She Watched
 
Author: Lilithangel
 
Website: www.livejournal.com/users/lilithbint
 
Fandom: BtVS/Ats
 
Characters: Angel, Spike, Buffy
 
Genre: Angst

Warning: over indulgent romantic smut alert!
 
Summary: Set after AtS 5 The Girl in Question.  Buffy finds out that the boys are in Rome and goes looking for them but they are moving on.
 
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Buffy was angry, angry at Spike for not telling her he was back angry at Angel for not telling her, angry at Andrew for trying to keep their presence in Rome a secret and angry at the Immortal for knowing more about what was going on than she did.
 
She kept wavering between anger and joy at the news that Spike was back.  She had meant what she had said to him before the amulet had burnt him up.  He had been her anchor unswerving in his support of her during the battle with the First.  But she did want more than he or Angel could offer.
 
It had been nice partying with the Immortal in Rome; she had missed so much patrolling and being the Slayer in Sunnydale.  The thing with the Immortal she knew it wasn't forever but it did a lot to ease the feelings of loss she had experienced with handing over her Slayer powers to the potentials.
 
She still loved Angel, would always love him but had long since accepted that it was a first love, the Romeo and Juliet kind of love that could not last.  Her feelings for Spike were more complicated, she had used him so badly after she had been pulled out of heaven.  When he had returned with a soul things had changed but in the end Spike had always loved her more than she loved him.
 
She had finally broken down and told Dawn everything that had happened between her and Spike, she couldn't let Dawn continue to hate Spike for what had happened especially in light of what he had done for them.  Dawn had been angry with her and angry with him, they had cried together mourning him and it had improved their relationship immensely.
 
Now he was back and working for Angel who had betrayed them all to work for an evil law firm.  Buffy didn't know what to think about this all she knew was that neither of them had seen fit to tell her what had happened.
 
When Andrew had blurted out the truth she had been shocked, she had been more shocked when the Immortal had not been surprised by the news.  She had known he had influence right through Rome but for him to know about their presence and not tell her was just the end.
 
The men in her life seemed to think it was their right to keep things from her all the time.  Giles, Angel, Spike, even Andrew thought they knew better than she did about what was best for her. 
 
Buffy stamped through the streets of Rome daring anyone to get in her way.  It had been a while since she had been spoiling for a fight but now she was ready to pound heads.  She wanted to start with Spike and Angel but any stray demon would do to take the edge off.
 
Suddenly her long suppressed slayer senses started to tingle the way they only did when two certain vampires were around.  Buffy stopped at the entrance to a plaza scanning the area for threats.
 
A couple stood under a street light obviously so enamoured of each other they were not paying any attention to anything around them.
 
The man was big and broad wearing a red and white motorcycle jacket popular in Rome this season.  Buffy had always thought they looked ridiculous on anyone but a race driver.  The woman was wearing a long black coat that made it difficult to determine anything about her. 
 
The man had one arm around her pulling her close and the other hand cupped on one cheek as he stared deep into her eyes.  He had a strong jaw and his hair was slightly tousled from the woman's caress.  Buffy could make out blond hair and sharply defined features almost masculine in relief.
 
The man rested his head against the woman's staring deeply into her eyes before leaning down and kissing her on the lips.
 
At that moment Buffy realised that the woman was in fact male and worse than that it was Spike.  Spike in Angel's arms, Spike kissing Angel back as gently as Angel was kissing him.
 
Buffy couldn't move and couldn't take her eyes of the tableau in front of her.
 
She watched as Spike's hands tangled in Angel's hair pulling him closer as the kiss deepened. 
 
She watched as Angel's hands slipped beneath Spike's leather coat to hold their bodies tightly together.
 
She watched as Spike's hands slipped down to Angel's shoulders and eased the ridiculous jacket off his broad shoulders.  Angel released his grip on Spike and allowed the jacket to drop to the ground unheeded. 
 
The blond stretched up and whispered into Angel's ear, whatever he said cause Angel to throw back his head and laugh.  It was a lighter and freer expression than Buffy had ever seen on his face and she felt a pang that he had never been so free with her.
 
The laughter stilled when Spike ran his tongue down from Angel's ear to tease at the hollow in his throat. Now there was a look of pleasure and desire on the handsome face, his lips parted as Spike continued to kiss down Angel's chest unbuttoning his shirt along the way.
 
Angel's skin almost glowed in the lamp light and Buffy caught her breath in wonder as hands paler than Angel's spread across his chest and stroked the skin there.
 
Neither vampire was aware of anything but the other now; Buffy suspected a bomb could have gone off without them noticing.  This had been the stuff of her most closely guarded fantasy in the past but now confronted with it she didn't know how she felt.
 
She had consigned them both to her past with only a few regrets; she had mourned for Spike and accepted intellectually that Angel would move on and had told herself she would be happy for him.
 
Never in any of her deepest fantasies or worst nightmares could she had imagined watching the two of them wrapped in each others arms kissing each other with such tenderness and love.
 
Spike's features were soft and his touch was almost reverent.  Buffy remember the one time she had allowed Spike to be that way with her, in the house before the final battle when Spike had worshipped her like a goddess.
 
Now she watched the hands she was more used to seeing in a pose of supplication in the face of her contempt caress another with the same gentle care. 
 
She watched as they skimmed down the cool flesh she thought she would never forget the touch of.  Her breathing hitched as the fingers teased across Angel's waistband dipping underneath just enough to pull Angel close enough for Spike to rain kisses on the strong torso.
 
Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse she watched as Angel's hands moved down to caress Spike's groin causing the blond to throw his head back in delight.
 
This was not how Buffy had imagined vampire sex, this was making love.  There was no violence or blood they were tender and tentative together both finding joy in the other's responses.
 
Angel whispered something to Spike who nodded in agreement.  Carefully Spike buttoned Angel's shirt back up following each button with a kiss.  Angel was laughing gently at the attention a soft look of almost love on his face.
 
Buffy slipped deeper into the shadows as they turned to leave the plaza ignoring the discarded leather jacket. 
 
She watched as a small pale hand was tucked into the larger and the brunette head was tipped down close to the blond as they vanished into the night leaving her with a mountain of regrets and lost chances.
 
THE END