Title: Hurt

Author: Lilithangel

Email: abchainey@xtra.co.nz

Website: www.livejournal.com/users/lilithbint/

Fandom(s): AtS

Genre: slash cause I'm a Spangel girl.

Pairings/Characters: Spike/Angel.

Rating: includes boy on boy sex so if you don't like, don't read.

Warnings: see above.

Notes: For Mistress Eve who wanted a ficlet where Spike is beaten and Angel makes it better with sex.

* * * * *

Angel moved tiredly through the empty halls of Wolfram & Hart, every day seemed to suck more and more of his soul out and he couldn't seem to see any way out of it. Cordy's last visit and the vision she had given him were the only things holding him together and sometimes he felt as if it had all been a dream.

He knew he should go up to the penthouse and get some rest but by the end of the day he was so wound up he needed to move, do something to work off the excess energy. So he walked the halls of Wolfram & Hart checking everything was secure and still there.

Sometimes he would go down to the containment area and stare at the door where Pavanne was imprisoned. Stand there and wonder what he was seeing and thinking trapped in that little room. It reminded Angel of his time under the ocean, how he slowly began to lose his mind and he would question whether he had ever been rescued. Perhaps this was all a delusion that he was condemned to experience for eternity. Sometimes he actually hoped that it was.

When he reached the staff room Angel realised there was somebody in there. He heard a shuffling pained sound and the faint clatter of bottles as the fridge was opened. Looking into the room Angel could make out a dark shape outlined by the light of the fridge. He could not make out features from behind but the figure was hunched over as if in pain.

Angel entered the room and stopped with the smell of blood overwhelming his senses.

"Spike?" Angel identified the scent immediately.

The figure froze and then pushed itself upright. "Piss off Peaches," Spike replied without turning around.

"What are you doing?" Angel demanded.

"Raiding your blood supply what does it look like?" Spike answered irritably. His voice was muffled in some way that Angel could not identify.

"What happened to you?" Angel asked.

"Nothing, just forget it. Was out of blood at my place," Spike's voice was tired.

Spike shut the door to the fridge and turned slowly around keeping his face averted from Angel. He made a move towards the door but Angel stood in front of him.

The smell of blood was overwhelming now and Angel was determined to find out how much damage Spike had done to himself. Not that he cared but if Spike had pissed anyone off Angel needed to know for damage control.

"What happened?" Angel asked again.

"Just a bit of a tussle is all, nothing to worry your poufy head about," Spike tried to get past Angel but his movements were slow and jerky.

Angel grabbed Spike by the shoulder; Spike tried to pull away but hissed with pain and went still.

Angel turned Spike's face around and could not stop the gasp of horror that escaped his lips. Spike was almost unrecognisable, one eye was swollen shut a cut over one eyebrow had flooded the other with blood, which was now crusted and flaked. Both cheekbones appeared to be broken and his nose was split open, his lower lip was puffed and cracked and the dark black bruise on Spike's jaw suggested it was broken too.

One ear was practically torn off, hanging on only by a thread of flesh. Contusions and bruises around his throat looked like someone had tried to choke him and the way he was holding his body told Angel that there were obviously more broken bones hidden by clothes.

"Who did this to you?" Angel asked in shock.

Spike laughed painfully, "Nobody, did it to myself."

"Not even you could to that much damage to yourself," Angel shook his head, "tell me the truth."

Spike laughed again and a bubble of blood escaped from his mouth, "disappointed it wasn't you Peaches?"

"Dammit Spike," Angel cursed.

"Got into a fight and lost alright," Spike muttered then his eyes rolled back in his head and he staggered backwards.

Without thinking Angel leapt forward and caught Spike before he hit the ground. Angel winced as he looked at the damaged face again, arguing to himself that they needed Spike whole and functional he lifted the curiously light body into his arms properly and headed for the penthouse.

* * * * *

Taking advantage of Spike's unconsciousness Angel eased the duster off Spike's shoulders and let it fall to the ground before he carefully placed Spike on the bed.

Spike's tee shirt was torn to ribbons so Angel wasted very little time cutting it free and exposing the battered torso. Angel closed his eyes briefly from the sight that presented itself.

If possible Spike's body had taken more damage than his face. There were deep cuts still oozing blood and large areas of bruising including one on the abdomen that was swollen and shiny indicating internal bleeding.

Several ribs were obviously broken and one shoulder was dislocated with what looked like a boot imprint on the flesh.

Quickly Angel stemmed the worst of the bleeding and reset the shoulder before Spike woke up. Angel was taken aback by how fragile Spike appeared; even though there was plenty of muscle definition and power in his frame he was lean to the point of emaciation and the bruising stood out in stark relief against his pale skin.

Then Angel turned his attention to Spike's face, there was very little he could do but wash away the blood and reset the blonde's nose. He could only hope that there was not any permanent damage to the eyes.

Angel unlaced Spike's boots and pulled them off but hesitated at going any further. Instead he ran his hands quickly over Spike's legs to check for breaks. Satisfied Angel left Spike's jeans on and bandaged the worst of his injuries.

When Spike began to stir Angel got up quickly and started to tidy away the bloody cloths and water.

Spike opened his eyes and looked around in confusion before his gaze settled on Angel.

"What the bleeding hell is going on?" Spike demanded trying to sit up and wincing with pain.

"Lay still," Angel ordered, "I've patched up the worst of your wounds but you still have broken bones that need strapping."

"What do you think you are doing?" Spike pushed.

"Fixing your injuries, what does it look like?" Angel snapped back.

"Why?" there was honest confusion in Spike's voice.

"Because... you are no use to us injured," Angel explained hotly.

Spike's face twisted briefly with something Angel could not identify before his habitual scowl returned.

"Never bothered you before," he drawled.

"True, but now it does," Angel replied calmly.

"Right, then strap me up and I will get out of here," Spike glared at Angel.

"This will hurt," Angel warned lifting Spike upright.

Spike hissed and his fingers bit into Angel's arms as he forced down the urge to scream. Steadying Spike with his shoulder Angel quickly wound a bandage around Spike's chest and tried not to think about how clean Spike smelled.

Spike tried not to let his head drop onto Angel's convenient shoulder desperate to rest but not willing to show his weakness to Angel.

When Angel was finished Spike allowed himself to relax briefly against Angel's shoulder testing out the support of the bandages. Then he pushed himself off Angel and attempted to swing his legs off the bed.

"What are you doing?" Angel asked ignoring how bereft he felt when Spike pushed away from him.

"Leaving, like I said I would," Spike replied tersely as pain shot through his body.

"Not yet you're not," Angel frowned at the tremors that racked the smaller man.

"Piss off," Spike said wearily.

"You need blood; you came looking for it didn't you?" Angel countered. "Stay there and I will get you some."

Spike looked at Angel in surprise and lay back against the headboard of the bed with a sigh.

Angel came back with a large mug of warm blood and a straw. Spike looked at it blankly and looked at Angel for explanation.

"Your lip is not healed," Angel explained lamely handing over the mug.

Spike hissed as he attempted to take a sip and grudgingly took the straw.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Spike asked suspiciously.

"I explained, you are no good to us injured," Angel did not look at Spike as he answered.

"Yeah," Spike said his voice expressionless "you said that." He quickly finished the blood and tried again to stand.

"Spike wait," Angel put his hand up to steady Spike, "you can stay here the night, it will be easier. I can sleep on the couch," he added without looking at Spike.

"Whatever," Spike lay back down on the bed his body tense with pain but his face a mask of indifference.

"Okay," Angel stood awkwardly by the bed and then carefully pulled a blanket up over Spike before heading for the living room.

* * * * *

Angel awoke with a soft cry staring blindly into the darkness. The smell of cigarette smoke alerted him to Spike's presence.

"You were having a nightmare," Spike commented from the window.

Angel looked over to see Spike leaning against the glass a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. Still only wearing his jeans, the bruising on his body gave his skin a mottled look in the moonlight.

"What are you doing Spike?" Angel asked, "You should be resting."

"Couldn't sleep, needed a fag and was thirsty," Spike answered simply. He waved the bottle in Angel's direction.

Angel thought about it briefly and then reached out to take it. As there fingers touched Angel was suddenly aware that they were both only wearing pants and nothing else.

Spike passed it over and then retreated to the window again. Angel took a swig of the whiskey and they sat in silence.

"What's my place?" Spike asked suddenly.

"What?" Angel asked in confusion.

"Where do I belong, what use am I?" Spike stared out over the city, "had a purpose in Sunnydale, a reason don't know what it is now."

"Well... you are... you fight," Angel answered lamely struggling for a reply.

"Yeah," there was a strange note in Spike's voice, something Angel had never heard before and it took a moment for Angel to realise what it was, defeat. "Seems all I've ever been used for." He stared blindly at his cigarette before stubbing it out on the glass.

The way Spike said the word 'used' chilled Angel to the bone for some reason.

"All I'm good for then," there was a bitter coldness to Spike's voice and a pain he would not normally have allowed Angel to hear.

"Spike..." Angel began but Spike interrupted him with a sardonic laugh.

"Ignore me Peaches, just babbling I'll get out of your hair." Spike pushed himself away from the window and headed for the bedroom.

"Spike wait," Angel jumped up from the couch and blocked his path, then could think of nothing to say.

Spike stared at Angel for a moment before speaking. "Do you know what the worst part about being a ghost was? Not being able to touch anyone," he answered not letting Angel answer, "made all sorts of promises to god or the devil or whoever was listening. Said I would do anything to be allowed to touch again," Spike laughed painfully "since I got my body back the only times I have touched anyone was to hit them, should have figured that was my lot."

"But you touch..." Angel trailed off as he tried to remember seeing Spike touch anyone, "you touched me and Gunn..." he stopped when it dawned on him that he had not seen anyone voluntarily touch Spike since that day.

"I need to touch," Spike went on, "me and Dru, couldn't keep our hands off each other, I liked that. I need to find that again."

"You're going to find Dru again?"

Spike shook his head, "don't think she cares to see me again."

"Buffy then?" Angel was unsurprised.

Spike laughed bitterly "she only touched me once in tenderness and then I died. Don't think she really meant it; she always preferred to touch with her fists. No..." Spike shook his head "need to find it somewhere new. Tired of taking violence for love."

Unbidden Angel's hand rose to Spike's face, Spike flinched away and then he stilled as Angel ran a feather light touch across his bruised cheekbone.

"I'm sorry Spike," Angel whispered, "I have gotten so used to not touching anyone myself I think I forgot how to do it without anger."

Startled Spike looked into Angel's eyes waiting for the punch line, the kick when he was down. Instead Angel moved his hand over to cup Spike's face in his palm.

Unbidden Spike half-closed his eyes and leant into Angel's touch. Angel's hand trembled slightly and Spike opened his eyes to catch a look of sorrow on Angel's face.

"Why can't I be loved?" Spike's voice was so low Angel nearly missed the question.

Tentatively Spike reached up and placed his hand on Angel's chest mimicking the gesture from when he had gotten his body back but this time keeping his hand there and not pushing.

The tremor ran down Angel's body as Spike's cool fingers splayed out over his bare chest. Angel's other hand ran lightly down Spike's arm before he entwined his fingers with Spike's.

Stunned Spike stared at Angel, "what are we doing?"

"Touching?" Angel said tentatively.

"Why?" Spike quirked a small smile.

"Because it feels right and we need to?"

"Oh okay," Spike tightened his fingers around Angel's and dropped his head onto Angel's shoulder.

With a sigh Angel pulled Spike closer wrapping his arms around the smaller man. Spike's hands snaked around Angel's waist and they stood in silence.

Angel pulled back slightly and took Spike by the hand, leading him back to the bedroom.

Angel lay Spike down on the bed and knelt beside him, "Let me touch you," he asked, softly running his hands over Spike's chest.

Spike looked solemnly up at Angel and nodded without speaking.

Angel ran his fingers over each bruise on Spike's torso then almost reverently he dipped his head and gently kissed each one. Then he carefully removed the bandages and repeated his actions on every cut.

Two of the injuries had reopened and Angel's tongue darted out to lap at the slowly seeping wounds. They moaned in unison, Angel at the sharp fresh taste of his grandchilde and Spike from the touch of Angel's fingers rolling his nipples between them.

Angel ran the pads of his thumbs over Spike's erect nipples and Spike moaned again pushing up slightly to increase the contact.

Angel looked up into Spike's half-lidded gaze and moved up to replace his thumb with his lips sucking the hard nub into his mouth. Angel suckled first one, then the other till they were flush with blood.

Carefully Angel straddled Spike's waist and kissed his way up Spike's neck to rain gentle kisses over the injured man's face until he stopped at the still swollen lips.

"I have dreamt of this," Angel confessed and he slowly pressed his lips to Spike's.

Spike sighed and parted his lips slightly to kiss Angel back. It was a soft tentative kiss; neither vampire was accustomed to tenderness or the subtle differences that came of kissing another male.

There was a small amount of duelling for dominance that soon melted into a mutual plundering of mouths. Tongues explored the sensitive areas behind the teeth and lips entangling with each other before drawing back to savour the unique taste of the other.

Spike broke the kiss first bringing his hands on either side of Angel's face. "What happens tomorrow?"

"We try to touch more and maybe even talk some," Angel replied seriously.

"No blame, no hurling insults?" Spike asked cautiously.

Angel felt his heart break a little at the fear revealed in Spike's voice as he realised that Spike expected his lovers to hate him and leave him.

"I suspect the insults will come back," he smiled, "but no blame. Let me touch you, let me try to help you belong."

Something broke in Spike's expression and he pulled Angel down for another kiss. This one was more passionate than the first and Spike's swollen lip split under the pressure.

Angel moaned as the taste of Spike flooded his mouth again, he bit down hard on his own lip mingling their blood and sharing it with Spike.

Angel could feel Spike's erection pressing against his backside and he rubbed against it hungrily.

Spike bucked at the contact and broke the kiss in surprise. He stared up at Angel who looked at him with lust filled eyes. Lips gleaming with shared blood Angel had never looked more attractive to Spike as when his tongue darted out to lick the remaining blood clean.

Spike brought his fingers up and lightly scratched Angel's nipples. Angel hissed with desire and rocked against Spike's denim clad cock his own cock straining against his pants.

Not taking his eyes off Spike Angel slid down across Spike's erection till his fingers could reach the zipper that restrained it. Angel unzipped Spike's jeans and pulled them off before divesting himself of the trousers he wore.

Naked now, Angel straddled Spike again and covered the smaller man's body with his own to kiss him again.

Careful to keep most of his weight off Spike Angel attempted to reclaim every harsh word, every blow he had rained on the blond with gentle kisses and murmured words of apology.

Spike halted Angel's litany with one finger to the larger man's lips, "plenty happened in the past, we can't change it, please don't bring them into this moment."

Angel nodded his understanding and then sucked the digit into his mouth.

"Christ," Spike gasped. Angel grinned and suckled another finger in wetting them both with his tongue and then pulling back while still maintaining the suction. He could feel Spike's cock twitch in response and felt a strange quiver in his belly as it pushed against his buttocks.

Ignoring the feeling for the moment Angel pushed Spike's legs apart and knelt between them placing his hands into the dips at Spike's hips on either side of his rigid cock.

"Angel," Spike yelped when the older vampire licked the entire length of Spike's cock.

"You like that?" Angel asked with a grin.

"Bloody hell yes," came the strangled reply as Angel repeated the action this time flicking over the head to taste the pre-cum shining there. "You don't have to do this," Spike managed to say as Angel continued his assault.

"I want to do this," Angel answered, "I have dreamt of this and I have hated you for making me desire you but now... I don't hate you," he confessed taking Spike's entire length into his mouth.

"Angel!" Spike cried out as the cool mouth engulfed him.

Angel swept his tongue around the base of Spike's cock enjoying the feeling of Spike writhing underneath him.

Releasing Spike's cock with a final kiss Angel moved back up Spike's body kissing and licking as he went until he returned to Spike's mouth for another body melting kiss.

Spike was lost in a world of sensation, the feel of Angel's mouth around his cock the unexpected love and passion that was pouring from the elder vampire was beyond anything he could have imagined happening.

Angel fumbled with the drawer beside the bed and then Spike felt a cool slick hand coat his cock.

Spike's eyes flew open and fixed on the sight of Angel slicking up his own arsehole with the lube he had coated Spike's cock with.

"Angel?" Spike croaked.

"Let me do this," Angel begged, "I want, I need to do this."

Spike's eyes darkened with lust as he watched Angel slip first one then two fingers into his own hole a look of pure ecstasy on his face.

"God you look so sexy," Spike gasped, then all rational thought left him as Angel positioned his weeping cock and knelt slowly sliding the head inside.

"Oh my god," Angel stopped, his eyes wide as his body adjusted to the invasion. Slowly Angel sat back taking more and more of Spike's length until he could feel the tight nest of curls brush against his own testicles.

"Angel..." Spike stammered, "You are so bloody tight."

Angel carefully raised his body up and then slid back down feeling completely filled. Gradually Angel became accustomed to Spike's cock and he started to raise and lower his hips building a rhythm up.

Spike clutched at Angel's thighs unable to believe that his grandsire was riding his cock. Angel's passage was tight and slick and the muscles gripped all around Spike's shaft. The head brushed over a small bump and Angel's cock leapt as his eyes opened wide.

"Shit," Angel swore as Spike's cock hit the spot again. Spike removed one hand from Angel's leg and grasped Angel's cock fisting it in time with Angel's movements.

"I can't last Angel," Spike gasped as he felt an orgasm boiling.

Angel's movements grew wilder as he rode Spike's cock faster; with a roar he shot his load all over Spike's hand and chest. The sight of Angel's release was too much for Spike and he flooded Angel's passage with cum.

Angel collapsed on top of Spike and buried his head into the crook of Spike's neck.

All pain forgotten Spike wrapped both arms around Angel holding his buttocks tight to keep his cock from slipping free.

"This is where you belong Spike," Angel whispered into Spike's hair.