Title: A Blood Red Sun Author: Pattyanne snapkik@yahoo.com Disclaimer: None of the BtVS characters belong to me. Feedback: Very much needed. Summary: Post 'Chosen'. Spike returns to the scene of his demise. Although the story is about what happened to Spike, it does NOT follow the canon of AtS season 5. It's sort of a companion piece to "All That Love Went To Waste." ~~~~~~~~~~ "I started a joke That started the whole world crying But I didn't see That the joke was on me..." ~~~~~~~~~~ He had missed driving a car. The motorcycle he'd used for transportation a thousand years ago had been fun, there was no denying it. Eating up miles of road, going like the proverbial "bat out of hell" with the wind in his face had made him feel like he ruled the world and everything in it. It was freedom, with just a little something missing. But being in a car...especially one as powerful as this one...was special. Knowing that he had liberated it from Angel was icing on his cake. She was a far cry from the last car he'd driven. His De Soto had been a fairly sweet ride, but driving this baby was like flying. A Viper GTS. Only 360 of them ever made. A V10, with 450 horses of fuel injected muscle, she went from 0-60 in 4.0 seconds, and her speed topped out at 192 miles per fucking hour! The sound system wasn't exactly shabby either. An Alpine AM-FM/stereo radio/cassette/CD player with no less than five...count 'em, FIVE...speakers. All of which he had cranked to the max, needing it loud to drown out his thoughts. He had to do it, because every single non-connected thought he had...was only about her; a girl he'd never see again. ~~~~~~~~~~ "I started to cry Which started the whole world laughing Oh, if I'd only seen That the joke was on me.." ~~~~~~~~~~ He'd had no intention of driving to Sunnydale. His plans, sketchy as they were, had been to point the car south and head towards Mexico, a place he had fond memories of. But his foot had seemed to have developed a mind of it's own when he got to the interstate, and somehow he found himself going north instead. There wasn't one good reason for it. The town was no longer there, and neither was Buffy. From what he'd been able to piece together, Sunnydale had become the worlds largest vacant lot. Not so much as a bit of shrubbery had survived the city's decimation. And the slayer? Apparently she was having a grand old time roaming around the world. Last reported sight- ing: Rome. The Eternal City. Not much vampire action there, thanks to an overload of religion. No vamp wants to hang in a place where there's a buggering crucifix on every wall. Did she think of him, ever? Maybe in the last few seconds of consciousness before falling asleep...did she remember him? Did she mourn for him...just a little? Had she cried at all? After all, savior of the world here. Went out in a fucking blaze of glory. And it should have stayed that way, dammit! He hadn't asked to be brought back, hadn't expected it. He'd actually been at some strange sort of peace with his decision to act as a conduit between the sun and that fuck load of ubervamps. Of course, everything after that was a big long blank. He couldn't remember a thing between that last blast of bone shattering agony as his body spontaneously combusted, and the moment he'd opened his eyes and found himself sitting on the floor of the Los Angeles Public Library. Weird place for a resurrection. Once he'd gotten his wits together and made it out the door into the early evening air, he'd realized that he didn't have the first clue what to do or where to go. The only person he knew in LA was Angel, and there was no fucking way he was going to go THERE for help. An empty belly had quickly changed his mind. The great poof had been no happier to see him than he himself had been. He'd extracted the story of what had occurred in Sunnydale from his tight lipped fumble prick of a grand-sire, one small kernel of information at a time. Three days later, he'd helped himself to his wheels and left Los Angeles in the dust, with no intention of ever coming back. ~~~~~~~~~~ "I looked at the skies Running my hands over my eyes And I fell out of bed, hurting my head >From things that I'd said.." ~~~~~~~~~~ The crater loomed before him way before he was expecting it, forcing him to hit the brakes hard. Fucking Hell....they hadn't been exaggerating. It was gone. Like it had never existed in the first place. Sliding the transmission into 'Park', he switched off the engine and stepped out of the car. The sun was far enough down in the sky not to bother him. It was a bloated orange ball tonight, it's surrounding sky streaked with slashes of color that looked like blood. Well...he sure as hell hadn't been expecting this. He'd thought maybe it would look as though a high magnitude earthquake had shaken the little town to pieces, leaving behind broken bits of buildings...the smashed up detritus of people's lives. Instead...it had been wiped clean off the face of the earth. Standing on the very edge, he tried to map it out in his mind. If this was the city limit line, then just two or three miles straight in would bring him to the cemetery he'd called home for four years. Hang a sharp left, go another five blocks, and you'd find Revello Drive. Fifth house on the right...was where she had lived. The last place he himself had lived, for a very short time. Had she cried for him? Maybe. A little. Did she miss him? Most likely, not. Life had gone on for her, and he was happy that it had. He wasn't about to interfere with it. ~~~~~~~~~~ "Till I finally died Which started the whole world living.." ~~~~~~~~~~ "I love you." "No. You don't. But, thanks for saying it." She had cried. Then. When it became painfully clear that he wasn't going to be able to leave with her. Her lovely green eyes were full of tears, and her pretty face was so sad. Despite all his bravado, he'd been honestly scared of what was about to happen. So, she had been kind. Not her usual mien. He'd deserved to burn in hell for eternity. No matter that he had helped avert two apocalyptic events, and completely stopped a third one. That wasn't enough to balance his scales. So why was he standing here now? Why? Could somebody please answer THAT fucking question? ~~~~~~~~~~ "Oh, if I'd only seen That the joke was on me.." ~~~~~~~~~~ No one had an answer for him. It was all just another stupid fuck up. Someone...somewhere...was asleep at the switch. He didn't deserve a 'Get Out Of Hell Free' card. Of course....Angel hadn't deserved one either. And some of the things his grand-sire had done made HIM look like Mary Bloody Poppins. But Angel had been forgiven. By everyone. By Buffy. The slayer. His slayer. His love. Oh, shit....no! He was NOT gonna fucking cry! Not any more. He was done with tears. In the end...they were pretty goddamn useless. So....why were they standing in his eyes, threatening to spill down his cheeks. The orange sun looked....blurry. Lower in the sky. Al- most gone from sight. There was no warmth. It didn't hurt to look at it. But it was blurry. ~~~~~~~~~~ "I looked at the skies Running my hands over my eyes And I fell out of bed, hurting my head >From things that I'd said..." ~~~~~~~~~~ Sitting cross-legged on the ground, he held his head in his hands. This was no time to be emotional. He was here for a reason, and emotion had no place in it. One hundred and twenty-three years ago, he had died...then been reborn. He had killed...and maimed...and tortured. Too many people to count. Striding through the nights, like some kind of king of the fucking world, he'd torn innocents to pieces. Slaughtered entire families...shattered and destroyed lives as carelessly as a child might break a toy. He had done these things....and he had laughed. And the only saving grace he'd ever been able to find...was her. But, in the end, even she hadn't been enough. "I love you, Buffy. I love you." Sighing, he rose to his feet. After taking one last look at the crater, he crawled onto the hood of the Viper and lay on his back, his arms extended straight out. There wasn't a piece of wood anywhere to be seen. He'd have to wait for the sun. ~~~~~~~~~~ "Till I finally died Which started the whole world living Oh, if I'd only seen That the joke....was on me." ~~~~~~~~~~ (Okay...I am DONE with the angst. Time for me to stop feeling gloomy and get back to business!)