Title: Caught Between Two Lovers Author: Pattyanne snapkik@yahoo.com Disclaimer: None of the BtVS characters belong to me Feedback: Love some, thanks. Rating: Up to NC-17 Summary: Alternative season 2. A retelling of Buffy and Spike's first meeting. For the purpose of the story, Angel does not exist, and Spike is a little different. Part thirty-eight..... Smile ~~~~~ "Smile though your heart is aching Smile even though it's breaking..." ~~~~~ He ran every red light and stop sign between the hotel and Willow's house. When Buffy had called, William had been on the verge of calling her. Only the discipline he'd forced himself to acquire when he'd first realized that he was going to have to change his ways if he wanted to stay a part of the slayer's life kept him from picking up the phone. Lying in a bed he'd only ever shared with her, felt more like lying on a bed of nails. The mattress was plush and comfortable, and the bed linens were soft and warm, and scented of her...but he needed her beside him to feel truly at peace. As he'd stared up at the dark ceiling, he'd made a decision regarding his future living arrangements; as soon as it was possible to accomplish, he was going to have to find a house for them to eventually live in together. This hotel was simply too full of distracting memories for him to remain there alone. Tossing and thrashing about in an effort to find a comfortable sleeping position, he hadn't been able to focus his waking thoughts on anything but Buffy. Even after their mutually pleasurable reunion...all four encounters...he was still starved for her; for the taste of her lips and the warmth of her arms, for her tender touch and the bite of her nails, for her girlish laughter and her passionate cries. When he'd heard the soft burring of his cell phone, he knew instantly that it was her, and that she was feeling the same yearnings he was experiencing. What he hadn't take into account was the intensity with which she was feeling them. He really should have known. Buffy was very young and not experienced in hiding her feelings. When she was happy, she smiled and laughed. When she was angry, she stamped her foot and her eyes flashed with fire. When she was sad, she cried....no one knew that better than he did. After leaving her at her friend's house, he had tormented himself all the way back to the hotel with the image of her sweet face and her frightened eyes...the way she had clung to him, begging him without words not to leave her there. It had been difficult, but he'd had no real choice in the matter. If she hadn't shown up at a fairly reasonable hour, her friends would have sent up an alarm. Her mother would have been called, and no doubt the police department would have become involved at that point, since the woman had no way of knowing that her daughter was more than capable of taking care of herself. It would be difficult enough to gain her mother's acceptance of him as a suitor for her sixteen year old daughter. He had no illusions of being welcomed with open arms by a prospective mother-in-law. Joyce Summers would see him as a grown man, far too old to be pursuing a teenage girl in her third year of high school. He couldn't take a chance on alienating her, at this early stage of the game, by keeping Buffy out all night when she'd been instructed to go home with her friend. Still, it had almost broken his heart when he'd had to forcibly pull Buffy's arms from around his neck and make her go inside. He didn't want her any farther away than the reach of his hand, and he'd felt as though he was deserting her all over again. Kissing her one last time, he had turned and walked purpose- fully back to his car, not daring to look back and lose all of his hard won resolve. ~~~~~ "When there are clouds in the sky You'll get by..." ~~~~~ She had sounded quite brave at first. Her voice had been bright and slightly amused at her own weakness. After sharing a mutual confession of inability to sleep though, it had changed in tone. When she had finally admitted that she was afraid to be apart from him, afraid that their reunion would turn out to be a figment of her imagination or a shattered dream, he'd felt the first touch of his own fears returning. He'd been determined to conquer those fears, both his and hers, by assuring her that he was back now, and that nothing was going to separate them. For a moment, he'd thought he'd been successful. When he'd told her to look at her ring whenever she was feeling sad or uncertain, and she'd responded by taking him to task about the expense, he'd laughed and teased her. But the light moment hadn't lasted long. He'd heard the amusement disappear from her voice, and he'd braced himself for what he feared was coming next. Then...she had begun to cry. Not loudly or plaintively, but he knew...as sure as if he'd been standing there with her...that it was happening. And he couldn't bear it. He'd already been the cause of more unhappiness than she deserved to have thrust upon her, and he had sworn to himself that...when he had her back...she would never have reason to cry because of him again. So, his course had been clear. She needed him, needed him badly enough to cry for him...and he had to go to her. It was as simple as that. ~~~~~ "If you smile through your fear and sorrow Smile, and maybe tomorrow..." ~~~~~ William pulled up to the curb and slammed the car into 'Park'. Buffy was sitting on the little balcony that ran alongside her friend's house, dangling her legs over the side. With her fingers wrapped around the railing, she peeked through two of the slats, watching him as he crossed the large expanse of lawn. He couldn't being amused by what he saw. She'd obviously tried to repair her tear streaked face without going back inside, and had used the sleeve of her nightshirt to do it with. There was a streak of black mascara smeared on the maroon cotton, and her eyes looked smudged. The sight touched his heart, and he smiled at her. "Well, well...if it isn't Juliet," he said. "You've strayed awfully far from Verona, my lady. Are you expecting some- one?" Buffy sniffled and gave him a watery eyed smile. "Well, I was waiting for Romeo...but I guess you'll do." She sounded cheerful enough, but in the next moment she jumped to her feet and pelted down the stairs. William met her at the bottom of the staircase, wrapping her in a tight embrace as she catapulted into his arms. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice muffled against his throat. He just shook his head. "Oh, don't be, angelface," he said firmly. "Don't you ever apologize for needing me." He tightened his arms around her, nuzzling her soft hair. "It's the sweetest thing I've ever known." Buffy clung to him even more. "But I made you come all the way back here." "No...you just gave me an excuse," he told her. A few moments went by before she released her iron clad grip on him and moved back a little, looking up into his eyes. She looked as though she had a lot to day, as if she'd been rehearsing a lengthy speech of ex- planation for her needy behavior. "I...I just missed you," she said haltingly. "It was awful. It actually hurt...right here." She placed one hand over her heart. He nodded in complete understanding. "For me, too," he said, stroking her hair tenderly. Buffy placed her hands on his cheeks, drawing him down into her kiss. Her chaotic emotions seemed to be guiding her, making her a little more aggressive than she normally was. Her tongue crept from her mouth and slipped past his lips, searching for his. "Buffy," he murmured, when she pulled away to draw breath. Needing to maintain contact, he kissed and nuzzled the side of her face and down her throat. When he located his mark on her skin, he licked it gently, making her inhale sharply and shiver a little. He pulled back, looking at her with concern. "Are you cold?" he asked, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. "Cold?" she echoed. Afraid he might order her back into the house, she denied it. The grass felt un- pleasantly damp and chilly, and she shifted from one foot to the other. "What makes you think THAT?" William glanced down at her moving feet. "Because either you're cold, or you need to go to the bathroom very badly," he observed. Two crimson flags appeared in her cheeks, but she giggled at his remark. "That's much better," he said, smiling back at her. ~~~~~ You'll see the sun come shining through, if you...." ~~~~~ "Okay," she admitted. "I'm a little cold...but please don't make me go in the..." Her voice trailed off as he shrugged his coat off and bundled her up in it, guiding her arms into the sleeves. He looked her up and down, delighted with the picture she made standing there in a garment that was far too large for her petite frame. Shaking the sleeves down to free her hands, Buffy's ring caught on the inner lining and ripped it. She froze in place, staring up at him, her eyes growing wider and wider. "Oh, no. I'm sor..." Watching the changing expressions on her face, he knew what was coming and he decided to head it off. "Don't," he said, pointing one finger at her to emphasize the word. "Yeah, but I tore the..." "Ah-ah." He shook his head seriously. "But..." "I mean it, Buffy." She subsided, and he watched her, counting it down in his head. **Five..four..three..two..** "I'll pay for the..." she burst out, inevitably. Grabbing her around the waist, he lifted her off her feet. "Fine," he said, laughing and squeezing her until an 'oomph' came from her abdomen. "I'll bill you." ~~~~~ "Light up your face with gladness Hide every trace of sadness..." ~~~~~ Buffy smiled widely when she got her air back, ready to try and join in his fun. "Will you take a check?" she asked. "Depends," he replied. "You got any I.D.?" She shook her head, no. "Then you're out of luck. Pay up." "Actually," she amended, "Xander got me a fake one once from this guy he knows who makes them, but it said I was forty-two so I figured I'd better not try and use it." William didn't even want to imagine what kind of lame-brained idea that stupid boy may have been cooking up that required identification. Shaking off his irritation, he kissed Buffy again, projecting into it every bit of love and desire, and the unending need for her glowing presence in his life...and in his heart. She returned it all to him in full measure, holding nothing of herself back, surrendering willingly to him. But try as she might, she couldn't dismiss a feeling of impending sadness when she remembered that the sun would be rising soon. He would have to leave...and she would have to stay, and that knowledge made her throat ache with tears she was determined not to give in to. Holding him to her, she saw the same emotions in his eyes. ~~~~~ "Although a tear may be ever so near That's the time you must keep on trying.." ~~~~~ "Baby..." Buffy nodded, a jerky movement of her head. "I know," she said, swallowing that ache that was strangling her and straightening her spine when he set her on her feet. She wasn't-wasn't-WAS NOT going to make this harder on him by acting like a child. Smoothing the wrinkles that her fingers had made in his shirt, she took a deep breath. "I'm okay, now...and you have to go." He knew her far too well to accept THIS at face value. Cupping her face in his hands, he tilted it up and made her look at him. The tenderness in his eyes totally decimated her "I'm just fine, thanks" facade. Tears shimmered, blinding her for a moment as she tried to blink them away. ~~~~~ "Smile...what's the use in crying?" ~~~~~ Misery swamped her, taking her down before she knew what was coming. Pressing her cheek against his chest, she shut her eyes tight. "Oh, God," she whispered. "William...what are we going to do?" Keeping her close, he kissed the soft crown of her hair....and told her. "We're going to get married." ~~~~~ "You'll find that life is still worthwhile If you'll just smile..." ~~~~~ TBC...