In His Shadow

by Night Nymph

Summary: Spike decides he will find out what is wrong with Buffy and find a way to make it right. What he gets is a little more than he bargained for and perhaps not what it seems to be. Starts after "Normal Again."

Rating: R

Disclaimers: The characters are still not mine. The back-story is still not mine. Hope Joss doesn't mind me borrowing them again.

Spoilers: Everything up to "Normal Again."

Distribution: You can have it if you want it, just e-mail me first.

Dedication: This one is for w-e-coyote, Darryl J, CraZchica, Aquila, and Ivy who reviewed my first fanfic - you guys gave me the motivation to post this one - and for my husband who has always encouraged me.

Thanks: A big thank you to my betas Letta, Treacle Antlers and Canela for their excellent advice and input. I couldn't have done this without them. Any mistakes herein are mine.
 

Chapter 13: Gains and Losses (cont.)

Bloody Hell.

It was Spike's thought, but Angel heard it loud and clear. He'd just finished depositing Warren's body, so it still would be hours yet before sunrise when their thoughts could be separated without an effort, and right now it was just easier to share them. A few moments passed before Angel understood why Spike had thought the curse. He must have sensed Buffy before Angel did, because there she was, making her way towards them through the lush grass of the cemetery.

Didn't think she'd find us so soon, Spike added to his first reflection.

Too late now. Here she comes, Angel thought back to him.

As if to illustrate his point, Buffy turned and focused on him, now heading with more purpose in his direction. Angel wasn't sure he could read what her intention was just yet, but he was soon to find out. Closing the gap between them, Buffy looked at him with an almost relieved expression.  "Spike," she breathed, but then her face changed quickly to an expression Angel couldn't name.

She thinks you're me. Watch out, Spike warned Angel.

Watch out for what? Angel thought.

Buffy brought her fist back and punched the now blonde Angel in the nose.

That, Spike thought.

Thanks a lot for the warning, Angel told him.

"What were you thinking? Are you a complete moron?" Buffy yelled at him.

Grab her wrists, Spike warned. Or she might hit you again. And say something for God's sakes. Angel grabbed Buffy's wrists, but faced with her stormy eyes all he could think of to say was, "Buffy."

It seemed to be enough. Buffy could tell something by the tone, or maybe the inflection. The way he said her name, it was... different. "What..."

"Buffy it's me," Angel said.

"Angel?" Buffy asked quietly, searching his eyes.

He nodded.

"How? A-and where is..." She didn't finish the question, but Angel knew what she wanted to ask. If this was him, she wanted to know where Spike was.

Let me talk to her, Spike thought to Angel, you'll get yours soon enough. I might not have much time left.

Alright, was the answer. I guess I owe you that much. Angel let his control slip away, and his eyes turned gold, and brow ridges formed as his new demon, Spike, took over.

"I'm here, pet," Spike said in his familiar accent. "Now, I'll let go if you promise not to hit. I wouldn't mind having a go, but Angel isn't so use to your rough stuff yet."

Buffy's lips parted just slightly, and for once, Spike wasn't sure he could read her expression. Was that... relief? Then she hid it, and her face turned to confusion. When she nodded, Spike released her hands.

She let her hands drop to her sides bonelessly, as if she were too preoccupied to notice they had fallen. "You actually did it, but weren't you supposed to be..."

"Yeah, that didn't quite go as planned. Angelus didn't quite want to vacate so easily. We sent him to another dimension. This was the only way."

"So you're both gonna... be in there?" Buffy asked as she pointed to his chest, and she seemed truly unnerved by the prospect.

"Yes, and no, pet. Come sunrise... Well, I won't have so much say in the matter anymore. I'll be here, but mostly only when the demon's in the forefront. That being me and all now."

After a moment, Buffy said softly, "You didn't have to do this," but her voice didn't match the conviction of her words.

"Yeah, I did. You know it was the only way." He thought to Angel, Can I have control? Complete control, so I can talk to her with my old face. One last time?

Without a word, Angel acquiesced, and Spike could feel his grand-sire's soul moving itself away, suppressing its will. The blue eyes emerged, and the fangs and ridges receded.

"It's still me," Spike assured her. "I just wanted you to see me like this..."

"One more time," Buffy finished for him.

She brought her hand to his cheek, noting how he had to make an effort not to flinch. Had she really instilled in him so much trepidation at her touch? "I should be angry at you. I should be furious," she told him.

"I know, but I couldn't be without you, and you'd never let me..."

"I know," Buffy interrupted. She looked at his lean form. "This is gonna be so weird..."

Spike smirked, and Buffy could tell by his eyes that Spike was about to make one of his famous attempts at lightening the mood. "Yeah, but just think. You get Angel's soul, but you still get to have this manly body." As he said it, the smirk turned seductive, and he slid one hand, fingers splayed, down his torso to rest above the waistline of his low-riding jeans. The action was familiar, reminiscent of his display the night of their first fight in Sunnydale High so long ago.

Her reaction, however, was not the same. Desire had replaced the disgust and trepidation, though sometimes she had to admit her feelings then may not have been so far from now. "You're a pig, Spike," she told him, though her eyes didn't show the expression to back up those words.

"Well, maybe," he replied, his voice smooth as velvet and his lashes sweeping down and then up again, "but I'm the one who makes you squea..."

She put her fingers to his mouth quickly. "Don't say it," she warned, but her cheeks flushed, and her eyes smiled.

"Alright, I won't," Spike said. "Actions are better anyway. With that he grabbed Buffy's arms and kissed her thoroughly.

For a moment, Buffy thought to protest, but she told that voice of reason to shut up, and soon she was smoothing her hands over Spike's arms and chest and returning the kiss with equal intensity. It was unnerving the way her body reacted to his touch, how it seemed to melt and yield, while at the same time wanting to devour him. In the end, she just gave in. There was so little time left for him. She would let him have it, have her, all of her. Just this one last time.
 

Angel was sure that Spike would have told him to sod off if he protested, but he was lost for the moment, drowning in Buffy's kiss. He decided to let him be. Not that Spike would have paid him any mind anyway, not with a beautiful Buffy in his arms. It was time for Angel to give in and leave them alone for a while.

In the moment before he banished himself again, Angel felt Spike's love for Buffy, but it was so full of passion and fire that the elder vampire was amazed that the other was able to keep himself together. He was still awed that Spike was able to keep from biting her all this time, was never swept away in the heat of this passion. Right now, he had to concentrate hard just to remain in the background of what was turning out to be a rather heated... Oh Hell, were they really going to... Right here in the cemetery?

Angel couldn't keep from feeling what was going on any longer. It was too difficult with all the emotions rushing in, but he forced himself to remain silent. He reminded himself that this was not the romance and young, innocent love Buffy had for him. This was passion and fire, desire and all consuming need - something he now hoped he could have a taste of with Buffy, and that was because of Spike. So no matter how jealous he was, Angel would not take away what might be the last chance for Spike to have this. Instead he remained mentally quiet and let the sensations Spike was feeling rush over his soul. He couldn't imagine what would be coming, if the feelings he was sensing now were just the beginning.

The build-up was slow and blissful, but the rest was not. Angel could tell the moment Buffy reached her moment of climax, the joy and pride Spike felt at having given it to her almost blinding him. Spike's own release followed a few minutes later like a rush of fire through Angel's soul. It was as close to being alive as a vampire could come, and Angel now knew why Spike had done this, why he could never let Buffy go. She was his life, his light, and letting her go would have been like dying all over again.

Waiting for the calm he knew would follow the lover's storm, Angel would give them a little more time to just be together. A small part of him wanted Buffy to be his alone, but another hoped for Spike's sake that the vampire would still be able to feel what was going on, to maybe even have his own time with Buffy. They still didn't know what the total effects of the spell would be on their respective essences, only that Spike's role would be outshadowed by his own. Angel would be willing to try to make that enough for Spike. He owed him that much for the opportunity he would soon have, and the pain it would likely cause Spike once the effect of the soul took hold.

Angel knew his opportunity would be soon enough. It was a chance he had only dreamed would come, and now he only had to wait a little longer. Never had he been so happy for the approaching dawn.

They'd lingered most of the early morning hours, talking, reminiscing, interrupted by numerous sessions of kissing and more. God, Angel thought, do they ever stop? Finally a sensation began to sink into Angel's brain. Dawn. It was coming soon. Spike. Dawn's coming soon. We have to go.

Go 'way, Angel. 'M not finished yet. Buffy's got at least one more left. Somehow Spike managed to make that thought even feel salacious. It was then that Angel realized that he and Buffy were not simply spooned together on top of Spike's leather coat as he had thought. Spike, and by default, he as well, had hands in rather intimate places. One arm snaked beneath her waist, his hand resting on her breast, fingers caressing her hardened nipple. The other arm draped over her hip, his fingers deftly moving across her silken folds. Spike whispered in her ear. "So Beautiful, Buffy. Come for me, Luv. One more time." Angel thought to protest, until Spike kissed her neck softly, and he realized his new demon was not going to give up easily. Besides, Buffy didn't seem to be objecting.

As if to further prove the point, she let out a soft moan, and her body responded to Spike's touch with small movements of her hips. Then she shivered as lips played against her neck again. "Spike, we have to go," Buffy said, her voice breathy.

Neither Angel nor Spike thought she meant a word of it.

"You know I never let the sun stop me. Not where you're concerned. 'Sides we've got time," he assured her.

That was all the coaxing Buffy needed. Within moments she was on the edge, and Spike drew it out a little longer before sending her into climax. As she peaked, he slowly slid himself inside her. He was sure that she would barely notice, he entered her so carefully, but she adjusted to him, lifting her leg backwards to drape over his hip and turning her face over her shoulder to look at him. He moaned, but didn't move, content to feel her quiver around him, and they lay like that for a moment while she recovered. Then he began moving his hips in a slow rhythm and blew soft puffs of air across the skin beneath her ear, causing it to tickle and her body to shiver.

Spike knew the moment she recovered. He felt her body tense just a little, and he smiled when she opened her mouth slightly and her eyes flashed. Get ready, he thought to his counterpart. As if on cue, Buffy pulled away, then turned, and leaped back quickly to straddle him. She grabbed his arms and pinned them down forcefully in the same motion, her eyes showing fire. Stretching his wrists above his head, she took them in one hand as she moved the other down his chest. "Don't you move," she almost growled.

"Wouldn't dream of it, pet," he replied, keeping his hands in self-made bondage. She slithered down his body, trailing her fingers and lips as she went. Spike sent Angel a small warning, not in coherent words, but enough for him to brace himself just before Buffy sunk her teeth into the flesh at his hip bone. Spike let out a low growl and his body bucked a little. "God, Buffy, you..." She bit him again and he moaned, his hands clasping and unclasping above his head.

She crawled back up his body. "What, Spike?" Straddling him again, she looked into his lust filled eyes.

He panted slightly now. "God, I love you," he said.

She nodded, her eyes reflecting her acceptance of his words. "Are you mine, Spike?"

"You know the answer," he breathed.

She brushed her lips across his neck then bit him again, harder this time, just above his collarbone. Her teeth left bruised indentations that were pricked with blood.

Spike made a sound, primal with need, and he squirmed beneath her.

Buffy ran her lips across the mark. "Say it, Spike."

"I'm yours, Buffy."

She lifted herself, to gaze down at him, her eyes filled with the power he made her feel. "Are you my willing slave?"

"Always."

She smiled at him, repeating his words from earlier. "So beautiful, my Spike." With a sinuous movement, Buffy moved over him and took him inside her. Spike gasped with pleasure and moved beneath her. She began riding him, her hands moving towards his. Their fingers met halfway, entwining as she held them beside his head. "My demon," she breathed.

"Your demon," he agreed, almost choking with his desire and the impact of her admission.

"Show me," she said.

Spike swallowed hard, his expression asking her if she was sure.

"Show me," she repeated softly.

Spike let his features change, his eyes becoming gold, and his brow ridges coming to the forefront. He felt exposed and unsure, until Buffy smiled again and began riding him harder. Then Spike lost all coherent thought.

Buffy kept her pace until he finally arched his back and came with a barely controlled howl. "Buffy. God, Buffy." He panted needlessly, his gold eyes not leaving hers as he tried to calm down from his climax. She untwined her hands from his to caress his brow ridges, his cheek bones, and his chin with surprising softness. Finally, she moved off of him, her body coming to rest beside him instead. Her smile was sad, and her eyes were filled with what looked like regret. Spike let his human features return and his expression become soft, never letting her doubt the love that was plainly written there. She wished she could give him more, Spike could tell, but she had given him all she could. He let her see the acceptance in his eyes, telling her without words that it was enough.

"I'll miss you," she said.

"I'll be here, if you need me. Always."

"I do need you, Spike. It will be hard without you."

Spike smiled sadly at her and ran his knuckles down her cheek. "You'll be fine. You're the strongest woman I know."

Buffy took in a breath to halt any thoughts of tears. He couldn't have given her a better compliment. She only hoped that she could live up to it.

Without words, they both looked towards the east, knowing that the sun would be rising soon. After one last look, they dressed, intent on cheating the dawn.