Memories Maketh the Man
by maryperk



Summary:
During the Halloween spell during Season 2, Spike and Buffy discover that Buffy Summers is the reincarnation of Lizzie Addams, the younger stepsister of Cecily Underwood, the woman who rejected William and sent him into the arms of Drusilla.


Chapter 1

Spike looked down at the now helpless Slayer. He took a deep whiff of her scent. She was frightened. That alone was intoxicating to the demon, but then she looked up into his face. She flung her arms around him, making him shift out of game face into his human guise.

"William, oh William. Don't let that monster get me, again." The Slayer indicated Angel standing behind them.

Spike turned and looked at Angel, slightly confused. He smirked when Angel shrugged slightly and shook his head. The blond vampire turned his attention back to the girl in his arms.

"When did the monster get you, pet?" asked Spike. He stared down into her glittering green eyes, and he caught a tear that leaked out of the corner of one.

"Cecily was so cruel to you. I followed you out in hopes of telling you to wait for me. I know I am only 14, but if you wait I will sit at your feet and listen to your poetry all day. It's so beautiful, William." The Slayer smiled brightly up into the vampire's face. She leaned her cheek on his shoulder while she hugged him tightly to her body.

"Lizzie?" Spike brought his hands up to stroke her hair. Spike shook his head in denial. Was this what the dream he had the other night was telling him? Had he recognized Lizzie Addams' soul housed in Buffy Summers' body?

"Oh William, you do see me. I saw you in the alley with that strumpet, but before I could say anything that monster grabbed me and hurt my neck. I think I died." The Slayer pulled away from Spike's shoulder to peer up into his face.

Spike's mouth dropped open. Then, he frowned. "Oh, Lizzie, we both died. I became a monster like the one that killed you, and you were reincarnated into one who kills the monsters." His hardened heart softened. He suddenly remembered the dream he'd had over a century ago when he was still that poncy William. It made him wonder if he'd had prophetic dreams instead of just simple nightmares.

"You are a monster now too, William? Can I see?" Lizzie asked with youthful enthusiasm. She reached up to cup his face in her hands; her warm fingers stroked Spike's jawbones.

Spike brought forth his demon, and Lizzie gasped in surprise before she reached up to caress his lumpy brow. Buffy continued to stare up into the vampire's face as the spell broke. Her brown wig slid off her head to reveal the blond tresses of the Sunnydale Slayer. Instead of reacting violently against Spike, she studied his face for any signs of hatred.

"Whoa, that was a trip and half," Xander exclaimed. He stared in disbelief at his best friend and the blond vampire that he knew had pledged to kill her. "Why is Buffy still touching Spike?"

Buffy couldn't tear her eyes away from Spike's face. A whole new set of memories of a different lifetime and a man who looked a lot like Spike rooted themselves in the forefront of her consciousness. She knew things about Spike's human days that she was sure no one else knew. She realized that she held the memories of a young girl who was very much in love with a man that she literally died for as she tried to find him and console him from the cruelties of their society.

"So Peaches, while Dru was turning me, did you kill a little girl in the alley?" Spike asked, his voice cruel and filled with disgust. Lizzie was the one person from his past life he'd had no desire to hurt. None of his victims from his tiny social circle had mentioned that the girl had died the same night he had. Spike slipped once again into his human guise.

Angel stared at Buffy, and then, he nodded guiltily. The memories from so long ago hit him like a tidal wave. He couldn't help but condone Spike for his disgust.

"William! William!" A sweet, little voice caught Angelus' attention. A young girl, rounding into womanhood, hurried down the street towards the alley where Dru had just followed her prey. When the girl reached the alley and saw William, eyes closed, being kissed on the neck by a dark haired strumpet, she gasped. Before she could utter a single word out loud, Angelus grabbed her, twisted her head to the side and plunged his fangs into her neck.

Angelus' other hand made short work of the bodice material that bound the girl's young breasts. He shredded the top of the bodice enough to shove his hand against the mounds and roughly squeezing and tugging on them.

Angelus' cock hardened in his pants. He reached down to unbutton his pants and free himself. There was nothing like plunging his raging hard-on into the virginal passage of a sweet, young thing while he drained her dry. It made their blood taste all the sweeter from the combination of fear, pain, and shameful pleasure from his prey while forced their body to orgasm despite the violation.

Angelus moved his big paw-like hand to cover the little girl's mouth while he slipped the other one down to rip off her dress completely. He lifted her off her feet, and he plunged her young body down on his erection. Angelus chuckled evilly when she bit his hand in agony. The sadistic bastard that he was delighted in the blood that covered his cock from tearing through her virginal barrier and how he split her canal with his girth on the way in.

Angelus turned to to the side and slammed her body into the wall face first. With each forward thrust, he forced her tender breasts into the brick, cutting them. He pumped wildly into her untried body from behind while he dug his fangs in deeper and deeper. This girl was pure, and her blood sang to him of all her unspoken dreams and heart felt wishes. He delighted in stealing those things for himself, and he considered her a fine conquest for his cruel pleasures.

When he was finished, the girl's heart a mere whisper of a beat from death, Angelus tossed the girl to the side. He had taken what he wanted, and the dogs could have what was left of her now. The pair in the alley never noticed what was going on behind them. They were too engrossed in each other to care.

Angelus twirled around to march down the street to his Sire, who he shoved up against the alley wall, raised her skirts and took her hard and fast. He growled all of his thoughts about how wet and tight his young victim had felt clenching around his cock into his Sire's ear. His Sire was proud of the vicious killer that her Childe was, and Darla gifted Angelus with her Sire's blood that night for his reward.

In a few scant hours, the dark-haired vampire forgot the young girl and made no connection between her and the brash upstart that his Drusilla brought home several days later.


"Buffy, what's going on?" Xander asked, confusion tinged his every word. "Why does Deadboy look so constipated? Would you please step away from..."

"That was a long time ago," Angel interrupted Xander. "I'm not that creature anymore. I haven't been for almost 100 years." He hoped that Buffy wouldn't remember everything about that night, and he hoped that she believed him now. "My soul changed me into a better person. I would never do anything like that with my soul."

Spike began to chuckle and a sneer crossed his handsome face. "You keep telling yourself that, Peaches, but I know for a fact there's a young submariner from the 40's that would disagree with you there." The blond vampire looked as if he was searching his memories for something. "Now what was that kid's name? Ah yes, Sam Lawson. Bet Lawson wouldn't think that you've been so pure with that soul."

"W-what do you mean, Spike?" Buffy whirled around to stare at the black-clad vampire. She smiled to herself when she realized how much of William still shined through. Even though the Slayer was sure he tried his hardest to suppress it, she noticed the same twinkle in his eye that Lizzie recognized from when William was excited about a new book he'd acquired.

"Ran across Grandpa here in World War II on submarine." Spike stared down into Buffy's curious face. He wondered if she would believe him, or if she would be swayed by Angelus' soulful puppy dog gazes. "Things were going pretty bad for us. We needed the human boys to run the sub for us. When the one that knew how to fix the generator got hurt really bad, Angelus over there turned him, fixed the sub right up, and then tossed Lawson and myself into the drink."

"Wow," Xander muttered. "What else you hiding, Deadboy? First we find out about Spike, and now yet another skeleton in the closet? Is there something about that cursed soul of yours we need to know about?"

"Buffy, don't listen to that idiot," Angel pleaded. "He'd do anything to make me look bad in your eyes. Please, let me walk you home." He moved towards the Slayer, not realizing that the breaking of the spell didn't mean a loss of Lizzie Addams' memories. Angel stopped when Buffy cringed away from him.

"Don't touch me, Angel." Buffy felt silly cringing away from Angel. She was the Slayer, but she was still just a sixteen year old girl. The memories from her previous life resonated through her soul.

Spike watched as Buffy stepped back from Angelus, and he found himself releived that she didn't just fall into the Poofter's arms. The urge to soothe the worry lines from the Slayer's face was strong, but he fought against himself for the moment.

Buffy smiled sadly at Spike, touched him on the sleeve of his duster, and then requested that Xander escort her home. She left Spike, Angel and Cordelia standing alone in the alley.

"Cursed soul, huh?" Spike pulled out his cigarettes, lit one with with his Zippo, and looked his grandsire up and down with palpable contempt. "At least now I know why the old bitch was so brassed off when you scampered away." The blond vampire whirled around to disappear down the alley in a whoosh of leather and a trail of smoke.

Xander and Buffy met up with Willow a few blocks from Buffy's house. The two girls said their good-byes to Xander at the front door before Joyce drove the boy home. Once upstairs, Willow helped Buffy out of her costume. The usually bubbly Slayer was quiet and contemplative instead.

"What happened?" Willow asked. She was getting concerned for her friend. The redhead knew something had happened earlier because Xander hadn't been very talkative either. "Was it Angel?"

"Sort of," Buffy answered quietly. "Spike, too. Do you believe in reincarnation, Wills?" Buffy crawled onto her bed, but she scooted over enough that her friend could lay down next to her.

"Well, I'm Jewish, so no, but we do live on the Hellmouth. Stranger things have happened. Why do you ask?" Willow faced Buffy with a pillow shoved under her head, her hair bright against the stark white of the pillowcase.

"This is so weird." Buffy rolled her eyes. "When I was all girly-girl, I met up with Spike. He was about to kill me when I recognized him."

"You've fought him before, so that's understandable."

"Let me rephrase that. I recognized William, the man behind the vampire." Buffy smiled slightly at Willow's look of disbelief. "I know. I know. It's very high on the wiggy scale." She sighed. "I can tell you all kinds of things about William that I'm sure is missing from that Council book Giles read about him."

"Like what?" Willow giggled and bit her lip when movement from the window caught her attention. She thought about pointing the presence out to Buffy, but Buffy was still talking.

The object of their conversation was crouched there looking in the window with a look of abject terror on his face. If Buffy Summers truly had all of Lizzie Addams' memories, his Big Bad image was going to take a huge nose dive. He never wanted anyone to know about his William days. He'd fought over a century to get as far from what he was as he could.

"Well, Spike's not as old as Giles thinks, for one thing." Buffy giggled as she lost herself in the memories of her previous life. "And he was about as far from being a highway man as Xander is from being a Chippendale dancer." She focused on Willow's face for a minute and noticed that the other girl's attention was on the window. Buffy turned her head to see Spike grimacing at her. "Spike, what are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to say good night, luv, and ask that you please keep some things to yourself." Spike grimaced while he ran a hand through his short peroxide blond locks. "This is not good. What the hell is happening to me? I'm supposed to want to kill you, Slayer, not want to make sure you get home safely."

"This is not easy for me either," Buffy groused while she rolled off the bed. She crossed to the window where Spike put his hand up against the invisible barrier. "I want to invite you in instead of staking your sorry ass for attacking me." She wanted to entwine her fingers with Spike's.

"I'm here to heal my Sire and kill the Slayer, not have my whole bloody existence turned upside down." Spike sighed when tears began to slide down Buffy's cheeks. "Ah, please, pet. Don't cry. You know damned well, I've never been able to withstand your tears."

Buffy put her hand up to mirror Spike's hand, and she whispered, "I feel everything that Lizzie felt for William. She loved him with all her heart even though she was so young." Her face pulled into a sneer. "I felt the way she was violated and how she died in that alley, Spike. I have to say that I'm glad he let her die instead of turning her."

"That was my fault, too," Spike stated matter-of-factly. He felt a very sharp pang of guilt shoot through him as he thought about Lizzie and her death. Guilt was a feeling he had fought hard to suppress for over a century. Vampires weren't suppose to feel that. So, why did he?

"No! Lizzie's dying wasn't William's fault," Buffy growled gruffly. "She never blamed you, not even with her last breath in this world. You wipe that thought right out of your head, or I'll smack you. You know I can do it, too." She turned to look at a very shocked Willow, who was staring at them like they had both grown two heads. "Are you okay, Wills?"

"Um, sure," Willow said slowly, "It's just weird seeing you have a conversation with a vampire that's not filled with quips and death threats." She sat up to sit Indian style in the middle of Buffy's bed.

"Yeah, you were locked in the closet with Cordelia last time." Buffy giggled. "You missed all the fun." She turned back to the blond vampire. "Mom's gonna be back from taking Xander home pretty soon. If you don't want to become better acquainted with her axe, you better get, Spike."

"I know, Slayer. Dru's waiting for me back at the factory," Spike muttered. "She's not gonna be too happy. I was supposed kill you, not ... whatever this is. I don't know what to do."

"Neither do I, Spike." Buffy leaned down, pressed her lips past the barrier, and kissed the palm of Spike's hand. "I don't know how I feel anymore."

Spike nodded. He made no attempt to pull Buffy out the window. He mimicked a kiss to Buffy's forehead from his side of the barrier, never actually touching her flesh. With that, the vampire stood, leapt off the roof to land gracefully on the ground, and disappeared into the darkness.

"Life on the Hellmouth," Buffy muttered. "Weird and complicated, and it's only the beginning of November." She turned around to sit down on the window seat. She looked out the window into the night and wondered what would happen the next time she met Spike. She doubted that she would ever look at Angel the same way again.

"Hey, at least it wasn't a Tuesday." Willow tried to assure her best friend. However, this was way off the scope of anything she had done for the Slayer ever before.