Part 9: Living Hell

Limbo was worse than Rahne had ever seen it before. She of course had no idea what part they were in- if Limbo could truly be divided into parts. Space and matter were different there, because time has almost no meaning in Limbo. Everywhere she looked, she saw demonic influence. The ground was contoured strangely, like it had once been something living that was chopped up and stirred into a thick, gooey mess and left to dry. Trees there were grotesquely shaped, as were all the sticks and stones that inconsistently littered the landscape. Eerie orbs floated high in the sky evil moons. In the extreme distance, she saw structures that loomed malevolently like demonic ruins. All was gloomy, nothing was bright.

It was calm for the moment, not like it was during Inferno, when Limbo’s corruption threatened the earth itself. The whole experience had been so horrible that for her to return was unthinkable. She never wanted to see it again.

She looked down in confusion at the dress she was wearing, not knowing who had put it on her, or whose blood and flesh were all over it. She smelled the urine and fell down crying, overstressed from all the things that had just happened.

Breathe, girl, breathe! Stop it! Stop crying and be on your guard, or the demons will come get you for sure!

When she came to grips with the fact that neither her teammates nor her mother could help her, she stood up and looked around. Two petty Limbo demons ambled listlessly in the distance. They were nothing to worry about, but Rahne knew that there were larger, more powerful demons in Limbo. No place was safe, and letting your guard down for one instant could mean death. Every Limbo demon had one thing in common: they hated human beings, and took great joy in causing them pain and distress.

She scanned their surroundings for a teleport circle, but found none. Her former teammate, Illyana, used to call them stepping discs. One thought that stood dismally at the front of her mind was that Illyana was gone and could not help them. She found it hard to believe that she was not out of tears yet.

She looked at Wolverine and noted that he was squatting on the ground smoking a cigar, which he held with trembling hands. He had been there the whole time, without saying a word. He simply stared at the ground.

Maybe he hasn’t tried to comfort me because he’s scared and disturbed himself. I should try to talk to him, and see if he can get us home.

“Mister Wolverine?”

He didn’t respond.

“Wolverine? I…I think it’s gone now.”

Wolverine stayed fixated on the ground, but nodded his head.

“We have to get out of here! He’ll be back for us!”

Again, a nod.

“Well…I suppose we should…look around. For a way out, or at least a place to hide before demons attack us.”

Wolverine nodded a third time and, without looking up, said, “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For not leaving me with that freakin’ monster.” He stood up, shakily, and took one last drag on his cigar. “You’re a trooper, kid.”

Is he serious, or is he mocking me? Does he think I only did it because I ran off when the Sentinels attacked the X-mansion? How could he be so unkind, at a time like this?

“Have you been to Limbo before?” she asked glumly.

“Once. Not what I’d call a picnic. But we did manage to find our way out eventually. Somewhere in this place the right stepping disc waits to take us home, but the wrong one will really screw us up. Gotta tell ya, I don’t much get it. Other dimensions don’t make a bit of sense to me. Asgard is the only one I ever gave a rip for.”

Other dimensions made perfect sense to Rahne, however. Her Bible didn’t mention Limbo, but she understood exactly what it was. The confusion, the fear, the hatred, and the entrapment of it made Limbo easy for her to describe. “Hell for the living,” she said.

She’d experienced Limbo enough to get somewhat used to it, but still she was very afraid of it—and with good reason. What Rahne needed most was her mother, but she could accept that that was impossible to have. Just to be held and comforted for a moment, even by Wolverine, would have done her much good. She glanced at him, but he showed no sign of sympathy or concern, and she knew that she could not look to him for solace. She quickly prayed for strength and made up her mind to be strong and try to overlook his less than sensitive nature.

He had yet to even look at Rahne, almost as if he barely noticed her. His cold, tough exterior was a mystery to her. The two of them were exact opposites in many ways, and she had always felt awkward speaking to him. The last time she had seen him was when she had her arm buried in his torso in the Danger Room. She could not look him in the eye. For a brief moment she wondered if he was bitter about that, and if he might pose a threat to her now. He could kill her in Limbo and the world would never know.

Of course Wolverine sensed all this.

He felt awful. The gunshot wound from his battle with Shaw was still healing, and it took a lot of control for him not to think about the disturbing visions that D’Spayre put in his head.

In no time, he reflected, I’ve been shot, dragged into Limbo, had my head screwed with, and my life threatened. Damn, I need a beer and a piece of ass.

He was keenly aware that in some ways Rahne was handling things better than he. In other ways, however, she was one step away from losing it. He lacked psychiatric skills but he did know a little about her, and hoped he could push the right buttons to change her attitude from a defeated one into an aggressive one. They both needed to be on their toes, just to survive Limbo for one day.

“We gotta look around some, but we need to keep our bearings or we’ll get lost for sure. If we keep our backs to that rift D’Spayre created, we’ll be able to come straight back without getting lost. Most important thing is that we don’t split up,” he instructed her. “This place is far too dangerous. You never know what you’ll find around each corner, so don’t go runnin’ off. Limbo can mess with your mind as bad as one of D’Spayre’s dream spells. Understand?”

“Mister Wolverine,” retorted Rahne, “I’ve been to Limbo over a hundred times. I know all about the horrible things down here. The former ruler here used to be one of my best friends. So don’t YOU go running off!”

They decided that they should first prepare for the night, and found a ditch and some material to make a camouflaged lean-to. They also found a murky pool in which they rinsed off, much to Rahne’s relief. Then they discussed the obvious need to acquire some food.

“There’s demons crawling all over this place anymore,” said Wolverine. “Can we eat ‘em?”

“Och, Lord, no! Many of the creatures here are infected with the techno-organic virus! Not to mention they are so evil…”

“What do they eat, then?”

“I’m not sure…Illyana conjured some food for us once, but it looked disgusting! Maybe that’s what they do. They will eat people sometimes, if they can! Maybe we can follow one, and see if it leads us to food…”

“Bad idea. It could just as well lead us to an ambush. I got a feelin’ we might have a tough time just living to see the next full moon. Gimme some time to think.” He looked up through the rift at the moon and tried to maintain an appearance of calm. The only idea he could come up with was to search around for a stepping disk and ‘fish’ something out with his claws. “Talk about a shot in the dark.”

His next idea was even more unpleasant.

“Rahne,” he began, “unless you’re too hungry to wait for tomorrow, it looks like we have only one choice. Tomorrow I’ll scout around for a stepping disc and go through it to look for food and water. It’s all we can do. Go on to sleep now, if ya want. I’ll take first watch.”

“I cannae sleep right now,” she began, only slightly aware of her Scots accent coming back into her weary voice, “tired as I am, I cannae relax.” She waited for a response from Wolverine that never came.

Does he hate me? He probably regrets coming to rescue me. Why can’t he just talk to me? I’ve seen him with young Jubilee—he’s nice to her, almost like a Daddy to her. Am I so unlovable that he cannot even look at me? Faith, I’m not sure I even want him to. He must think I’m so weak, so cowardly to run from the Sentinels that night. He probably still holds a grudge after I clawed him in the Danger Room.

“So are all the X-men still alive, then?” she asked.

“Yup. Shaw lied to you. I thought you heard him explain it all to me. He sent the Sentinels out to the mansion to get a mutant. He kept you there, waiting for the full moon, to sacrifice you to D’Spayre in exchange for power over Xavier’s school.”

“Why me, of all people?”

“Had to be a, um…a girl.”

“There’s lots of girls at the school. Prettier and older than me, too.”

“Uh…” Wolverine was blushing. There was no way out of this. “Had to be a virgin, kiddo.”

“Oh…” Now Rahne was blushing. He was the last person she ever wanted to discuss this with. The silence was deafening. “Demons have strange tastes, I guess.”

They both laughed at how uncomfortable they were. Then it became quiet again.

“Don’t you want to know why I ran off that night?” asked Rahne.

“That’s your business.” He still wouldn’t look at her.

“You do. I can tell you do.”

“Everybody has times when they gotta get away.”

“Not you. Nothing ever hurts your feelings, or makes you cry, or scares you, does it? Well I may seem weak and stupid to you, but I’ve fought Sentinels before! I’ve fought lots of different foes-- deadly ones, even! I didn’t ask for this way of life, it was thrown on me, without giving any consideration to what I may believe in my heart about such things. You have no idea what it’s like to be so different from all your friends, you just don’t know!”

Wolverine finally looked at her. His eyes spoke volumes. He did, in fact, know what it was like. He knew exactly what it was like. He didn’t have a heart as tender as hers, or believe in God, but in many ways he knew what she was going through.

She’s been through a lot of shit, he thought, and it ain’t over yet.

“Did you notice,” spoke Wolverine in a calm, polite voice, “you’re not crying?”

She hadn’t. It was a welcome discovery, and caused her to be at least a little more at peace with herself, her troubles, and her fears.

“I…I think I will try to sleep now.” She ambled into the crude shelter they had fashioned and removed her pocket Bible, thanking God that she thought to hide it in her underwear while she was in Shaw’s fortress. She opened it to the Psalms again and found that it still applied to her situation:

“Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help. I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; It has melted away within me. My strength is dried up, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; You lay me in the dust of death.”

Rahne eventually slept, but it was only her body that got any rest. Her sleep was fitful, broken, and riddled with bad dreams. The ground she lay on was uncomfortable and Limbo was no place to let your guard down at all, let alone sleep.

Her first waking moment was a painful reminder that her situation had not changed. The realization that none of this was a dream brought her nausea and tremors.

Then she discovered that Wolverine had let her sleep all night, instead of waking her to take over the lookout. She would have felt grateful if not for the fact that she had a very full bladder and was now concerned with finding a place to relieve herself. She knew his enhanced senses would enable him to hear her, even if she was far away.

She stepped out of the lean-to and looked around. He was nowhere in sight.

“W-Wolverine?” she called out, and the dryness of her throat was made known to her. She wasn’t sure if she was getting sick or just suffering from a horrible night in a cold place. She had a runny nose and a considerable headache.

Wherever Wolverine had gone, he left no trace. The possibility that he was taken by D’Spayre or Limbo demons entered her mind, and it made the hair on her arms and neck stand up. She frantically searched around for signs of a scuffle, but found none.

Lord Jesus, she prayed, please get me—I mean us—out of here. If I’ve done something to deserve this, please forgive me. I just want to go home.

She started to cry but then remembered what had happened before she went to sleep. Was Wolverine proud of me, or being impatient? He is so hard to understand. He could be a demon himself, for all I know. Oh…forgive me, Father. I didn’t mean that.

Once she had relieved herself and stretched out, she came to grips with the fact that she simply could not stay where she was. Following Wolverine’s example, she kept the rift at her back and marched forward.

She walked for a while and saw a stepping disc in midair. This was something different. She got closer and watched as a figure came falling through it to the ground. She recognized the figure as a ‘Smileface’—a soldier of the government's anti-mutant faction known as the Right. It was immediately obvious to her that she was in Limbo’s past, and that what she was seeing was what had happened when she and her teammates, the New Mutants, had fought the Smilefaces on the Ani-Mator’s island. Illyana had called up stepping discs and pushed them through them.

She knew that to climb up through that disc would take her back to earth, but it would be earth’s past—her past. She also knew that if she were to go back to her past, it could cause all sorts of problems—just like it did for Illyana. But the temptation to look and see her friends again- especially Doug- was great. When she was sure that the Smileface was unconscious, she poked her head up through the disc.

She saw the all-too familiar scene. The fight was a dreadful memory for her, because Doug died that day. For one moment she saw the back of his head, and wanted desperately to go to him.

I could save him, she thought. I could save him and he wouldn’t die. We could be together…

The realization that she could not save him was saddening. It is the past I’m seeing. Doug is dead. Oh, how I miss him, but I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be the real Doug…would it? Also, there’d be two of me if I went back to the past, wouldn’t there?

She struggled with the two options until the disc disappeared. She plodded on, hating herself for not doing it.

I could have at least killed the Ani-Mator, so that Doug would have lived in some other time. Oh…forgive me, Lord. I don’t know what I’m saying.

It was about an hour later that she tripped on a stone and fell headlong into a stepping disc before she could do anything to stop herself.