TITLE: Body and Soul - Part Two - Chapter 6 
AUTHOR: Lysia
EMAIL: cricket818uk@wadnitt.fsnet.co.uk
FEEDBACK: Is essential. I can't write without knowing I'm getting it
right and constructive criticism is noted and used.
RATING: 12, for violence.
WARNING: Angst, depression. Light S/A comfort-type romance.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of them, but I'll give them back to Joss
when I've finished with them.
SPOILERS: Set sometime after 'Forever'.
ARCHIVING: Here. Anywhere else, just ask.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sequel to 'The Curse', in which Spike is cursed with a
soul. Here he disappears into a pit of depression and Angel has to
get him out of it.

Chapter 6A - Spike's POV

I can't believe it's possible for a person's mood to change so much
in one day. Before Angel left I was miserable. The only person in the
world I considered important was deserting me and life just wasn't
worth living any more. So I just sat outside and waited for the
sunrise. I would either force Angel to realise how much I need him or
I'd just let the sun kill me.

But now I've got something so much better than the serenity of death.
I had never expected him to offer the affection he did. It's
wonderful to feel his arms around me again. I feel so safe when he
holds me. My memories and guilt can't hurt me.

I could do with a bit of safety from stuff like that now.

I'm sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of blood in front of me.
Angel's on the phone to Giles, wittering something about how he was
right and he's really grateful. Yadda yadda, come back here you
bloody poof! Leave the Watcher alone.

I stare at the blood. Angel said I have to feed more often because 
he doesn't want me wasting away. Well I don't want me wasting away
either any more, so I pick up the cup and take a swig. Yuck! But...
aahhh... it's so powerful. This stuff might taste revolting and bring
with it a whole host of unwanted memories, but it eases the ache in
the pit of my stomach. My whole body draws life from it and I hold my
nose to mask the taste and swallow a few more mouthfuls.

Angel is off the phone now and standing in the doorway to the
kitchen, watching me.

"Mornin'," I say in greeting, smiling a huge smile. I thought I'd
forgotten how to do that.

He looks outside to the blue sky. "Yes, it is," he replies with a
grin. He takes a seat opposite me and his hand brushes over my
fingertips.

"I take it Giles gave you some advice about... how to deal with me?" 
I ask him. I don't like the sound of those words. Makes me feel like
I'm a nuisance and he needs help to handle me.

Angel doesn't seem to like that choice of words either. "I went to him 
for help," he admits. "He told me the reason you were... acting the
way you were was because you were trying to get my attention - make
me show more affection for you."

I give him a look which, in Sunnydale-speak, could be interpreted
as 'Well duh?' "You needed Giles to tell you that?" I question him in
amusement.

He shrugs and hunches over, folding his arms. "I wanted to think you
liked my attention, but I kept feeling as though I was hurting you."

I smirk at how stupid he is and reach out to hold his hand. "Well,
that's your problem isn't it?" I sigh, shaking my head. "You can be a
right pillock sometimes."

Angel laughs and gives my hand a squeeze, and I feel my smirk turn
into a bashful smile. "Yes I can," he agrees "And I'm sorry I had to
scare you like that."

I shrug at his apology. "Oh, you mean the 'I'm not going to take care
of you - you can just stay here and starve' approach? Yeah, bloody
terrified me that did, Angel. But it worked, didn't it?"

Angel nods awkwardly. I don't think he liked his methods either, but
if the poor git insists on not believing that someone can have
feelings for him then things are bound to get tricky for him.

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid like that again?" he asks
me, a hint of pleading in his eyes.

"Promise," I agree with a stern nod and the best solemn expression 
I can manage when he's entwining his fingers with mine. I can't help
it - he just makes me go all giggly.

With his spare hand he fishes in his pocket and brings out two small
booklets which he dumps on the table. I glance briefly at one of the
titles then look up at Angel questioningly.

"Just in case you need any help," he informs me softly, stroking the
back of my hand with his thumb. "I don't want to see you hurting
yourself again, or trying to... or worse."

I feel a fluttery sensation in my stomach. He's worried about me! My
Sire is worried about me and wants to help. "I won't," I promise him,
gazing at him earnestly. I've found myself doing that a lot recently:
just looking at him. "I've got what I wanted - what I need - and I
promise you it's over. I don't need booklets or therapy or any crap
like that. I just need you."

"Well you've got me," he replies.

A big grin spreads over my face and I can't do anything to stop it. 
I must look like a right prat. I leap to my feet and rush around the
table to wrap my arms around his neck. I just can't get enough of
him. I've been alone for so long now it's so wonderful to have
someone else with me to hold me and kiss me and comfort me. I can be
so sentimental sometimes.

We move slightly to make our embrace more comfortable and I sit on
his knee. I feel a bit daft - like some little kid - but it's nice
like this.

"Don't ever go away from me?" I appeal to him quietly, nuzzling my
face into the crook of his neck. "You make everything... bearable when
I'm with you. The memories... the guilt... It all goes away." I don't
know where all this sentimental stuff is coming from, but I feel I
have to say it. I have to make him know how important he is to me.

"I won't go, Spike," he promises me, his hand resting on my neck and
holding me against him, so possessive. "I'll never leave you, my
Childe."

Those words make me tremble with joy. I've missed him calling me
Childe - that wonderful declaration that I am his creation and he's
proud to announce it.

I look at him warily, but hopeful. "I'm still your Childe then?"

A look of confusion crosses Angel's face. "What?"

I fidget awkwardly, wringing my hands. "I just thought that you
might've renounced all responsibility of me when you left and I tried
to kill you, betrayed you to the Slayer, beat you unconscious with a
poker, got you sent to hell and tortured you for the Gem of Amarra."
The wave of guilt I feel about the way I have hurt my Sire in the
past makes me shudder and curl up against him.

"Spike," he sighs, ruffling my hair, "you've always been my Childe.
Don't you remember when you and Dru first came to Sunnydale? I never
tried to kill you. I couldn't. I'd already killed Darla and I
couldn't bring myself to harm any more of my 'family'. I even talked
to Dru and tried to persuade her to leave Sunnydale so I wouldn't
have to fight you."

"Suffice to say, she didn't pass that message on," I reply with an
amused smile. Drusilla isn't the best messenger in the world. "So...
even when I was the bad guy you wouldn't have killed me?"

Angel smiles and plants a kiss on my nose. I smile a really silly
smile and cuddle closer. "I could never kill you, Spike," he murmurs
to me, stroking the back of my head. "You'll always be my boy."

Those words make me so happy. "Thank you, Sire," I whisper against his
shoulder. I haven't called him Sire until today. Angelus hurt me too
much when he came back a couple of years ago.

But all is forgiven now. We both messed up when we didn't have our
souls, and now everything is going to be alright.

Angel moves slightly and I look up to find him holding the cup of
blood in his hand. "I don't suppose I can get you to drink a little
more of this," he asks me.

The way I feel at the moment I'd do anything for him. I take the cup
off him and gulp down a few mouthfuls. I know he worries about my
health.

I yawn as I set the empty cup down on the table. I'd forgotten how
tired I was. I'm exhausted from lack of sleep.

"You should get some rest," Angel tells me, stroking my face softly.
I lean into his touch and he cuddles me.

"Don't want to," I tell him sulkily. "I... I get nightmares."

He sighs that broody Angel-sigh I have come to recognise all too
well. "Spike, you need to sleep," he tells me sternly but kindly. 
"Skull's still out there and we've got another fight with him. 
You heard what he said - we have to be there for 'phase two'."

"I'd sort of zoned out by that point, Angel," I tell him, cringing
slightly. "Besides, I'd rather not be in another battle. I already
bollocksed up the last one. Don't think you need my help."

He eyes me with utter confusion. "Spike - what makes you think that?"
he demands.

I laugh. Has he forgotten or something? "Oh come on, Angel," I
mutter. "I let Skull shoot Buffy, I tried to save Matt and... and he
was killed. I'm useless in battle, so how about I just stay here and
guard the house?"

I think I've upset my Sire. "Just because you made a few mistakes..."
he begins.

I stand and start to pace up and down the small kitchen. I don't want
to go into another battle. I don't like violence. "I can't do it,
Angel!" I insist desperately. "If I try I know I'll screw up again
and get more people killed. I can't fight. I'm not the vicious
vampire Angelus created - I've changed. I'm not a fighter. I'm... 
I'm a poet. And a bad one at that."

It seems so strange calling myself that again. I haven't written a
word of poetry since I changed my name, but I feel so much more like
William than Spike now. Spike would relish a battle. He would fly in
and cut his enemies to ribbons. He certainly wouldn't be moping about
and craving cuddles from his Sire.

"Spike," I hear Angel say. It doesn't feel like my name. "I know how
painful it must have been for you, but we all make mistakes. There
have been people I couldn't save, and it hurts. I know. But we need
your help. Buffy's Slayer strength still hasn't returned properly
because of that poison."

I shiver violently and Angel is immediately at my side, embracing me.
The shivers stop but my fear doesn't fade. Why did I have to come
back now? Why can't Skull take his gang away and leave me and my Sire
alone? I don't want another battle.

"I don't want to talk about this now," I tell Angel, my voice a
little shaky.

"That's okay," he assures me, running his hands through my hair. I
relax instantly. "You should get some sleep anyway. I don't want you
collapsing with exhaustion."

I nod begrudgingly. Sleep means taking the risk of more nightmares,
and the thought scares me, but I'm so tired. I yawn again. God, I'm
so very tired...

Angel lets me go and tilts my chin up to look at me. "I'm going to
bed," he tells me. "I take it you can look after yourself now?"

I nod silently. He's had to do everything for me lately so I think he
deserves a break. "I'll be fine," I reply. "You go - I'm a big boy
now."

He chuckles quietly and kisses my forehead again. "Goodnight, Spike,"
he says to me, his eyes lingering on me for a moment before he turns
to leave.

I watch him disappear out of the doorway and find my fingers resting
on the spot where his lips had touched my skin. Bloody hell, I'm
turning into a dreamy schoolgirl now. I grin to myself at the thought
of how daft I can be sometimes. Knowing that Angel cares just makes
me feel so... protected. My Sire cares about me!

My gaze falls upon the counselling brochures on the kitchen table. 
I don't think I need them. I don't need the pain any more to help me
cope. I've got my Sire back.

I pick up the little booklets and head out to the lounge, flicking
through. One of them has obviously been open at one page in
particular. I flip it open at that point and scan through the
title. 'Possible causes - Sexual abuse.' My Sire thought that was the
reason for what I was doing?

I can't help but laugh at how dumb he can be sometimes. Always the
pessimist. Couldn't possibly believe I liked him kissing me.

I smile at the thought again and relish the safe feeing I get from
the memory of how he treats me now we've sorted out the confusion.
Hopefully that should make things a little more bearable now. I know
he's there if I need him.

With a sigh of relief over the events of today, I dump the booklets
on the dying fire and head upstairs to my room.

Chapter 6B - Angel's POV

I can't sleep. I'm too thrilled to sleep. I've got my Childe back and
found that he likes the way I treat him. Giles was right - and I was
just an idiot.

Even thought it's the middle of the day outside, it's dark in here.
We've stayed up until noon just talking. We had a lot to catch up on,
after all. He has been silent for over a week, and finally being able
to have a proper conversation with him was like a reunion. I know
he's better now, mentally anyway. Physically he still needs a lot of
care. He's underfed and extremely tired, so hopefully with a little
time we can recharge him, so to speak, and put a little weight back
on him. He's definitely thinner than I remember. Of course, I don't
know how much weight he had lost before I got here. From what I've
gathered, because of the government chip he's got he couldn't feed
properly anyway.

Well I plan to change that. I have plenty of money, so I can afford
to buy him more blood than he can drink. No Childe of mine is going
to starve.

I am distracted from my thoughts by a thump upstairs. Panicking I sit
up in bed, listening intently for more sounds. Just as I am getting
ready to jump out of bed and find out what's going on I hear the
thunder of someone coming down the stairs and within moments the
curtain at the doorway is pulled open and I see Spike standing there,
silhouetted by the light in the living room.

I switch my bedside lamp on and wait for my eyes to adjust. Spike is
standing there wearing his 'pyjamas' - a fashion mish-mash of a pair
of old black tracksuit trousers and an ancient dark purple satin
shirt with a few buttons missing. Both are my old cast-offs, and
neither of them fit him very well.

"Are you alright?" I ask him nervously.

He shakes his head and wipes his face. I notice the wetness on his
cheeks and realise he has been crying. "I... I 'ad a n-nightmare," he
tells me, his voice quiet and trembling.

My heart lurches. He looks so adorable and pitiful standing there
like that. He reminds me of a scared little boy - the scared little
boy I dragged out of a grave many years ago. My boy, a particularly
possessive part of my mind tells me.

"It's okay - I'm here," I whisper to him, holding out a hand to him
and pulling the duvet back.

He closes the curtain behind him and practically leaps to my side,
wrapping his arms around me and buying his head against my chest,
sniffing softly. I wrap the covers around both of us and rock him
gently.

He calms down immediately, relaxing against me. I love the way I can
soothe all his worries like this. It makes me feel as though I'm
finally getting this Sire thing right.

"You want to talk about it?" I ask him, rubbing my hand in circles
over his back.

He shakes his head against my chest. "No - too 'orrible. "

"Are you going to be alright now?"

A pause, then, "Can I stay here?"

"Sure," I agree. "If you have any more dreams just wake me. I won't
mind."

He nods and snuggles down, still clinging to me. He's so childish
when he's frightened. I suppose that's what happens when you're
turned so young. He was barely grown up when Drusilla and I took his
life and made him into a vampire, so I suppose he's been in a
permanent state of immaturity ever since. That explains why he was 
so wild and irresponsible in his evil days and why he is so highly
emotional. We never let him grow up. I would feel guilty about it,
but he doesn't seem to mind. He seems happy to call me his Sire.

I reach for the light switch, but he grabs my arm to stop me.

"Leave it on?" he asks softly. "Just until I'm asleep."

"Okay," I reply, and I leave the light on. He stares at me for a few
seconds, then closes his eyes and cuddles closer. I wrap my arms
around him and hear him sigh happily. I appear to be banishing some
of the guilt he is plagued with.

"Goodnight, Spike," I whisper to him, kissing him softly on the cheek.

"Mmm... 'night," he mumbles, already dozing off again.

I smile as he falls into a peaceful slumber. It's so wonderful to
have him back.

Without letting him go I switch the light off and settle down. I keep
my arms wrapped around him as I relax and close my eyes. I haven't
slept this peacefully for a long time.

~TBC~