, Logan!"

"Right."  He plucked the thermos from the counter and
half-stumbled, half-ran to the window, tearing it open and
flinging the thermos out with a great show of strength, Kai
hovering nervously behind him.

And then they both watched as the thermos broke open on
the street below and spilled what looked amazingly like
chicken soup over the cracked pavement.  For a moment
they just stared, not saying anything.

Then Logan cleared his throat.  "Still coulda been poison,
though."

"Yeah," Kai agreed.  "That would make sense.  Hadda be
poison."

"Right."  He looked again at the wet spill on the street. 
"'Cause it'd be real embarrassing if that was chicken soup."

Kai shook her head firmly.  "Poison," she insisted.  "It was
_poison._"

Logan sighed and turned from the window, heading
unsteadily to the coffee table and reaching for the pack of
cigarettes perched on it.  He flipped up the top and peered
inside.  Then swore violently.  "D'ya smoke the last
cigarette _again,_ Kai??"

"Oops."

"Goddamnit."  He flung the pack down and collapsed
gracelessly on the couch.  "This really sucks.  We've been
drugged or poisoned or mind controlled, I just made an
ass o' myself by throwin' a thermos o' chicken soup out the
window 'cause _you_ went an' decided it was a _bomb,_
an' now we don't even got any cigarettes!"

"It was _poison._"

"Sure."

Another knock at the door.  Kai started for it, hesitated,
and grabbed the knife again for reassurance.  Then peeked
through the peephole and murmured, "It's Hank." 
Blinked.  "Without his image inducer.  He looks worried."

"He oughtta look worried!  Someone's tryin' to kill us!" 
Logan had come to stand behind her.  "Is he carryin'
anything?"

"Yeah.  He's got one of those doctor bags."  A pause. 
"Might be a bomb."

"You open the door an' I'll tackle 'im.  Get the bag an'
check it out.  Got it?"

"Got it."  Kai took a deep breath, turned the latches,
jumped back...

And slammed into Logan, sending both of them sprawling
to the floor.  Again.

Hank blinked in surprise.  "That wasn't quite
the...greeting...I expected."

But Logan was scrambling to his feet, shouting, "Get the
bag!" to Kai as he dove for the blue-furred mutant.  Hank
had time to blurt, "Stars and garters!" before Logan's solid
bulk hit him and took him to the floor in the hall outside. 
Kai wrenched the bag from his hands and pulled it swiftly
into the apartment, tearing it open and peering inside.

Hank, in the meantime, made no effort to struggle, though
he could have easily freed himself with his strength. 
"Logan, would you mind removing yourself from my
person?  In case it's slipped your mind, I was _asked_ to
come here."

"Better safe'n sorry, Hank.  No offense.  Bag clean, Kai?"

She sounded sheepish.  "Um.  Yeah.  No bomb."

"Bomb?"

"Don't worry 'bout it, Hank."  Logan stood and offered his
hand, almost falling to the floor when Hank took it and
pulled himself up.  He covered the momentary imbalance
by asking, "How'd ya get here so fast?"

"It sounded urgent," Hank explained as he dusted off his
clothing.  "So I asked Gambit to drive me."

"On the _Harley??_"  Somehow Logan just couldn't get
the image of Hank perched on the big bike behind Remy
into his brain.

Which, judging from the doctor's expression, was probably
a good thing.  "Yes.  On the Harley.  Which begs the
question as to why anyone would want to use such a mode
of transport...and further leads me to wonder why our
Cajun friend is now talking with the young lady who,
ah...seems to be employed in the 'world's oldest
profession' who lives downstairs, and who he seems to
know quite well...but ah well."  He glanced in towards
Kai.  "May I have my bag please?  Now that you're
assured it holds no immediate threat to your continued
existence?"  Kai handed it back to him with an
embarrassed flush on her face.  He glanced inside to check
on the contents.  "Were you aware that someone dumped
a thermos of chicken soup all over the street just outside
your building?"

Logan glared at Kai.  "Are ya _sure_ it was chicken
soup?"

"Well, it certainly _looked_ the part of chicken soup.  It
didn't tantalize my appetite to the point that I felt the urge
to _taste_ it, however..."

"Good thing," Kai said firmly.  "It was _poison._"

Hank looked from her to Logan and back again.  Cleared
his throat.  "I...see."  Cleared his throat again.  "Let's get
you checked out, shall we?"

***

A short while later, Hank was busily repacking his
equipment as he delivered his prognosis.  "Elbonian
plague.  Both of you show all the symptoms, albeit in an
extremely minor form.  Fortunately, your respective
healing abilities prevented the full onset of the illness. 
Also fortunately, you're well past the contagion period."

"But...we don't get sick!" Kai protested. 

Hank fixed her with a stern doctor look.  "Let's piece the
situation together, shall we?  You both spent several days
last week in the tiny nation of Elbonia -- which is ruled by
that charming little dog, I might mention here -- and during
that time you contributed to relief efforts against the
recently revealed Elbonian plague.  You now show mild
symptoms of that very plague, which is typically severe,
though not fatal.  Since you are obviously ill and there is
no other explanation at hand --"  He held up a hand to
ward off Kai's interruption.  "No _logical_
explanation...that implies that you've contracted the
Elbonian plague, no matter how effective your healing
factors are."

Logan groaned, remembering the weeks of terrible illness
they'd seen in Elbonia.  "So you're sayin' we're gonna be
this sick for a while?"

Hank's brow wrinkled in a perplexed expression.  "'This
sick'?" he echoed.  "Your healing factors are preventing
the onset of the worst symptoms.  What you're dealing
with now is no worse than a mild cold."  Then he smiled
just a little.  "But of course, you wouldn't have had to deal
with that great foe of mankind ever before, would you?"

Kai was just staring at the blank TV screen wordlessly. 
Logan glanced at her, as if giving her a chance to react to
Hank's words, then answered for the both of them at her
continued silence.  "Okay.  So we got 'colds'.  What the
hell can we _do_ about it?"

Hank shrugged as he sealed his bag.  "Decongestants and
cough suppressants won't work on either of you."  He
grinned to himself.  "Wouldn't _that_ be something to
write a thesis on?  Combating the Elbonian plague with
Tylenol Cold and Flu?"  Then shook his head and focused
back on the matter at hand.  "I recommend that you both
take it easy.  Get lots of rest.  Drink fluids.  Perhaps some
chicken soup..."

"Shut up, Logan," Kai said warningly as he began to open
his mouth.

"Ah...yes," Hank murmured, looking suspiciously as if he
wanted to chuckle, but somehow restraining the sound. 
"Given the rate at which you heal and the relatively minor
severity of the symptoms thus far, I strongly doubt you'll
be afflicted for more than twenty-four hours.  It's really far
less than others not gifted with your genetic make-up have
to cope with on a far more frequent basis."

"Hey, mes amis," came Remy's voice suddenly from the
doorway.  Kai and Logan both jumped, whirling to face
him with matching expressions of startlement.  Then
Logan scowled and crossed his arms.

"I didn't even hear him," Kai muttered.

Remy was grinning broadly, seemingly delighted at their
reactions.  "So tell me...why you t'row Candy's chicken
soup out de window?"

"It was...poison," Kai answered feebly.  "It _was._"

"Non.  Chicken soup."

Logan looked at Kai's embarrassed, flushed face and took
pity on her.  He walked – slowly, so as not to mess up his
precarious balance – to Remy and jammed a finger against
the taller man's chest.  "If the lady says it was poison, then
it was fuckin' _poison._  Got that, Gumbo?"

Wisely, Remy only grinned.  He sidled around Logan with
arms outspread in a gesture of peace, then crossed to Kai
and bent to plant a quick kiss on her forehead.  "Get better
quick, chere.  We still gotta run away to Reno, neh?"

Logan glowered.  "Don't you got enough women to flirt
with, Cajun?"

Still grinning, Remy slipped an arm around Kai's shoulders
and faced him.  "Who says dis flirting?  I t'ink me an' Kai
make a good couple."

From Kai:  "Oh?  And what about Cheryl and all those
other women you mentioned?"

"Dey mean not'ing to me, chere!  It's always been jes'
you."  He dropped another brotherly kiss on her forehead,
then pulled away and gave a lop-sided smile to Hank.
"Ready t' go, Henri?"

Hank sighed.  "Could you please remember to observe the
local traffic laws this time?  I'd like to live to a ripe old
age, and courting a heart attack doesn't aid in that effort."

"Ah, Henri...y' need t' learn t' live a little, mon ami!"

"Yes...that _is_ the goal I just mentioned."  Hank paused
by the door and looked back at the two miserable
occupants.  "Call if you experience further difficulties."

"Sure, Hank.  Thanks."  Logan closed the door behind
them and turned back to Kai.  His expression was a
twisted mix of annoyance and humiliation.  "We got
'colds'."  It had sounded _so_ much better to say they were
being attacked by a mysterious megalomaniac.

"It was _your_ idea to go to Elbonia," she pointed out.
Then sneezed.

"Trust you to remember that," he muttered.  Then slightly
louder – "It's no big deal, though.  We just gotta wait
through a day, that's all.  We can handle it."

"Yeah."  She sneezed again, then sniffled disgustedly.
"Just a day.  How bad could it be?"

***

"I want a cigarette."

"_You're_ the one that smoked the last one."

She shrugged that off.  "Go buy a pack."

"You go buy a pack.  I ain't goin' out like this.  Prob'ly get
hit by a bus when I'm not lookin', or somethin'."

Kai snickered.  Then sneezed.  "Wouldn't _that_ be
something."  Then glared.  "Why didn't you think to get
Remy's cigarettes when he was here?"

"Oh, so now I gotta think of everything, huh?  Is that it?"
Logan was peering into the refrigerator, debating over
whether or not food was worth eating when he couldn't
smell it.  "Maybe if ya weren't so busy makin' goo-goo
eyes at him, you'd've thought of it yourself."

"Don't even start.  Remy's just a friend.  You _know_
that."

"Humph."

She ignored his irritation easily.  "Go buy cigarettes," she
said again.

"No."

"Logan."

"No."

"C'mon."

"No."

"Damnit!"

"No."  He closed the fridge with a scowl.  Food just didn't
seem that appealing.  Sliding open a drawer, he pulled free
a genuine Havana cigar and tossed it at her.  "There.  Ya
need tobacco so bad, smoke that."

She caught the cigar and glared at him.  "I hate cigars."

"Get over it."

A slow, smug smirk.  "No."  Kai held the cigar up
dramatically between her hands, then made a great show
of breaking it neatly in two.  Logan's jaw dropped in
outraged amazement.

"D'ya have any idea how much that _cost??_"

"Get over it," she suggested.  Then sneezed.

"You're askin' for it," he informed her warningly.

"Oooh ... I'm scared."

"That's it."  He started to grab for her.  Play-fighting was
one of their favorite pastimes (second only to bickering),
particularly when there was some handy irritation to work
off.  Both knew the other's abilities well enough to trust
defenses, so the worst that ever happened was a quickly
healed bruising or two.

But...  Balance off-set by the stuffiness in his head, Logan
missed his grab and stumbled gracelessly.  Kai laughed
mockingly and snatched for an arm...and missed, instead
managing to trip over her own feet and crash into him
bodily.  The impact sent them both reeling to fall, once
again, to the floor.

"Ow," Kai muttered.  "Damn."

"Get offa me," Logan growled moodily.

"Gladly."  She pulled herself back to sit in an untidy
sprawl.  "This is all your fault."

"Yeah, yeah..."  He sat up and rubbed at his head.  "It's
_always_ my fault."

"That's right."

A glower.  "Ya ain't s'posed to agree with me."

Kai smiled sweetly.  "But it's _true._"

"Is not."

"Then why'd you say it?"

"'Cause I was bein' _sarcastic._"

An eloquent gasp.  "No!"

Another glower.  "This is gonna be a long day."

"Tell me about it."

Then they both sneezed.

***

Candy listened outside the door for a moment.  Another
crash came from inside, followed by an outraged shout.
Frowning a little, she tentatively tried the knob.  The door
opened, and she stood in the doorway staring at the two
panting and glaring figures that leaned heavily on opposite
walls.

"What in god's name...?"  Then she noticed a trickle of
blood from Kai's nose, and she crossed the floor in a rush.
"Are you all right?"  Before Kai could answer, Candy
turned a fierce gaze on Logan.  "What the hell's going on?
Did you hit her?!"  Only then did she notice the tipped
over furniture and broken ashtray over by the window.
"Damnit, Logan...I would have expected better from
you!"

Kai laughed breathlessly.  "No...that's not it, Candy.  We
were sparring..."

"Tryin' to," Logan put in with a grimace.

"Trying to.  And nothing was working out quite right, and
we kept missing and crashing into everything."  She
gestured to the nearly wrecked apartment.  "I, uh...kinda
slammed my face into the wall."

Candy gave her a dubious look.  "You're not just saying
that, are you?"  She knew from experience that some
women would cover for an abusive partner; namely her
roommate, JoJo.

Kai shook her head reassuringly and touched the back of a
hand to her nose, frowning a little at the blood.  "Damnit."
She grimaced towards Logan.  "This is all his fault," she
told Candy.

"Of course it is," the hooker agreed readily, standing to go
retrieve the thermos she'd left just outside the door.
"More chicken soup.  Try not to throw this batch out the
window, would you?  I don't have an unlimited supply of
thermoses, you know."

Logan looked away sheepishly.  Kai flushed, but pointed
at him.  "That's his fault, too."

"Um hmm.  Is anything _not_ his fault, Kai?"

"If I think of anything, I'll let you know."

Candy shook her head with a slight smile and looked from
one to the other.  "You two really should pay attention to
the saying, 'Make love, not war'," she murmured in
suggestion.  "Your apartment'll last longer."  Then the
smile took on a wicked twist.  "Or maybe not..."  She
laughed at the sudden considering expressions that came
across their faces, then gave a little nod as she headed out.
"Have a good day, you two.  I'm going to bed."

And then she was gone, and Logan raised an eyebrow
slightly at Kai.  She was grinning just a bit, an echo of
Candy's wicked look in her eyes.  "Ya wanna?" he asked
after a moment, a slow smile starting.

"I dunno," she answered, the grin broadening a bit.  "Do
you?"

"Heh."  He pushed away from the wall.  "Race ya to the
bedroom."

"You're on!"  He started into a mad dash, bumping a
shoulder off the doorframe to the bedroom and cursing
soundly.  Kai started laughing, which brought around a
general feeling of light-headedness and caused her to
careen sideways into a wall.  Again.  Scowling and rubbing
at her abused face, she followed him into the bedroom.

Silence for a bit...

Then -- "Ahh-CHOO!"

"Logan!"

"Sorry...I -- ah-CHOO!"

"You...you _sneezed_ on me!"

A long, drawn-out sniffle.  "Baybe I'b allergic t' you."

"Your voice sounds all weird.  We can’t do this now.  You
are _not_ gonna whisper sweet nothings when you sound
like that!"

"Huh?  Why not?"

"’Cause I won’t be able to stop laughing, that’s why!"

"Ubb...  Well, even if I can’t whisper sweet nothin’s, I can
still say your nabe..."

"Nope.  Sounds too funny.  Your ‘m’ is all messed up."

"Hey...there's no 'emb' in 'Kai'!"

"No what?"

"Emb!  _Emb!_  Y'know...the letter emb?"

"You sound like you've picked up a funky accent.  Like
Remy or something."

"Reby?!  Why th' hell ya bentioning Reby _now?!_"

"You are _so_ paranoid."

"I can't help it, I'b...I'b..."

"What?"

"I'b...ah-CHOO!"

***

Kai stared vacantly at the TV screen, ignoring the image.
Her attention was turned inwards.  She sat carefully still
for a moment, then grinned and quickly leaned forward.
Her head spun in a crazy and delightful way.  Her grin
widened, and she plopped back against the couch with a
chuckle.

"What're ya laughin' at?" Logan asked.  She was grateful
to notice that his voice was almost back to normal...except
for the nasally twinge.

"Try it," she suggested.  "Hold really still..."  One hand
moved to press against his chest, enforcing her words.  He
sighed tolerantly and sat still.  "Wait...wait..."  He rolled
his eyes and waited.  "Okay.  When I say 'now', jerk
forward real fast."

"I'll look like an idiot."

"Little late to worry about that."

"Humph."

"Ready...ready...now!"  She half-lunged forward, that grin
splitting her face again.  Logan rolled his eyes once more
and followed suit, somewhat less enthusiastically.  His
head whirled and his eyes widened in surprise at the
strange and unfamiliar feeling.  Kai laughed.  It sounded
almost maniacal.

"Isn't it _wild?_"

"Weird...," he agreed, sitting back slowly.  She kept her
hand on his chest.

"You gotta give it a minute for your head to settle before
you do it again or you'll get a headache."

"Got this all figured out, doncha?"

"It's _fun!_"

"I think you're delirious."

"Shut up."

"Ya know how stupid this'd look if anyone saw us."

"Hey, how often do _we_ get a chance to get a buzz?"

"This _is_ stupid."

"I said shut up.  Ready...ready...now!"

***

They stared fixedly at the bowls of chicken soup Logan
had brought from the kitchen and set on the coffee table.
The soup had been sitting there for a few minutes, and
neither had touched it yet.

"This is silly," Kai said after a moment.  "It's not poison."
Then she continued hurriedly to salve her pride.  "The last
batch _was,_ of course...but this isn't."

"'Course not."  Logan reached out and nudged her bowl
closer to her.  "So eat it."

"You first."

"Nuh uh."

"Hank said we're supposed to take in fluids."

"I heard him."

"So go on.  Be brave.  Be strong."

He smirked.  "Says the woman who's always rambling on
'bout how I ‘coddle’ her too much."

"This is different."

"How?"

"It just _is._"

"Uh huh."

She glared at him and grumbled, "Men."  Then reached
down resolutely and picked up the bowl.  He watched as
she tried to sniff, then laughed at her scowl when her
blocked nose wouldn't obey.  She glared.  Again.  Then let
it ease in thought.

"Remember that kid you picked up?  Jaya?  Wonder if this
is how she felt when we gave her the chili."

He snorted.  No mean feat with a stuffy nose.  "Ya mean
when she was thinkin' we were gonna drug her up or
somethin'?  Prob'ly."

"Yeah."  With a deep breath, Kai took a spoonful to her
mouth.  Closed her eyes and grimaced in preparation as
she took it in.  Logan eyed her as she swallowed, waiting
for any sign of reaction.

After a long moment of waiting, she gave a sigh of relief
and opened her eyes.  "Nope.  This batch isn't poisoned."

"Not like the last one, right?"

"Right."

He shook his head and plucked his bowl up, spooning
soup ravenously.  "You're never gonna live that down,
y'know."

"_You_ threw it."

"Only 'cause you --"

"Nope!" she cut in cheerfully.  "Not listening!  I'm not
listening!"

"_Women._"

***

Night was creeping around again, and Kai and Logan were
relaxing together in a hot bath.  Or they _would_ have
been relaxing, had the tub been big enough for both of
them to fit comfortably.

"Ouch!  Move your elbow!"

"Hey, watch the knee!"

"Ooph!  This was a dumb idea, Kai."

"I just said I was gonna take a bath.  It was _you_ who
hadda decide it'd be cozy to take one together!"

"It _would_ be cozy if you'd stop squirming."

She muttered a sour oath.  "Hold still, damnit."  He
obeyed, and she wriggled around until she was lying flat
on his chest.  His mouth screwed up in contemplation as
he assessed his position to make sure nothing was digging
anywhere painful...then grinned when he decided this was
_quite_ comfortable, thank you!

"Much better."  He carefully freed a hand from the tangle
and raised it to caress soaked hair, pulling her in for a kiss.

A kiss which she freed herself from after only a moment.
"The water's getting cold," she complained.  "Hold on.
I'm gonna run some more hot."  And then she was twisting
around to reach the faucet, and he groaned as the
graceless, water-logged dance resumed.

"Ouch!  Damnit!"

"Shut up."

"Watch the leg -- ouch!"

"Shut up."

***

"Your head still stuffy, darlin'?"

She snuggled closer into the curve of his arm, shifting her
head on the pillow.  "Little bit, but it's getting better.
Yours?"

"Not too bad."  He closed his eyes and sighed deeply,
chest rising and falling.  "Long day."

"Yeah."  Her breath was already slowing towards sleep,
her words tired murmurs.  "Should be better in the
morning, though."

"Uh huh."  He tightened his arm a little and pulled her
even closer, and she willing (if sleepily) slipped a hand
across his chest to encircle him.  "Sorry I said we oughtta
go to Elbonia."

She said nothing for a moment, so that he almost thought
she'd drifted off to sleep.  Then she raised her head and
looked at him.  "Well, the flight in was hell, but..."  She
gave a fleeting grin, then let it fade.  "Sorry I made you
throw Candy's chicken soup out the window."

The chuckle rumbled in his chest.  "It was poison," he
corrected firmly.  "_Poison._"

She smiled and lowered her head for a brief kiss, then
dropped down again to lay on his chest.  He clasped her to
him loosely, listening as her breathing steadied again and
her heartbeat slowed.  Gently, he trailed a hand over her
hair.

"It'll be better in the mornin', darlin'," he whispered.

A mumble was her only reply.  He smiled faintly and
closed his eyes, letting sleep rise to claim him.

***

Kai woke groggily and opened her eyes slowly, aware of
little more than that something was _wrong_ with her
world.  Memory crashed in swiftly, and she sat up with a
furious scowl as she registered the strange feeling in her
head and general fuzziness in all her senses.

<Goddamnit.  Thought Hank said we'd be better by now!>

Then she noticed the faint hint of greenish smoke creeping
in under the door.

"Logan!  Logan, wake up!"

He groaned and shifted on the bed, trying to cover his ears
with the pillow.  "Damnit," he growled from beneath the
fluffy material.  "Still fuckin' _sick._"

"No...no, we're not.  It's okay.  We're just being gassed."

"Really?"  He pulled the pillow free and sat up, looking
with hopeful interest to where she pointed.

Then he sighed in relief.  "Thank god," he said fervently.
"_This_ I can handle."

And with that they lunged swiftly from the bed -- Kai
grabbing for her knife with the motion -- and charged
enthusiastically for the door.

--end--

Notes from Kaylee:  Well, I _meant_ it to be a short little
story!  Can I help it if it got outta hand? ;-)  For those who
scratched their heads at Kai’s comment about the flight to
Elbonia, you’ll just have to go buy a Dilbert book and find
out what she was talking about.  See, Mr. Adams!  I’m
trying to throw business your way!  Another reason not to
sue me!