In His Shadow

by Night Nymph

Summary: Spike decides he will find out what is wrong with Buffy and find a way to make it right. What he gets is a little more than he bargained for and perhaps not what it seems to be. Starts after "Normal Again."

Rating: R

Disclaimers: The characters are still not mine. The back-story is still not mine. Hope Joss doesn't mind me borrowing them again.

Spoilers: Everything up to "Normal Again."

Distribution: You can have it if you want it, just e-mail me first.

Dedication: This one is for w-e-coyote, Darryl J, CraZchica, Aquila, and Ivy who reviewed my first fanfic - you guys gave me the motivation to post this one - and for my husband who has always encouraged me.

Thanks: A big thank you to my betas Letta, Treacle Antlers and Canela for their excellent advice and input. I couldn't have done this without them. Any mistakes herein are mine.
 

Epilogue:

Sometimes as they lay entwined, Angel would look at her, and he would know. Buffy didn't know how he could tell. Maybe there was a look in her eyes or a turning of her lip, but somehow he knew. And he understood. At that moment, she didn't want tenderness or light, the things that signified him. She needed the other. She wanted the darkness. Buffy sometimes thought she could sense a small hurt in his eyes then, but it would fade. Angel wouldn't deny her, and he wouldn't deny him. "I love you," he would say then let himself fall away, give himself over.

The change would be gradual. Angel's now blue eyes would turn gold, then his brow would change, and his touch would grow a little rougher. Once his lips curled into that smirk, still sexy despite the fangs, she knew Angel was no longer in control, and she held nothing back. Once Spike had control, their union was fire and passion above all else. There was still love, especially from him, but it was buried beneath an avalanche of need and desire and rough, animal lust. When she closed her eyes, she could recall the expressive blue eyes and the chiseled features of the Spike she once knew, and remember when she had needed him so desperately, and how sometimes, even how, she still did. Buffy could let herself go and be lost for a while. But she always opened her eyes again to look into his gold ones. She always gave him that.

Sometimes there was momentary guilt, just as there had been before, but that faded more quickly as time passed. Then she had mostly used him; now it was different. She did love this demon, her Spike, because she now knew he wasn't simply a monster. Something that was just an evil demon would never have sacrificed so much for her, never would have become almost a prisoner in his own body, taking only stolen moments for himself. For her, Spike had allowed himself to exist in Angel's shadow. And for that, Buffy would always love him. She hoped he could see it in her eyes, even if she could never bring herself to say it. Somehow, she knew he did. Just as somehow she knew he would someday be healed from the effects of Angel's soul.

He was getting better and better as the weeks passed, because more and more she saw glimpses of things that were fundamentally Spike: the way he tilted his head, the way he looked into her eyes and didn't let her turn away, or the way he never let her delude herself, bringing her to her senses with just a look. Spike was still there, his presence more than they had expected from the spell, and Buffy was glad that it was so. She hadn't wanted to be without him, without either of them.

Buffy knew now with increasing clarity that she could never have the contentment of a normal life, but perhaps she had something better. She had the love of two beings who would do anything for her happiness. She had her Angel, the man with the beautiful soul who would always long to take her into the light. And she had the demon, her Spike, who understood that she sometimes wanted the darkness and who would be content to love her in the shadows.
 
 

End Book One
 
 

Author's notes: I hope I didn't lose everyone with the ending to my story – I just couldn't in my heart go with the obvious.

Thank you all again for taking the time to read my story, and to those who reviewed - it is your reviews that inspire me to continue writing.

For those that wish to continue – see you again in the sequel.
 
 

Night Nymph