Nanny Spike and Aunt Buffy
Megan/Peta (megpf@netspace.net.au)
    Chapter Two

The little face was scrunched up in preparation to let rip when Spike began to stroke the baby's cheek with a slow and soft-moving finger. He added a lullaby in a low, soothing voice and before long, the little princess had relaxed her facial muscles and succumbed to sleep.

As the vampire relaxed back against the sofa, hands crossed behind his head and nothing less than a self-satisfied smirk on his face, he finally noticed three sets of eyes watching him. Their wordless, intent stares were starting to worry him, and he suddenly ran his fingers through his hair to make double certain that yes, William's poncy curls were well slicked back, and HELL NO was he sporting any of Nancy Boy's hair gel. No, he was looking pretty sharp as the good-looking vampire that he was, and he went back to relaxing, content to let the trio squirm on their own.

"You are so going to start singing me to sleep, mister." In one smooth sentence, the Slayer had set his dick to throbbing. How the bloody hell could she do that? He hated the bitch! Spike could feel internal hysteria tickle his throat, but instead of letting loose with edgy laughter, he pinned Buffy to the spot with a manufactured molten gaze. He swept his burning blue eyes over her body and grinned appreciatively.

"Not a problem, pet. Might put a bit of a dampener on your love life, though." Despite his derogatory commentary, he was almost hoping she was serious. Sitting on the Slayer's bed, singing her suggestive rock songs while he got her off with the huskiness of his voice. Oh yeah, he could see real potential there.

Buffy's cheeks flushed hot as she imagined Spike sitting beside her bed, or better yet, on it and using that oozing sex he called a voice to lull her into the land of lusty dreams. Oh yeah, crampy style might just be of the so worth it if that was on offer.

"So, I guess the question isn't a question anymore now that we've made with all the answers..." Willow paused for effect, then beamed her answer. "It's a baby!"

"Well you're a sight more chipper about the event than you were a whole ten minutes ago. 'He wouldn't do that'," Spike mimicked in an alarmingly similar Willow whine.

The redhead blushed and quickly hid behind the clueless Watcher.

"Yeah, it's a baby. Girl munchkin, too. You people are in bloody trouble if it's a little bit like this that gets your knickers in a twist."

"And what the hell are knickers?" Buffy snapped, but shushing him as soon as he opened his mouth with a tart comeback, indicating the bundle on the move.

Everyone stilled, guarding the silence avidly to ensure the baby calmed back into slumber.

Multiple shoulders heaved sighs of relief as they all settled back into the situation.

"So, Giles. Want to explain the sitch? I know I speak for all of us..." Buffy looked around at the smaller Scooby group with a frown. "Well, okay, I speak for Willow and myself when I say a resounding 'huh'?"

Spike couldn't tear his eyes off her. The clueless California girl routine was—in his eyes at least—simply adorable. Unfortunately, looking at her gave his dirty mind all sorts of images that had him shuffling uncomfortably in his seat.

"Yeah, Watcher," he croaked, feeling suddenly hoarse. "Already got a houseguest. Why'd you go looking to get another for?"

"I did not go looking..." The older man froze, his cheeks turning an amusing shade of pink. "I had a friend..."

"That is so not possible," Buffy barged right in, her body tensing with a strange form of sibling rivalry, jealousy of someone givng him a real child that wasn't her. Giles was hers...where did he get time to go and find someone else to be with anyway?

"Why do you silly bints find it so hard to believe that the Watcher might get lucky? Some deaf, dumb and blind woman might actually find him attractive."

"Hey," shouted Giles, the flush having spread from his cheeks to the little tips of his ears. "That's really not necessary."

Spike's smirk was evil as he sat back, taking a deep sniff to determine everything was right and on the edge of chaos in his world. Which it very apparently bloody WAS NOT! He bolted to his feet and took long strides to the bathroom.

"Right then. Be gettin' out of your hair. Not interested in hearin' how the Watcher knocked some poor bird up. Prolly was too drunk to remember the mediocre event, anyways." With one nervous, pained glance at Buffy, he was gone, nudging the bathroom door closed behind him.


Willow and Buffy were back to communicating telepathically, except without the real knowing of what each other was thinking. They shared nervous looks anyway, and then the pungent aroma began to filter through the air.

Buffy was the first to turn up her nose. "Ewwww..." she shouted, hastening to her feet and thrusting the baby back into Giles's unwilling arms.

"But...what...surely you don't expect me to...?" Giles spluttered in a perfect balance of confusion and horror.

He held the baby out away from his body, hardly having a small clue of what to do with it. He sought the help of the two girls in the room, the ones who should have possessed even the smallest inkling of what to do in a situation such as this, and was defeated in his expectations before he even opened his mouth.

The three looked at each other, desperation to get rid of the smell overriding all prejudice. As one they turned to the closed off bathroom and opened their mouths to yell.

"SPIKE!!"

"No bloody way!" was shouted back, and instead of seeking again an answer from each other, Buffy marched to the door and kicked it open.

"Oh, Buffy. Now really, I don..." was completely ignored as Buffy grabbed Spike by a fist full of black tee and hauled his ass out into the open.

"Oh no, the mighty Slayer and her fearless Watcher can deal with the Nibblet's nappy change. This well of knowledge is all dried up," he said with a satisfied air, but his smile turned way upside down as he found the squirming child back in his arms.

"Oi. What are you lot on about. This is NOT my responsibility. Little Prissy over 'ere couldn't keep his ding dong in his pants...torture him with the job."

Determined eyes were unmoving on the issue.

"Bloody vampire, you stupid bints and wanker. Nappy changin' is more cruel torture than even Angelus could dish out." There was a slight edge of panic in his voice now, and he was more than thinking the Whelp had the right idea by bolting from the situation earlier.

The reference to torture gleaned only the slightest reaction and Spike felt oddly guilty as he saw Rupert's flinch. But there were more important problems to be solved, and seeing his escape, he put the baby in the carrier chair, bestowing a quick and completely uncharacteristic kiss on her downy head, snatched up his duster and made like a hare on steroids right out the door after Harris.

Shock greeted his departure as the girls and Giles stood staring open-mouthed at the open door, eyes drawn in a morbid curiosity as the sunlight bathed the carpet just inside the door.

"I guess Spike would rather risk being a crispy critter than change junior's diaper. Huh!" Then Buffy's eyes widened as she realised the implication. Grabbing Willow's arm, she tugged her to the door. "Got a class. We'll check in later for the scoop." She stopped, suddenly grossed out by her own words. "The story, not the...ewww..." and the girls almost dived out the door, leaving an ignorant watcher with a dirty baby and a bag full of mysterious objects.

He pulled out a fresh diaper and struggled with opening it out. The container of nappy wipes followed and he alternated looking at the haul of necessary changing implements, and the baby.

"Oh dear," he muttered with disgust and grudgingly got to work.