Title: Caught Between Two Lovers Author: Pattyanne snapkik@yahoo.com Disclaimer: Only the story is mine Feedback: Yes, do send me some. Summary: Takes place early second season. A retelling of Spike and Buffy's first meeting. For the purposes of the story, Angel does not exist and Spike is a little...different. Part Twenty.... Here I am ~~~~~ "Here I am Playing with those memories again And just when I thought time had set me free Those thoughts of you keep taunting me..." ~~~~~ Buffy's eyes went wide with shock. She turned hot, then cold, then hot again. "Ahhhh!" Looking up, she saw her reflection, squealed, and clapped both hands over her eyes to shut out the image, dropping the envelope and letter. The letter settled on her foot, but the envelope played hide and seek by sailing under her mother's curio cabinet. She dropped to her knees and tried to wedge her hand between the bottom of the cabinet and the floor. Groping around blindly, she was beginning to think that she'd have to move the stupid cabinet away from the stupid wall when the tips of her fingers touched the very edge of the envelope. Buffy scanned the front of the envelope for the post- mark, but it was smudged and she couldn't tell where he'd sent it from. The frustration she felt was beginning to give way to a surge of pure happiness and excitement, as she felt herself coming alive for the first time in endless, dreary weeks. Jumping to her feet, she ran back upstairs and pulled off all her baggy clothing, then streaked down the hall to the bathroom. ~~~~~ "Holding you...a feeling I never out grew Though each and every part of me has tried Only you can fill that space inside." ~~~~~ She showered, washed and conditioned her hair, then shaved her legs and underarms. Dashing back to her room with a towel wrapped around her, she used her blow dryer, brushing her hair until it gleamed in the lamplight. Sitting down at her vanity table, she made up her face, using a taupe shadow on her eyes, followed by a soft brown liner and a few strokes of mascara. She was about to apply her favorite lip color when she ran her tongue over her teeth, grimacing at the gritty feeling. Back to the bathroom she went, where she flossed and brushed her teeth, then rinsed with a mint flavored mouthwash. Buffy gave her reflection a big smile. "Much better." She returned to her bedroom and finished applying her make-up, painting her lips a dusky rose, then adding just a touch of gloss. Logically, she knew it was unlikely..although certainly not impossible..that he would come that night, but decided there was nothing wrong with a girl wanting to look nice while she kills things. Suddenly anxious and jumpy, she needed to leave the house, to get moving, to go somewhere and do something..do anything..just to keep busy. She donned an emerald green pullover that he had admired on her once, telling her that he loved the way the color deepened the green in her eyes. After slipping on a pair of her tightest jeans, the ones that clung lovingly to every dip and curve they touched, she fished around under her bed for her black ankle high boots. She took one more look in the mirror and smiled, pleased with her results. "He's coming back," she whispered, afraid to say it too loud. If this was all just an elaborate dream she was having, she wasn't taking the slightest chance of waking herself up. ~~~~~ "So there's no sense pretending My heart, it's not mending.." ~~~~~ Grabbing a light denim jacket, she skipped happily downstairs. After scribbling a quick note to her mother explaining that she'd gone out with Willow and Xander, she left the house and headed straight for Mount Hope cemetery. When she crossed the street where they'd had their second encounter, Buffy paused, unconsciously straining her ears for the roar of a powerful V-8 engine. But the only sound she heard was the sputtering motor of a VW that was already old before she'd been born. With a smile and a shake of her head, she practically jogged the three miles to Mount Hope. A feeling of anti- cipation that she just couldn't quell flared in her heart when she walked through the front gates. As she wove in and out of the tombstones, paying scant attention to whatever might be going on around her, she imagined their reunion. Even if he didn't show up tonight, he soon would, and she had to decide just exactly how to behave when he did. Should she be angry that he'd left without saying goodbye, or just be happy he was back? Maybe a combination of of both emotions would be the right thing to do. Briefly considering the option of acting very sophisticated about the whole thing, she dismissed it just as quickly. The last thing SHE could pull off would be a "woman of the world" attitude, acting as if she'd barely noticed he was gone. He knew her far too well to swallow a line like that. Deciding to decide later, she then began to worry. What if she froze up and couldn't think of anything to say, or said something stupid and babyish, or said nothing at all and just burst into tears? These worries were bad enough, but they were nothing really..just insignificant trifles..compared to her biggest worry, the one that frightened her more than any demon ever could. What if he had brought Drusilla back with him? She couldn't bear that, not again. It just hurt too much to be 'the other woman' in William's life. Married to him or not, she wasn't going to put up with it this time. ~~~~~ "Just when I thought I was over you And just when I thought I could stand on my own Oh, baby those memories come crashing through And I just can't Go on without...you" ~~~~~ She was so lost in thought that she almost tripped over the exposed roots of an ancient tree. Shaking her head, she tried to pay attention to what she was there for. But she completely lost her concentration again when she saw where she'd ended up. The huge, gloomy bulk of the mausoleum that William had pressed her against when he had kissed her for the first time loomed up in front of her. Closing her eyes, Buffy leaned back against it, her palms flat on the cold marble. This was where it had all started. The first touch...the first embrace...the first kiss. Here was the place where she had fallen in love. The place where she had abandoned everything she stood for and gave herself over into his keeping. Smiling, she opened her eyes and paced around the perimeter of the building, then stood back and studied every inch of it. Her knowledge of romance was limited, but one thing she DID know was that almost every couple had certain things they considered to be "theirs". A song, a favorite restaurant, a particular time of the year, or a special place that held beautiful memories; a place where they'd met, perhaps, or gone to on a first date. "It just figures," she said matter of factly, "MY special place...is a cemetery!" With a resigned shrug of her shoulders, she slowly made her way back to the front gates, dusting three new vamps along the way. ~~~~~ "On my own, I tried to make the best of it alone I've done everything I can to ease the pain But only you can stop the rain.." ~~~~~ Later that night, Buffy was restless in her bed. Sitting up, lying down, rolling over, practically standing on her head to find a comfortable spot. She couldn't help thinking that she had come home too soon. If she'd stayed just a little longer, maybe he would have.... Pushing that thought away, she sighed. If she'd stayed much longer, the sun would have been up...not to mention her mother, who would definitely want an explanation. She turned on her side and stared out the window, watching as the sky turned from black to indigo blue. When she saw streaks of pinkish orange on the horizon, she gave up trying to sleep and went downstairs in her pajamas to fix breakfast. For the first time in weeks, she had a serious appetite for it. ~~~~~ "I just can't live without you I miss everything about you.." ~~~~~ "You're up early." Buffy looked up and smiled when her mother walked into the kitchen, wrapped up in her fuzzy blue robe. "I am," she agreed. "Woke up this morning really hungry." Half a lie, in a good cause. No point in telling her mom she hadn't slept all night. Joyce returned her daughter's smile and ruffled her hair as she walked by. "Up early AND in a good mood? I should call the Sunnydale Daily News." Buffy winced. "Have I been that bad?" Her mother nodded. "You've had your moments." "Well, those days are over," Buffy said firmly. "From now on, I'm gonna be a brand new me. The new and improved Buffy Summers." "I can't wait," Joyce replied, taking a coffee mug out of the cupboard. "Actually, I believe you," she added. "I don't remember the old Buffy Summers ever making a pot of coffee." "Yay for me!" "Want some?" Joyce asked as she filled her mug. "Yes, please." After more than twenty-four hours with no sleep, she knew she was going to need it. Joyce poured a second cup half full of coffee and handed it to Buffy. She opened the fridge and took out a carton of milk, then joined her daughter at the table. Buffy reached for the sugar bowl and began dumping spoonfuls from it into her cup. When she had it as sweet as she preferred, she topped the cup off with milk, turning the dark brown liquid a light mocha. Even this simple act reminded her of William, bringing back the memory of the time he'd stayed all day with her. After making love when they woke up, he had dragged her down to the kitchen and made breakfast for her. She had sat at the table and watched as he produced huge mounds of pale yellow scrambled eggs, lightly crisp bacon, and golden brown toast, which she slathered in raspberry jam. He had poured her a cup of coffee, then watched in amazement as she doctored it to her liking. With a huge grin on his face, he had asked her if she would care for a little coffee with her milk and sugar. "So," Joyce said, breaking into Buffy's thoughts. "Does this new found happiness and change for the better have anything to do with a boy?" Buffy grinned. "Does it show?" "Kind of, yes." "Well...." Buffy's cheeks turned pink as she nodded. Joyce sipped her coffee. "This isn't by any chance the boy you were going to introduce me to when I got home from New York, is it?" "Yes," Buffy said briefly. Her mother studied her face for a moment. "Everything's all right then?" Buffy stirred her coffee. "It will be soon," she murmured. "Every- thing will be perfect." Joyce arched her eyebrows. "I hope so, honey. You were awfully unhappy up until...well, up until now!" "I know," Buffy replied. "But things are different now. You'll see." "So, you're planning on introducing him to your old mom, huh?" "Definitely!" Joyce waited half a beat, then changed the subject. "Did you say you were hungry?" "Starved," Buffy nodded eagerly. "Pancakes?" "Chocolate chip?" "What else?" ~~~~~ "Just when I thought I was over you And just when I thought I could stand on my own Oh, baby, those memories come crashing through And I just can't...go on without.." ~~~~~ Darkness came once more, and Buffy left the house to take up her vigil in the cemetery. By midnight, she had slain four vampires, but saw no sign of the one she most wanted to appear. She loitered around the front gates of Mount Hope for as long as she could without getting chased home by the police. Completely exhausted, she crawled into bed and slept for fifteen hours. ~~~~~ "It's just no good without...you." ~~~~~ TBC (I need an opinion here. A lot of people have been asking me if I'm bringing "Angelus" into the story as Dru's sire. I know I made a big thing out of stating in the summary that "Angel" never existed, but I think I could get away with using "Angelus". Or is that too much of a plot device for my own convenience? Whadda ya think?)