And Here We Go Round Again
Megan/Peta (megpf@netspace.net.au)
Rating: nc-17
Pairing: spuffy (obviously)
Summary: Following on from the end of As You Were.
Spike,
devastated by Buffy's rejection, finds solace in a bottle shared with
Anya
and finds his unlife turned completely on its head. He finds that
vengeance
might not be for losers after all as he is thrust into the opportunity
of a lifetime. But can he convince Buffy to take the risk?
Epilogue
"Surprise!"
Buffy jumped at the shock of sound that greeted her on her first step
into Spike's place.
"You guys know that surprising a slayer is never a good thing, right?"
Only a jumble of laughter met her claim and she was guided straight
away to cake and presents, everyone seemingly in a rush for her to
celebrate her birthday. And within an hour they were all out the
door—her mother, Giles, Ms. Calendar with a very happy smile on her
face, a cranky Cordelia gripping the arm of an uncomfortable Angel—sans
hand—Willow and her new date, Oz, and last but not least, a beaming
Xander being led by a rather forceful Anya. They were carrying an
overnight bag as they followed the others out into the brisk night.
Spike slammed the door closed behind them, then moved a heavy cupboard
behind it. Buffy raised a confused brow and waited impatiently for his
explanation.
"Only Peaches could crack through that one. Not taking any bleeding
chances. Tonight, the Slayer is off duty!"
Buffy grinned and launched herself into his arms, her legs winding
around his lower body like she had done the first time they'd been
together, though this time was slower, less impulse driven and stamped
with the approval of love.
When their lips finally met it was like an explosion of memory and
experience. It was the culmination of years of miss-match and
misunderstanding.
Buffy was through being lost. In his lips she found so much: safely,
security, wealth, knowledge. But most of all, in Spike she found love.
She found a vampire who struggled against his nature to be worthy of
love. He struggled against his third slayer to prove his worth.
All of her loved him. The Buffy who tauntingly held her slender neck
out to him while he sat chained and starving in a tub—loved him. The
Buffy who craved his presence over and above her friends when they
ripped her out of Heaven—loved him. The Buffy that beat him to a pulp
and left him to greet the sun in a dirty alley—so loved him. Loved him
so much it almost hurt to not touch him. She tried to make him see it
all with her lips, know her heart by the way her flesh soothed him.
Buffy's body slid down Spike's slowly, sensually as she wrapped her
arms around his neck, holding him to her with so much more emotion than
he had ever been used to. Her tongue licked his at a leisurely pace,
feeling the heat of her mouth cool against his. The way he kissed her
made her body burn, made her tremble in want and frustration that he
wasn't inside her quick enough.
But that wasn't what it was about tonight. Tonight was her birthday and
she had promised him something. Had been looking forward to it for
months and on too many occasions had almost given in. When Spike let
his lips softly fall from hers, Buffy felt like she'd been stampeded by
a herd of angels. So light, yet beaten with his kindness, with the
purity of his love.
"Promise I'll be everything you deserve, Buffy. I'll go to the ends of
the earth to be what you need."
The declaration was a shock. Buffy stepped back and felt fear creep up
inside her, felt the ever-present tears push at her throat to make her
weak.
"What are you talking about? You're already everything I need. I don't
want you to change to be better for me. What makes you think it isn't
me that needs to change to be deserving of you? You never beat me up
and left me to die."
She'd finally revealed it to him, the insecurity that came with being
both Buffy's at once. She saw that he understood within a second. She'd
avoided talking about what had happened when she'd left him, hadn't
told him that she knew everything. That she had become whole.
His sudden look of guilt made her gasp.
"Buffy, I'm a bad rude man. I don't deserve you. I said you belonged in
the dark because I was afraid of what I would have to do to stand in
the light. I'm not afraid anymore."
His meaning almost shocked her to her knees. "Are you talking about
your soul?"
His uncertain nod made her feel sick.
"No! Stop it. How could you let me do this to you?"
"Buffy, what? You didn't—"
"You're good, Spike! You saved Giles's life. You gave Xander a place to
belong and be safe. You gave me back my life; you healed me. Your heart
is so big, Spike. Why do you think you need a soul? To prove to me
you're good?"
Another of those nods and Buffy couldn't help but fall to the floor and
cry, remnants of old broken Buffy finally realising what she did to the
man she loved.
"Please don't do this. I love who you are. What you've done. Having a
soul couldn't have made you any more perfect. You did it all on your
own. You're demon did it all on its own. A soul has nothing else to
offer you, Spike. Can't you just keep being who you are and love me?"
It was a moment like when he'd first spied her alive on her stairs,
that feeling of awe as he watched the one he thought never to see again
come back to him.
"How did it happen?" His eyes were filled with tears, letting him just
watch her hoping and waiting with an ache in his heart.
"After I saw you with Anya I went to Giles. He took me on the quest in
the desert. You know, like the night you got the bot?" She couldn't
hold back the giggle as he immediately looked to the floor and put his
hands in his pockets. Her hands itched to touch him, and her arms ached
to hold him. "You never knew, but that first time I went was because I
thought I'd lost the ability to love. My guide told me I was full of
love and that death was my gift."
His eyes met hers in an alert urgency, fear obvious in their shine.
Buffy nodded. "She said that death is my gift again. Last time I died
to save Dawn. This time, they gave me you."
She was going to get high on that look. Every time he shot her with
awe, she was going to float.
"That's not all," she warned against his smile, sighing happily as he
finally took her into his arms and squeezed her as tight as all worthy
superheros could. She whispered the secret in his ear, feeling
comfortable for the first time with Willow bringing her back from the
dead. Buffy had been given life four times: by her mother, by Xander,
by Willow and then finally, by Spike. He may not have inspired her
breath as the other three, but he had made her heart beat and forced
her to open her eyes to the glare. And now she had the gift of
immortality—the gift of belonging forever to the one who deserved it
the most.
Buffy hadn't been prepared for his shaking body. She already felt weak
with happiness, so when his knees gave out she couldn't hold them both
up. They landed on the floor with Spike crying into her neck.
"Ssh, " she murmured, stroking his back even as she fought to keep her
own eyes dry. "I love you, Spike. This Buffy, and the Buffy you left
behind. All of me belongs to you. I want to do what we talked about.
Please?"
"Are you sure it's what you want, pet?"
"What are you? Crazy vamp? This is so what I want it isn't even funny.
Besides, you didn't even give me a birthday present." And she levelled
him with a pout.
"Is that my lip?" he asked with a narrow fascination.
"Could it be anybody else's? You gonna get it?" She squealed as he took
her, mashing his mouth against hers even as she angled them back. His
body moved over hers to push her into the carpet, his lips nibbling and
rubbing over hers as her tongue added a slick wash over their flesh.
She sucked his tongue into her mouth and feasted hungrily, feeling it
all as his hard body made her ache to feel his skin.
As his tongue swiped over her teeth, her body began to fidget, to
almost hum beneath him as her fingers found the edges of clothing that
needed to be so gone. He let go of the suction on her mouth as she tore
his t-shirt over his head, bracing himself against the floor as he
lifted himself up slightly and her busy fingers released the zip on his
jeans. A little shimmy, a bit of grunting and he was naked—gloriously
hard and ready.
Buffy was already sliding off her shoes, scratching the itch on her
back as she wriggled against her skirt and then Spike was ripping her
top down the centre. As his lips latched around an eager nipple, Buffy
clung to his hair and ground her pelvis into the hard column of his
cock. Damn it, they just weren't aligned right. She could feel the slow
seep of his anxiety to feel her rubbing into her skin, and she wanted
it lower, needed him to slip against and inside her.
So, she moved. Forcefully dragged him up and wound her legs around his
waist, directing him straight into the comfort of her body. She sighed
as he slipped against her, the ride smooth and slow, never allowing her
eyes to miss any of his wonderful expressions as he grasped it all.
This Buffy. His Buffy. Forever.
He stilled inside her, breathing hard against her throat as he took it
all in.
"I can't believe this. This is really happening?"
He began to move inside her in time to her affirmative nod, the
happiness engulfing them both as Buffy kissed every inch of his skin
she could reach.
"Yes. It really is."
The build-up was different this time, more intense maybe for knowing
what was to come next. Two sets of fangs had laid claim to her throat,
but neither time was it what she wanted. She was not quite so
naïve as her younger self, not believing the honour of being
chosen unless love came with it.
This time, it was beyond honour. Was beyond the purest form of love.
Beyond them as she felt the smallest prick in her throat, felt his cool
lips settle around the penetration, and her head and heart buzzed with
the sense of bliss she felt. She could feel Spike's tongue as he gently
lathed the skin, encouraging the blood to flow without him actively
sucking on it. Her pussy tightened around him, feeling the gush of her
blood as he pulsed against her walls. They'd barely raised an energetic
sweat this time, but the intensity broke cold prickles on her skin.
And then she felt it. Felt every element of herself, felt the
vulnerabilities of her lover as he joined his existence to the duality
of hers. Felt his soul as he merged his essence—completed his journey.
Like it was always supposed to have been, though she'd been too
wounded, damaged to see it. And he'd been too scared to change for it.
Tried to take the easy way, only for the difficulties to mount. A
second chance had brought understanding and knowledge all round.
And then he came, the cold spurt of him making her muscles release the
tension and milk him avidly.
Her look of awe made him float.
FIN