Guardian
 
Author: Lilithangel
 
Email: abchainey@xtra.co.nz
 
Website: www.livejournal.com/users/lilithbint
 
Fandom: AtS/BtVS
 
Characters: Spike/William
 
Genre: slash
 
Rating/Warning: PG13 for m/m kissing and nudity.
 
Summary: the tamingthemuse prompt this week was Narcissus.  I knew the myth but I did some reading anyway to see what interested the muse.  The essence of the myth is that a young man is cursed to fall in love with his own reflection.  A Greek philosopher Pausanias argued that it was silly for someone to fall in love with their reflection and that Narcissus must have had a twin that he fell in love with and pinned away for when they died.  Well thinking about twins made me think about Spilliam and the winged challenge at darker_spilliam. And well... this is what happened.
 
William is a guardian angel.  He is assigned his most unusual case ever, a vampire with a soul.  William's first charge had been a young Victorian male who he failed to protect and he took on the form of the young man in memory.  Now he has a chance to make good.
 
* * * * *
 
"How does a vampire get a guardian angel?"
 
"What he's about to do earns him the right.  Just watch."
 
They watch as the vampire fought off pain, bugs and fire to ease his unaccustomed guilt.
 
"I didn't do such a good job last time."
 
"He was your first charge and you know all you can do is gently guide and protect.  You cannot stop them from doing anything they truly wish to do no matter how much it might hurt."
 
"I failed to keep him safe.  I let him fall into her clutches."
 
"It had to be, and now you have the chance to watch over him again William.  I have every confidence you will do better this time."
 
"Thank you Gabriel."
 
* * * * *
 
He knew he was only supposed to watch and give the newly souled vampire the occasional nudge but the pain and grief was more than he could bear.
 
Spike had crawled into the belly of the cargo ship not really caring where it was taking him and not caring whether he survived or not.
 
William had sent rats his way with a murmured apology to the small animals knowing it was all he should do.  He watched and he listened to the mutterings.  A heartrending litany of death and suffering that didn't tear at his heart anywhere near as much as Spike's acceptance of blame and lack of expectation of absolution for his sins.
 
William couldn't bear the weight of Spike's pain and he sank to the wet stinking floor uncaring that his wings were dipped in darkness as he lifted the thin battered body into his arms.
 
He hoped the madness that filled Spike would turn his comfort into another fever dream even as one soft hand reached up in wonder and caressed his cheek.
 
He guided Spike back to Sunnydale even though he knew the pain waiting there and he let the stain from the boat's dirty water mark the edges of his feathers.
 
* * * * *
 
William watched as the darkness took hold of Spike with whispered poison and tainted music.  He made the choice to bring the angry one to Spike like he had the rats, forcing a healing and a breaking of the music.  Willingly taking more stains onto his wings to break the darkness away from his charge.
 
William watched as Spike accepted the pain and the hatred for the scraps of care he was given.  Waiting for the times that alcohol pulled Spike into oblivion and he could take the still too thin body into his arms and wish away the nightmares.
 
William watched as Spike took on the mantle of the champion that destiny and his soul had prepared him for.  For a brief moment as the sunlight cleansed Spike of all but his soul William knew that Spike saw him.  He felt a strange flash of vanity hoping that Spike would find him pleasant to look on even though he knew that in many ways it would be like Spike was looking in a mirror.
 
It was at that moment that William knew he was in love with Spike. 
 
He thought that his guardianship was over with the fall of Sunnydale and hoped that he had done enough to ensure the safety of Spike's still newly won soul.
 
Instead of being pulled back to heaven William found himself in a strange empty place.  With nothing better to do he started to walk.
 
* * * * *
 
It hurt.  Worse than anything he had experienced before he accepted it as punishment for his sins and wondered briefly if it would be enough to get him into heaven.  Just before the end he saw a face inside the light looking down at him.  Compassion and love were in the clear blue eyes that seemed somehow familiar but he was sure he would have remembered someone so beautiful.
 
Then the pain was gone and there was nothing.  He had read about purgatory and wondered if perhaps he had made it that far.  Then he remembered that prays had to be said to release a soul from purgatory and there was nobody on earth who would think to pray for him.  He murmured an apology to his soul for trapping it for eternity and then since he had nothing better to do he started walking.
 
He could have walked for minutes, hours or days.  With no change to the light and no landmarks of any sort to tell him how far he had walked he just couldn't tell.
 
Finally in the distance he saw a shape slowly getting closer.  Anything was better than the aching boredom of walking through nothing so he sped up his pace. 
 
It was about then that he realised he was naked.  Not uncommon for him admittedly but normally he remembered taking his clothes off.  He felt a pang of regret at the loss of his jacket but shrugged and continued walking.  Being naked was a small price to pay for some potential company in this strange place.
 
The shape became human-like but appeared to have wings.  There was no way he was getting a visit from an angel so Spike had to assume some sort of demon.
 
It was certainly a good looking demon and strangely familiar.  The wings were bedraggled and looked like they had been dipped in something dark and sticky.  Spike was struck by a memory of a memory as the face came into focus.  A memory of love and the soft touch of feathers against his skin in his madness days.
 
"Hello Spike," the demon said, "I guess you can see me.  I'm William."
 
"William?" Spike said.  "Very funny."
 
"Why?" William looked confused.
 
"What are you?"
 
"Your guardian angel."
 
"Pull the other one.  Vampires don't have guardian angels."
 
"Vampires who earn their souls back do."
 
"Bull." Spike snorted.
 
"Why don't you believe me?" William tilted his head to one side curiously.
 
"Things like that don't happen to me.  Anyway it doesn't look like you've done much of a job."
 
"I know." William's shoulders dropped.  "I had hoped dying the way you did would have been enough but it seems that you're not done yet."
 
"You're really an angel?" Spike was still suspicious, "My angel?"
 
"I watched you seek out the demon when your conscious mind wasn't even sure what you were going to ask, but your heart already knew.  I watched you take all the pain for a chance to be more and I watched your soul chose to return despite the burden it would carry.  I watched you fight to be a better man and I watched you gladly embrace your fate."  William said moving closer to Spike.
 
"It was you, in the light." Spike couldn't deny the feeling of truth about William, "and on the ship you held me and let me cry."
 
"I was so proud of you." William reached out and lightly touched Spike's face.  For the first time seeing the sweetness of Spike's response as Spike's leant into his touch.
 
"Proud?  I was a dribbling mess." Spike couldn't keep his eyes from drinking in William's beauty.  William was as naked as Spike although the wings somehow made him appear clothed.  His body was fuller than Spike's and unblemished.
 
"You never stopped fighting, you knew you could be better and you kept trying." William blushed at Spike's scrutiny.
 
"You look like me," Spike said in wonder, "only beautiful.  I could drown in your eyes."
 
"You are beautiful." William gave into temptation and kissed Spike softly on the lips.
 
"Why are your wings dirty?" Spike asked to ease back his fear.
 
"I didn't want them clean when I could not help you."
 
"They should be clean." Spike looked around as if to find something to clean them with.
 
To their surprise a small pool appeared beside them.  "What is this place?" Spike said.
 
"I don't know it may have something to do with the amulet."
 
"So not purgatory then?"
 
"Not like I have ever experience," William said, "it seems to respond to you though."
 
"May I?" Spike asked holding out his hand.
 
Embarrassed William could only nod and allow Spike to help him step down into the water.  In all his time as a guardian nobody had ever worried about him, most of the time they didn't even know he was there until the end.  So it felt strange to have Spike's attention fully on him especially when they were naked.
 
Spike stripped off his clothes determined to do this right.  If it was all a near death hallucination then he didn't care and if it was real he didn't care either.  It was strange to be looking at another version of himself even without the wings, but William had an innocent beauty that Spike knew he had never had.
 
The pool was only knee deep but William's wings still dipped into the water.  Spike knelt at William's feet grateful that the water was warm.  It felt right to kneel in front of William.  He seldom backed down to males but William was more than that.
 
Shivers ran down William's body as Spike carefully poured water over the stained feather brushing his fingers through to separate the soft barbs without damaging them.  Most of the stains washed out easily but one or two remained.  Impulsively Spike kissed the darkened feathers regretting that his actions marred such perfection.  His cold breath seemed to blow away the last of the stains and he kissed the feathers again.
 
William gasped at the gentle touches sensations dancing across his skin the way it normally only did in flight.  He was fully formed although some parts had never been stimulated before.  When he felt Spike's lips on his feathers his knees nearly buckled and his forgotten cock stirred.
 
Spike could think of worse places to be for eternity than with an angel who looked on him with such love.  An angel who accepted his adoration with wonder and innocence.
 
William lifted his wings and shook out the water covering Spike with droplets.
 
"Hey!" Spike protested leaping to his feet.
 
"I'm sorry," William said.  Spike laughed at his worried look and flicked water at him.  William smiled and Spike was struck again by the beauty he couldn't believe wore his face.  "What?" William asked at the expression on Spike's face.
 
"Nothing," Spike shook his head, "must be the wings that make you look so beautiful."
 
"You're beautiful," William said.
 
Spike laughed, "devilishly handsome maybe but not beautiful."
 
"When you smile properly you are more beautiful than any angel I have ever seen," William said seriously.
 
"Bollocks, you have to say that, you're my guardian angel."
 
"I don't have to do this and I want to," William said stepping close to Spike and kissing him. 
 
Just as tentative as the first kiss this time Spike did not pull away but allowed William to brush across his lips with soft warm kisses that grew more confident with every touch.  It was definitely not like kissing himself, William was not as skilled as Spike but just as responsive.
 
Spike was feeling warm and then it wasn't pleasant anymore as he was pulled from William's arms.
 
William reached out for Spike catching one outstretched hand briefly.  "You're going back.  I don't know if you will remember this but I will always be with you and I will be waiting for you."
 
Spike wanted to reply but the pain that he remembered from before burned through him as their hands were pulled apart.  His mouth was open in a wordless howl of agony as he was burnt from the inside again and slowly vanished.
 
* * * * *
 
William watched as Spike materialised in an office where hostility and distrust were almost tangible in the air.  He hated to see Spike in a place like that even if it was where Spike needed to be.
 
"Let this be the last time," William whispered sadly as he watched Spike's ghostly form barrel through Angel and stop inside the desk.
 
"He is needed," Gabriel said, "we will call him whenever he is needed and you will be there for him."
 
"Always.  Will he remember me?"
 
"His dreams will be easier now thanks to your love William."
 
"I'm glad."
 
William settled in to watch over his charge once more the memory of their kisses still warm on his lips.
 
__._,_.___