Human Delusions

by melWinter


Chapter 6

Kensington, England

Willow preferred to do things the old fashioned way as opposed to solving everything with her magic these days. However, she’d wanted a clean break and as much as she prided her hacking skills, she was taking nothing to chance. She’d put in for some long overdue vacation time and set her mind to finding Buffy and Dawn Summers. She was rather taken aback to discover Buffy hadn’t run nearly as far as she thought the blond slayer had. She was in a old section of Kensington in fact, in a house that still held pre-twentieth century charm. A gated front yard and cobblestone steps to the landing. The second story had obviously been added or remodeled later...late twenties she should think.

A pair of feet dangled in front of her and she jumped back, the owner peering down from the branch of a tree. She had long, blond hair pulled back into a tight french braid, allowing her high cheekbones even more prominence with large blue eyes, “Billy, we’ve a visitor!”

“Could you be louder, Joy?” A boy ventured around the trunk and Willow felt her breath catch. A short mass of light blond hair framed his sharp features and blue eyes burning with intelligence. He looked so much like Spike it was amazing. He was wearing a cute pair of thin, wire-rim glasses. Absolutely adorable, “Mother!”

An exasperated sigh from what had to be the kitchen, the side door swinging open a second later, “If I wanted barking I’d get a dog. I told you two...” Buffy’s eyes widened before darting around, slipping into a defensive posture, “Get inside.”

Joyce whined, “But mo-other-...”

Chin setting, every bit the slayer she had been, “Right now!” Willow’s eyes widened. She and everyone else had always been led to believe the twins were Dawn’s children from a one night stand. And since both Summers had disappeared until after the children were born it was just assumed and accepted. Joyce huffed and jumped down, Billy taking her hand and the two of them stomping inside. Buffy narrowed her eyes as soon as they were inside and out of harms way, “You are not welcome here.”

Immediately Buffy’s mind focused back on the past. A little more than seven years ago, at the site where the New Council of Watchers was slowly becoming a formidable institution. Behind closed doors whispered conversations between Giles and Angel, with Willow silently listening...

Willow flinched in pain, “Buffy-...”

Giving her head a bit of a shake, focused once more, “Get out of here, witch, and take your misbegotten help with you.”

One eyebrow raised, impressed. Her old friend had learned some new words. She quickly looked Buffy over and realized it really had been a long time. At twenty-seven Buffy was now a full fledged woman and she was wearing the outfit that screamed less of being a slayer and more of being a mother. The t-shirt was a jewel tone green and the blue jeans were faded. She had more curves than before but she still had the slayer leanness of old. And not a minute of those years had touched her face, “Giles didn’t send me. In fact he doesn’t even know I found you.” She wanted to say more, but knew that she couldn’t. How could she possibly tell Buffy who she was really working for? No, the best course would be slow and steady. And for that she’d have to work at earning her old friend’s trust back.

Buffy pulled herself to her full height and while not impressive in stature at only 5'1", she was still an imposing force. Crossing her arms slowly, not angry so much as distrustful, “A souled former vampire we know?”

Shaking her head, “I found you on my own...no one knows I’m here.”

Smirking, “So no one will find the body.”

Sighing in exasperation. Spike had said that once a long, long time ago and she’d been her normal self around him and ‘eeped’ in fear, “I wasn’t scared the first time I heard that.” Which was completely not true but she did see Buffy’s lip twitch in suppressed amusement. Yeah, they both knew she was lying.

Dawn rolled her eyes from the porch swing, “Buffy you are so lame.”

Pouting, “I am not.”

Pushing herself back on the swing, leaning back in a semi-relaxed pose, “You are so...it’s kinda obvious she’s not working for Beavis and Butthead.”

Willow snorted while Buffy looked contemplative, “Which one’s Beavis?”

Shrugging, “Giles, just because your former is so Butthead.” Buffy giggled a little with a nod. Dawn took on a vacant expression, “Huh, huh,... huh, huh,... I said Buff...” Both Slayer and witch giggled for a moment, though it trailed off to uncertainty on Buffy’s part and regret on Willow’s.

The redhead looked down. She remembered that night as well. Giles had called her in to discuss the clean up of Los Angeles, Angel sitting down and silently studying his fingers...

***

Willow knocked lightly on the door frame, the door open and the Watcher was quick to stand. Giles gave Angel another glance before reaffirming his attention on the nervous young woman before him, “Yes, Willow, I am in need of your assistance.” He gestured, “Please, sit.”

She shrugged slightly and sat down, now fidgeting in the chair instead of on her feet. She just couldn’t help it. This felt just like being sent to the principal’s office and she was nervous, “I’ll do whatever I can, Giles.”

Taking off his glasses to polish them, eyes riveted to the activity, “Of course you will. Um, have you, uh noticed Buffy’s complete distraction lately?”

Another small shrug as her nervousness receded. Talking about Buffy was good. It meant they weren’t focused on anything she’d done, “I think she’s a bit sad but so many of those slayers died under Sunnydale so maybe she’s still just taking it hard.” She wasn’t so sure of that. After the badness of New York Buffy and Dawn had disappeared, leaving everything behind. Then bam, six weeks ago they both resurface, Dawn the proud mama of two healthy little babies.

Angel sent Giles a subtle glance but Willow caught it and frowned slightly, “Perhaps but I think...I think it would be easier for her if she didn’t have these distractions.” The first niggling of suspicion caught Willow’s attention and she tensed a little. This was supposed to be about L.A., not Buffy, “She is to be the most senior of trainers for these girls after all and they will learn from her, worship her in a way. These distractions would only get in the way of her abilities and could potentially harm one of the other girls if they’re not trained properly.”

Willow clenched her right fist slightly. She knew, knew exactly where they were going with this. Giles had the magic knowledge but not nearly the same power and it would take power to alter thoughts and memories, especially a Slayer’s memories. And she already suspected why Angel was here. Since his return he’d embraced life here at the Council, especially since he was revered by the young slayers who’d been told all about his saving of the city. Some of the whispers amongst the girls, the quiet giggles, lead her to suspect he did more than spar with them.

Frowning suddenly, “Buffy hasn’t been training the girls.”

Another glance between the men and Willow felt her blood boil. Ah, so they had plans for making it that way. Giles changed tactics, “You want to help Buffy, don’t you? You want her to be happy?”

And Willow figured out the rest. Alter Buffy’s memories, just like her failed attempt in Sunnydale. Forcing herself to a whining tone, “But Giles...in Sunnydale...”

Nodding, “Yes, your memory spell failed but there is a reason for it. You cannot simply take memories, that’s not how memory alteration is successful. But you can, however, exchange them.” Willow just openly gaped. After all that had happened. After all the damage she had caused using spells for selfish reasons and now Giles was actively pushing her to go down that same road again, “This is for her own good, Willow. And since we cannot just take her memories of Spike...” He grimaced slightly to himself as Angel puffed up a little, “Then we should exchange them for something more positive.”

Willow looked wide eyed from one to the other, “You think she’s this sad because of Spike!” Giles and Angel both flinched from the very thought but at the same time they didn’t deny it. And in the back of her mind she couldn’t deny the possibility. Standing up slowly, voice deceptively calm, “You want me to take away her memories of Spike dying and replace them with Angel living, with her.”

The doors kicked open with enough force that both columns of wood flew off their hinges to land with a thud on the ground before them. All three spun around in shock to see the blond hellion that was every demon’s worst nightmare. Buffy’s green eyes glinted of rage and it was the first strong emotion any of them had seen in quite a long time.

She casually put a hand on her hip, head tilted just a little and they were all struck with the eery familiarity of the gesture. Giles had noticed it before but this was the first time his slayer really looked and acted like that damned vampire, “Let me get this straight. You want to mojo my memories away, make me love him-...” She jabbed a finger at Angel who was slowly wilting behind Giles, “...and make me into the perfect little fighting slayer you’ve always wanted. Is that about right?”

Calmly replacing his glasses, “Buffy-...”

“Up yours, Giles.” She shook her head, tears in her eyes but she was standing strong. No. Not this time. Not ever again. After New York she’d taken a break from everybody except Dawn and the two sisters had just traveled together. It had taken time to sort through her emotions but at last she’d come to terms with it all. She’d really loved Spike and now he was gone and she’d never get to tell him. And now her supposed friends were trying to do what they always did, let’s fix Buffy’s problems for her since she can’t do it herself. It wasn’t going to happen. She had so few good memories of Spike as it was and she promised herself she’d kill all of them if they even tried.

***

“I never would have done it, Buffy. Well intentions or not I learned my lesson about playing with people’s memories...” Willow’s expression turned pained though she forced herself to finish her thought, “I promised Tara I would never do it again and I meant it.”

Buffy crossed her arms, “So you were just silently listening as Angel and Giles planned to suck my memories of...of him away and replace them with Angel? To make Angel my ma-... Pull the other one.”

Green eyes glittering, “I was going to listen to them before tearing them a new one but you never gave me the chance. You just burst in there screaming before running away and disappearing. Xander and I looked everywhere for you before he dis-...” Willow turned away, shutting down her swirling emotions. That day haunted her memory much as the confrontation in the Summer’s house in Sunnydale did, only this time she hadn’t had the opportunity to make things right.

Dawn crossed her own arms, glaring at her sister, “See? Told you so. Willow so learned her lesson and you just assumed the worst. And you know what assuming does...it makes an ‘ass’ of ‘u’ and ‘me’.” Buffy snorted, relaxing and Willow let out a small giggle. She could see the distance between the two of them was close to a mountain’s length and it was going to be up to her to nudge the two of them together. Willow was willing. Her being here proof that she was trying, “Now bond with your best friend, I’m gonna keep an eye on the little demons.” Buffy shot Dawn an alarmed looked but the brunette just rolled her eyes, “Oh, please Buffy they are so evil half the time. And no this isn’t about your honey, this is about you little miss I’m-six-and-I’m-gonna-get-my-way-no-matter-what.”

Huffing, the former key walked inside and Buffy sighed into her hands before sending Willow a rueful expression, “Wanna see my garden?”

Willow nodded quietly, taking a look around and following after the blond, “You learned to garden?”

Shrugging as if it weren’t a big deal, “Dig, plant seed, slay weeds...no biggy.”

Giggling, relaxing into the conversation as she tried to reconnect with her friend. It had been so long but she was willing to try, for both their sakes, “You slay weeds now instead of big, scary demons?”

A half smile tugging at her lip, “Well, have to keep my feet wet but yeah...not much else I can do without the watcher’s taking an interest...” They entered a small haven, lush flowers and bushes, more trees lining the back fence and a small patio with table and chairs. They sat down in the chairs, looking over the grounds. Willow could feel a peace here and knew that Buffy spent a great deal of time back here. Her eyes widened as she spotted a small, stone epitaph under an old tree. Buffy caught her look, “A few weeks ago I decided to honor his memory with something tangible. Something my children could see and touch instead of just a picture...thank you for that, by the way.”

Willow swallowed hard, “That’s one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. One of many but I’m not sure where to start.”

Buffy tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, her voice holding wisdom that only comes with time, “Start at the beginning, then.”

The redhead nodded and swallowed again, closing her eyes for a moment to breath and focus on the moment. There was so much she wanted to convey, “I do still work for Giles, but I’m pretty much a secretary at this point. They don’t confide in me...after I couldn’t find you...” A dark look crossed her face, thinking of the veiled and not so veiled threats from Angel and the disappointed looks from Giles, “I didn’t try very hard by the way.” It cleared with a shake of her head, “Anyway, two months ago I stumbled across a prophecy Angel and Giles were working on translating, I wrote it down later but it got me to thinking. Seven years ago, during the whole apocalypse thing Giles sent a few field agents to take pictures and figure out what demons were involved. One of those pictures was of a tableau unlike anything I’ve ever seen.” Opening up the slim briefcase she carried at her side, she handed over the picture.

Buffy’s eyes widened, eerily looking first at the small figure on top of the building. She knew without asking this figure was the whole point, “Wow. So the demons fell out of this hole in the sky?” She’d been told about the aborted apocalypse but she’d never returned to California so all she’d had up to this point were stories. Willow nodded quietly, “So who’s that?”

She tapped the drawn figure and Willow pulled in a breath, “Before I answer that, let me assure you that no one knows that answer.” Buffy looked up questioningly, “Angel says he did it and the picture is artistic license but I know he’s lying.”

“How? How do you know?”

Closing her eyes, “Because the Powers That Be told me so.”

“The what?” Buffy’s voice held the familiar cluelessness of old and it made Willow’s heart ache for a moment. She suddenly wished feverently for another chance at the past. She could picture all of them at the Magic Box, she and Tara sitting side by side and researching while Buffy and Xander sat back and looked bored. Giles would be pacing or cleaning his glasses while Anya would be counting the money behind the cash register. And up on the stairs Spike would be lounging and throwing out sarcastic comments every so often.

Frowning in thought as she refocused before opening her eyes, “Fate? Chance. They’re the ones that set things up to happen. Like a chess game, where they control all the pieces and we’re the pawns. Well, I’m a pawn...you’re like a knight or something.”

Smirking, “Queen, actually.”

Willow studied Buffy for a moment before stating bluntly, “They set your king up to save the world.”

Buffy flinched violently and jerked away, out of her seat and walking away a bit. Her mind immediately flashed back to Sunnydale. All these years and the memories were still fresh and hard to think about. Did they set Spike up to love her, is that why he’d suddenly changed from wanting to kill her to just wanting her? And what did that say about her? If everyone in the world was just a bunch of chess pieces... After several moment, her voice hoarse, “Did they make me love him? Is that why I-...”

She just shook her head and Willow frowned before understanding flashed in her eyes, “Buffy...I meant after...that. After Sunnydale.”

Tensing, “What do you mean after Sunnydale?”

The hairs on the back of Willow’s neck stood on end, suddenly frightened of the low, dangerous tone coming from Buffy. Swallowing dryly, “They told me the Champion saved Los Angeles and the world...and that the Champion was chosen by their Chosen One.”

Buffy stopped breathing before turning her head slightly, Willow flinching at the almost feral look of anger on her face, “WHAT?”

Breathing shakily, “When...when you g-gave S-...” Buffy’s eyes sharpened and Willow bit back his name, afraid just saying it would send Buffy jumping over the edge, “When you gave him the amulet...you chose him as...as your champion...”

The danger passed as quickly as it came, Buffy choking on a sob as she collapsed to the ground, holding her stomach in silent pain as tears poured down her face. She understood exactly what Willow was and wasn’t saying. Spike. Her Spike. He’d been back for however brief a time. And he’d died again, this time without even saying goodbye. She felt betrayed, stabbed through the heart and disemboweled. It hurt so much.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO HER YOU BITCH??” Dawn raced through the back door, sending Willow tumbling back from the sword now pointed in her direction, “I trusted you, you bloody traitor and you decide to get a bit of your own back? Just get the hell away from her-...”

“Nibblet...” The young woman spun around, Buffy curled up on her side with tears still flowing though they were no longer the painful torrents they had been, “...don’t...”

Blue eyes sent a deadly glare before she turned on her heels and ran to her sister, pulling her into her arms and holding on tightly. Petting through the blond locks, “It’s okay-...”

Buffy let out a half panicked laugh that choked off in a sob, “No, it’s not. It’ll never be okay...” The devastated slayer shook her head, closing her eyes and covering her face.

Willow knelt down quietly, a few feet away and not daring to come closer, “He didn’t die, Buffy.” Buffy jerked violently, nearly out of her sister’s embrace and stared at the red-haired witch, “It took me a long time but I tracked him. He left Los Angeles a few days later on a bike.”

Buffy sat up slowly, eyes steely as she pierced Willow to her very soul. If he left after the apocalypse then that meant he’d survived the battle. And if he was alive then that also meant he was alive now. Suddenly she saw Willow less as a potential friend and suddenly as an obstacle between the two of them, “Tell me everything.”

The two former best friends slowly returned to their seats, the feral look not quite leaving Buffy’s eyes. It was creeping Willow out just a little but it was an almost animalistic quality she was used to by now, “I’m not sure what happened to get him to Los Angeles...I only know he was there for a while and he somehow stopped the demons. With a bit of digging I found a bartering agreement between him and a Ja’afarel demon for a motorcycle. I think he gave it some kind of amulet or...anyway, he traveled east to Kansas and I lost track of him for a while. I have three reports by three separate Watchers in the last five years that place him in England.” Buffy stiffened noticeably, “Canterbury mostly.”

Canterbury was along the southeastern coastline of England. It was a bit of a tourist trap but there wasn’t else much to it from what Buffy could remember. Not to mention Kennsington is where he grew up. In this house actually and it was one of the reasons she’d purchased it. She’d wanted her children to have something tangible of their father, something other than just a few stories. Mumbling to herself, “Why the hell would he be out there?” But then her mind mulled over what Willow hadn’t specifically said. If they were in Watcher reports and Willow had managed to uncover them, then in all probability Giles was also aware that Spike was alive and for the first time in her life a bit of loathing for her former mentor crept into her heart.

Breaking it to her as gently as she could, “I guess after the fight he was all alone and he made a few friends...a few werewolves...”