From: "macha" Date: Wed Dec 25, 2002 3:10 pm Subject: FANFIC, XMAS: Family Feelings [you guys are all a terrible influence. i want you to know that, in RL, sentimental is not considered my middle name. macha] Okay, I think the tea is ready. Spike, will you be mother? Does this mean you're not real? Not at all, I just can't pour tea any more. Technically you can't drink it either, being tied up, so don't think for a minute you're holding the high ground here. But, seriously? I'm still here for my girls. How are they doing? Well, I do have some concerns. I don't mind telling you, they have both always been a real handful. Noticed that, myself, over the years, from time to time. Buffy, now, she holds everything inside. For the work, she risks everything and trusts to instinct. But in life, she has always loved with all her heart, she still does, but she doesn't trust herself at all in that department. Why d'ya think that is? Oh, what can I tell you? She's afraid. She thinks that everyone she loves dies. That they abandon her because she's not worth keeping. Too many monsters in her hope chest. Where she keeps her weapons. Right, too right. Needs all those weapons, though. Can't always keep her safe, can we? Like now. They havent got her, have they? I thought you might have come to tell me.... They haven't got her. Plenty of darkness where she is, but she's taking charge. My sweet, brave Buffy. Important to the world, she is. Always did love to watch her fight the good fight. Even when she's fighting me, I always want to stop for a bit, admire a move, kind of bask a little in her grace. Why are you always so much of a piece, Spike? Souled or unsouled, evil or not, you look at my girl and your heart melts. Reckon I looked at you and her together, very first day, and found home. You did well by Dawn. When Buffy was gone. I didn't expect that from you. Promised her, I did. Felt like the right thing to do. And anyway, Dawn and I, we'd had some times. Summers blood, you know. Why did you never treat me like a monster, back when I really was Big Bad, stuff of nightmares? I could see your heart. You never meant us harm. You weren't Angel. Plus, I did have the axe. No, I was never Angel. But there was no goodness in me. William, would you mind telling me a bit about your mother? I wonder sometimes about the family you came from. She believed in me. My mother and my sisters loved me. I remember warm quilts, and soft music, light laughter, affection. Safety. After, I tried to keep away. Darla and Angelus, Dru, wanted me to kill them all. Therapy, as they understood it. I know how strong they were. Did you give in? No. I did kill everyone else I ever knew. Trying to keep them off the trail, see? Beginning of my bad reputation. But there was the tombstone I came up from under to tell them my name, and the funeral records and, one night.... Spike, I am so sorry. Why wouldn't she kill me? It's the only way to ever make them safe. Spike, you have always been dangerous, all the time I've known you. And I have always considered myself safe with you. I have always trusted you with my girls. Do you think I would ever have taken risks with them? I sent Angel away, you know. And Riley, nice enough boy, but not the one for her. Not what she needed. Gotta be a few more cornfed Iowa boys out there somewhere. Can't all be defective, can they? But I'm not exactly god's gift, am I? Compliments of the season, and all that, but I'm not a babe in the manger. Well if you are, by the look of you, it ought to be Easter already, surely. Maybe I should have brought a bowl with me to start washing your wounds. Buffy did that part already a bit earlier, when I was chained in your basement. So, notice any bright light on your way over? Oh, now you're teasing. I wouldnt think angels would want to speak to me. So much blood, I know I'll never be clean. Really, my dear, I think a lot of it's your own. No bright light, and a shortage of wise men. But Buffy's building a fort. Everyone's there but you, and she's trying to find you. She told me that she believes in me. It was really her, saying. It keeps me going, but I can't say I understand it. All the things I've been, and done. I'm a bad man. It makes lots of sense to me. I know my daughter and it's a miracle in itself, you know, that she would tell you as much as that. You are the one who can make them safe. They need you. Buffy needs you. She needs someone else to be strong for her sometimes. And I know she needs someone strong enough to guard her back. What's more, she needs someone who understands both worlds she lives in. Do you think you could ever be that person? Just what are your intentions, young man? On my life, to keep her safe. To love her as she deserves. To be honest with her, always. To never leave her. But will that be enough? Spike, I have two daughters, both miracles. I give them both into your care. To love and protect. Promise me. Till the end of the world. More tea? Let me be mother. What about some cookies? Merry Xmas, Spike. Welcome to the family.