I’ve never attempted fanfic before, so please excuse me if this is not very good. Thought I’d have a go and see if it was any fun. This tale is set in the aftermath of the final Angel episode and while it might reference a bit of what happened in the comics after, it will only be vaguely. Never read them myself. The story is centered around spike, but will likely venture into a Spike/Buffy thing down the road. Hope you enjoy :)
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Heaven And Hell
Chapter 14 Reconnecting
She was alone and she was dreaming.
She stood at the base of a mountain staring up at it’s daunting mass, lost in the heavy shadow it cast in the fading sun. The earth around her was blasted and ruined. Where once there had been the lush richness of life even in the bitter cold climate, only barren soil and blackened vegetation remained. Everything was dead in the shadow of that mountain. Though she could not see it, she somehow knew that for miles in every direction the scene was the same. The earth was dying. Blood had been spilt, destruction sowed. In the aftermath of something terrible, the earth was dying.
Her people were behind her. She felt them at her back though the comfort she always drew from them was absent. Always the had been the source of her strength. Yet now they were afraid and she knew it. Their fear was an infection. It ate at her, seeped through her own faltering courage and made her feel small. They didn’t believe.
Unable to stop herself, she tore her eyes from the uncaring landscape that so terrified her and cast her gaze to those who followed her. Each looked at her, demanding that she save them even as their doubt so easily wounded her aching heart. Xander. Willow. They tried to lie to her, to make her believe they had hope but she saw their resigned eyes and knew they had lost what faith they’d once had in her. Giles. Watching her without pride, wondering where he’d failed her. The Slayers, those who had remained true. Accusations in those eyes. They’d expected more. Those hard eyes told her that she’d failed to lead them.
A part of her wanted to scream at them, to rage at the blind trust they’d placed in her that had made it so horribly easy to fail their expectations. She knew they were right though. She was alone even with every eye on her. Alone in the responsibility. Alone because they needed her to be more than what she was.
Gradually she became aware of faces she did not know in that crowd. People that did not follow her. A group of men whose eyes moved from her to the mountain and back. A group of women whose hands were linked as they presented a united front. Behind them, darker figures that she could not make out but somehow she could feel in her blood. Vampires. Not just one, but a pack of them. Following her? That was insanity.
“Havin’ a party without me, luv?” she heard a voice at her side, a low voice that seemed to cut through the oppressive fatalism of the moment. She knew that voice. Knew it like she knew her own. The heavy accent. The quiet purr of it’s undertone. The way it seemed to caress her when he spoke. Over the years that voice had inspired hatred, sometimes affection, always comfort and support. It had challenged her, forced her to rise above her own weakness.
“Spike?” she turned to him, tilting her head up to meet his eyes. He’d been gone so long. She’d almost forgotten how it felt to have those intense eyes staring into her in a way no one else could. Knowing who and what she was and accepting her. She’d forgotten the comfort those eyes could bring her.
He was watching her carefully, clearly uncertain how she’d react to his presence. Those angelic features were schooled and had it been anyone but her, he would appear to be unconcerned. She knew better. He was worried. Not about what was going to happen as everyone else was, but for her. He was worried for her.
“You came,” she said softly, reaching up to touch the strange scar that now sported his left cheek.
“Where I belong,” he said simply, claiming her hand even as she traced a finger over that scar. She felt him squeeze her hand, offering her his strength. “It’s time, luv. You ready?”
She nodded slowly and the two of them turned to the mountain, both bracing for… something..
And then the world exploded in fire.
She woke up with a gasp, panic coursing through every nerve, shaking violently. Drenched in sweat, she could only draw her knees to her chest and clutch herself as her shuddering, painful breaths slowly stilled and the panic passed. The panic faded, but not the memory.
Slipping out of bed, she went to her window and opened the shutters to look out. There, in the distance, stood the mountain from her dream. Waiting for her.
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“Giles, you son of a bitch!” Dawn shouted into her cel phone. “How could you do this? No, I don’t care what you thought was the right thing. You had no right to make that kind of decision for me! No! I said no! What about Willow? How could you do that to Willow? No! I don’t want to hear it! How dare you!”
In the aftermath of her long conversation with her friends, Dawn had been more than simply livid. A part of her, a very small part unaffected by anger in the deepest recesses of her mind, was glad that Giles was in England and not Boston. She wasn’t sure she could have kept herself from slapping him if he’d been close. The rest of her was aching to do just that though.
Tara had quietly slipped into the kitchen to help Clem clean up after their meal and Spike had gone down to the basement to check on the prisoner. Both seemed to understand that she didn’t want an audience for her conversation with Giles. Not that it mattered. Anyone in that house could hear her. She couldn’t help herself from shouting at the protesting, indignant Englishman.
“No! I’ve had it, Giles! No more making decisions for me. I don’t trust you anymore. How can I? You’re a liar!”
Years thinking Tara was dead. Thinking Spike wanted nothing to do with her. Years of being alone, cut off from the two people that most got her, the two people she trusted most aside from her sister.
“Shut up! Yes, I said shut up! Yes, you damned well better listen!” she shouted, so mad she could strangle the man “I’m going to call Buffy tomorrow, Giles. You hear me? Tomorrow. You have until then to come clean about everything. No, I won’t fucking think about it. She has a right to know and you’re an ass for thinking otherwise. Yes, I called you an ass. No, we won’t talk later. No, I won’t calm down. We don’t have anything to talk about. You have until to tomorrow. And Giles, don’t call me again.”
She flicked the cel shut, wishing that mobile phones were more viable for slamming. Somehow flipping the thing closed wasn’t as satisfying as smashing a landline down.
“Bastard,” she muttered.
“You okay, bit?” Spike glanced at her as he entered the room again. He had a long silver knife in hand and was bouncing it a bit but his attention was on her. Still angry himself, he tossed the knife on the coffee table and walked over to her, head tilting slightly as he studied her.
“I’m not really sure,” she admitted after a moment. “I’m so pissed, but not at you guys. Well, not much at you guys. You could have called.”
He plucked her phone out of her hand and moved to flop down on the couch, head bent over the tiny gadget as he pressed buttons. She followed him to the couch, still steamed by trying to put it aside for the moment. She didn’t want the reunion to be all about being angry with Giles. She wanted her friends back.
“What are you doing?” she asked after a moment, pulling her legs underneath her to curl up a bit.
“Puttin’ my number in your speed dial, niblet.” he replied, flashing her a wink. “Seems like you’ll be needing it.”
She grinned a bit, realizing in that moment that he really was back in her life. It wasn’t just some horrible, weird dream. He and Tara were both back. “I guess maybe I could call you sometime,” she said, pretending to think it over “I mean, I do have some history classes. Might be helpful to have someone older than dirt on speed dial. You could give me the real scoop on the English Reformation or something.”
“Older than dirt?” he snorted, tossing her phone back to her. She glanced down at it and sure enough “The Big Bad” was on her contact list. “That was a little before my time, bit. By a few centuries.”
“Whatever,” she waved his protests away. “I’m sure I can find something you know about besides punk music. Eventually.”
He flashed a smile at her teasing, but sobered a moment later. “We need to talk about what happened tonight, niblet. Starting to think you’re in danger.”
A frown touched her features and she had a sinking feeling that he was going to treat her like the others did. Pretend she was a helpless little girl like she’d been in Sunnydale and brush her off to the side to protect her. He surprised her though, getting back to his feet as he continued. “The others should hear this too. Let me fetch them an we’ll suss things out.”
“Okay,” she nodded, getting up as well. “Bathroom?”
“Upstairs, pet. Might want to grab a change of clothes while you’re up there too,” he looked and sounded amused as he ducked into the kitchen “Glinda said she left some things out for you.”
She found herself blushing again, realizing she was still wrapped up in his beloved coat because of the dress Claire had forced her into. It figured that the one time she dressed for scandal, she’d run into them. Anything she said would sound silly though so she wisely let his teasing pass and headed for the stairs.
“Tell Gate to get his lazy ass down her while you’re up there, pet,” Spike called after her.
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Having found the restroom and then Tara’s bedroom, Dawn found herself feeling better once she had a fresh set of clothes on, even if it was just a pair of sweatpants and an oversized tee shirt. She and Tara had very different body types so she hadn’t been expecting differently. The baggy clothes were comfortable and smelled like Tara, so she was happy. Draping Spike’s duster over a shoulder, she knocked on the only closed door upstairs and opened it when she heard someone call from the other side.
Unlike the other rooms in the house, this one was almost entirely unfurnished. A single dresser, a bookcase overflowing with stacks and stacks of books and a simple cot that was unmade and had an open book resting on it like someone had been reclining and reading recently. It was very Spartan, with no hint as to the personality of it’s occupant, who was turning toward her as he finished buttoning up a pair of jeans.
Her eyes widened a bit and she turned away quickly once she realized he was shirtless. “Ah.. Hello,” she said after a moment, trying to banish the image from her minds eye. That had been a… really nice stomach. Golden and rippled and lean. Really good stomach.
“Hey,” he said agreeably, not seeming embarrassed. “You all caught up and back in the bosom, then?”
Something in the way he said it made her flush a bit deeper than she already was. Inwardly she was starting to grow annoyed. She was acting like a little kid and she knew it. There was no reason she should be uncomfortable around a guy just cause he didn’t have a shirt on, even if he looked like he was stepping right out of some beautiful surfer magazine.
“Spike said you should come downstairs,” she made herself turn to face him and stop acting like a giddy kid. “He wants to talk about that demon that blew snot all over you.”
He chuckled and ran a hair through unkempt hair, still wet from his shower. “Doppelganger. It’s a construct, not a demon.”
“Whatever,” she insisted “Put a shirt on and get downstairs.”
“Eh?” he frowned “Pretty sure I live here, girlie. In most cultures that means I can wear whatever the hell I want and don’t have to take orders from guests. Especially guests who only a bit ago had their asses hanging out of a dress clearly made for a four year old.”
Temper. It was a wonderful thing when it flared. “First of all,” she snapped “My ass was not hanging out of anything. And even if it was, it’s hardly any of your concern. Second of all, who the hell do you think you are? You think having a cute smile makes it okay to be rude?”
“Rude?” he growled, stepping closer. She was very tall for a woman, almost as tall as he was, so they found themselves nose to nose “I’m not the one barging in here giving orders. Spike and Tara may know you from before but to me you’re just some silly girl with an attitude. A bit of a princess to you, right? Expect people to just bow down and obey when you give an order? Doesn’t work that way here, princess.”
“You don’t know a thing about me,” her voice rose in both volume and pitch.
“Doesn’t seem much to know,” he shot back.
“Ass!”
“Bitch!”
“Guys,” Tara said gently from the door. Both of them turned to her and Dawn stepped away from the annoying man, looking a bit embarrassed when she realized they’d been shouting. Even Gate looked a bit abashed. Tara didn’t seem to know if she should be annoyed with them or amused.
“Sorry, Mom,” he muttered, grabbing a shirt and slipping it over his shoulders, even if he didn’t both to button it.
“Sorry, Tara,” Dawn added, feeling guilty about yelling at Tara’s friend. She snuck past the witch, who seemed to have settled on amusement as the appropriate response.
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They gathered informally in the living room. Clem had drinks ready and waiting and bustled about for a moment while everyone got settled in. He seemed about ready to start offering snacks but Spikes impatience was starting to show so he plopped down on the couch beside Dawn and Tara while Gate lounged in a chair looking for a cigarette.
“Right then, lets review what we know so the niblet is up to speed, then we can suss out what the hell happened tonight,” the vampire lit his own cigarette and tossed the pack to Gate, who nodded gratefully. He didn’t sit, but instead stood comfortably in front of them all.
“S’clear someone’s offin’ Slayers. We get word that an assassin is in Boston lookin’ for a new mark an finally tracked it down. Only problem is, no Slayer in sight. Instead we find the bit, who says that the nasty was walkin’ up on her, flashing that knife until we showed,” he waved at the knife on the coffee table and Clem leaned forward to pick it up.
“Thing is, I’ve seen one of these things before. They can only look like people they’ve physically touched. An recently at that. Mean’s this bitch’s touched Buffy in the last few days, tops.”
“Buffy’s in Scotland,” Dawn supplied. I spoke to her two days ago and she would have said something if she was leaving the country.”
“Now, what we don’t know,” Spike frowned and started pacing “Is why it was there to kill Dawn. No real reason to look like Buffy if it was comin’ for the local Slayer.”
“Add that to list of things we don’t know,” Gate muttered, counting things off “Why kill the Slayers? Who’s behind it? Is it even part of the same deal, or are all the deaths part of different plots? Creating one of those thing’s isn’t an easy task and not a nice one either. Whoever did it had some serious resources, magical and otherwise.”
“Can we get it to talk?” Tara broke in.
“Don’t think so, Glinda.” Spike took a drag, looking annoyed “The one I saw was sent after Angelus. The wanker tortured the bloody thing for weeks to get a name an it never broke. It’s alive, mostly, but it doesn’t have any kind of free will.”
“Maybe I can work something out,” the witch looked thoughtful. “I’m not sure, but maybe.”
“Look into it,” Spike nodded “But don’t go taking chances.”
“I’ll be careful,” Tara assured him.
“We also should probably track down the local Slayer,” the vampire said after a moment, not looking especially pleased with the thought. “Niblet, can you help with that?”
“I have her number,” Dawn said “I should warn you, she’s kind of a bitch.”
“Not really a surprise, bit,” Spike smirked. “Can’t be helped though. She’s a target. How much does your lot know about all this? They mention anything that might be of help?”
“It’s not like they share with me, Spike.” Dawn shook her head “Thing’s haven’t changed since Sunnydale. In fact I know less now since I can’t listen at the door anymore.”
Tara reached over and brushed back Dawn’s hair, comforting as always. “I’m sure they’re just looking out for you, Sweetie.”
“No, it’s more than that,” Dawn insisted “Things aren’t going well, I think. They don’t tell me much, but I know that there is a lot of tension between the Slayers and the reformed Watcher’s Council. Even before this thing Giles pulled, he and Buffy hardly speak anymore. Also, there was that thing with that group of Slayers going rogue. It was bad.”
There was silence and they all looked at her with various expressions. “What do you mean, going rogue?” Gate frowned.
“I heard about it about a year ago. Some of the new Slayers went bad,” Dawn explained, realizing none of them had a clue “I didn’t hear how many or what they did, but I am pretty sure Buffy thinks that they are behind the deaths you guys are talking about.”
“That really doesn’t fit with the things we’ve been hearing,” Tara looked worried “I mean, we haven’t heard anything at all about these bad Slayers and everything we hear points to some demonic power.”
“The soddin’ thing downstairs wasn’t made by a Slayer,” Spike scowled “But we have pretty good word that whoever sent this is responsible for some of those murders. I know they’re related. Can feel it in my blood.”
“They just… went bad?” Gate demanded, glaring at Dawn “Just woke up one morning and decided to ignore their calling, the thing that the gods specifically designed for them to do? The one thing in the entire world is perfectly right and natural for them and they just decided to turn against that destiny?”
“What are you glaring at me for?” she scowled at him “If you want to know why they did it, go ask them yourself.”
“Oi!” Spike broke in, pacing now “We know sod all what’s going on an I’m bloody well sick of it. This ends now. We need answers. The bit’s in danger, that much we know for sure. We need to arrange to keep her safe.”
“I think I might know a way we can pick up some answers,” Clem said, as Dawn burst out with an indignant “If you think you are going to just lock me away, you can forget it. Grown woman here. No way am I going to just let you --”
Spikes growl cut them both off. He looked down at them and for a moment, the room was quiet. This was a part of Spike she’d never seen before. The force of personality had always been targeted, intense but very personal. But the vampire standing before her now was a leader. He was magnetic, decisive. Very much a leader.
“Clem,” Spike spoke again, calmly. “Your idea?”
“There’s an old legend about a witch that lives a bit north of the city. She’s supposed to be heavy with the knowledge. Might be a seer, but everyone I spoke to seems to agree that if you have a question that needs answering, she’s the one to go to.” the wrinkled demon supplied.
“An you are only mentioning this now because?”
“We were sort of busy tracking down that assassin. Plus, she’s supposed to be really selective about her clientele. And the prices are a bit extreme.”
“Fine. Now, niblet.” he turned to her, flashing a bit of a smirk “truth is, I’d like nothing better than to lock you up until we can get you into big sis’s loving arms, but you’re right. You’re an adult now an you shouldn’t have to put up with that. I know I wouldn’t so I won’t expect you to.”
Dawn looked pleased and started to speak but the vampire cut her off “Bein’ an adult means being able to compromise an realize when you need help though. So here’s what we are gonna do. You are going to lead your life like you want, but you are not going out in public alone. One of us is with you at all times. An I won’t hear you bloody griping about it, you hear?”
She wanted to argue, it was clear. But she realized that it was the best she could hope for, given the situation. And it was a damn sight better than what she could have gotten out of Buffy. She hadn’t let herself think about it yet, but the thought of a assassin coming after her was enough to make her stomach churn. So she nodded, not trusting herself to hide the fear from them at that moment.
“Right then. Tara, you have your task. Remember to be careful and don’t touch that thing when it’s awake without someone else there. Clem an I’ll go look up this woman he mentioned. She’ll bloody well answer some questions if she knows what’s good for her.”
“You’re going to make me baby-sit the brat?” Gate protested.
“Brat!?” Dawn felt her temper rising again but both men ignored her.
“Dawn’s precious,” Spike said, his tone very serious as he stared at his friend “You don’t have the issue with sunlight I do an I need someone who can fight close to her if anything happens. I need to trust that you’ll get her back to me.”
The two men stared at each other for a long moment, then Gate shrugged. Both shifted a bit and looked uncomfortable when they realized that the others were watching them. The exchange of trust between men wasn’t really meant for public viewing and it seemed to set both of them into an awkward pause.
“Whatever,” gate mumbled after a moment “You so owe me a six pack.”
“Done. Think we are settled up, then.” Spike said brusquely.
“Dawnie, you staying over tonight? We can have an ice cream pig out.” Tara spared them by changing the subject. Dawn nodded. She wanted to spend time with her friends more than she wanted her own bed.
“If she needs a place to sleep,” Gate started smiling, a lazy grin that suggested all kinds of possibilities.
“I’d rather sleep with in a dumpster,” the young woman glared at him. Brat indeed. “I’m sure it would smell better.”
“Bit can take my room. I’ll take the couch.” Spike ended the argument before it could really get going.
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Spike was out on the porch smoking when Dawn found him in the early morning hours. She went to stand beside him on the railing, touching her rebellious stomach with a wince. They stood in very comfortable silence for a long moment, shoulder to shoulder as they looked at the stormy night sky. Then the young Summers woman heard her stomach groan and Spike chuckled.
“Guess that means the freezer is ice cream free again?” he quirked that scarred eyebrow at her, amused.
“Bet your ass it is, buddy,” she agreed unashamedly.
“What’s got you so nervous, niblet?” he took a casual drag “Can smell it all over you. Don’t recall you ever being afraid to talk to me about something. You get ice cream on my coat or something?”
“No,” she smirked at that, grateful that he’d given her an opening “I never had a chance to say thank you, Spike. For everything you did back in SunnyD, not just the dying to save the world thing. You gave us, me especially, so much and I don’t think anyone ever said thank you.”
He leaned over and nudged her shoulder with his own, offering her a brief smile. “Really no need for that, poppet. Didn’t have anything else to do at the time.”
“Stop,” she shook her head at his casual dismissal. “When you died, I had a lot of time to think about how I treated you and I need to say this.”
“Eh, you treated me a damn spot better than anyone else did,” he frowned “Big sis included.”
“Not when you got back. I avoided you. I never defended you when the others would start up. I was so angry, but I never even gave you a chance you talk to me. I just pretended you hadn’t been there for me all those times because I didn’t know how to deal.”
His eyes had darkened as she spoke, his features curling into a faint grimace. “After what I did, you had ever bloody right to be upset with me, bit. Don’t go feelin’ guilty about that. I attacked your sister an no getting ‘round that. Never blamed you for staying away. I understood.”
“Look, I’m not going to pretend to understand the thing with you and Buffy,” she sighed “But I’m not blind and I’m not stupid. You didn’t go from willing to die for her to that for no reason. When Buffy forgave you and she was the only one who could really understand, then I had no right to… And even beyond that, you deserved a chance to talk to me. Which I never gave you. I’m sorry for that. I wasn’t a good friend when you needed me most. I’m so sorry for that.”
He didn’t seem to know what to say to that and she realized that she was crying, but she’d carried all of it for to long and she needed to him to know, so she plunged on. “You were my best friend, Spike. You were always there for me. You always gave me what I needed and the one time you needed me back, I wasn’t there. I didn’t even give you a chance. But I want you to know that I missed you so much when you were gone. My whole life since then, I’ve had this empty place. All the things I’ve done, I wanted to share with you. I’ve missed my friend so much. I just really need you to know that I love you.”
He wrapped her up and she leaned into his shoulder, crying quietly. The guilt of it had been weighing down on her for years even when she hadn’t really been aware of it. Knowing he’d been alone when there was no way he would have ever left her alone had eaten at her. But he was back and she needed him to understand that she wouldn’t fail him again. She needed her friend back, to prove she would be a better friend in the future.
“Missed you too, niblet.” he murmured comfortingly into her ear “Missed you too.”