V.I.S.S
by Lilithangel

6. Monday Morning

Spike stood in the underground car park at Wolfram & Hart, nervously waiting for his auction bidders to arrive.

He still had no idea what he was going to do with two middle-aged vampires with matchmaking tendencies.

All he had been able to come up with was a tour of the building and possibly dumping them in Angel's lap before fleeing the country.

He had come into the office Sunday afternoon to surf the net and plot revenge on Harmony.

What he had discovered online had alternately amazed, fascinated and terrified him. There was a whole subsection of vampire society he had never encountered before.

In the past vampires that were weak or did not drink human blood would have been dusted in a blink. Now they had support groups, internet sites and normal jobs.

The websites and chat rooms were a whole new world. Every topic imaginable was discussed and some he could never have imagined (which was saying something as Spike had a very fertile imagination).

He discovered a whole raft of chat about himself and Angel. There were endless discussions about getting a soul, speculation about how and why they did it. Even philosophical debate about whether a vampire with a soul really was a vampire.

Even scarier were the fan sites. Spike and Angel's exploits had reached cult status in the demonic world. Some of the fans had posted incredibly detailed and explicit descriptions of what they wanted to do with Spike and Angel.

Spike ended up online for nearly twelve hours before he surfaced and realised it was nearly dawn. He managed to grab something to eat and to clean up before heading down to the car park still trying to plot his revenge on Harmony.

Harmony grinned when she saw Spike pacing back and forth in the car park.

When she had come up with the idea of auctioning Spike she really had meant to be helping. Spike had looked so terrified standing up in front of the VISS crowd and it had been the first thing she could think of.

Afterwards she had enjoyed his discomfort just a little. As much as she adored her blondie bear sometimes he really did annoy her.

She had been upset when she realised he was only using her after his ghost experience. Sure she had enjoyed herself, Spike was a very good lover. But it had still hurt when he dumped her even if she had known they had no future together.

Putting Spike in an uncomfortable position had made her feel better. When she had realised he was hiding in the booth behind then at the pub it had been too easy.

Throwing in the gay comment was guaranteed to get his goat, especially when he could not retaliate without being discovered.

She knew Spike was definitely not gay and she was pretty sure Angel wasn't. But they both got so twitchy when they were teased, sometimes she just couldn't help herself.

She did feel a bit guilty about leaving Spike in the tender clutches of Maud and Gladys and she promised herself she would rescue him if things got too scary for him.

Spike's eyes narrowed as he saw Harmony walking towards him; here was the reason he had not slept in 36 hours.

"I will get you back Harmony" he snarled as she walked up to him.

"Hi blondie bear" she chirped "all ready for your big day?"

"I'll give you ready..." Spike began only to stop in mid rant as he saw the limousine pull up.

The driver got out with a shell-shocked expression on his face. He moved woodenly to the passenger door. Before he got there it opened and Maud and Gladys hopped out.

They were wearing matching tracksuits with 'hot mama' picked out in rhinestones on the tops, Maud in pink and Gladys in yellow.

Their faces lit up when they saw Spike and Harmony and they hurried over.

Spike fixed a smile on his face and went to greet them. He was instantly overwhelmed by a flurry of kisses and hugs as both women started talking.

"Oh this is so exciting" Maud began.

"The limo ride was just wonderful, our neighbours thought we were superstars" Gladys gushed.

"Or gangsters" Maud added "when I first saw Seymour I thought he was a mob hit man" she twinkled at the driver who smile sickly and dived back into the car.

"We are so excited about today, we are going to have such fun"

Swept away by their enthusiasm Spike could only make what he hoped were affirmative responses as he backed into the elevator that Harmony was helpfully holding open.

"Hello Harmony dear, did you try my recipe?" Gladys turned her attention to Harmony.

"Yes I did Gladys, and you were right, that little bit of raccoon blood made all the difference. The gang all loved it" Harmony replied.

"And how did your date go on Saturday?" Maud added.

"Now Maud, it was just a group of us going to the movies, not a date."

"David was there wasn't he?" Maud continued. "Then it counts."

"Good boy David, excellent blood lines" Gladys beamed at Harmony.

"David" Spike frowned "that poncy git from the pub?"

"David is not a poncy git Spike" Harmony smiled, Spike had almost sounded jealous.

The elevator pinged and the doors opened.

"Welcome to the inner sanctum of Wolfram & Hart ladies" Spike gallantly ushered them out of the elevator with a small bow.

"Ohh..." Gladys and Maud sighed, in unison they both reached into their handbags. Gladys pulled out a digital camera and Maud a camcorder.

"I want to capture every moment" Maud said excitedly slowly panning around the foyer.

"Oh my!" Gladys squealed, "look Maud, it's the Host!" she frantically began snapping photos as Lorne sauntered down the hallway. Maud and Gladys surged towards him.

"Oh my...we absolutely loved your show" Gladys reached Lorne first quickly followed by Maud.

"We used to go to your club every month" she gushed "and we organised a bus trip to Las Vegas to see you perform there."

"We were terribly sorry that the club was destroyed" Gladys said sympathetically "but now you are here" she ended brightly.

Lorne smiled at the two whirlwinds in polyester that had accosted him. "Ladies I am charmed to meet you," he said kissing their hands.

They both giggled like schoolgirls, Gladys thrust her camera into Spike's hands.

"Could we please have a photo with you?" she begged. "Just point it and push the big grey button," Gladys whispered loudly to Spike.

Doing as he was told Spike had an idea.

"Lorne, would you mind entertaining the ladies for a little while? I have a meeting with Angel."

"Sure thing cupcake" Lorne agreed graciously "But you are going to owe me big time" he whispered to Spike. "Ladies, let me give the grand tour of our wee place." He said louder and ushered Gladys and Maud away.

Spike sagged with relief, he was not sure how he was going to survive this day or whether anyone would forgive him for inflicting those two on the office.

But first he was going to have to tell Angel why they were there. This was not going to be a pleasant interview.
 

A/N: next time Angel gets a good laugh at Spike's expense until he is sucked into the orbit of the terrible twosome.

Thanks everyone again for the review, they really are spurring this story along!