Title: And A Blonde Shall Lead Them Author: kindred Disclaimer: The characters from BtVS and AtS are the property of Joss Whedon. Rating: PG-13 Spoilers/Summary: AtS S5 Post "Smile Time". A mysterious entity shakes things up at Wolfram and Hart, fashionable anarchy ensues. Oh, and don't judge a hero by her choice in footwear. 4. The day to day running of Wolfram and Hart--a mammoth task by any measure--often proved more difficult because of Angel's tenuous grasp of the basic tenets of business. In the corporate world, maintaining and reaffirming connections is key to profitability and growth. Even a casual observer could not help but see that Angel's continuing petulant attitude in this regard was nothing short of sheer willfulness. No matter how many times Wesley or Gunn reiterated the obvious, Angel's stubborn streak shone through. Without warning, a malaise drifted over the top office and put down roots. Interpersonal dynamics strained under the pervasive friction. Harmony did her best to be a positive contributing member of the team but there was only so much a dedicated secretary could accomplish while coping with a disgruntled team leader. Angel's antics puzzled her. He did not operate inside a vacuum. At his fingertips the best minds and resources available waited to be exploited. Granted, they were mostly of the evil persuasion but one could hardly argue philosophies when faced with proven track records of success, complete with framed Chamber of Commerce commendations. Well, arguments should have proven theoretically impossible, but when business and belligerence collide theory gets shoved out the nearest airlock while complications move in and make themselves comfortable. Angel didn't have to tread a rocky road. It should have been easy. Wolfram and Hart operated not unlike a huge paint-by-number canvas, with oddly shaped numbered blobs, a stream of intersecting lines and an infinite choice of colored paint pots from which to choose in order to complete the big picture. However, as an accomplished doodler, Angel couldn't stop himself from redrawing the boundaries. The path to success was laid out in the Big Bad Duo-tang and accompanying pamphlets written by Wolfram and Hart's great modern mentor, Holland Manners. When in need of inspiration, Harmony often lost herself for hours in the thick shiny pages of those writings. They were the most user friendly pamphlets she'd ever read. How Angel could fail to be motivated by those sage offerings was beyond her. She'd left them out on Angel's desk many times and had specifically reminded him more than once that they were not, in fact, coasters. Wolfram and Hart operations should have flowed as they always had, in a sinuous and omniscient manner; product in, product out, information in, information out. Evil in, evil out. Harmony had grown to love the subliminal hum that permeated the Wolfram and Hart buildings. Everything and everyone within its walls vibrated to a synchronous and hypnotic rhythm. Angel's vibe was a discordant scratch in that funky groove. While business chugged away without difficulty most days, a certain CEO's continuing reticence toward the firm's oldest and most valued clients often became the focus of departmental meetings. When Angel's personal animosities bubbled to the surface, Gunn and Wesley formed a united front. Their twin grim expressions of bleak and bleaker indicated that trouble was on the wind. "The Archduke is threatening to take his business elsewhere." Gunn announced solemnly. Angel did not respond but instead sat spinning his pen in between his thumb and middle finger like a miniature majorette's baton. "Angel?" "Yeah, I've read his file," Angel finally replied, none too interested in rehashing this topic. "Sebassis is always threatening to take his business elsewhere. Like that's a threat. Where the hell is he going to go?" "Angel," Wesley interjected. "If I may be so bold as to remind you that the Archduke is not only one of our biggest clients but a highly influential demon as well. He has his fingers in quite a number of enterprises. Alienating him is perhaps not the best strategy to embrace." Ever the negotiator, Wesley tried again to get Angel to see the sense of a less antagonistic stance. Unfortunately, common sense often eluded Angel. "I went to his compound, Wes. I made big with the glad handing." True enough. Angel had made an effort, anemic though it was. As far as Angel was concerned, Archduke Sebassis was small potatoes tossed with an evil-lite vinaigrette. When the city was teaming with creatures that were literally feasting on an unsuspecting population, the concerns of an old school demon who once cornered the market on widgets and now dabbled in vineyards barely registered. "You could be a tad more..." Wesley chose his words precisely, "sincere in your deference toward him." That statement earned Wesley a nasty look which he chose to ignore. Someone had to keep this train on the damn tracks. Angel talked a good game about making a go of things at Wolfram and Hart but the actual custodial operations under his leadership required a great deal of fine tuning. Wesley's mouth quirked uneasily before he continued. "It would be a sign to the other factions of a fortuitous alliance and could keep the clan wars on a low simmer instead of a rolling boil which is--as I shouldn't have to remind you--a desirable result." Wesley always cut to the chase and that was one truth Angel couldn't argue. The prospect of a more peaceable albeit demonic kingdom wasn't something to ignore. Exasperated complaints were another matter. "I can't kowtow to that guy. No way. He's--" "Important, Angel. Connected." Wesley's voice remained calm. "Aren't we connected?" Angel spoke at the edge of exasperation. "Isn't that what this whole experiment is supposed to be about? Don't we run anything around here?" Most days he had his doubts. Wesley persisted in a reasonable tone of voice. "It would be prudent not to make an enemy of the Archduke." Logic was an unassailable ally. "How am I making him my enemy? I said I wouldn't kill him, what more do you want?" Clearly there were a few subtle distinctions that Angel needed to work on. When Wesley stood to stretch his legs, Gunn took the opportunity to update the latest snag in customer relations. "They think we've kidnapped his associate." Angel threw his pen down. "What? Who thinks that?" The shit never stopped flying at Wolfram and Hart. "Sebassis' syndicate." "That is unbelievable!" Angel leaned back in his chair until his feet dangled off the ground. He needed something to punch. Where was Spike again? "We didn't grab him and force him into the air ducts. That guy wandered off his leash on the way back to the parking garage and is still crawling around somewhere in the building, so losing him is on them, not us." Searching for the archduke's run away slave proved a stubborn ongoing headache. The skinny demon didn't look like he had any strategic planning molecules to rub together, yet he proved an elusive quarry to the seemingly inexhaustible resources of Wolfram and Hart. "And it's not like we're not looking for him," Angel added. "This is a big building. These things take time." He turned his attention to Harmony. "What's the status on him again?" Harmony looked up from her notes, shuffled through a few papers in the portfolio on her lap and found the relevant documents. "The sweep in mergers and acquisitions came up empty but the cafeteria staff reported tampering on one of the lard drums." She picked up a piece of paper and read from it. "They found, quote, 'teeth marks, scratches, probable evidence of nesting and a bunch of suspicious smears that lead back into the duct system' unquote. They thought perhaps that was our boy or maybe a carnivorous slug." "Is that why the building smells like donuts today?" Gunn inquired. Wesley challenged that assertion. "I thought it smelled like steak and kidney pie." He had been looking forward to lunch all morning. "Chocolate glazed, English. No doubt." Gunn took a deep inhale for confirmation. "Ew yuck! You're both wrong," Harmony's mouth hung open in horror. Human senses were so primitive. How anyone could mistake that stench for something desirable was beyond her. "Definitely unwashed, emaciated demon. It's unbearable in the eleva--" "Harmony!" Angel hadn't intended to sound so stern but the routine of endless meetings was tiresome and the weird smell was making him slightly nauseated. He sighed in an attempt to reel in his impatience. Evil wasn't the enemy, bureaucratic minutiae was. "Well, it is," Harmony fanned her palm under her nose. "And why are you yelling at me for? I didn't chase him into the air vents." Gunn offered a wry suggestion. "Maybe if we hang up some of those sticky insect strips we'll catch a break and he'll get stuck up on one." Wesley addressed the point of the mangled discussion once more. "Resolving this issue will go a long way in demonstrating our ability to cater to our client's needs." Wesley knew full well that other demon factions were closely monitoring the situation at Wolfram and Hart. "Being in charge sucks." Angel rubbed his eyes and muttered to no one in particular. Harmony was the first to register the sound of muffled grumbling. It sounded like a digestive system in distress but seemed to be located in the ceiling of Angel's office. She set her notes aside and stood staring at a spot on the ceiling. One by one Wesley, Gunn and Angel turned their attention to the ceiling tiles which, curiously, began to bulge. "I don't think that's supposed to do that." Harmony finished her statement just as the innards of the ceiling began to squeal and give way. Suddenly, the ceiling burst open. Plaster dust and the missing slave demon poured from the aperture on top of Harmony, sending her sprawling backwards onto the floor covered by a skeletal demon coated in creamy white lard. "Ew! Get off me! Get off me!" Harmony scrambled to free herself from the startled creature who appeared ready to burrow into her cleavage. When she finally got to her feet the little demon clung to her in a panic and rubbed against her leg. "Pee pee!" he croaked in a high pitched voice. "Don't even think about it," Harmony warned, trying in vain to release his slippery grasp. "UGH! I'm covered in lard! And lardy dust bunnies! And my hair!" Harmony reached down and pulled the offending demon to his feet. "You don't dry clean hydrogenated fats away, buster. An oily stain is here to stay. Look at the state of my shoes! They'll have to be incinerated." All during her tirade, the tiny demon stared transfixed at Harmony's glistening cleavage and animated attributes. "Hee! Boobies!" As he reached to grab her breasts she slapped his fingers, grabbed his obedience collar and foisted him out in front of her. "Hey! Watch it, Fido!" "Harmony," Angel interjected quietly, "could you get him cleaned off or something? At least to the point where he's not dripping lard on the carpets. I think the Archduke would appreciate his companion back as soon as possible." "I don't get enough damn perks in this job to deal with lard slimed skeletons with breast fetishes!" Harmony's stormy mood darkened further. "Hee! Boobies!" Another slap. The demon wasn't doing anything to help himself. "How about a day at Augousto's Spa?" Angel wasn't above bribery and he knew Harmony's currency. "Eight full hours?" Harmony would have done it for a ten minute uninterrupted hemoglobin smoothie break. "Done." "Awesome! That means the deep sea sediment pack and crushed coral revitalizing body exfoliation!" Harmony jiggled with delight. "Just, you know, this first." Angel pointed his eyebrows toward the pale and bony demon in their midst. "Oh, right." Harmony hooked a finger into the demon's collar and started for the door. "I'll have him clean and shiny in two shakes of a Glrdk's tail, boss. But if he goes for the girls again, I'll have to smack him a good one." "Whatever you're comfortable with, Harmony," Angel replied. "Just don't let him scramble back into any air ducts." "Okey-dokey." tbc...