It's not a funny story. At times, I think my cat hates me and she would deserve such fate if I died.
But, seeing that my health's not failing, there'd be no such luck. ;P Please read and review!
 

'Midol...' called the woman sleepily and reached out into the darkness. The cat swished her tail angrily, froze and answered 'owrEE?', trying to sound as sleepy as her can-opener was. The latter's hand found the cat and tugged gently at her ear, then let go. She was asleep and the cat could leave now.
She leapt down from the bed and padded outside, to a corridor, then climbed up a chest of drawers. This jump would have to be precise, or she'd be left with her midsection wedged in a tilted window. The cat launched herself up in a graceul arch, cleared the window and landed with a thud in weeds growing outside. Shaking her tail with relief, she padded in the direction of a small clearing in the middle of a public park. A meeting was held there, one she had to attend.

Tonight, the cats will call out to the Lady Bast and ask favors of Her, in exchange for belief. It was hard /not/ to believe in the Cat-Headed One, but sometimes they managed that and the force of their atheism counteracted plenty of belief She got. She never accused them of cruelty and blackmail, even though She interacted with more humane beings than cats most of the time - cats were cats, after all.
Other cats were already seated and Midol had to sorry her way through to her place, trying very hard not to let her tail fluff out. Not her fault the stupid woman had to cuddle her this long. She wrapped her tail around her paws, end twitching, and nodded to the old Caller; they could begin now. The Caller yowled the verses of the ritual and eighty paws scratched stones simultaneously...
An old cat appeared in the middle of the many-sided figure formed by cats. Her fur was matted and Her eyes had hardly any gleam, but an aura of royalty surrounded Her and cats shrank back involuntarily, hating themselves for it. She squinted at the surrounding faces, stretched and sat on her haunches, head tilted to one side, waiting.
The Caller spoke first, politely asking a favor of protecting her from tainted food that people, who hated old cats that dwell in their basement, laid out. Her senses were failing her and she wanted to live a while longer. Bast nodded Her agreement; now divine protection was extended to the old Caller, who moved to the side and washed herself contentedly. Other cats walked to the Goddess and stated their business; it seemed to last hours before Midol was allowed to do the same.
Finally she stepped out and sat on a patch of grass, facing the old cat and crouching politely.
'I have a favor to ask, Lady. My human will die of cancer before the end of the year and I want your protection so I'd be able to find me a good house again.'
The old cat's head tilted. 'Why don't you help your human fight the illness, then? She feeds you and cares for you, after all.'
'Humans are dispensable. She's not better and not worse than other ones I had. Besides, I need a change.'
The Cat Goddess nodded and Midol breathed a sigh of relief. The meeting would be over now. Only a few months left until she could find herself a new person to open cans of food.

Midol postioned herself on a branch and again leapt over the tilted window, landing with a thud on a rug. She ate some liver-flavored kibble, looking forward to the morning, when she would get slices of the real deal - slices of fresh, raw liver. She stretched, yawned and headed to the human's bedroom.
The woman was awake again, clutching her midsection and whimpering quietly. The cat nuzzled her and purred, which was mistaken for affection. The woman grabbed Midol and placed the cat square on her stomach, holding her down.
'Here kitty... aw, you're so warm. Good to have you here...'
The cat twisted, her furry face not showing the distaste she felt right now. The human was using her as a painkiller, a hot-water bottle. Ye gods! Unsheathing her claws, she walked off the woman's belly and jumped on the desk. In a few months' time it would be over, the stupid human thought it was her period bothering her.

And in a few months' time it was. The cat was free from the stupid name inflicted on her by the last can-opener, was free to come and go as she pleased. She stayed in her former "owner"'s backyard for a while, then strode confidently to the next house. The neighbors had expressed a need for a second cat and she was sure she'd enjoy it there. Their other cat, a young tom, would be needing some guidance on what a proper cat should do.
She spied a rat under their porch. Strange, rats should have at least SOME respect for the presence of a huntress... She followed it into musty darkness, crawled inside a small space and lashed out with a paw, trying to snag the rat and drag it to her mouth.
Instead, she felt a terrible pain at the back of her neck. The porch disappeared and she was lifted from the mists, caught on a hook piercing the skin and muscle of her neck. The cat screamed as she felt cold wind playing with her fur, then saw a broad, grey, jowly face framed with tufts of black hair.
'You were hunting my pet. It was not a wise decision. Rats can defend themselves. She could kill you even without my intervention.
'And she will. She and her mates. You will live forever in them, which you should consider a reward for bringing me a valuable source of emotion.'
The woman nodded in the direction of a large window hanging in midair. It showed a woman curled around a pillow held to her stomach, as if trying to smother her ovaries. On a windowsill a cat was sitting and she recognized herself, remembered this particular evening. Something was different in the picture, though: letters on the bottom ran a commentary on what's going on in the human's mind.
...what a worthless thing I am, crippled with simple cramps >>>oh who are you fooling, idiot, it's more than menstrual cramps ...worthless, my poor little Midol all alone unattended >>>she is disgusted, she hates you, she won't even go near you ...gotta feed Midol...
The woman on screen crawled off the bed and stumbled to the kitchen, grabbing at walls. Whimpering, she pulled a container full of meat from the freezer, and retrieved a knife from the rack.
>>>do it do it DO IT NOW DO ...feed Midol...
She opened the container, emptied it on the floor (the cat on screen leaping at the red mound) and plunged the knife in her stomach. She was falling already as she dragged it, seppuku-fashion, opening her body. Blood spilled on the floor, empty bowels not reeking of processed food hung down. The cat meeped once and continued feasting.
>>>attagirl
A small, fat hand grabbed the cat's forepaws and ripped her off the hook she was hanging on, then tossed her, flailing helplessly, into the mists. Rats poured out of every window and ran, squeaking, after their new chew-toy.

==========

Morpheus looked down at the cat curled in his lap. The Goddess took to visiting him often and he found her dry wit and lewd attitude amusing. He stroked her fur, which under his touch glowed with healthy sheen.
'I'm spending too much time with you, Shaper... you'll have to admit it, you *are* a humane person deep down, and I feel I've been unjust to the cat that was given to your sister. After all, she was only acting like a cat should - never becoming attached. You bad influence, you!' She scratched his chest gently, not breaking the skin.
'You did what should be done. Justice has been served.'
She purred. 'You know you're only making me feel good. But... thanks. And she never believed much, anyway.'