Title: Broken Angels 2 Author: lilithangel Fandom: AtS Pairing/characters: Angel/Spike, Connor and the rest of the AtS gang Genre: hurt/comfort Disclaimer: They belong to all of us now. Not making money off this. Summary: Set after the events of "Broken Angel". Angel is healing physically but not emotionally. Helping Spike and Connor heal may be the key to his own recovery. Angel awoke to find he was alone in the bed; he sat up quickly checking the room. Connor's scent was fading and Angel knew he had been gone for some time. He saw Spike curled up in the corner of the room tears running down his face fingernails dragging bloody lines down his chest. Angel had a brief moment of concern that he had not felt either leave the bed in the night before he turned his attention to Spike. "Spike," Angel moved slowly towards the smaller vampire trying not to startle him. Blank blue eyes stared up at Angel barely registering his presence. "Got to get it out," Spike muttered, "get rid of the spark stop the pain." "Spike," Angel grabbed Spike's hands restraining him from further assaults on his body. A small spark of recognition shone in Spike's eyes, "why didn't you tell me, how deep does it go?" Puzzled Angel stared at the frightened blond, "how deep does what go?" "The spark, I got the spark to prove to her that I could be a better man but she didn't really care anyway, didn't want me before couldn't love me after," a sudden clarity flashed into Spike eyes, "you could end it, I hurt the girl I should be dust." "What did you do Spike?" Angel asked with a sudden dread. "Hurt the girl, tried to force her thought it was just another game," Spike answered. "Buffy, you tried to hurt Buffy?" Angel's grip on Spike's hands tightened. Spike smiled at the sound of bones grinding together, "we hurt each other, thought it was what she needed but it wasn't. Wanted to prove to her I could be what she wanted but she didn't want me." "What did you do?" Angel growled squeezing tighter. "Told me I was a monster and I am. Made her cry I did so I left," Spike's eyes began to close and his smile grew wider. Without warning Spike lunged forward and cracked Angel's nose with his forehead. Angel staggered back in shock and Spike followed getting in several blows before Angel could respond. "Make them stop!" Spike was screaming, "Make it all stop." Angel got his hands up and started blocking Spike's punches trying to restrain him again. Spike kept screaming at Angel swinging punches without caring if he connected. Something Spike screamed finally sunk into Angel's mind and he snapped. "You tried to rape her?" Angel hissed and swung a punch of his own. It connected with Spike's mouth knocking the younger vampire back a step. Angel followed pummelling Spike with blows until he was backed up against a wall. Spike made no effort to stop Angel from beating him to a pulp a fact that slowly began to seep into the dark vampire's mind. His blows began to slow just as an angry voice broke in and Angel was knocked across the room. "Leave him alone!" Connor threw himself at Angel only to find a dazed and bloody Spike blocked him from striking his father. "No little brother this is not your fight, you couldn't punish me but father can," Spike placed a hand on Connor's cheek. "You did it on purpose," Angel sighed his anger fading as fatigue overwhelmed him; "you said the one thing guaranteed to set me off." Connor glared at Angel and Spike threw him a wry glance that looked like the Spike of old through the bruising. Although with his tousled hair he looked more vulnerable than Angel had ever seen him. "Why Spike?" Angel sat wearily down on the bed. "Need to be punished," Spike answered. "No," Angel shook his head, "why with her?" "We did a lot of bad things, she wanted to feel I wanted to love I didn't understand," Spike answered sadly letting himself sink to the floor. Connor stood uncertainly watching them both. Angel looked at Spike; really looked at him and realised he didn't know this creature at all. "The Spike I knew would not have stopped, would have taken what he wanted without care," Angel said slowly, "but the Spike I knew wouldn't have stayed to look after her family when she died wouldn't have fought by her side for any reason. You're not the Spike I knew," he finished getting up from the bed. Connor stiffened watching Angel with suspicion. Angel reached a hand out to Spike who watched him with confusion. "We both need to get cleaned up," Angel said calmly. Spike nodded and allowed Angel to help him stand. Connor moved over to Spike other side still uncertain but determined not to let Angel hurt him further. They moved into the bathroom, Angel knelt at Spike's feet and undid Spike jeans wrinkling his nose at the smell. It was obvious that bathing had not been high on Spike's priority list for a long time. He kept his eyes carefully averted from Spike's groin concentrating on cataloguing the wounds on Spike's body instead. "Shower first then we will patch you up," Angel decided. He stood with a sigh realising Spike was in no state to shower alone. He turned the water on and stripped off his boxers. Angel turned to find Connor carefully not watching a blush staining his cheeks. A quick sniff confirmed Connor's arousal and Angel frowned at the implication. Spike and Angel both hissed when the water hit their respective injuries then they both sighed as the warmth began to seep into their flesh. "Connor will you check in my room for something for Spike to wear," Angel requested as he let Spike rest against his body to reach for the soap. Connor nodded and slipped out of the room. Angel carefully soaped Spike's torso trying not to rub too hard over the open wounds. Spike kept his head down watching the dirt and blood pooling at his feet. To his horror Angel found that his cock was stirring at the contact with Spike's buttocks. He moved his hands around to wash Spike's back and give himself some distance willing the erection down. It wasn't the first time Angel had been aroused by random contact, his sex life was non-existent and sometimes his cock had a life of its own. But he had never been attracted to Spike the antagonism between them had been too ingrained for that. As Angelus he had wanted a hunting partner to replace Penn and William had worked in fine once he learnt his role. They had been rivals and comrades until the soul and even after when they had encountered each other Spike had always been pleased to see him. Angel's self disgust had not allowed him to let Spike get close afraid the stink of his soul would be too obvious and Spike would exploit his weakness. After Sunnydale and the return of Angelus Spike's feelings for Angel had coalesced into hatred and Angel could not blame the blond. Once Spike set his mind on something very little would get in his way. Deep in thought Angel did not realise that his hands were moving in leisurely circles lower and lower down Spike's back until Spike's head came up. Angel stopped and passed a washcloth to Spike self consciously, "you can do... um... the rest," he said with embarrassment. Keeping a watchful eye on Spike Angel quickly washed his own body; his embarrassment had removed the erection problem at least. Spike was watching the water drain away again; "the dirt has all gone why am I still dirty on the inside? I thought to tear it out but it will not budge." Angel grabbed the shampoo bottle and lathered up the peroxide hair trying to finish quickly. A suspicion was beginning to form in his mind and he wanted to ask Spike some more questions but not in the shower. Connor returned quietly as Angel turned the water off and wrapped a towel around Spike's shivering body. Spike stood there passively as Angel dried them both off. He took the tracksuit pants that Connor handed him and pulled on his own boxer shorts before trying to dress Spike. Once again Angel could smell the arousal and confusion coming off his son. He knew somehow he was going to have to talk to Connor about it but couldn't even think of the words. Angel helped Spike into the pants and then took out his medical kit to bandage up the worst of the wounds on Spike's chest. "Always helping the helpless even when the helpless is a monster," Spike reached a hand up and touched Angel's face. "You're not a monster Spike," Angel replied frowning at how thin the younger vampire was. "We are all monsters," Spike answered, "Nothing can change the past erase what we did." "No but we can change the present," Angel finished dressing Spike's wounds and stood up, "and do things differently in the future," he said looking at Connor. Connor looked at Angel with an unreadable expression on his face, "do you want me to get you some blood?" he asked mildly. "Thank you," Angel replied in surprise still not used to a Connor who was willing to help. Angel led the unresisting Spike back into the bedroom and put him back into bed. Taking an unneeded breath Angel sat down next to Spike, "do you have a soul Spike?" he asked bluntly. Spike picked at the bed cover without looking at Angel, "fought for it," he replied with a glimmer of pride, "didn't know it would hurt so much, they won't leave me alone now." "Why Spike?" Angel struggled to comprehend. "Hurt the girl, needed to prove I could be loved," Spike kept staring at the bed. "Spike," Angel reached over and clasped lifted Spike's chin wincing inside at the flinch Spike could not hide, "please look at me," he asked quietly. Blue eyes met his and the depth of Spike's pain hit Angel like a physical blow. He recognised the despair there it was something he felt everyday and he knew for certain that Spike had a soul. "Spike," Angel sighed, "the messes you get yourself in." Spike snorted, "You never taught me to think before I acted." "I tried to but you never listened," Angel grinned. Spike grinned and then dropped his gaze again, "Does it stop hurting?" he asked plaintively. "Not really," Angel confessed, "but you learn to cope." "You never told me I never really understood," Spike sighed, "they told me it was all that I deserved." Angel frowned at the mention of 'they' again, the memories of what he had done haunted Angel everyday but this seemed like more, "Who are they?" "They come and talk to me tell me the truth, remind me I am a monster," Spike answered in confusion looking around the room. "Are they here now?" Angel asked carefully. Spike looked carefully around, "no they only come when I am alone to punish me," he looked back at Angel, "do you want to fuck me? You can if you wish." "No!" Angel exclaimed jumping back, "that was an accident before." Spike nodded, "understand... monster not worthy of touch." "No Spike..." Angel stumbled "I mean you are but I'm not... I don't... I haven't," he ran his hand through his hair in frustration, "you are worthy of touch but I'm not gay," he finished lamely. Spike laughed softly, "you've never been with a man?" he asked curiously. "No have you?" "No," for a moment Spike looked like the Victorian gentleman he had been and Angel could only laugh too, "but you were hard in the shower?" "I know," Angel relaxed back against the head of the bed, "it just happened I don't know why." "Can't always control physical needs," Spike nodded sitting back next to Angel. His fingers were twitching slightly making Angel realise how long it had been since he saw Spike with a cigarette in his mouth. "Have you given up smoking?" Angel asked curiously. Spike shook his head, "couldn't afford them." "In the drawer," Angel indicated with his head. Spike looked up quizzically as he pulled out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. Angel grinned self-consciously and took one, "never really shook the habit from the forties," he admitted. Spike smirked and lit up with a sigh of pleasure looking more like his old self than he had since Angel had found him. Angel inhaled the illicit nicotine with enjoyment. There was a noise from the doorway and Connor stood there holding two mugs of blood staring at the scene in front of him. Spike smiled with real pleasure and beckoned the boy over, "hey little brother." Connor walked in diffidently and handed the mugs over without a word. "Sit down little brother," Spike requested. "You two look cosy," Connor snarked but he sat down anyway. "Violence does that for us," Spike smirked then his eyes saddened. He drank the blood absently as the haunted look returned. Connor watched Spike fold into his mind again with a frown. He had seemed better since Connor had brought Angel to him but there was still more needed to fix the small vampire. Connor didn't understand why the wellbeing of this vampire mattered so much but he didn't dwell on the reasons. Connor noted that Angel was still very thin which did not look good on his large frame. Not whipcord thin like Spike was but neither vampire looked healthy. Connor did not understand his feelings as he looked at the two vampires lying there practically naked. The anger towards Angel was still there but the time he had spent on the street with Spike had made him realise there was more to his father than what he believed. Several times when he and Spike had slept curled up together Connor had woken with an erection much to his confusion. The blond had not reacted to his arousal adding to Connor's shame until one morning when Spike had an erection also. Nothing was said Spike had simply smiled and rolled away but it was enough to make Connor feel a little better about himself. He had very little sexual experience, growing up in Quor'toth had not prepared him for the feelings and desires of a teenager and since returning to earth he had been concentrating on vengeance. Spending time with the blond vampire seeing him naked several times and sharing a bed with him that had brought out feelings and desires he had never experienced before. Connor's arousal was apparent to both vampires; Angel was still struggling with his own reaction to Spike and had no idea how to approach this new dilemma. Spike simply finished his blood and crawled back under the bed covers. Angel looked longingly at the bed, he was still exhausted but he knew the others would be there any time now and he wanted to be up and dressed before they arrived. Spike tugged at Angel's hand, "lie down, little brother will tell us when they get here," he said understanding Angel's frown. "Please stay Connor," Angel looked at his son, "we have lots to talk about, I think it is time we did." "Family is what matters," Spike agreed as Angel lay down on the bed, "watch over us little brother." Connor sat on the edge of the bed and watched the two vampires fall back into an exhausted sleep. He did not move as the sun began to rise except to check that the curtains were closed. Before the sounds of people moving downstairs filtered into the room Connor had fallen fast asleep curling up at the foot of the bed. TBC...