And Here We Go Round Again
Megan/Peta (megpf@netspace.net.au)
Rating: nc-17
Pairing: spuffy (obviously)
Summary: Following on from the end of As You Were.
Spike,
devastated by Buffy's rejection, finds solace in a bottle shared with
Anya
and finds his unlife turned completely on its head. He finds that
vengeance
might not be for losers after all as he is thrust into the opportunity
of a lifetime. But can he convince Buffy to take the risk?
Chapter
Seven
Angel sat listlessly in his armchair, watching Dru flutter around him
in graceful yet childish circles as she danced with her ever-present
faeries. To the uninitiated he looked pensive, perhaps even to be
an indulgent lover of his odd girlfriend's behaviour. To those
who knew him, however, it was unmistakable that Angel was brooding.
The longer he watched, the deeper his brow furrowed. And his
respect for Spike grew.
How the hell did the bleached moron put up with this kind of
thing day in and day out?
He hadn't moved for the past hour, completely baffled and unable to
reach any kind of conclusive thought about what the hell he was doing.
For the first time since it happened, Angel wondered why he had so
easily agreed to take over from Spike in the care of Drusilla. It
was without doubt the very first thing Angel had ever done that Spike
had requested, having preferred in the past to completely ignore or
humiliate the baby of the family.
Yet, his first meeting with him in decades and Angel had jumped to
Spike's bidding, shackling himself down with a totally dependent and
weakened vampiress when he was meant to be helping Buffy. Not to
mention he was in love with her. Madly, soulfully in love with
her. And instead of telling Spike to pull his head out of his
ass, Angel meekly went along with the request and was now a hundred
percent encumbered with raving, lunatic Drusilla.
He immediately hung his head in guilt.
And that got to the crux of the matter.
Guilt.
That little niggle in the back of his mind that he was responsible for
Dru's madness, for her even being a vampire. And God, if he'd
never made her then there would have been no William. For that
alone Angel thought he should atone. What an unseemly set of
events that had been.
So, yeah. Spike got him when he was full of remorse. Which
he probably would not have gotten around to if the youngest pair of the
family quartet hadn't rolled into town.
Angel watched as the strength seemed to suddenly evaporate from the
brutal beauty and she collapsed to the floor, giggling girlishly as she
tucked her doll under her arm. She chattered on, completely
oblivious for the time being that she had such a captive
audience. At least, he thought she'd been oblivious until he
caught the almost calculated smile she directed at him before once
again ducking back to her doll.
"Miss Edith, Daddy is all aflutter. He doesn't know how to be a
daddy anymore. We'll have to be his special girls and remind him
how it's done." Her voice was captivating like that of a tiny
girl, skittish and excited. It completely mesmerised him and drew
him to remember past evil expectations.
Infused with a hidden burst of strength, Dru was back on her feet and
swaying to a silent beat, her hips moving from side to side in a
sensual, hypnotic figure eight.
"Come to me, Daddy," she whispered in a harsh voice and he was
powerless to do anything but jump to his feet and take her in his
arms. They danced, rocking with pelvises locked together, Dru
moving from side to side, and up and down. Only when she let her
eyes glance to the side did he fall free from her spell, pushing her
gently but firmly away.
"I can't do that with you, Dru. I'm in love with Buffy
now." Angel lowered his head, a little ashamed that it had taken
until his dancing partner had looked away before he remembered about
Buffy. But Buffy was his life now; she was the source of his
redemption. And that brought back the guilt. Helping Dru
could hopefully help salve some of it—and count towards his record of
redemptive acts. Angel was sure it all counted.
"The little sunburst will save all the boys...but not for long. My
Spike thinks he has a plan but it will all come to nothing. He
can't save her." She slinked over to a suddenly worried
Angel. Her mouth was within two inches of his as she smiled
evilly and with purpose. "I won't let him."
Angel caught her as she seemed to wilt and fall before him.
"I'm feeling a little weak, Daddy. Please make me all
better. Spike knows how. You must ask him for help."
"What is Spike's plan, Dru?" Angel asked her urgently, rather stunned
that the raven-haired beauty had managed to actually relay something
intelligible.
"Nuh ah, can't tell all our secrets," she answered him, her lids
falling heavy as he carried her over to his only bed. "The glass
slipper doesn't fit the golden princess," she trailed off as her
eyelids drooped and she passed into slumber.
Angel stood back, more than a little miffed at the crazy double talk
that Dru indulged in and felt a twinge of contrition for blaming her
for something he'd caused. Angel felt momentarily disorientated,
finding nothing on his quick perusal of the room that could seize his
attention away from the sleeping vampire on his bed. Which in
itself was a problem, because it left him with nowhere to sleep.
Rubbing his jaw and deciding it was a dilemma best pondered over in the
cool breeze of night, he retrieved a set of chains he'd kept well
hidden from view under his bed. He minimised the clanking of the
metal as much as he possibly could, and latched them around Drusilla's
wrists. The manacles were locked and he twisted the chain into
the prepared bolts in the wall at the head of the bed, hidden by his
pillows.
When it was done he stepped back, looking at the now restrained childe
in his bed and heaved a great sigh of penitence. For the moment
there was little he could do, he had to get out for some air and think
this situation through.
And he had to see Buffy.
With Dru chained up, weak and asleep, Sunnydale had every reason to
breathe easy. With a final look at his latest charge, he grabbed
his coat, ran his hands over his head to check that his hair seemed
still cemented in his preferred style, and left his apartment.
His feet were determined in their path and he paced a quick journey to
Buffy's house, mindful of the closing in of dawn. It seemed like
years since he had last really seen her, barring the awkward
confrontation the few hours before. He'd seen how hurt she had
been when he had defended Dru, but he was sure that all she needed was
an explanation. It can't have been easy for her to see him with
another woman, see him now in a caring role toward his own childe.
No, explanation would be all it took. Buffy loved and trusted
him, and he could list all day the ways that he was a lucky vampire,
Buffy always at the beginning of it.
Angel ambled on, feeling secure in his mission and purpose, knowing
that the heart of Buffy was both a premature reward and his redemptive
guide. But he remained on edge, casting the blame for his
uncertain position on his white-haired childe and his unpredictable
surrender of duty.
Angel couldn't help but wonder again why he was so quick to take up
Spike's slack. Though Dru had been twittering about creating her
perfect knight way back in the day, Angelus and Darla had allowed her
free reign to investigate and claim the life of one William the Bloody
to free up a little more of their playtime. To them, Spike had
meant little more than a family nurse. That he had adapted to
that role as well as wreaking havoc in English society, was still a
burr that rubbed Angel raw.
His grandchilde was an irritant, but he'd gloried many times over the
past century. Earned his stripes in the vampiric community, so to
speak. He held power, and despite now being the head of the
clan-with the passing of both Darla and the Master himself- Angel
indulged in a small amount of healthy fear toward Spike and his
achievements. Admittedly, they were few, with Spike's handicap being
the care of his often less-than-lucid dark princess. But what
accolades he had received were renowned through demon
communities. He'd taken out two Slayers, numerous fights against
stronger demons, and escaped harsh and dangerous situations with human
mobs.
Like the one that had rendered Drusilla too weak to care for herself.
But it didn't explain his sudden break off from all that had tethered
him to his demon existence. Drusilla was his link, his reason for
being, and this rebuttal of Spike's duties- over a century in
establishment- should have been enough to cause Angel to seek
vengeance. Seek a renewal of the vow of care.
But just one night in Dru's company and he was left to wonder how Spike
had remained sane for all of these years. He could understand the
younger vamps need to seek other links to the world. Just one
night and already he was off searching for the recuperative power of
being in Buffy's arms.
His soul made him magnanimous.
He had no knowledge of the situation between the slayer and vampire,
but they seemed to be patrolling together and that left Angel to wonder
what had been so momentous in the younger vampire's life that he was
now rendered a white hat.
It seemed that within the erratic blink of an eye everything as he knew
it was altered. His murderous offspring had come to him, taking
over and changing his current existence quite spectacularly.
Spike was apparently on his own redemptive path, forging ahead without
a soul to guide his way. That in itself forced Angel to be on his
guard. To be ever prevalent with the surveillance of whatever Spike's
grand plan was. Whatever it consisted of, Buffy was obviously the
focus. This white hat gig had to be a front for something bigger.
And that was what worried him most. Buffy was in the centre of
Spike's game and was completely unsuspecting from what he had witnessed
tonight. The Slayer, whose job it was to be wary and suspicious,
trusted him.
The thought made Angel pause in his stride and shake his head in almost
admiration. If it had been anyone but his Buffy, he would have
commended Spike on such a convincing act. Instead, the blonde
vamp's proximity to his girl made Angel's fangs descend.
When he became aware of the direction his frustrated concern had taken,
Angel covered his face and waited until the ridges were finally
repressed. He felt so ashamed. Like when he had lost
control while kissing Buffy for the first time. He acted like a
weak fledgling, easily losing control over his demon impulses.
And it wasn't right. He had a soul, yet he was less in control of
himself now than when he was first sired.
It made him angry. Here he was, the reigning...well, not master
really...but he had superiority over Spike, yet he was out of the
loop. He was the elder of their family, and yet the childe was
telling him what to do, installing responsibility under his roof like
he had been raised to offer instruction. They had changed
roles. And that pissed Angel off.
Buffy's window appeared like an escape from insanity, and he jumped the
tree, watching her slumber peacefully for a moment before he entered
into her room. He stood uncertain, wanting desperately to wake
her up and talk about all the things that must be so confusing to her,
but feeling a little hesitant about getting it all out in the open.
But it was urgent that he warned her about Spike, that he make sure she
wasn't taken in by whatever face the other vampire was wearing through
this little scheme. He still couldn't work out what was going
on. It was not like Spike to be this patient about setting up his
plan and executing it. The end always was a mile from
expectation. So rather than reassure Angel, the patience
displayed by Spike set his fangs on edge. It was so out of the
expected for Spike that it threw Angel for several long and windy loops.
"I'm not asleep, you know."
Angel's head jerked up at the slightly husky voice, his eyes having
fallen to the floor as he thought about hidden motivations and agendas.
"I hope I didn't wake you," he asked her hopefully, his voice syrupy
with dripping sensuality.
Buffy opened startled eyes. She'd thought...
"Oh, a...hi, Angel. Nope, no waking. No sleep. I'm all
awake girl. What can I do for you?"
At Angel's raised brow and flirty smirk, Buffy felt her womb
shrink. Here was her supposed boyfriend and she was feeling like
she was cheating. On Spike. The unsouled version of her
boyfriend. Except cuter...and with a nicer...hmmm...lot's of nicer...
"Angel?"
He hadn't moved, watching her with a confusion born from her miasma of
scents. She wavered between happiness, fear, and he was sure
there was just a touch of irritation in her voice just now. But
one scent was missing, telling in its lack. He couldn't smell her
desire to see him and—without the flavour of sex—he had associated it
long with her pleasure to just have him in her sight. It was
comfort and belonging.
It kept him grounded and hopeful that one day he may be redeemed.
That he may one day regain life.
And so he clung to Buffy.
No way was he going to let Spike take away the best thing that ever
happened to him.
"Angel?"
Yep, definitely with irritation that time, but it was enough to knock
him out of his funk and he turned to bestow upon her a tentative smile.
"I wanted to explain to you about Dru." He waded slowly into the
murky waters of their relationship and stopped dead at her flippant
rejoinder.
"Oh, s'okay," she told him tiredly as she burrowed back down into her
cavern of warmth. "Spike explained to me that you were looking
out for her now."
"Spike told you?" Angel gave her his kicked puppy look,
completely unintentional of artifice.
Which just made the manipulation worse.
Thinking of Angel like that made her feel a tinge of fear; things had
changed so rapidly. She had been so in love with Angel mere days
ago, and the only reason she could think of to explain her attraction
to Spike now was the lack of smoochies with Angel. She had to
take a chance, prove to herself that this thing with Angel was not as
strong as she'd thought, or prove that it was and so get it back on the
right track.
Making a decision, Buffy flung back her bedcovers and got to her feet,
making a slow, almost seductively predatory walk to Angel before
linking her arms behind his neck.
"Yep. No big. You're her sire and she needs you right
now." Buffy began nibbling on his neck.
Angel wiggled, not wanting to let things get too hot but finding it
unbearable to keep having to stop her. He pushed her away gently.
"What reason did Spike give you for wanting me to take over with
Dru? Because he didn't give me any."
"He said he needed time to get himself together. That he wanted
his own life and doesn't love her anymore." Buffy watched Angel's
usually inexpressive face and waited for the slight muscle around his
eye to move.
Angel gasped in an unmanly fashion.
And Buffy suppressed her shock as all the muscles moved.
"Now I know for sure he's planning something. Spike does
not fall out of love with Dru."
And that was so not what she had been wanting to hear.
"I think we should stop talking about Spike. Angel, why don't you
stay for awhile?" Buffy grinned and allowed her hand to settle
against the silk button-up shirt he wore, letting her fingers roll over
the slinky fabric. Just as her palm heated the skin at his waist
he grabbed her hand, his hold stilling her movement before pulling her
away.
"I think we should talk, Buffy."
"Fine," she said, stepping back exasperated. Then a wicked idea
caught hold of her and she decided to push her lack of decision in his
face. Standing right in front of him and giving no warning, she
whipped her pyjama top over her head and walked over to find a
replacement. Her bare back an invitation she only half hoped he
would accept.
"We could go for a walk. Don't want to wake up mom."
Quickly stripping fully and getting dressed again, Buffy spun round and
almost giggled at Angel's sucker-punched expression.
Gotcha, she thought as she led the way out of her bedroom window.
If he could resist her now, she was a monkey's uncle.
Damn Xander and his weirdo sayings!
They walked side by side for a while before Angel attempted to speak,
and when he finally did his voice lifted in an embarrassing squeak.
"Ah, so...you're not mad then?" He couldn't remember what it was he
wanted to talk to her about.
"Why would I be mad, silly? It's just like if you were looking
after your sick mom, right?"
Angel shook his head, grasping at the sick mother reference until a
picture of raven-haired frailty crossed his mind. Numerous
sensations were hitting him at once, a sick childe he now was
responsible for- pounding him relentlessly with guilt. Concern for
whether Spike planned anything murderous or not, and Buffy-God, naked
Buffy. He was still reeling from that sight, and he'd mostly had
his eyes closed once he saw what she was doing.
But still, the gentle yet soft slope of her breast was tantalising
beyond his dreams and it was all he could do to keep himself
restrained. Buffy was not the kind of girl you took in a moment
of animal passion. Not for her first time. That would take
patience and care, and more love than he knew what to do with.
Buffy was his goddess, his golden light to a better place and he
intended to cherish her till she gave up breath.
He was lost in his thoughts until Buffy stopped in front of him, taking
a seat on the slightly damp grass, and signalling that they had reached
the place she wanted to go. He looked around him, not really
wanting to follow her example and sit. So, he wandered around her
for a bit and kept an eye out for predators. When he turned
around again she had stood back up and was confronting him, hands
firmly on hips.
The image made Angel's eyes glaze over.
"So, when do we get to the 'making out' part of this little
tryst?" Buffy asked as she slinked up against him, her hesitant
but hopeful grin telling stories.
Angel's eyes bugged.
"Buffy, I thought we should discuss what happened earlier
tonight. With Spike and Dru?"
"I know what happened, Angel. I was trying to ignore it."
Angel startled to hear the hard edge that had entered her voice and
took a small step back.
"Buffy, I don't think you underst..."
"Oh, I understand perfectly," she huffed in his face, taking a step
forward and bridging his intended gap. "I understand that you
took to looking after the batty vampiress you sired, and I understand
that you didn't bother to tell me about it. I understand that you
disappeared from helping me with patrol and I understand that you don't
trust whatever Spike is up to. Just for the record, I do.
And Giles is letting him stay until he finds somewhere else."
"Buffy, that is really not a good i..."
"I don't believe he is the vampire you were warning us about,
Angel. He must have changed. I don't know why, but if he
wants to do good and help me out, I sure as hell am not going to tell
him to take a hike."
"Well, he might have cha..."
"But that does not explain the thing that I don't
understand, namely why you have such a problem with the kissage lately?"
After his attempts to butt in with explanations and statements, this
last had his lips tightly clamped.
"Er, Buffy, I haven't been...I mean, I don't ...no, it isn't that I..."
"I thought you had feelings for me, Angel."
"I do," exploded from his mouth and he sighed in relief at her gentle
smile. "I love you, Buffy."
Her smile froze as her eyes widened in frantic alarm.
"Love? You love me? But, that...I don't want you to," she
spluttered in a moment of panic, flinching at his kicked puppy
look. It didn't alter or become more devastated despite her
impulsive outburst and the hurtful denial.
But it was the truth, and something heavy shifted inside and Buffy
relaxed in her decision.
"But, why? What's happened? Is it because Dru is living
with me now?"
"She's living with you? No," Buffy held her hand up, preventing
explanations. "Of course she's living with you. No...nothing
happened exactly," she stumbled, her heartbeat racing as she couldn't
help but recall the feel of Spike against her, taste him on her
tongue. She could feel herself flush and quickly turned heel and
strode away, hoping to cool the heat in her face.
Though shocked by her announcement, Angel decided to ignore it,
thinking that maybe Buffy was just reacting to the lack of
attention. Instead he caught her pace and pulled her in for a hug.
"I'm sorry I have been neglecting you," he whispered into her hair,
completely oblivious to the fact that her body had become as stiff as
the bodies buried in the yard.
"I promise I'll make it up to you..." he spun her in his arms and started
kissing her, cool slobbery lips making her feel suddenly, well,
nothing. Absolutely, completely nothing. Zilcho on the
happy feelings. Buffy allowed her lips to remain, opening her eyes and
seeing the intense look of concentration on Angel's shuttered face as
he attempted to woo her back to his side.
And she knew.
Soul or no, she didn't feel the way about Angel that she thought she
probably should have. Spike was a risk; she couldn't be sure that
he wasn't trying to trick her and later drain away her life.
But whatever the reason, he made her blood fizzle and sing in her
veins, made her want to do things that Cleo had been instructing her
how to for years but was too grossed out to ever want to try. He
made her want to lie and just watch, become lost in the depth of his
emotion, the ocean of his eyes, the windows of his soul. She
wanted to be naked and glorious with him, kiss him until she fell from
the lack of air. She wanted to get to know him.
She wanted him.
Not Angel.
And the revelation was shocking. Though not wholly unexpected
after her earlier activities.
She wanted Spike to be her first, not Angel. That ship had sailed.
But Angel hadn't moved, his lips smooched over hers with a remarkable
lack of talent that Buffy hadn't picked up on until now. Having
now the experience of Spike lips. Hmmm, lips of
Spike...
Thoughts of the peroxided yumminess gave her lips an animation she
hadn't planned on and she dived into the kiss, making it heated and
lusty and passionate. Her hands gripped Angel's shoulders with a
power she wasn't used to using with loved ones, and she held him
against her hard. Her mouth opened, and she allowed her tongue to
probe, hopeful for a green light to go the next step.
But that was where Angel reached his limit. Not wanting to get
out of control in a graveyard he pushed her away and was raggedly
not gasping for breath, because he was a vampire and
didn't need it. So, the only sign of his close encounter with
control loss was his distance.
Buffy saw brown hair and took another step back.
"Um, Angel? I really don't think this will work. I think we
need to break up."
Buffy felt a little sad—of course she did. Angel was her first
crush, the guy she thought would be The One. And now she was sure
he wasn't and all it took was a very confusing but liberating moment
with a soulless demon that made her shiver just from his looking at her.
Caught up in her thoughts of more of those possibly liberating moments,
Buffy almost missed the pout. Almost apparently wasn't good
enough, and she felt icky for having seen it.
"Angel, I really am sorry, but I just don't think I should get too
involved right now." She tried for her innocent yet flirty look
and breathed in relief when he seemed to buy it.
His hands were stuffed into his pockets, and he watched the grass with
an intensity that made Buffy suspect that it was evil.
"Sure, Buffy. You're probably right. It would be good to
take a break, and this is a good time while I work out the best way to
help Dru. Just," and he surrendered his fixed attention on the
grass to search out the matching colour of her eyes. "Be careful
of Spike, okay. I don't know what he is playing at, but he's
dangerous. You shouldn't forget that. And I'm kind of
disturbed that he has full access to Giles's house. I just hope
you all know what you're doing. He doesn't have a soul so he's
evil. Demons can't change just like that."
And before she could blink or offer alternative argument, he was gone.
And she was a free agent again.
The smile was spread wide and free over her face as she made it back
home to settle in for a crazy night of hot dreams.
Buffy couldn't wait for tomorrow and just quietly wished that all
break-ups could be so easy