Subject: [OTL]: (Constantine&Wisdom) Payment [NC-17] Date: Wed, 24 Feb 1999 09:34:29 -0800 (PST) From: Maggie the Cat Reply-To: outsidethelines@Mailing-List.net To: outsidethelines@Mailing-List.net A warning: This piece has no redeeming qualities. I just felt like writing about these two, and so this is what I came up with. And they cuss a whole bunch. Disclaimer: John is DC's, and Pete is Marvel's. Which means that I don't make any money from them, but what else is new. ************************************* Payment "I don't know about this, Constantine...." "Look, it's so bloody simple a monkey could do it. Just stand here--no, inside the circle!--and--oh, shite, get your bleeding head out've your arse, Wisdom!" "Unlike you, I don't have a degree in Bastard Wizardry, right? So sod off! It's bad enough you conned me into helping you with all this!" "I told you--this is too important to do by meself. I need an apprentice've sorts. And since I don't have one, you'll have to do." **bloodywankergoddamnsoddingprat** "Right. Let's get this done, then. Stand here, face north, hold the sword up high. Over my head." "Maybe this job does have some perks...." "Shut it, Wisdom. This is serious fucking business." **achem** "Oi! Sitrami! Quit wanking about and get yourself up here!" "Yeah, that was really professional, Constantine." "What, would some chants make you feel better? Cum Saxum Saxorum! Ah elfintodd dwyr sinddyn dew! Charleton Ath versus Man United!" "Ta. My confidence in you is restored." **pause** "Is that something in the triangle?" **puff** "Sitrami. One've the Five Infernal Kings've the North. He's more an Infantile King, though. Not a day goes by where some little teenage sorceror doesn't dig up the oul' Kabbalah, scratch out a Triangle of Art, and conjure up Sitrami, who's always eager to listen and a real fucking pain to be rid of." "What you callin' him for, then?" "I feel like getting a blowjob." **snort** "Is that your subtle way've tellin' me you don't want to tell me?" "Clever lad. One day you just might learn deductive reasoning if you're not careful--" ++Constantine. Why hast thou summoned Sitrami, Fifth of the--++ "Yeah, yeah, mate--spare me the ident crap. I know who you are. And I've got a more challenging job for you than the usual pratting about doing chores for the pimple squad." ++Your manner of address is unnatural, mortal.++ "That's not the only unnatural thing about this bastard." "Nice, Pete. No wonder that Jewish bird dumped you." "Now just one fookin' minute, Contantine--" **ahem** "Sitrami, I need you to get in a good word for me with your big brother Sitrael. Never mind asking why--I just need it done." ++A means of payment has not yet been discussed.++ "Right." **shove** "What the--!" "Wisdom here'll be the payment. He's pretty damn good at it, too." ++He does not smell familiar to me.++ **shrug** Well, Belial didn't complain, mate, so I think he'd be good enough for the likes've you." "Constantine, you goddamn wanker, what the hell are you signing me up for?" "Don't worry, Pete. You'll be able to escape before he actually buggers you." "You WHA--!!!" ++Very well. I shall gain Sitrael's favour and return the token to you.++ "Watch this, Pete. It's quite the show when they disppear and reappear." **Slimy green poof** "I'm gettin' the fuck out've here, is what. You can let him stick it to you, Constantine, if you need this so badly." "Trust me, ay? I won't let you be dishonoured, mate. You can count on good oul' Johnny for anal integrity." **puff** "Besides, you can't get out've the circle." "Oh Jesus fuckin' Christ..." *Smelly purple poof* ++Sitrami, Fifth of the Five Infernal Kings, returns.++ "An' we all enjoyed the commercial break. Token?" ++Here is thy token, mortal. Now give me my payment.++ "Spot on. Just let me open a doorway in the circle....there. Go to him, Pete. And, eh...don't forget yer knives." "Really, Constantine? I was planning to run to him with open arms and me trousers down about my ankles." ++Come, mortal. I grow weary in this confinement--aaaarrrrggghhhhh!!!!!++ **Flash of hot knives and stink of demon dissolving into nasty puddle of sludge** **Fwoosh of lighter** "Good job, mate. I knew you muties were good fer something." "You owe me for this, you bleedin' prat. You owe me more than just a pint down at the pub. You owe me something major." "Oh, come off it. You're being a twat, Wisdom. I knew your knives would slice the living shite out've Sitrami, right? So you weren't in any danger--" "Apart from him wantin' to play ram an' me be the ewe, bastard. But in any case--I did the dirty work, so I get the reward." "Eh?" **Glint of Sitrael token in Wisdom's fingers** "Not that I personally have any use for this, but I know a few fellas who would be verrrry interested...." **scowl** "Fine. What d'you want for it, Pete?" "Well....there's soooo many things, John, and you're soooo all-bloody-powerful....I'll have to think about it. I don't know...how about conjuring up St. George? I've got a little job for him....won't take but a minute of his time...."