APOCALYPSE NEXT Chapter 5 MR. XAVIER'S WILD RIDE It's a short an' somber flight to Xavier's Academy for kids in tights... the fact that humanity is chewin' its face off in New York over an empty uniform an' all of America's violent chickens are comin' home to roost in its rectum 'ave made Scorzaney an even less delightful subhuman than when we met. Fuck! Wot a look of misery. I could almost pity the fuckwit but why not take the piss out of him instead. "Go back in time." "Huh, did you say something?" Doubt. "Just thinkin' out loud -- I was wonderin', why not just go far enough back in time an' fix the problem before it starts? I'm just musin' to pass the time... just tryin' to help our friend Scorzaney here... only an idea, a humble attempt to help, nothin' more." Scorzaney brings his attention to bear on me. I smile -- 'I'm just tryin' to help' kind of a smile -- an' if he thought that he would live long enough to reach for me throat he would. "It wouldn't work, Agent Wisdom." Scorzaney. "Now, I know that you're just being a smart ass and having some fun at my expense but the fact is that you can't change the past so easily. You can't control the ripples in the time stream. Now I'll give you an example, shit for brains: in 33 A.D. the outlaw King Jesus I led his army of apostles against Rome. Fifty thousand or so disaffected Hebrews, consolidated tribes and anybody else who he could convert. From Egypt to India to proto-Mongols and the barbarians from the Russian steppes. Three years later, the Holy Roman Emperor was truly a Holy Roman Emperor. King Jesus created a direct lineage that carried his blood and power into the twentieth century. "The Montauk Project decided that one family for far too long had held too much power. A monotheistic empire that all but outlawed scientific inquiry was not what Montauk needed, at least not if we could not be in control of it. So we sent a group of operatives back to 20 A.D. to get this revolutionary out of the way and install our own trained Messiah. We succeeded -- our man Judas infiltrated his resistance cell, he did everything he could to make himself invaluable to Jesus and, when the time was right, Judas betrayed Jesus. Jesus was crucified and we were set... or so we thought. While the rest of our team was busying themselves with the task of stabilizing history so that our future would be secure, our Messiah Apparent hung himself out of guilt. Such was the thrall that Jesus held his people in. The end of the story: In classic Obi Wan style, Jesus became far more powerful than we could have imagined and all our gains were limited to creating shadow governments and other back door shenanigans. History proceeded as you know it from then on, with us not in complete control, so the last thing we want now is to do the same with Magneto or Wolverine." Professor Scorzaney. His eyes are clear, his teeth aren't grey an' I don't see any obvious signs of drug abuse, so what's he on then? "If wot you're sayin' is true, how would you know?" "The team of historians we sent back to move history in our favor kept a record of our original timeline... and there's also the Yellow Book." Scorzaney. "The Yellow Book... wot's that?" "Want me to tell you, Agent Wisdom?" Scorzaney. "Sure, go on." "Fuck you, we're out of time... we've arrived." We land on the expansive front lawn of the Xavier estate which rivals the grounds of most palaces. I suppose that Professor X could be considered an old money prince... an' the grounds are certainly large enough to accommodate the detachment of soldiers and artillery assembled throughout the property. "Strictly for protection." Doubt, noticing my interest in all the hardware. "Whose protection, Doubt?" "Depends on who makes the first move, Agent Wisdom." Doubt. At the front door of the mansion, we're greeted by a black Amazon with a silver Mohawk. She makes Punk look absolutely regal. "Good morning, my name is Ororo. Charles and your colleagues are waiting for you in the library -- please follow me." Ororo. "How'dja like ter put yer dick innat, Pete?" Doubt, whisperin', to me. "First time for everything, Doubt, innit?" "Pardon?" Doubt. "I just mean that you've never shown that kind of a reaction to a woman's arse before... though it is fantastic." "Are you out of cigarettes, Agent Wisdom?" Doubt, askin' me with the look of an amnesiac on his face. "You can fix that, I'm sure," as I take a fresh pack of fags from Doubt. Inside, the mansion looks like it was built yesterday -- renovated to accommodate a faculty and students, no doubt. Which begs the question: where are the students an' staff? Are they in seclusion or has the military locked this place down? The library is set up to accommodate the student body, much like would be found in any real school, with tables and smaller side rooms for privacy, not the cigar an' brandy, soft couch library I'd expected to find in a mansion like this... Must keep in mind to be less presumptuous... not wait for surprises. Ororo leads us to a conference table where we are met by Professor Xavier, a young girl and three wankers in uniform. The table is set with an array of file folders, data discs and a note pad at each seat, our names digitally emblazoned on the small screens. "Professor, Colonel Scorzaney is here... " Storm, as we come up to the table. The Professor cuts her off. "Thank you, Ororo but there's no need for introductions -- I already know Colonel Scorzaney and Agent Doubt so that must make you Agent Wisdom." Xavier directin' himself to me, pinnin' me to the wall with his eyes... I'm suddenly cravin' a smoke... I have a bloody chill. "Please, Agent Wisdom, feel free to smoke. Normally it is not allowed but, given the nature of what is to be asked of you, the rules can be bent a little." Xavier, how did he know -- was I reaching for me fags? Was he in my head? He was... I conjure up the most vile image of wot I could do to his fuckin' legs... and he smiles. "Thank you, Charlie -- I think I will." Bloody gimp! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Final introductions are conducted and I learn who the girl and the uniforms are: the girl is Xavier's youngest student, Kitty Pride -- being present for our meeting must count for credit. Deputy Director of SHIELD, Howard Berman; General Omen Judge (real name, I fuckin' swear); lastly, a true celebrity -- Ollie North, back in uniform. "Xavier, that child shouldn't be here... this is a very sensitive matter we are discussing!" Scorzaney. "Give it a rest, Scorzaney, I've already had this talk with Charles and the kid stays." General Judge. "Thank you, Omen. It was decided that landing troops and artillery on my grounds desensitized anything we have to talk about in my home; besides, nothing we discuss in this room will be betrayed... I'm certain you understand how that works, Scorzaney. Right?" Xavier. Xavier doesn't like Scorzaney much more than I do... and, by the general's tone, I suspect that Scorzaney is the adult equivalent of the smelly kid in school. "Fine, whatever you say, sir. I'm just a bit tense at the moment... That was a hell of a donkey show your boys put on for us in Harlem this morning. Why not just scrap this mission and let the nukes fly? Subtle." Scorzaney. Next to me, Doubt lets out a chuckle as more words are exchanged between the three commanders... I find meself watchin' the girl around whom all this vitriol revolves... Kitty. I estimate her age at around sixteen... not quite womanly, but clearly no longer a child... at the risk of sounding the old perv, I find her quite attractive. Kitty hasn't spoken or betrayed any feeling as to what's being said about her... she stands by Xavier, poised, relaxed -- she seems almost protective of her teacher. Is she your bodyguard, Charles? I wonder wot special talent you possess, girl? Sad, really, to be so unchildlike... at wot point did you lose the little girl, Kitty? What are you doing to your kids, Professor? "That is a question you should rather ask Wolverine when you find him, Peter." Xavier... get out o' me head, fucker! "Kitty is not here as a mere observer, this briefing is as much for her as it is for Agent Wisdom. The way I see it, Peter's primary mission is to escort her and make certain that she reaches Wolverine safely. Only after Kitty fails may he step in... and do what he must." Xavier. The blood pressure of four men rises to the ceiling as Doubt calmly reaches for a glass of water. Kitty smiles as her eyes drift toward me. "This... this is just the limit, Xavier... beyond the pale, even for you!" Berman. "Charles, be reasonable... we already have a man here, ready to accompany Agent Wisdom." Judge. "Do you mean the disgraced Colonel? No, that's out of the question, he would not survive the journey." Xavier, referrin' to Oliver North... 'disgraced Colonel' -- good one, Charley. "You insult me, Sir! I have served honorably in more battles than--" "I sincerely doubt that assertion." Charley. "--this girl has seen birthdays... and I resent your rude interruption. If any man can face this Wolverine... then that man is me! Man to man, mano a mano, I will be the one to put an end to his tyranny... " "... And then what? Perhaps step in and rule in his place? Gentlemen, you haven't yet learned your lessons from recent history. Harlem is only a microcosm of what the world is becoming -- Captain America has given up your fight in protest of exactly the kind of foolish gamesmanship you are now proposing! Believe me, there have been occasions where this child standing beside me has been all that stands between forces you cannot begin to imagine and the survival of this planet. Wolverine has a special bond with Kitty that she may be able to exploit to bring him back to the man he used to be. All that Colonel North will manage to do is annoy him... Kitty?" Xavier. Kitty nods to her teacher an' walks across the table as if she were a ghost and stands in front of Colonel Rambo Schwartzenegger... her skinny arm blurs a short arc across his chest and Ollie tumbles backward until a wall stops him... I remember watchin' this sheep rapist on television, lying his arse off about atrocities he instigated... it's gratifyin' to see him get his arse handed to him by such a small girl. "I have most of the fighting skill of the warrior who taught Wolverine, most of what he knows -- and, by Wolverine's standards, I was still too slow and weak against you, Mr. North." Kitty. "Gentlemen, I thank you for your assistance in bringing Agent Wisdom to me, but I can no longer entertain your lunacy. Please leave my school and take all your garbage off my lawn." Xavier. All quietly stand and leave... quietly... except for the SHIELD man; he must still be of use to us. "The SHIELD Helicarrier is holding position above us now and we are ready when you are, Charles." Berman. "Kitty, you and Peter go with Deputy Director Berman. Peter, I have provided you with all the information you'll need on Wolverine. Be careful, both of you... and godspeed."