All right, instead of boring you all to death with a disclaimer (we know whose characters these are, and who's NOT making the money off of them...), we'll do dedications instead. :) This chapter is dedicated to the following people: my Secret-Psychic-Sister Me, who has been wanting to see this chapter ever since she heard of our favorite GenXer's role in it, and Dyce, who gave me a few ideas (and helped write parts of the classroom scene) when she found out I was stuck in a rut... <hugs!> Oh! I almost forgot...since credit must be given where credit is due, thank you Ben (ringo@voyager.net), for your idea on how certain little visitors could give the X-Folk a "little taste of parenting"... Heheheeee...and I thought WE were twisted!
Hey, on to the story. This one'll be a doozy... <g>
BOIL A LOT OF WATER, BUB!, PART 7/?
By Denise Keppel and Krista Schneidereit
(Friday morning. West Chester, New York...)
Logan: (Slouching back in his seat, his arms crossed. Grumbling to himself.) Why couldn't the Blackbird have gotten blown up, too? I still don't see why I haveta come along.
Betsy: (Turns in her seat.) All of you men are to have your class while the children have theirs, remember? (Glares at Warren.)
Logan: None o' this is MY fault...
Rogue: Logan, shugah?
Logan: (Sees the look Remy shoots him.) I know. Shut up.
Rogue: Good boy! (Bats her lashes at him and smiles sweetly.)
(The rest of the men, still grumbling, board the Blackbird and strap themselves in.)
Hank: (Turns to Jean and Remy.) I've prepared an outline of typical topics you may want to consider while teaching the class. (Hands the paper to Jean.)
Jean: Thank you, Hank... (Looks at the paper.) Uhhhhhmmm...yeah, I think this about covers it. (Shoves the paper over to Remy. Points to a certain topic.) *I'm sure NOT discussing THIS one with those kids!*
Remy: (Looks at the paper.) *You be right, chere. Gambit don't t'ink dey care about fallopian tubes an' chilebirth, either.* (Grins at her.) *Don' worry, Gambit got some good ideas 'bout what t' teach dem.* (Crumples up the paper and tosses it over his shoulder. Grins even bigger.)
Jean: *That's what I'm afraid of...*
(A short time later...Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters)
Jubilee: (Running up to the plane as the passengers emerge.) Wolvie! (Hugs him tightly.)
Logan: Hey darlin'. (Smiles down at her warmly.)
Jubilee: Wolvie, will ya do something for me? (Does her best "puppy dog eyes" routine.)
Logan: What's that?
Jubilee: Can you pleeeeeeeease get us out of this class? This is stupid! None of us are having babies! <pout!>
Logan: Darlin', I've got news for you... <sigh!>
Jubilee: DON'T tell me...
Logan: We MEN have to have a class, too. (Looks a little embarrassed.)
Emma: *JUBILATION LEE, GET IN HERE NOW, OR IT'S DETENTION FOR A WEEK!*
Jubilee: Ooops, gotta go. Her Majesty belloweth... (Runs inside and enters the classroom where the rest of Generation X is.)
Paige: Did it work?
Jubilee: Noooo...the men have a class of their OWN!
(The rest of the kids snicker.)
Monet: Well, at least we're not the only ones who have to suffer.
Emma: (Enters the room.) Forget about suffering! You students have it easy!
Jono: *How are YOU suffering?*
Emma: (dryly) I have to get my exam. (grimaces)
Jubilee: Well, that was more than I needed to know!
Emma: Quiet, Jubilation. Gambit and Phoenix will be teaching your class today. Oh, and take notes, Mrs. Guthrie wants you to have a quiz. (The class groans and tosses paperwads at Paige.)
Angelo: Good going, chica. Couldn't you get your mother to change her mind?
Paige: Ah tried, she wouldn't budge an inch! She'll only give in when we're "properly educated"...
Emma: Settle down. They'll be in in a few minutes. (She leaves.)
Ev: Man, what I wouldn't do to get out of this class!
Jubilee: No joke! (A slow smile spreads across her face.) What WOULD you do?
Paige: Ah'd tell Momma Sam's not a virgin.
Angelo: I'd stop speaking in Spanish.
Ev: I'd date Jubilee--with Wolverine as the chaperone.
M: I'll chaperone Logan's and Creed's ballet date.
Jubilee: I'd tell Banshee that I painted Leech pink and Artie green, and date Ev.
Logan: (Walking into the room.) Who ya dating?
Jubilee: Ev and I want you to chaperone our first date.
Logan: (Starts growling. Grabs Ev by the collar and drags him out of his seat.) I can remember being a teenage boy, and what you think about.
Ev: <gulp!> Believe me sir, I wouldn't dare think about laying an hand on J.
Logan: Yes you will. (Ev starts to squrim.) You will take her coat, pull out her chair, open doors for her. You will buy her a dozen roses and tell her how beautiful she is. And I will be there to make sure that you don't kiss her.
Ev: Yes sir!
Sam: (entering) Good idea... Ah still remembah what he did ta that last boy Jubilee dated! <tsk!, tsk!> Such a shame! (Ev's eyes grow wide.)
Logan: You will get tickets for her favorite musical, The Phantom of the Opera.
Ev: But that's sold out!
Logan: No it's not, I happen to have an extra two for my date with Electra. And monkey see, monkey no do--understand?
Ev: Y-yes sir!
Logan: Now get back in your seat! (Grinning evilly as Ev sits down quickly.) I do so love being a father figure.
Jubilee: Wolvie! That was harsh, man! Ev's a nice guy, he'd never hurt me.
Logan: How do YOU know?
Jubilee: 'Cause all's I'd have to do is tell Ms. Frost. Or better yet, Mrs. Guthrie!
Logan: (blanches) Oh. Good point!
Jean: (Entering, Remy just behind her.) Don't you two gentlemen have a class of your OWN to take? (Smiles sweetly as Logan and Sam leave.)
Remy: (grins) And Gambit not dere to take it!
Jean: Don't worry, you'll be assigned to your own...project, too. (Grins evilly.)
Remy: <sigh!> Let's get dis over wit', den. Since you be getting quizzed on dis, we have t' teach you de basics. (The class starts grumbling again.)
Jean: (Gets up from her seat and holds up a book. Opens it.) All right class...Mondo, wake up...this is a cut-away diagram of the male reproductive organs--
<THUMP!>
Jubilee: Cool! Gambit fainted! Can we go early now?
Jean: No. Now, does anyone know what this is? (Points to a certain part of the picture. Silence.) All right, just think it at me then...thank you, Paige.
(Paige blushes furiously as the teasing begins.)
Jean: There's nothing to be embarrassed about... (An odd look crosses her face.) Oh. THAT'S how you knew? Well, never mind...
Jubilee: What? What?
Remy: (Sitting up.) Don' DO dat, chere...dere are some t'ings a man can't take all o' a sudden like dat!
Paige: Ah know. Some things a guy just can't... (Realizes that EVERYONE is staring.) ...never mind.
Jean: <ahem!> Yes...let's continue. Here is the female reproductive system. (She turns to another page.) Now, what is this? (More silence.) Come on, I know you know this!
Male voice from the back of the room: Been there, done that!
Jean: Oh, REALLY? (Gives the class a stern look as several students start sniggering.) Then perhaps you'd like to answer the next question, Mr. Espinosa. What's THIS? (Points to another part of the diagram.)
Paige: Oh, TELL us, Angelo! (The girls giggle harder.)
Angelo: (To Jean.) I sincerely hope you don't need me to tell you the answer to that one! (Smiles innocently and folds his hands on top of his desk.)
(Meanwhile, the men are having problems of their own...)
Moira: Sooo once ye fold the diaper like soo, ye carefully place the wee one--Robert! Two hands, please! An' support the head!
Bobby: (Grumbling to himself.) It's just a stupid doll!
Moira: (Gives him a look.) Ye have tae learn the right way tae handle babies! So do it right, or I'll FLUNK ye! (All the men get shifty and nervous.) Guid! Now, carrrefully place yuir babe over the diaper, and lift him up slightly by the legs...guid, guid...now, sprinkle a bit o' powder...och, Warren!
Warren: What?
Moira: I dinnae think ye need half th' bloomin' container at once! (The men start snickering.) <sigh!> Now, bring the sides up, and tape 'em doon...
<WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHH!>
Moira: Who's wee babe is cryin' oot this time?
Pete: <blush!> It's mine...
Moira: Sooo, pick her up and hold her!
Pete: But...
Moira: Babies like tae be held.
Pete: But it's a bloody DOLL! It's mechanical, it ain't real! I hope Forge's gettin' a kick outta this!
Brian: I'll give him a kick, all right! Right up the--
Moira: I mean it! One mooore complaint, and I'll flunk the lot o' ye! (All the men shut up.)
Sam: Pick the kid up, like this. (Goes over to Pete and picks the doll up. Rocks it in his arms and coos to it. It stops crying.) See?
Pete: (dumbfounded) How'd you do that?
Sam: Ah have seven brothers and sisters...
Moira: Thank ye, Sam... All right, ye've doone feedin', an' diaperin'...Logan?
Logan: (Curses under his breath. He is still trying to get the diaper to stay on.) WHAT?!?
Moira: Is there a problem--
<WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHH!>
Logan: Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!! SHUT UP, YA FLAMIN' BRAT! <SNICKT!>
<WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHH-->
(Several nervous laughs come from various areas of the room. Someone coughs.)
Logan: It's stopped. And the diaper's DEFINITELY stayin' on now!
Moira: (Eyes widening.) <ahem!> Offhand, I'd say ye FAILED!
Logan: Oh yeah? And what are you gonna DO about it? Flunk me? Make me sit in the corner? Write sentences? (Crosses his arms over his chest and looks at her defiantly.)
Moira: Nope. (Smiles sweetly.)
(Back at the sex-ed class, the teachers have reached their wits end...)
Remy: Dis is dumb! Jus' give dem de handouts, dese kids already know dis stuff.
Jean: <sigh!> Fine. (Passes out the handouts.) Does anyone have any questions? (Ev raises his hand.)
Ev: Mr. LeBeau, sir, what is a long-term relationship?
Remy: S'e stays after de meal.
Paige: Jean, how to ya get a guy that is full of angst to notice you?
Jean: Say, "Hello Jono"--sorry, "Hello Scott".
Jubilee: And, like, how do you get a guy to use protection?
Jean: Tell him it's protection against Wolverine.
Remy: Except in your case, petite, you will be practicing safe sex--it's safe to say dat tu will not be having sex for a long time.
Jubilee: Gambit, um you know what they say about big feet and hands. (The male students start to blush.) Does that really matter?
Remy: Petite, dat's a personal question!
Jubilee: Hey, thanks to Harmony we know that Logan's biggest (Even she starts to blush.) but Ange's got six feet of skin. Does that give him an advantage in the pleasure-roma department?
Angelo: (Chuckles, grinning hugely.) Hey, what can I say?
Remy: (muttering) Six feet?!?
Jubilee: Yeah, you know...well, I heard this joke, and it reminded me of Ange--
Jean: Miss Lee, we're not here to tell jokes.
Jubilee: But this relates to the question I asked! (Jean sighs and nods for her to continue.) It goes like this. <ahem!> Okay, so like, there was this woman who had been married, like, three times and each of her husbands beat her and ran away with some chick. She was lonely and for some stupid reason still wanted a man so she places an ad in the paper: "Wanted! A man who will not beat me or run away and is good in bed." (The girls giggle more.) So a couple of days later her doorbell rings. She opens her door and there's this guy with like, no legs and arms lying on her welcome mat. So she goes, "Who are you?" "My name is Bob and I'm here in response to your ad. See, I don't have any arms, so I can't beat you, and I don't have any legs so I can't run away." The woman goes, "But are you good in bed?" and the guy says, "How do you think I rang the doorbell!?"
(The entire class starts convulsing with laughter. Angelo leans back in his chair, hands behind his head, a huge grin on his face.)
Remy: Six feet...
Jean: (Clears her throat loudly.) Miss Lee! For goodness sake! (Shakes her head in disbelief.) You know the saying: It's not the size of the man in the fight, but the size of the fight in the man that makes the difference? It's true.
Jono: *Maybe she knows too well that fact.* (The class starts snickering.)
Jean: <gasp!> JONO! *At least he doesn't show people what Scottish men wear under their kilts!* (Jono blushes.)
Jubilee: There's hope for you wieners--wrong word--losers--another bad choice, um men yet. But how would you know Jean?
Jean: (blushing) Emma told me. And Skin?
Angelo: Si?
Jean: A man that shows off too much has little to show off. Something I learned from Scott.
Paige: Really? (After a moment.) Ah have ta admit that even aftah growin' up on a farm, Ah didn't know half the facts Ah learned today. Ah'll tell Momma that she can call off the dogs.
Jean: *Thanks, Paige...*
Remy: (Coming back to his senses.) Okay den, does anybody else have anymore questions before Gambit and de lady leave?
Angelo: Question is Paco, do you have any questions? (Class starts laughing again.)
Jean: I don't think I want to know any more! (Goes behind the desk and gets out a large box.) Here is your assignment--
Monet: DOLLS? <snort!> Oh, right, as if a doll is going to help us learn about babies!
Paige: Ah know all Ah need ta know about diaperin' babies...
Jean: (Starting to lose her patience very rapidly.) These are dolls Forge specially designed for this class--
Jono: *Let me guess...they eat, sleep and poop just like real tots would.* (The class laughs.)
Jean: Actually, yes. They do. They're the next best thing to learning, aside from real babies.
Remy: What about...Plan "B", chere?
Jean: Well, I was hoping we wouldn't HAVE to resort to that, but it seems we have no choice. (Pushes an intercom button on the phone.)
Hank: Yes, Jean?
Jean: They're griping about the dolls.
Hank: Oh, dear... Plan "B"?
Jean: Yup. Should I send them in yet?
Hank: No, I'll let you know when we're ready. Then send them over to the rec. room.
Jean: Got it. Thank you.
Hank: No problem. (The intercom clicks off.)
Ev: What was THAT all about?
Jean: (Smiles sweetly.) An alternative means of education. Come along, Remy...
(Back at the men's class...)
Logan: (Howling in rage.) TWINS? What the hell--I gotta take care of TWINS?!?!?
Sam: Keep yoah voice down, ya'll wake up the babies...
Logan: (Blinks at him in astonishment.) They're dolls! Got it? Freakin' DOLLS...
Kurt: Ja, and you have to take care of two of them... None of US are going to make that mistake, mein Freund.
Scott: Yeah, so simmer down, before we all get stuck with two of 'em! (The rest of the men are glaring at him.)
Logan: (Huffs noisily and picks up his dolls.) Fine.
Remy: (entering) Hey, what's goin' on...oh, no! Not dose dolls again!
<WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHH!>
(All the men start groaning.)
Moira: (From the other room.) Do I hear...
All men: NO!
Warren: (Hisses under his breath.) Make them stop!
Logan: Here! Take one! (Thrusts one of his dolls into Remy's arms and tries to quiet the other one.) Good kid...nice kid... <whew!>
Moira: (Re-entering the room.) Och, nae! Remy gets his oon wee one tae take care of! Heere. (Gives Remy a doll.) Take guid care of him!
Remy: (Gives Logan his doll back.) How'd y' get stuck wit' two of dem, mon ami?
Logan: <sigh> Punishment. (Several men snicker.)
Remy: For wha-- (grins) Y' didn't!
Logan: Yup. Right between the eyes! (Grins maliciously.)
Remy: Ouch... Hey, Sam! Gambit say de kids' class was a big success!
Sam: In that case, Ah'm going to go see Paige. (Leaves the room.)
(Back in the classroom...)
Angelo: (To Jubilee.) How would YOU know about all of that, chica?
Jubilee: Paige told me.
Paige: WHAT? I did not!
Sam: (entering) What did Paige say?
Paige: <blush!> NOTHING! It's just a figment of Jubilee's sick imagination.
Sam: What is?
Paige: That I told her that Skin could direct his six feet of skin-- (Emma walks in.)
Emma: I would hope so, that's what I've trained him to do. (The students turn and stare.) He never gets off the couch to open the door for groceries. (They look disappointed.) What did you mean Paige?
Paige: NOTHING!
Angelo: You are talking about that night when you and I....
Paige: (Covers her head with her hands.) We were seeing what way we could grow and he wanted to get out and go to bed, so he...did a male thing.
Sam: Watched football? Burped the alphabet? Forgot to gas up the truck? Drank milk out of the carton?
Paige: (darkly) All of the above.
Ev: That's right, the re-run of yesterday's football game is about to start. Let's watch it. (Everyone gets up and goes to the rec. room to watch the big screen TV. As Angelo passes her, Paige reaches out and grabs his arm.)
Paige: Y'all got off easy that time! From now on, keep ya mouth shut! Ah don't need no more rumors flyin' 'round heah! If Momma found out, she'd skin me alive!
Angelo: So? (grins) You do it all the time, chica. No big deal.
Paige: (Gives him a whack on the arm.) You know what Ah mean! Just please don't talk about...that around the others. (She looks around her to be sure no one is listening.) We'd bettah keep it calm for a while. Ah think Jono might be on to us!
Angelo: OH great. Yeah, good idea. Let's get to the game before they notice we're not there yet. (As they leave, Emma slips out from behind a bookshelf. She has heard everything.)
Emma: (grins) Hmmm... I think I'd better have a little chat with Sammy boy...
(The kids enter the rec. room and turn on the television.)
Hank: (entering) Ah, good, you're all here.
Jubilee: (Throws up a piece of popcorn and catches it in her mouth.) Yeah, so?
Hank: Soooooo...your alternate means of education has arrived. (Grins toothily.) You can come in now, children.
GenX: CHILDREN?!?
(A large group of little kids runs in the room.) Yayyyyyy!!!!
Paige: Oh, no...
Ev: It's the X-BABIES!!!
Hank: That they are, and you are to watch them for a while. Unless, of course, you would prefer to use the dolls--
Angelo: Dolls, shmolls. We can handle some little kids for a couple hours. Right, people?
GenX: Right!
Paige: Uhm, Ange...
Angelo: Don't worry, this'll be a piece o' cake!
Paige: Spoken like a guy who's nevah taken care o' kids befoah...
Dazzler: (Entering the room.) Hi, kids!
GenX: (In bored voices.) Hi, Dazzler...
Dazzler: It's so nice of you to take them for a while. I love these little guys dearly, but I could really use the break!
Hank: Oh, never fear, they'll be well taken care of.
Dazzler: Great. Their things are in the other room. (To the X-Babies.) Come give me a kiss before I go! (The little kids run up to her for a kiss.)
Baby Cyclops: Bye, Dazzler!
All X-Babies: Bye!
Dazzler: Bye, now! See you in a week!
Monet: (choking) A WEEK?!?
Dazzler: Bye, kids. Thanks again!
Hank: I'll see you out. (They leave the room.)
Ev: Wait-- (Stops as she steps through a portal and disappears.)
Baby Rogue: Nooooooooo! Don't leave us here!
Baby Iceman: Don't like it here!
Baby Storm: Wanna go home!
X-Babies: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Jono: *Aww, bloody 'ell!*
Paige: Wait! (Grabs the remote control from Ev and quickly changes the channel.)
Ev: HEY! We were watching that!
Paige: Ah know! But this should stop theah cryin'--
<La la, la la la la, la, la la la la...>
X-Babies: Wahhh-- Smurfs! Yay!!! (They park themselves in front of the television and watch intently.)
Angelo: (Fidgeting in his seat.) I can't stand this! (Gets up and heads for the door.)
Monet: Hey, you're supposed to help watch these children, too!
Angelo: Oh, I'll be back. I'm just going to the kitchen for a minute. To get something...uhm, to drink. Yeah, a drink. (Leaves quickly before she can respond.) #<whew!> Dios, that was close. One more second of Smurfs, and I was gonna lose it...# (Enters the kitchen. Sam is making salad for lunch.)
Sam: (Turns and sees him.) Oh, hi Angelo!
Angelo: Sam. (Opens the fridge and gets out a soda.) Rats! Only Coke? Who went shopping last? Some people have no accounting for taste! (Takes a sip and grimaces.) Blech! Oh, well.
Sam: Say, Ange...couldja help me with the salad?
Angelo: Sure, what should I do?
Sam: You tear, Ah'll chop. (Hands Angelo a head of lettuce.) Paige tol' me she's on the pill. (Angelo starts sweating.) That's not fool-proof--ask her. And the twins are great drum players 'cause the rhythm method don't work. And Josh is proof that condoms break.
Angelo: <gulp!> You sure know what doesn't work.
Sam: And Ah know what does. Now, there's more than pregnancy to worry about--things like AIDS, (Picks up a knife and starts to chop a cucumber.) STD's, etc... <WHACK!> Who evah she's sleepin' with <WHACK!> bettah protect her <WHACK, WHACK!, WHACK!!> if he knows what's good for her. (Holds up slices of cucumber so thin they are transparent.) 'Cause iff'en he don't, Ah'll get mad.
Angelo: Don't want that to happen.
Sam: Cable tol' me the one time Ah done lost my temper, Ah made Logan's rage look mild. (Starts on the carrot.) Someone <WHACK!> hurts my sis, Ah get mad. <WHACK!> Get the point?
Angelo: I do!
Sam: Good. (smiles)
Angelo: (nervously) Uhhhh...I'd better get back and help the others...
Sam: You do that! (Chuckles to himself as Angelo hurries from the room.) Hee hee...
Angelo: #He's loco!# (Enters the rec. room.) I'm back-- Madre de Dios!
(The entire room is a shambles. Books, magazines and CD'S are strewn across the floor, toys are everywhere, and a lamp has tipped over. The X-Babies are running around excitedly.)
Baby Bishop: Freeze, varmint! (Shoots a picture on the wall.) Gotcha!
Angelo: (Collapsing onto the sofa next to Ev.) What the...
Ev: (Eyes wide.) I am never having kids... (The lamp falls over and breaks as Baby Storm flies over their heads.)
Bishop: (Enters the room. He is chasing Baby Angel, who is only partially clothed.) Come back here, you! (He flies up and sits on one of the blades of the ceiling fan.) Get down here, you little brat, or so help me...
Baby Phoenix: (singing) I see London, I see France, I see Warren's underpants! (The rest of the X-Babies point and giggle.)
Angelo: (Gapes at the rampaging X-Babies and crosses his legs.) Me, either, hombre!
Jubilee: This is a walking condom commercial!
Bishop: (Trying not to lose his cool.) One of you fliers get him down for me, before I kill him!
Ev: Bishop, do you want to start them all crying again?
Monet: (Flies up to get him.) Come on, now--hey! He bit me! (Grabs the squirming child and shoves him into Bishop's arms. Bishop leaves, grumbling.)
Baby Angel: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Don't wanna bath...
Paige: Uhm, Angelo? (Lays a hand on his shoulder.)
Angelo: (Jumps, startled.) What-- (His jaw drops. Looks at Paige, then at the X-Babies, and back to Paige. Goes pale.) Oh nononononono...
Jono: (Jumps out of his seat, red and angry.) *WHAT?!?!? Yer bloody plonker, I'll--*
Jubilee: Whoa! Down, boy! Ange, I guess ya weren't kidding during that sex ed class when ya said--
Paige: <blush!> No! Nothing like that! I just wanted to tell you lunch is ready.
Angelo: (Clutching his chest and wheezing.) Gracias Dios...
Paige: An' that we haveta get the X-Babies all washed up and up to the table.
All teens: <groaannnnn...>
Jono: *I had nothin' t' do with this, mate! I'm probably the only celibate one of yer!*
Jubilee: Hey! Yeah, right!
Everett: (snickering) At least no one's seen what I would wear under my kilt!
Jono: *Yer guys are never gonna ferget about that, are yer?* <blush!>
Monet: It's Angelo's fault!
Angelo: MY fault? Why?
Monet: Phoenix e-mailed Mrs. Guthrie a detailed report of that class!
Angelo: <gulp!>
Paige: Momma said it was either this, or--
Angelo: I get the picture! No need to get graphic, chica.
(A small version of Wolverine runs up and seats himself on Angelo's knee.)
Baby Wolvie: Will you read me a story? Pleeeeeeeeeease?
Angelo: No, we have to wash you up and--
Baby Wolvie: <SNICKT!> I want a story, bub! And I want it NOW!
Jubilee: Wolvieeeeeeeee!
Logan: (From the other room.) What, darlin'? I'm sorta busy here--
<WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHH!>
Logan: Awww, shit...
Jubilee: Tell yourself...I mean, your kid...I mean, whoever this is to behave!
Logan: What are you talkin' about? (Comes in and sees the situation.) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! And I thought these dolls were bad! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
Baby Iceman: (Runs into the room, stark naked and dripping wet.) Unca Logan!
Jubilee: Whoa! (Starts laughing.) I'm going to have to tease Bobby for a month about this!
Logan: Hey, you! Get back into the tub. Hold this, willya? (Gives Jubilee the doll and snatches the naked child up.)
Jubilee: Wait, what do I do with it?
<WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHH!>
Baby Iceman: But Stormy came in and wanted to take a bath but I tole her I'm too big and she won't go 'way and I didn't want her to SEE me--
Monet: Like everyone else hasn't already?
Baby Iceman: --so I tole her I was gonna tell on her and she called me a poo-poo head and--
Logan: (Sees Scott passing by the door.) Yo, Cyke!
Scott: What is it?
Logan: Take this flamin' brat, before I kill him!
Baby Iceman: (Shuts up and stares at Logan, gaping. His mouth snaps shut and his bottom lip starts to quiver.) Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Scott: Oh, wonderful. C'mon, kid. (Takes Baby Iceman and leaves.)
Angelo: Why are they giving them baths NOW? I thought lunch was ready...
Ev: It is... But see that plant over there? (Points)
Angelo: Yeah--oh. (Notices an overturned and uprooted plant in the corner of the room. Dirt is everywhere, and a couple of the X-Babies are happily making mud pies.)
Baby Gambit: Voilà! Lunch is served! (Gets up and drops a mud pie onto Monet's lap.) Dere you go!
Monet: (icily) OH, thank you...
(Meanwhile, back in New York...)
Trish: (Talking on the phone.) Yes, I'm serious! This is days' worth of research... Oh, it'll be a top story, that's for sure... I think I can have everything ready for tomorrow's news at noon... Great! Thank you, sir! (Hangs up the phone. Kisses the copy of "Scott Speaks".) HUGE promotion, here I come!