V.I.S.S
by Lilithangel

5. Ebay?

Spike found a bar just two corners away, it did not look like his kind of place. But right now his kind of place was the kind of place that sold alcohol, so this was his kind of place.

It looked like the kind of bar someone who had never been to England would call an English pub. Too much fake oak and low beams, pictures of hunting scenes and dead birds covered the walls and the lighting would have shamed a bordello.

The bar was small and crowded but Spike spotted a number of booths set along the back wall. He wangled a bottle of whisky out of the woman behind the bar (who looked like it had been many years since she qualified for the term barmaid) and slipped into a booth determined to drink all the events of the evening into a small fuzzy memory that would haunt him in the morning.

He was well on his way when an appallingly familiar voice broke through his misery.

"Look there's an empty booth, you grab it while I get the drinks in."

Peering carefully around the corner of his booth Spike recognised Harmony and a number of the VISS members. Of course this had to be their local, it completed the unluckiest night of his life in perfect style.

Spike slouched lower in his seat and prayed to whatever deity was listening that they were not heading to his booth. Something was listening, but only just. The group settled into the booth next to his effectively trapping him there until they left or realised he was there.

They were chatting excitedly about the evening, still buzzing about meeting Spike and Harmony. To his surprise they were just as happy to have met Harmony as him.

Curiosity got the better of him and he settled in for a bit of eavesdropping, thankful that the overwhelming odours of the bar masked his scent.

Unfortunately nothing could mask the smell of Harmony's perfume and he knew as soon as she got to the booth. He had never been able to convince her to wear less perfume any more than he was able to convince her to stop calling him blondie bear.

The group did not appear to include any of the auction bidders or Reggie; they were all of a similar age as far as he could tell. From the outside they would have looked like a group of secretaries and office workers out on the town.

The conversation would have surprised anyone who overheard it though, and it was surprising Spike.

"I couldn't believe it when I discovered VISS" one of them was saying "even though Reggie and his lot are a bit daft."

"I know" another agreed, "It is so hard to try and live a normal life as a vampire. Everyone expects you to be all grr and fangy all the time."

"Oh I know" Harmony joined in "at first it was cool terrorising people and causing mayhem. I got back at some of them from school, scared the pants off them" she recalled wistfully, "but eating people...ick"

"Tell me about it" one of the young men commented "my own sire tried to stake me when I refused."

"You really refused to eat someone Mark?" Harmony asked sounding impressed.

"Yeah, well it made me feel sick" he confessed "turns out I'm allergic or something."

Everyone laughed but it was friendly and sympathetic.

"So, tell us about your ebay idea Harmony" One of the others interjected.

"Okay, Dave and I have been emailing for a couple of months now" she smiled at one of the young men in the group "when I told him about the auction idea we began talking. The stuff I grabbed for the auction was just a few things I gathered together real quick. I end up dealing with a lot of stuff at Wolfram & Hart, nobody ever asked what I do with stuff they just tell me to get rid of it" there was just a hint of bitterness in Harmony's voice as she continued.

"We realised that there is a huge amount of interest in memorabilia right now. We've all been in the chat rooms, Spike and Angel are a huge hit with younger vampires"

"And those vampires that don't fit the stereotype" Dave added, smiling at Harmony.

"Exactly, so we thought if the auction was a success we could go into business. Not just Spike and Angel stuff either, Wolfram & Hart deals with all the big names in the demon community. All we have to do is make sure everything is cleansed first." Harmony finished.

"Cleansed?" Mark asked.

"To stop them being used in dark magic" Harmony explained patiently "one thing I have learned at Wolfram & Hart, be careful of magic."

Spike's eyes were getting wider and wider. Firstly the thought of vampire chat rooms and secondly Harmony's idea, which was actually quite a good one, if ebay was what Spike thought it was.

He had learned a bit about computers from Willow and Fred and both of them had mentioned ebay. Come to think of it, he was sure Anya had used it to purchase items for the magic shop much to Gile's dismay.

Spike just wasn't sure it he wanted to see his stuff up for auction on it. He dreaded to think what else of his Harmony had gotten her hot little hands on. Although the thought of selling off some of Angel's clothes did appeal, the poof had plenty to sell.

Spike felt a glow of pleasure as the real impact began to sink in, he was used to being infamous the 'Big Bad' and all. But this was his first taste of fame, people wanted his autograph, wanted to own his things. It was a strange sensation.

The glow faded as he listened in on the conversation again. Talk had moved from auctions, Harmony was telling tales.

"Angel is dating a werewolf right now"

"No way! For real?"

"You bet, we never thought he would get over Cordelia, but he is finally moving on." Harmony sounded a little wistful.

Spike scowled at the thought of Harmony lusting after Angel, what was it with women; they really had this thing for tall, dark and broody. Not that he was interested in Harmony any more; not really, he was just sick of them fancying Angel.

"Oh my god, I have to text Janice, she will just die...again" one of the women giggled "she temped at Wolfram & Hart a few months ago and will not stop talking about Angel. She had to work tonight, she is going to be sick with jealousy!"

"What about Spike are you and he...?"

Harmony sighed "No, not really. When he got his body back again he was all hot for it but I was just convenient for him. Besides..." she glanced at Dave "he's not really my type."

One of the other girls sighed dramatically "come on, he's everyone's type. He's just so dreamy, so wild and sexy."

"Calm down Linda, you said the same about Johnny Depp last month."

"Shut up Denise, just because you prefer them all weak and pathetic."

"Easy girls" Harmony stepped in "you're going all ridgy."

Both girls gasped and put their hands to their faces to check.

Harmony giggled, "Got you, you're not really. Anyway Spike has way too many issues with women and he has this thing with slayers."

"Slayers?" Linda shivered "I had heard rumours in the chat rooms that he got his soul back for the Slayer but I did not believe it."

"Believe it alright, but he went all funny well before that. He even had a robot slayer made so he could make out with it. He had it programmed to tell him how wonderful he was." Harmony wrinkled her nose at the memory. "And he even hung out with the slayers mom drinking hot chocolate."

There was an embarrassed silence and Spike had to fight the urge to jump to his own defence.

"Anyway, I am pretty sure he and Angel are actually gay" Harmony declared.

"What!" the chorus of surprise masked the sound of Spike spitting his drink all over the table.

"Well, Angel spends way too much time on his hair and clothing and Spike has always had a thing for nail polish. And the way the two of them fight...there is obviously lots of suppressed sexual tension going on there." Harmony sounded like she had been reading the advice columns in the magazines she was always buying.

"I know they are both hunky and all" Harmony continued, "but honestly sometimes it is like working with three year olds" she giggled, "Maud and Gladys have decided that their grand nieces would be perfect for Spike and Angel, they are going to bring photographs with them on Monday."

"Oh no" Mark winced "they tried to set me up with one of them last year when I was first turned."

"Are they that bad?" Harmony asked.

"You had better believe it, one of them was turned in the 60's and I think she was on acid at the time. The other is actually a ghoul and bits have been falling off her for years. I found a piece of her finger in my jacket, I'm not sure if she was trying to pick my pocket or hold my hand and I didn't wait around to find out."

Everyone laughed and the conversation turned to ordinary things before one of the girls looked at her watch.

"Okay guys, the movie starts in ten minutes, we had better get moving"

Everyone got up and started getting ready, as they left Harmony hung back for a moment.

"See you on Monday Spikey" she whispered over the back of the booth and sashayed away giggling.

Spike sat for a moment before lowering his head and not very gently began to strike it against the table.
 

A/N: Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed this story – you guys rock!

Thanks for the ebay idea Hearns.

Next chapter Angel gets trapped by Maud and Gladys and the boys get a taste of the price of fame.