Part 10:
"Angelus?" Wesley asked curiously. He licked his lips nervously before continuing on. "Liam and Angelus. I've often wondered."
"Wondered what, Wes?" Angel asked, staying carefully, non-threateningly still. "Ask me and if you really want to know, maybe I'll tell you."
"I've. We've," he corrected, indicating Gunn and himself, "seen Angelus a few times. The differences between the two of you, in terms of physical characteristics and personality, are fairly dramatic, though I know most of it, at least the physical aspects, is an optical illusion of sorts. Angelus appears taller, bigger and, well, stronger and smarter as well," he added, almost apologetically.
Angel waved that off and Wesley continued.
"Yet sometimes, usually in the heat of battle, but often, even as we set out for it, those physical changes appear. What's happening during those times? Are you channeling Angelus in some way, or at least accessing some of his traits? Is it conscious decision on your part to do so? Is it unconscious?"
"No."
"No? I don't understand. No, it's not a conscious decision, or no, you're not channeling Angelus?"
"I'm not channeling Angelus," Angel clarified quietly.
"Then how. what.?"
Wesley trailed off, uncertain exactly what he was asking.
"I don't have to channel Angelus, Wes, I have to hide him."
"Hide him?"
Angel nodded.
"You mean.?"
"What are you asking, Wes? Are you asking if I'm consciously aware of Angel us sometimes? Always? Are you asking if I have a split personality disorder of some sort?"
"Yes, I suppose I am," Wesley replied reluctantly.
"Am I consciously aware of him? The answer to that lies in the second question. Do I have a split personality where Angelus and Angel are concerned? No, I don't."
He stopped and stared intently at the man sitting across from him, letting him digest that simple answer.
"I need you to be clearer, Angel. And yes, I do want to know now, though you were right in your assessment that that hasn't always been the case in the past."
"Angelus is never not here, Wes. Is that clear enough for you?"
Both Wesley and Gunn sat back abruptly, increasing the distance between themselves and the vampire sitting across from them. Angel didn't move at all.
"Whoa, wait a second!" Gunn exclaimed. "Are you saying Angelus is here now?"
"I am Angelus, Gunn, so yes, I'm here."
"But."
Gunn looked wildly back and forth between Angel and Wesley.
"But Angelus wants us dead! If you're him, and he's here, why aren't we dead?"
"Because Liam is here, too, and Liam has a soul."
"So you do have a split personality," Wesley added, rejoining the conversation.
Angel sighed. "It's not like that. Everyone wants to believe that when a vampire is made, the human he was disappears. That's not the case. The soul is gone, but the spirit of the human remains. Since I was turned, I've always been a mix of Liam and Angelus. The only difference now is the soul has been added to the mix. And if you ask me what the soul is," he held up his hand, forestalling that question, "I'm going to have a difficult time answering, because frankly I don't know. What I do know, and this is a bit hard to explain, is that the characteristics Liam has have more control over my actions with the soul, and the characteristics Angelus has have more control over my actions without the soul. I don't have a split personality. The personality traits of both the human and the Demon have always been merged, right from the very beginning."
Gunn looked confused, but Wesley appeared horrified.
"Are you saying that it is Liam - Liam! - who is stopping Angelus - you - from killing us all at any given time? At this very moment?"
"Yes."
That simple answer resulted in a surprising flurry of activity as both humans jumped to their feet and produced stakes, backing away towards the door.
Angel didn't move, but Spike, who had remained quiet up to this point, watching the growing disclosure with no little degree of enjoyment, entered the fray.
"Relax Charlie-boy, and you too, Watcher," he added. "If Angelus wanted you dead and had a free reign, you'd be dead. No use getting all big girl blouse over nothing," he smirked.
"But he. he." Gunn seemed stunned as he pointed incredulously at the dark-haired vampire.
"He's Angelus!" he finally stuttered, aghast.