Inertia
 
Author: lilithangel
 
Email: abchainey@xtra.co.nz
 
Website: www.livejournal.com/users/lilithbint
 
Fandom: AtS
 
Character: Angel
 
Genre: Gen
 
Warnings/Rating: G nothing specific in this one.
 
Summary: The scene after The Hold in the World when Angel is sitting in his office.  What was going on in his head.
 
Inerita: An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by an external and unbalanced force. An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by an external and unbalanced force.
 
* * * * *
 
He sat at his desk and watched as the rest of the office orbitted around him.  Everyone following predetermined paths that he had no control over. 
 
He knew the world was moving around him and his destiny was plunging on ahead dictated by prophecies and Powers that never seemed to care what he wanted.
 
It was only the actions of others that determined his path.  Xander lied to Buffy and she sent him to hell.  Staring into his eyes she plunged the sword into him and pushed him through the portal.  Sending him spinning into hell.  Before that Spike taking up the tire iron and clubbing him over the head in league with Buffy to save the world, or just get one over on him.  Before that again and a Gypsy clan deciding that a soul and a perfect happiness clause were ideal punishment for his deeds.
 
Follow the path back even further and there was Darla offering him things he couldn't even dream of.  His father told him he would amount to nothing and he allowed the tide of opinion to sweep him forward unmoving from there.
 
Did he ever have control over his own destiny or was it determined by faceless powers, more important than the man or the vampire?  He wished he knew if anything he did made a difference beyond his own irredemable soul.
 
Was it just his age that made it seem like the rest of the world was rushing by?  Could he just be unaware of his own movement because everyone else was moving with him?
 
He watched Spike resist the loss of control fighting all the time to make or take a destiny Angel hated to admit the annoying blond might deserve.  When Spike had been in the hospital after the Dana incident Angel had been most shocked by how still the younger vampire had been.  Hands held out in mock supplication it was all Angel could do not to shake life back into the small frame.
 
Sometimes it seemed like the blond was the only guide to his own movement he had left.  Humans were gone too quickly so damn fragile, he failed to protect them failed to stop the gradual moral and bodily decay that being in his orbit created.
 
Waste of space because his father said so.  Vampire because Darla wanted it so.  Soul because the gypsies hated him so.  Sent to hell because a human boy and a slayer decided it so.  CEO of an evil law firm because saving his son made it so.
 
Mourning his losses alone was the only choice he made for himself.  And he wasn't really alone because through the glass he could see the only one powerful enough to push him off direction even for a moment.
 
He had honestly expected Spike to stake him over the cup.  He had seen the rage in those blue eyes, how much Spike wanted to beat him and in that moment he had been happy to stop let everything end.
 
Then yet again someone else chose his destiny for him and he wasn't dust.  In that moment before the stake plunged into his shoulder he loved Spike more than he had ever done.  And when Spike didn't dust him he hated the blond even more.
 
Now the weight of their combined weariness dragged down on him and he could only wait to see if the future gifted him was truth or another lie.
 
__.